Post by chedominique on Jul 27, 2012 12:08:18 GMT -5
I have a dilemma. I wrote this in the Randoms post on Monday. I thought that this would have been over by now but it’s not.
My god-brother is visiting from out of town to shadow me for his HS honor’s program from Aug 6th – 10th because he wants to be an Architect. This whole thing was kinda thrown at me in June but I had no problem with helping him because he is basically family to me. While I'm excited about it, my god-parents and Mom are making him stay a couple of days more than we planned. He is coming in the Friday on the 3rd. And he is leaving Sunday the 12th. 3 extra days! I told her I have an issue with it because we have a tight budget and I don't have enough money to spend extra food for him so they need to give him extra money for lunch and breakfast. She was like "oh your H already makes a lot of food so you all will be okay." That extra food is usually our leftovers for lunch and the weekend. I'm pissed and now my H is too.
I planned on having a talk with her this week but I can’t get a word in. She is currently going through a divorce with my stepdad and out of the whole conversation we usually have before and after work, I probably get about two sentences in…no exaggeration. The rest is about her divorce or about my sister.
Emailing her is out of the question because she will forward it to my god-mother. And everyone read emails differently. I want to talk to her about it so she can hear my tone but I don’t know how to get it through to her.
Post by EmilieMadison on Jul 27, 2012 12:13:06 GMT -5
Call and say "If he is not coming with enough money to pay for the extra expenses, then we'll be sending him home on X date." Is he flying? Driving? I think at this point if they wont listen to you speaking, then you HAVE to send an email. They may not interpret it the way you intend, but they're not interpreting you saying "NO" right now anyway.
Call and say "If he is not coming with enough money to pay for the extra expenses, then we'll be sending him home on X date." Is he flying? Driving? I think at this point if they wont listen to you speaking, then you HAVE to send an email. They may not interpret it the way you intend, but they're not interpreting you saying "NO" right now anyway.
He is flying. And I could call my god-mother, but I don't want to come across rude.
Call and say "If he is not coming with enough money to pay for the extra expenses, then we'll be sending him home on X date." Is he flying? Driving? I think at this point if they wont listen to you speaking, then you HAVE to send an email. They may not interpret it the way you intend, but they're not interpreting you saying "NO" right now anyway.
He is flying. And I could call my god-mother, but I don't want to come across rude.
I understand you dont want to seem rude, but you're having someone foisted upon you and have told them it's not in your budget and they've ignored you. They're the ones being rude. You're just trying to make sure you have enough money to feed someone else's kid for the extra days that you didnt invite him!
Send an email that says "We are glad you are sending Justin to us and letting us keep him a few extra days. We're pretty tight on cash though. Can you send an extra $40 (or whatever the sum is) to help cover his food costs? I would not ask if I did not have to; things are really this tight for us and I'd hate to have to say no over this. Let me know before he comes. Thanks; Love Che".
How much money are you thinking it will cost to provide him food for that time frame?
-For one week, we are able to stretch about $50 worth of food. But our leftovers are our lunch and dinner. For breakfast, I usually have a piece of fruit. With him there, it's less than a couple of days. I still have to do an estimate, but probably another $50 or so. And I don't know if he even eats what we eat...or if he even likes leftovers.
-My Mom is the mediator between the two of us.
-I really can't afford it and it is the principal of the thing. I have savings but I'm not dipping into that to pay for him. His parents shouldn't be flying him OOT with no money.
Call and say "If he is not coming with enough money to pay for the extra expenses, then we'll be sending him home on X date." Is he flying? Driving? I think at this point if they wont listen to you speaking, then you HAVE to send an email. They may not interpret it the way you intend, but they're not interpreting you saying "NO" right now anyway.
He is flying. And I could call my god-mother, but I don't want to come across rude.
It's rude of them to dump him on you for three extra days. Send the email or go directly to god mom.
houseguests eat what you eat, and if it's leftovers, they like leftovers.
are these people really going to send him to you with no pocket money AT ALL?
I'd hope not, as most normal people wouldn't, but these people are also adding 3 days onto this trip without asking and ignoring the OP's concerns. So...I guess its entirely possible that they'd send him with no money.
houseguests eat what you eat, and if it's leftovers, they like leftovers.
are these people really going to send him to you with no pocket money AT ALL?
I'd hope not, as most normal people wouldn't, but these people are also adding 3 days onto this trip without asking and ignoring the OP's concerns. So...I guess its entirely possible that they'd send him with no money.
And at the same time, they could just be giving him money to buy souveniors.
High school boys eat enough for three people...and then some. They aren't cheap to feed.
My point exactly, lol.
Spaghetti is usually in our budget too. But after having it for lunch and dinner for a couple of days, you just go crazy. I've been eating chicken for 4 days (different types, thank God). Yesterday was my first break from it .
Overall, I shouldn't have to do that with him there too.
Do you know that they are sending him without any money at all? That seems unrealistic.
If it were me I would just stretch out the budget as much as possible. I probably wouldn't talk to his Mom bc I wouldn't want him to find out and feel uncomfortable in my home.
Do you have any contingencies in your budget for entertaining? It seems like you're standing on principle when it's essentially entertaining in your own home.
The whole thing is, I shouldn't have to. It wasn't like I was the one that came up with him coming to visit me for a week. If I offered that, then I wouldn't ask for a dime. It's the principal. They added extra days to his trip, making it tighter for the money my H and I did have set aside for his 5-7 day trip. We shouldn't have to dip into our savings for his parents inconveniencing us.
Also, my Mom is in the middle of it because my godmother told her and she came to me with it. So I guess that's what started it.
I feel more comfortable on the phone so I might do that.
Post by chedominique on Jul 27, 2012 12:47:40 GMT -5
I'm going to call today. If it happens again, I'm going to email them both.
They did in terms of the weekend he is coming in (that Friday instead of Saturday). I don't understand, why the following weekend he is staying even longer (till Sunday). If Fridays are cheaper, make him leave that afternoon after we get off work.
I'm going to call today. If it happens again, I'm going to email them both.
They did in terms of the weekend he is coming in (that Friday instead of Saturday). I don't understand, why the following weekend he is staying even longer (till Sunday). If Fridays are cheaper, make him leave that afternoon after we get off work.
Yeah that's weird. Did they ever give you an explanation on why three extra days?
I'm going to call today. If it happens again, I'm going to email them both.
They did in terms of the weekend he is coming in (that Friday instead of Saturday). I don't understand, why the following weekend he is staying even longer (till Sunday). If Fridays are cheaper, make him leave that afternoon after we get off work.
Yeah that's weird. Did they ever give you an explanation on why three extra days?
I know right. The reason they gave me was: 1. He wants to go to church with us on Sunday. 2. It was cheaper.
I have conflict with those answers because: 1. Now he is going to be here for 2 Sundays. 2. For Southwest Airlines, Friday is the cheapest and Sunday is the most expensive. Saturday is inbetween. Why is he here till Sunday?
Yeah that's weird. Did they ever give you an explanation on why three extra days?
I know right. The reason they gave me was: 1. He wants to go to church with us on Sunday. 2. It was cheaper.
I have conflict with those answers because: 1. Now he is going to be here for 2 Sundays. 2. For Southwest Airlines, Friday is the cheapest and Sunday is the most expensive. Saturday is inbetween. Why is he here till Sunday?
Is it possible, his parents are going out of town for the weekend and you are their "childcare" for lack of a better word for their teenager? They will be back on Sunday, so that is when he comes home.
If the cost of feeding him was going to break you then you should have said no. If you are in a position to pull out the $50 in question to feed the kid for the extra few days, do so, and then make sure your mom knows trips like this WILL NOT be happening again.
Maybe this is how you mentor him. Explain how glamourous an architect sounds, but that we make shit for money and work horrible hours! We were just listed as the fifth most worthless degree by USA Today.
I say most of this TIC, but 20 years out, I wish when I was making career decisions someone would have told me to keep architecture as a hobby.
Good luck with your true issue here. If you can't get through to your mom you could do a big vat of chilli, grilled cheeses, hot dogs. If you have an Aldi in town you may be able to make up the difference in the three days.
If the cost of feeding him was going to break you then you should have said no. If you are in a position to pull out the $50 in question to feed the kid for the extra few days, do so, and then make sure your mom knows trips like this WILL NOT be happening again.
It wasn't going to break me originally, I had money saved for the original agreement. They didn't tell me about the extra days till they brought the ticket and told me about it on Monday. They didn't consult me first.
I'm not trying to make this a precedent, nor am I going to make up for it and take it out of my extra money. I could be putting that towards something else.
That's why I'm making the call.
Monica - They have a younger son too. I don't think they are going OOT.
When they added the extra days you should have said "I'm sorry the original agreement was X and we already have plans over the weekend. You'll need to make separate arrangements for him." Since your mom seems to be pushing this so much, I'd send him there.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Post by snipsnsnails on Jul 27, 2012 13:42:41 GMT -5
It sounds as if you're standing on principle alone. And that's fine to stand on principle, but when you stand on principle, especially with family, you can sometimes stand alone.
I don't think, based on the little bit that you've said here about your mother and your godbrother's mother, that they will take this well or graciously. If you are ok with that, you need to call the godmother directly and tell her that your budget is tight and it will be impossible to accommodate him for the extra 3 days. If you go to your mother, things will get lost in translation. Go directly to his mother and tell her what you'll need.
If there is anyway at all to make it work, I would. This is not something I would cause familial strain over, but if it won't work, it won't work.