Last night, my dad died. That is a really sucky sentence to write out.
About 7 weeks ago, we found out he had a mass near his pancreas that was cancer. At that point, the prognosis was about a year. He was unable to start chemo right away because the mass was causing a blockage in his liver, so they had to take care of that.
After three stint placements, Last week, the doctor was happy with the results and cleared him for chemo. He had his scans, at which point they saw he had two blood clots in his lungs. They admitted him to take care of those, but upon further review of the scans, they saw that the cancer had already begun to spread to his liver. At this point, all treatment was to make him comfortable, and he would have about 3 months, give or take.
Yesterday, he began throwing up blood, so he went back to the hospital. He was bleeding out. I had been planning on being home today for the holidays, but I got the call that it wouldn't be soon enough. So I raced to the airport, which in LA rush hour traffic was more of a crawl, to get home to him. Unfortunately, I didn't make it. It was coming, so my family had me speak to him on the phone to say goodbye. I could tell he was struggling, so I told him I was coming either way, and if he had to go, it was ok. He told me he would hold on, and that I'd see him again. My sister said he tried for another 30 minutes, he was so uncomfortable, and every few minutes, he would shift, look at the clock, and say it wasn't time yet, he was holding on for his baby, just to see me once more. But it was just too much.
I am so heartbroken. I'm having so much guilt over the should haves. I should have been here sooner. I thought there would be more time, the last time I talked to him before yesterday was on Saturday, and he sounded good. We talked about going to get his favorite ice cream when I was in town.
Sorry for such a sad, heavy topic. But I could use the thoughts and prayers. I was feeling okay about going through my first divorced Christmas, but now I have to this too. It sucks.
oh honey. There have been TOO many of these type of posts on here and in my Facebook newsfeed the past couple weeks. Its heartbreaking and Im so so sorry.
Please don't feel guilty. I don't know you and I didn't know your dad, but it is obvious from your post that the last thing he'd want you to do is beat yourself up
Post by snipsnsnails on Dec 23, 2014 10:28:20 GMT -5
Oh, jigsy, I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry. Your love for one another is so obvious and it will never ever go away. The love will always be there. But I'm so sorry he's gone. ((((Hugs))))
Oh no. I'm so, so sorry. I wasn't able to be there when my dad passed either, so I understand how you are feeling now. I'm SO sorry. Your whole family is in my prayers.