@mrsspunky, I know this is a BEC thread, but I am confused.
Before you said that you didn't want guests using the guest linens since they are for decor only, but you are also upset that your MIL brings her own. Which is it?
- She leaves out peanuts and peanut butter on the counter when DS comes over. It's fine NOW because at 3 he recognizes it and knows to not touch it, but when he was like 1 it was a big issue.
Wait, your son has a peanut allergy and she does this??? No. No. No. No. No. That is awful.
Some of these are raising my blood pressure just reading them.
My MIL is really not that bad, she is just so NOSY. She has asked me a few times personal medical questions in front of more than a few family members. My favorite was just a couple hours after DS' birth, she demanded (very loudly)to know why I was taking Effexor.
She also didn't want me taking DS for a walk in 50 degree weather because he had gotten a bath a few hours earlier and "his pores were open".
But, DS lights up when he sees her and she is generally a great person so I can't complain too much.
- She leaves out peanuts and peanut butter on the counter when DS comes over. It's fine NOW because at 3 he recognizes it and knows to not touch it, but when he was like 1 it was a big issue.
Wait, your son has a peanut allergy and she does this??? No. No. No. No. No. That is awful.
YUP. We went on vacation and stayed in a 2 bedroom DVC. She left a tin of peanuts right on the counter right at DS' height. When he ran out in the morning he went right for it until I yelled" Noooooo Peanuts!!!" Then he was like " How did they GET IN HERE MAMA?" and I said " Grandma" he was all like " Why WHY would grandma do that?"
She chalks it up to forgetfullness. NOPE. She also shoved Reeses cups in my H's pocket several times so he wouldn't have to " miss out"
my MIL calls them pants too! It never occurred to me to be annoyed by that, but now I'm sure that I will be
I love my MIL, but she drove me up the fucking wall when DD had colic and she kept asking her if she had "a pain in the belly?" I don't know why it drove me nuts (she probably did have a pain in the belly), but with the constant crying and the "pain in the belly" comments, I almost lost it!
Post by everafter07 on Jan 26, 2015 10:38:19 GMT -5
MIL doesn't speak properly when she talks to DD, like, "What her want?? What does her want?!" if she's crying. And she has this obnoxious nasally voice when she talks to any of her grandchildren. It makes my eyes twitch.
@mrsspunky, I know this is a BEC thread, but I am confused.
Before you said that you didn't want guests using the guest linens since they are for decor only, but you are also upset that your MIL brings her own. Which is it?
I have 3 categories, so to speak - what DH and I use which are the least nice b/c they get used the most (these are in our master bath), guest towels which are set aside for guests to use in the upstairs hall bath (guest bath), and towels for decor only that live on the towel racks. MIL has decor-only towels in her own house, so she knows the drill. (Same with my mom) Her BEC is more like my stuff isn't good enough for her - she has bring her own stuff to my house and clean the stuff she uses at my house at her own house, like my washing machine and dryer are inferior to hers or unclean in some way. She also does crazy things, like takes shoes out of my shoe racks to put tissue paper in the toes. She's a weirdo. I also will admit to being totally P/A by taking all of my shoes out, taking all the tissue paper out, throwing it away, and putting the shoes back.
Sounds like she's just trying to be helpful by bringing and taking home her own linens.
Honestly, I couldn't even keep your linen rules straight so maybe she feels like she's being helpful and/or can't figure them out either.
The problem isn't the rules. The rules work, ok? It's just her attitude, like no matter what I do or what I have it isn't good enough. I drive myself nuts making sure my house is clean when she comes over (no easy task with a 4.5 month old), putting the throw pillows on the couch just right, folding all my throw blankets, putting them away, etc. But, sure enough when I get home from work on Wednesdays, she's done it "better" and pointed out what she did. Her "job" is to take care of DD, not do stuff around my house. Another example - she replaced my perfectly fine throw rug by the front door to one she liked better. Except, the one she bought isn't washable and it's ivory, so it's basically useless. How many times have I put it away, for her to just take it out again? I've lost count.
Whenever I breastfed him or even the topic of breastfeeding came up, she'd caress her own boob and say something to the effect of "it's soooooo intimate".
ugh. this just gave me a flashback.
mil was holding R and he was getting fussy. i was tied up in the kitchen, but was coming in a minute to nurse him. she made a comment to effect of, "i wish i could just feed you. i miss nursing my babies." combined with her general overinvestment in my breastfeeding experience and my postpartum hormones, i was seeing red. i snatched him away and hid in my room for an hour.
conversely, she's getting really judgy about the fact that i'm still nursing him at ~11 months. 6 months is the absolute cut off in her mind.
@mrsspunky, I know this is a BEC thread, but I am confused.
Before you said that you didn't want guests using the guest linens since they are for decor only, but you are also upset that your MIL brings her own. Which is it?
I have 3 categories, so to speak - what DH and I use which are the least nice b/c they get used the most (these are in our master bath), guest towels which are set aside for guests to use in the upstairs hall bath (guest bath), and towels for decor only that live on the towel racks. MIL has decor-only towels in her own house, so she knows the drill. (Same with my mom) Her BEC is more like my stuff isn't good enough for her - she has bring her own stuff to my house and clean the stuff she uses at my house at her own house, like my washing machine and dryer are inferior to hers or unclean in some way. She also does crazy things, like takes shoes out of my shoe racks to put tissue paper in the toes. She's a weirdo. I also will admit to being totally P/A by taking all of my shoes out, taking all the tissue paper out, throwing it away, and putting the shoes back.
The shoe thing is weird. But maybe she's trying to make things easier on you by not producing extra laundry, and doesn't want to intrude on your and your H's time so watches tv in the bedroom. It might just be miscommunication. Your post was the only one I actually felt a little bad for the MIL and makes me dread my DS getting married one day!
I have 3 categories, so to speak - what DH and I use which are the least nice b/c they get used the most (these are in our master bath), guest towels which are set aside for guests to use in the upstairs hall bath (guest bath), and towels for decor only that live on the towel racks. MIL has decor-only towels in her own house, so she knows the drill. (Same with my mom) Her BEC is more like my stuff isn't good enough for her - she has bring her own stuff to my house and clean the stuff she uses at my house at her own house, like my washing machine and dryer are inferior to hers or unclean in some way. She also does crazy things, like takes shoes out of my shoe racks to put tissue paper in the toes. She's a weirdo. I also will admit to being totally P/A by taking all of my shoes out, taking all the tissue paper out, throwing it away, and putting the shoes back.
The shoe thing is weird. But maybe she's trying to make things easier on you by not producing extra laundry, and doesn't want to intrude on your and your H's time so watches tv in the bedroom. It might just be miscommunication. Your post was the only one I actually felt a little bad for the MIL and makes me dread my DS getting married one day!
She says she's doing things her way to make it easier on me, but in the end all it does is give me a complex. Until I was pregnant, I was... not very organized and only truly cleaned when we expected company. Now I'm a 100x better housekeeper, not for her or anyone else, but b/c I've found that living in a cleaner house makes me happier and more relaxed overall. It's like she gives me no credit at all for getting my act together, trying to keep up to her standards, and still keeps knocking me down. AND DH used to think I am crazy, but the sheets thing, the TV thing, oh and she wanted to replace the perfectly fine curtains in the guest room with blackout shades, but now he agrees her requests/actions are a bit extreme.
Sounds like she's just trying to be helpful by bringing and taking home her own linens.
Honestly, I couldn't even keep your linen rules straight so maybe she feels like she's being helpful and/or can't figure them out either.
The problem isn't the rules. The rules work, ok? It's just her attitude, like no matter what I do or what I have it isn't good enough. I drive myself nuts making sure my house is clean when she comes over (no easy task with a 4.5 month old), putting the throw pillows on the couch just right, folding all my throw blankets, putting them away, etc. But, sure enough when I get home from work on Wednesdays, she's done it "better" and pointed out what she did. Her "job" is to take care of DD, not do stuff around my house. Another example - she replaced my perfectly fine throw rug by the front door to one she liked better. Except, the one she bought isn't washable and it's ivory, so it's basically useless. How many times have I put it away, for her to just take it out again? I've lost count.
Okay so both of you are crazy towel ladies.... just different extremes...
BUT I see @mrsspunky 's point. My mom went forever refusing to feed DS the food in my fridge when she watched him. She brought her own food for him. I told her to stop because my fucking produce is going bad. Also she is COMPULSIVE about making him meat balls and freezing them. She feeds him one for dinner every single time she watches him over dinner ( FYI she lives downstairs so his food and all his stuff is upstairs anyways). I think sometimes the olds just start doing everything ONE way ONE time and then get stuck. Like in a loop.
Most of it I've learned to ignore/laugh about, just like DH. It still annoys me that she calls DD Pretty Girl like she's talking to her bird. And she always feels the need to parent DD in our presence around mealtime. She uses reverse psychology to try and get my slow, picky eater to eat "her way". I feel a certain smug satisfaction when DD blows her off
The shoe thing is weird. But maybe she's trying to make things easier on you by not producing extra laundry, and doesn't want to intrude on your and your H's time so watches tv in the bedroom. It might just be miscommunication. Your post was the only one I actually felt a little bad for the MIL and makes me dread my DS getting married one day!
She says she's doing things her way to make it easier on me, but in the end all it does is give me a complex. Until I was pregnant, I was... not very organized and only truly cleaned when we expected company. Now I'm a 100x better housekeeper, not for her or anyone else, but b/c I've found that living in a cleaner house makes me happier and more relaxed overall. It's like she gives me no credit at all for getting my act together, trying to keep up to her standards, and still keeps knocking me down. AND DH used to think I am crazy, but the sheets thing, the TV thing, oh and she wanted to replace the perfectly fine curtains in the guest room with blackout shades, but now he agrees her requests/actions are a bit extreme.
Ok, but she's staying over to help you out, yes? If my mom or MIL asked for blackout shades I'd get them in a heartbeat. It wouldn't matter if I didn't think they were necessary or thought it was a weird request-some people need complete darkness to sleep well.
You seem to really be internalizing all her actions and it's ruining your relationship. Maybe since you had a complete turnaround she's actually afraid of messing things up. Maybe she thinks she's putting the throw pillows the way you want them after sitting on the couch all day, and is pointing it out so you see she's making an effort. Who knows, I don't know either one of you, but you can see there is another side. Just playing Devil's Advocate.
She says she's doing things her way to make it easier on me, but in the end all it does is give me a complex. Until I was pregnant, I was... not very organized and only truly cleaned when we expected company. Now I'm a 100x better housekeeper, not for her or anyone else, but b/c I've found that living in a cleaner house makes me happier and more relaxed overall. It's like she gives me no credit at all for getting my act together, trying to keep up to her standards, and still keeps knocking me down. AND DH used to think I am crazy, but the sheets thing, the TV thing, oh and she wanted to replace the perfectly fine curtains in the guest room with blackout shades, but now he agrees her requests/actions are a bit extreme.
Ok, but she's staying over to help you out, yes? If my mom or MIL asked for blackout shades I'd get them in a heartbeat. It wouldn't matter if I didn't think they were necessary or thought it was a weird request-some people need complete darkness to sleep well.
You seem to really be internalizing all her actions and it's ruining your relationship. Maybe since you had a complete turnaround she's actually afraid of messing things up. Maybe she thinks she's putting the throw pillows the way you want them after sitting on the couch all day, and is pointing it out so you see she's making an effort. Who knows, I don't know either one of you, but you can see there is another side. Just playing Devil's Advocate.
Oh, she doesn't even sit on my couch bc we let the dog on the couch. She sits in a kitchen chair that she pulls over next to my couch. FWIW she is not allergic ETA and my dog is like 12lbs, doesn't shed, etc. She wanted blackout shades b/c she swears people can see in to the house and she was up for 2 nights worrying about having to stay over and people seeing into the room. I kid you not. I have sheers and DARK BROWN regular curtains on the windows, both of which I keep closed. DH and I even went outside at night with all the lights on in that room and you can't see a thing.
mil was holding R and he was getting fussy. i was tied up in the kitchen, but was coming in a minute to nurse him. she made a comment to effect of, "i wish i could just feed you. i miss nursing my babies." combined with her general overinvestment in my breastfeeding experience and my postpartum hormones, i was seeing red. i snatched him away and hid in my room for an hour.
conversely, she's getting really judgy about the fact that i'm still nursing him at ~11 months. 6 months is the absolute cut off in her mind.
Ugh... to close for comfort!! My SIL (not MIL's daughter) and I joked that MIL would totally BF O if she could.
Didn't someone on here or the old place have a MIL that actually tried to BF their kid? Like the Mom caught her MIL with her boob in the kids mouth?
When MIL spends a couple hours at our house with C but without H and I, when we get home she goes on and on about how C "really likes!" xyz toy or whatever. Yes, she's our kid and we see her every day. We know.
Though if that's the worst I have to complain about, I think I'm doing ok.
Gets drunk while babysitting my kid. Has him awake on the couch at 1am when we come home because he was just so cute that she had to keep going into his room to look at him. ::twirls through post::