We had a recent engagement in the family and now I'm beginning to re-live Knot topics.... ....lol
So, did your husband pick out your ring with/without your input? Did he shop alone or with his mother/sister/friend? Did you browse with him? If he bought it alone or with your input, how would you have felt about his mother going shopping with him?
Me too! My sister just went ring shopping with her BF and I'm about to celebrate my 9th wedding anniversary so I've been out of the loop for awhile. Her process was very much like mine but she knew he put down some $ at the store when they found "the one". DH did all that in secret....I did offer opinions, showed pictures, and went "shopping for ideas" 10 years ago though same as she did now.
We talked about it first. For us, it was important that we discussed marriage/engagement first and it was a decision we came to together. He surprised me with the proposal, but we had discussed it and looked at rings, first. We also set a ring budget together since we were coming together with finances when we married.
OMG if his mother had gone with him (and his loan shark great Aunt...think small but powerful, aggressive Vietnamese women) I don't even want to know what I would've ended up with.
I pretty much picked out my ring; gave it to me when he got around to proposing. Actually, when he initially went to buy it, they gave him the wrong ring, and he didn't remember it well enough to realize it was wrong. When I saw it, I was all, "yeah. no." I would have been ok with not having the exact same ring I picked out, but I HATED the ring they gave him, and we went back to the shop so he could get the right ring.
I guess that's not super-romantic, but if I'm wearing it forever, it needs to be something I really, really, really love. I don't think proposals should be a total surprise, anyway; if that makes me anti-romantical or something, OK.
I would have been fine with him shopping for it with someone who really knew my tastes. That person would NOT be his mother, however.
Post by wrathofkuus on Aug 7, 2012 15:15:38 GMT -5
He tried to design a custom ring for me, but he was trying too hard for symbolism, and came up with some monstrosity with gold rodent heads with diamonds for eyes, and a towering B-form DNA molecule with a center stone perched on top like some sort of shiny, screwed up polymerase. I am ever grateful that this stayed an idea, that he came and asked me about all of it because he suspected that it might not be quite my style in jewelry, no matter how symbolic. After he told me about this, I designed the ring myself, but he chose the stones.
I honestly don't think his mom would be helpful in picking out something my style.
He tried to design a custom ring for me, but he was trying too hard for symbolism, and came up with some monstrosity with gold rodent heads with diamonds for eyes, and a towering B-form DNA molecule with a center stone perched on top like some sort of shiny, screwed up polymerase.
If his mother had gone with him, my ring would be 1/4 the size and she would have gotten a new necklace with the difference.
that's hilarious. and also not funny at all, but you know what I mean.
MH shopped entirely in secret. We had had random conversations about rings in terms of other people's rings - so and so's ring is awful, so and so's ring is pretty, but otherwise it was just based on knowing my style. He brought an already married buddy along for a 2nd opinion on at least one trip, but otherwise he flew solo. And he stole my right-hand ring for sizing when he ordered it, also without me noticing. I would not have minded if he had taken his mom along though. MIL is pretty cool.
After he proposed and I asked him how he went about ring shopping i was kinda dumbfounded. Apparently he could totally cheat on my ass and I'd have no idea because I didn't have the slightest clue that he was lying to me at any point. He spent a lot of time going to different places and looking at different rings, and I never even slightly suspected that he wasn't working late or helping a buddy with his car or any of the other excuses he used.
Post by penguingrrl on Aug 7, 2012 15:18:30 GMT -5
We shopped a bit together and I'm glad we did because when I tried on what I originally thought I wanted I realized I didn't like it. I ended up choosing the band with him then he went back alone later and picked the stone for it. I wouldn't have wanted his mother or sisters input because our taste is very different and they wouldn't recognize that, they would just suggest what they would want.
He tried to design a custom ring for me, but he was trying too hard for symbolism, and came up with some monstrosity with gold rodent heads with diamonds for eyes, and a towering B-form DNA molecule with a center stone perched on top like some sort of shiny, screwed up polymerase.
I am seriously hyena-laughing at my desk.
I did, too, when he asked me to draw it for the jeweler (he's not an artist). I drew, he kept saying "no, no, more delicate, like something you would wear", as though there were a way to make delicate, shiny-eyed rodent heads that I'd wear.
So, did your husband pick out your ring with/without your input? He asked a few questions... what type of metal, what cut of stone is a big fat no, prefer solitare or grouping. But outside of that, it was all him.
Did he shop alone or with his mother/sister/friend? Alone
Did you browse with him? Not really. We went in one of the mall stores and he told me to point out the most hideous rings in the case. The sales person was not impressed.
If he bought it alone or with your input, how would you have felt about his mother going shopping with him? I'm staying out of this question. H's mother is a bad topic right now. Bad. Very bad.
Post by EloiseWeenie on Aug 7, 2012 15:23:10 GMT -5
We went together to get my rings made.
My grandmother split her diamond/platinum wedding band into 5ths for my siblings and my cousins. As a little girl, I always loved her ring. My MIL also gave my husband some diamonds from her ring, so we took all the stones to a jeweler.
I told him I wanted my band to look exactly like my grandmothers, but just a 1/2 band of diamonds (she had diamonds all around), and I wanted the engagement ring to look the same, but with a center stone.
We went "just looking" at stuff. I'm not a huge jewelry person and we both wanted to make sure it was the right blend of size and cost for our expectations. But we found something we both liked and ordered it there. We ordered the stone and setting separate so I still didn't really see the final product until he popped the question.
He asked me what kinds of things I liked, stone shapes, etc. He worked with a friend of his family that's in the industry in Tel Aviv. He surprised me with the finally result. It was nothing like I expected but it was gorgeous! He did good.
We looked at rings online and went to a jewelry store one time so I could try a few things on and get a feel for what looked good on my hand.
Based on what I liked (there were a few different things that stood out to me), he ended up picking out the ring. He ordered it from Blue Nile and he literally didn't tell a soul that he was buying the ring or proposing. His mom is a total blabblermouth, so she's the last person he would have told and there's no way he would have asked her to help him with the ring.
And if he had, I probably would have ended up with something that looks like it was in the clearance case at Kay Jewelers in 1982. 8-D
We went and browsed them together a few days later. He got a sense of what I liked and disliked and made the final decision on his own so it would be somewhat of a surprise for me.
My grandmother split her diamond/platinum wedding band into 5ths for my siblings and my cousins. As a little girl, I always loved her ring. My MIL also gave my husband some diamonds from her ring, so we took all the stones to a jeweler.
I told him I wanted my band to look exactly like my grandmothers, but just a 1/2 band of diamonds (she had diamonds all around), and I wanted the engagement ring to look the same, but with a center stone.
my wedding band also has diamonds halfway around the band. I tried on a couple with them all the way around and I thought it was really uncomfortable.
and I actually had someone, a cashier at a store, ask me if my H was too cheap to get a ring with diamonds all the way around.
I picked it out and H ordered it. He picked out the center stone, but he showed it to me to make sure I was okay with it (it was moissanite, not a diamond). Then when that chipped, I picked out the replacement.
Post by ChillyMcFreeze on Aug 7, 2012 15:47:46 GMT -5
I told him what I wanted (solitaire in white gold) and he picked it out himself. His BFF worked at a jewelry store that was going out of business, so he got in on clearance + employee discount. (I tell people I lucked out by marrying a bargain shopper.) His mom held onto it until "the right moment" so I wouldn't find it in his tiny apartment.
my wedding band also has diamonds halfway around the band. I tried on a couple with them all the way around and I thought it was really uncomfortable.
and I actually had someone, a cashier at a store, ask me if my H was too cheap to get a ring with diamonds all the way around.
eta: your ring is GORGEOUS!
I can't believe someone said that to you! I was baking at the time, and I knew the ring would be banged around in the kitchen. Also, my grandmother ended up cutting the ring up because hers broke. So that was enough for me to only want diamonds 1/2 way around (and I agree on the comfort of a solid back).
Thanks, the jeweler did a great job getting the bands to look exactly like my grandmother's. It's very sentimental to me.
If I could do it again, I wish I went with the oval stone I was considering instead of the princess cut. But this time I would want the oval to be bigger, LOL.
If his mother had gone with him, my ring would be 1/4 the size and she would have gotten a new necklace with the difference.
that's hilarious. and also not funny at all, but you know what I mean.
MH shopped entirely in secret. We had had random conversations about rings in terms of other people's rings - so and so's ring is awful, so and so's ring is pretty, but otherwise it was just based on knowing my style. He brought an already married buddy along for a 2nd opinion on at least one trip, but otherwise he flew solo. And he stole my right-hand ring for sizing when he ordered it, also without me noticing. I would not have minded if he had taken his mom along though. MIL is pretty cool.
My H's approach was similar - he also took one of my rings for sizing purposes.
We lived together for over a year before getting engaged and had talked about marriage. Long, long before he proposed, I started making it a point to comment on other people's rings whenever someone got engaged or there was a ring on TV or something so he'd be able to figure it out on his own. He succeeded.
His mom lived 3000 miles away, so bringing her along wasn't really in the cards, but I don't think H would have done that. His mom and I have very different taste, but she has good taste. I don't think it would have impacted the end purchase though so I have no thoughts on it, really.
My engagement ring belonged to my grandmother. DH and I were grad students and broke, and my parents wanted me/us to have it. DH got it from my parents during a vacation (which was funny since that was when I expected him to propose) then hung on to it for months before he proposed while we were camping. My poor mother thought he'd lost it.
Had he chosen it himself I have no doubt he'd have picked something I liked, but I also have no doubt we'd still be paying for it
He tried to design a custom ring for me, but he was trying too hard for symbolism, and came up with some monstrosity with gold rodent heads with diamonds for eyes, and a towering B-form DNA molecule with a center stone perched on top like some sort of shiny, screwed up polymerase.
Post by basilosaurus on Aug 7, 2012 16:07:04 GMT -5
We designed it together. He knew I have very nontraditional taste, and that I don't like diamonds, so it's not like he'd have good success surprising me. What we designed was actually based on something he found online, so he did put in good work before proposing. I didn't get the ring until about a month or two after we got engaged, and I don't have a separate wedding band.
We picked it out together. I guess I was kind of specific. I wanted round or oval for the stone, and a white metal, and not a solitaire. Something unique. I found an estate jeweler who had a ton of vintage rings that were perfect. Unique, plus "recycled," thereby getting around the issues with precious metal mining and conflict diamonds, at least to a level I was comfortable with.
In actuality, I sat him down and mentioned that I wanted to be married for a few years before we had kids (we had friends who had JUST had a baby 9 months after their wedding, so it was relevant, I swear!). This was September, so he said, "well, next summer might be a little soon. How about the summer after?" I mentioned I had always wanted a fall wedding, so maybe we could shoot for October. And then... we were engaged. The next day I said, "Uh, so we're really getting married? Like we can a plan a wedding and everything?" My mom was coming into town a few weeks later, so we looked for dresses and venues. I think I had a dress ordered and the venue booked within about 6 weeks.
Now-husband wanted to do a "traditional" proposal, although we considered ourselves engaged. So we went and chose a ring together. We got a drink afterward to celebrate, but he held onto it for a few weeks, planning something fun. I just made him promise not to put it in a glass of champagne or a bowl of ice cream or anything.
Of course, my MIL thought we "weren't really engaged" without the ring, and forbid any mention of a possible future wedding when we were visiting for H's cousin's wedding that October (I got the ring in November). And my FIL told H that he had to just pick a ring and surprise me. FWIW, MIL no longer wears her e-ring - she wears a ring her father bought her mother as an upgrade for a milestone anniversary.
His mom lived 3000 miles away, so bringing her along wasn't really in the cards, but I don't think H would have done that. His mom and I have very different taste, but she has good taste. I don't think it would have impacted the end purchase though so I have no thoughts on it, really.
This is my H and his mom, exactly. She has lovely taste. Really, probably much better than mine! My middle SIL has great taste, too. She would have picked something lovely. She adores her son (he's the oldest and the only boy), but my husband isn't a mama's boy by any means, so I don't think it would have occurred to him to ask his mother's opinion. He was pretty much in agreement with me that if I was wearing it for the rest of my life, I should get a say.