Sending you hugs! I can't imagine being in your position....I've got a 4 year old and have 9 weeks left and am hoping and praying I don't go on bed rest (I did with dd for 2 weeks). You aren't sitting there doing nothing! You are making sure your baby is going to be healthy and making sure that you are ok. That is what is important.
Hopefully you've reached out to some other friends/family members and they are able to help. If not, PLEASE take the offers of some of these ladies!
Post by daisyheadmaizie on Aug 8, 2012 10:52:11 GMT -5
I didn't mean to just walk away and leave you all hanging. I went to bed last night, and just got back online this morning. I usually feel better in the mornings, so I try to spend some time with DD then.
I live in Colorado, and I am on the local board. I know I need to be better about asking friends for help and then following up on it. I just have a hard time admitting defeat, especially since my own mom wouldn't help. I feel like I am a burden. But, you all have pointed out that my friends would help if they knew how hard I was struggling. So, I will put it out that I need the help.
My mom is just selfish and kind of sucks at life. She is a stay at home wife with no commitments, so she has no valid reason. She has always been this way, and it was a true sign of how desperate I was that I even asked. I knew there was a 70% chance she would say no, but I was hoping I'd catch her on a good day.
You guys have no idea what it meant to me to wake up to do many offers of help and support. It seriously meant so much to me, and reminded me how awesome people can be. I am going to reach out to my friends today. Thank you all so much for being there for me last night when I was a complete disaster.
You should not feel like you are "defeated." Quite the opposite; you're doing what's best for your baby even though it is hard on you.
And your mom not wanting to help is a reflection on her, not on you. Any true friend would not feel like you were a burden; your friends will WANT to help if they know what you need.
Post by amberlyrose on Aug 8, 2012 11:36:27 GMT -5
Do you have the same SN on the CO Nasties board? Make a post over there, if you're comfortable. There are so many wonderful women who would love to help! If you're near me, I can even stop by on my lunch break or after work.
Post by daisyheadmaizie on Aug 8, 2012 11:44:30 GMT -5
Quesera - you are right. It is my own expectations that are the problem. I am such a go-er, do-er, organizer, etc that not being able to do that has left me feeling pretty lost.
It is so hard to ask for help, but sometimes you just have to suck up your pride and do it. A lot of people probably just don't know what kind of help you need.
When I had spine surgery and couldn't lift DS for two months, I made a calendar on google docs with dates that I would be home alone with DS and needed help. I sent that sucker to every single person that DH and I could possibly consider a friend. It sucked, but was so worth it. People came out of the woodwork to help us. Many forwarded it to their friends or just organized meals for us.in the end, I realized that we had so much support, and the two months were a breeze.
You are not a failure!
This exactly. Most people do want to help but have no idea how or when to do it. Giving them a calendar with specific 'duties' and times will surely get people to do what they can..
If I could, I'd help you too! I could bring an adorable 5 year old who loves play dates.