I'm throwing BFF a wedding shower in 2 weeks time.
One of her older cousins just got back with her RSVP and asked if it would be ok to bring her 11 month old daughter. My initial reaction was yes, since I attended many wedding and baby showers with my Mom when I was a kid, but those were all family-only events and there were multiple kids in attendance. My house is also not toddler friendly right now. The long straight stairs to the basement are immediately off of the living room and I don't have any barriers. The living room coffee and side tables are also all glass and there is going to be a lot of people in a relatively small space.
This will only be an issue if it's poor weather, since otherwise I will hold it on my back lawn, which has significantly more space and is definitely child safe.
Do I reply yes, but with the caveat that the house itself is not child friendly? Do I just say no? This is one of those social situations which I have not had to navigate at this point in my life.
Except I guess it's family? Ask your BFF what she thinks, unless it's a surprise. Then the yes with caveat is the way to go ("Sure, but just so you know she will be the only child there and my house isn't baby proofed. See you Saturday!"). And don't accommodate a thing, since no matter what you do someone who wants to bring a toddler to an adult only event is likely to think what you did is wrong.
Post by thebuddhagouda on May 13, 2015 8:08:37 GMT -5
I wouldn't have asked to bring my kid, but if I took my kid somewhere it would be with the understanding that it was on me to supervise them in a not childproofed environment.
Definitely do not change your house (with the exception of possibly putting away something that you would be really devastated if it was broken). It's not on you to prepare because she can't or won't find a sitter.
I wouldn't have asked to bring my kid, but if I took my kid somewhere it would be with the understanding that it was on me to supervise them in a not childproofed environment.
Definitely do not change your house (with the exception of possibly putting away something that you would be really devastated if it wasn't broken). It's not on you to prepare because she can't or won't find a sitter.
I wouldn't want the child to come. I see showers as adult events unless otherwise specified. And an 11 month old - I just feel like that's a bad age- the child will be mobile (crawling, at least) and if you're tight on space, it really could be difficult.
If you don't want to out and out say "no", I'd say "Well, my house isn't child proofed and if the shower has to be indoors due to weather, it's also a relatively small space too. It's up to you if you want to bring her. But just be aware that if we're indoors, there will be limited room for her to explore.".
But I also feel there is nothing wrong with saying no too.
If it's not a surprise ask BFF what she thinks and go from there. Put up only items that you would be upset to have broken for your sake other then that it's on Mom
I wouldn't have asked to bring my kid, but if I took my kid somewhere it would be with the understanding that it was on me to supervise them in a not childproofed environment.
Definitely do not change your house (with the exception of possibly putting away something that you would be really devastated if it was broken). It's not on you to prepare because she can't or won't find a sitter.
This, but my daughter is also insanely reserved and suspicious, so at that age, and even now at almost three, would do nothing but sit on my lap, side eye everyone else there and refuse to acknowledge their presence if they deigned to look at her or speak to her.
I wouldn't have asked to bring my kid, but if I took my kid somewhere it would be with the understanding that it was on me to supervise them in a not childproofed environment.
Definitely do not change your house (with the exception of possibly putting away something that you would be really devastated if it was broken). It's not on you to prepare because she can't or won't find a sitter.
This, but my daughter is also insanely reserved and suspicious, so at that age, and even now at almost three, would do nothing but sit on my lap, side eye everyone else there and refuse to acknowledge their presence if they deigned to look at her or speak to her.
Can't lie - this made me LOL. If I could only show you the visual that is in my head right now...
This, but my daughter is also insanely reserved and suspicious, so at that age, and even now at almost three, would do nothing but sit on my lap, side eye everyone else there and refuse to acknowledge their presence if they deigned to look at her or speak to her.
Can't lie - this made me LOL. If I could only show you the visual that is in my head right now...
We got family photos taken. The photographer was all, "No problem! I've worked with difficult toddlers before. I can get her to smile." This is what she looks like in every single photograph.
BFF knows I'm holding a shower for her but doesn't know when, and I feel like she will know it is imminent if I go asking questions like this.
There are 6 members of her family who have been invited and are coming. The other 14 are all friends from high school who are all late 20s and do not have kids. I feel bad saying no since all of the family members with the exception of this one cousin are driving in from out of town and would probably be thrilled to see her baby, so there's probably 6 people there who will keep a good eye on her.
I think I will reply with the wording ECB gave, which might dissuade her from bringing the baby along if the weather looks bad. At least she will come prepared either way.
Can't lie - this made me LOL. If I could only show you the visual that is in my head right now...
We got family photos taken. The photographer was all, "No problem! I've worked with difficult toddlers before. I can get her to smile." This is what she looks like in every single photograph.
I'd say yes. No parent in their right mind expects someone else to have a baby friendly home and you attend these things with the notion that you will spend 90% of it making sure your kid doesn't run havoc. At 11 months she might not even be walking yet and other family members may be able to help her too.
Yes. I am throwing a shower next month and would say yes - especially a baby. I also had an easy baby who mixed well in groups ... and I was hawk of a mother who left early and often if she was the least bit fussy. I have high hope for that in others, especially those who ask.
I'd say yes. No parent in their right mind expects someone else to have a baby friendly home and you attend these things with the notion that you will spend 90% of it making sure your kid doesn't run havoc. At 11 months she might not even be walking yet and other family members may be able to help her too.
I see that @cse1960 has already addressed my response, but actually, I think the really early toddlers are more dangerous than they are once they are more experienced walkers. With their limited understanding of gravity they'll grab onto any damn thing to pull up. I wouldn't say no, but I would mention in very strong terms that your house isn't babyproof. With more concern on the baby's safety of course, than your things. But I'd definitely move anything you cherish because an 11mo is going to find that thing and break it. Period.
We got family photos taken. The photographer was all, "No problem! I've worked with difficult toddlers before. I can get her to smile." This is what she looks like in every single photograph.
Aw... too sweet, though!
This would be why my answer is an unequivocal no in the "Could your child be a model?" posts. Lol.
As of this week, the 11 month old is not very mobile or pulling up. I explained that the house was pretty small for the number of guests, but that I was hoping to hold the shower outside. She said she would bring her if the weather was fair, and leave her behind if we will be indoors, which will work out perfectly.
She wanted the family to have the chance to see the baby as none of them have seen her since Christmas. It will work out just fine I think.
oh and stairs. My just walking kids would go to the top of every un-secured stair and try to pitch themselves off into the breach.
Aren't you glad those days are over? I haven't been to a pediatrician's office in several years (they started with a young adult practice at around 11/12), but my son's adhd referral was there, and the screaming babies getting shots! It never ended! I had stress-by-association by the time we left, and my did didn't cry.
My kid might not stay where I leave him, but I know he's probably not eating cat turds, either.
Post by UnderProtest on May 13, 2015 10:11:23 GMT -5
This update actually makes it worse to me. It isn't that she can't find a sitter, it is that she wants to interrupt the focus of the wedding shower so that people who can't be otherwise bothered to see her kid can see her kid.
Unless the invite specifically stated no kids, I would assume my child was welcome. I would do everything in my power to secure child care, but if I could not, I would bring them and would never think to ask if they were welcome because me and children are kind of a package deal unless you tell me ahead of time "adults only". Most things in my family/circle of friends/community are very "everyone's welcome" though and I realize that might not be the case elsewhere.
I would ask the bride and then make reasonable accommodations to keep heirlooms, etc out of reach but wouldn't go all out baby-proof. I am sure the mother is used to being on high alert in strange places.
Unless the invite specifically stated no kids, I would assume my child was welcome. I would do everything in my power to secure child care, but if I could not, I would bring them and would never think to ask if they were welcome because me and children are kind of a package deal unless you tell me ahead of time "adults only". Most things in my family/circle of friends/community are very "everyone's welcome" though and I realize that might not be the case elsewhere.
I would ask the bride and then make reasonable accommodations to keep heirlooms, etc out of reach but wouldn't go all out baby-proof. I am sure the mother is used to being on high alert in strange places.
Unless the invite specifically stated no kids, I would assume my child was welcome. I would do everything in my power to secure child care, but if I could not, I would bring them and would never think to ask if they were welcome because me and children are kind of a package deal unless you tell me ahead of time "adults only". Most things in my family/circle of friends/community are very "everyone's welcome" though and I realize that might not be the case elsewhere.
I would ask the bride and then make reasonable accommodations to keep heirlooms, etc out of reach but wouldn't go all out baby-proof. I am sure the mother is used to being on high alert in strange places.
This update actually makes it worse to me. It isn't that she can't find a sitter, it is that she wants to interrupt the focus of the wedding shower so that people who can't be otherwise bothered to see her kid can see her kid.
I didn't get this vibe at all, but I think my POV is coloring that. Whenever there's a bridal shower, baby shower, non-holiday family (whole or partial) event I get asked if I'm bringing my kids (who are 1.5). Most of the time I'm like "uh, no, I want to enjoy myself", but I still get asked.
If the other family members are coming in from out of town then they haven't had a chance to see the cousins kid and could be pestering her about it. We don't know one way or the other.
aprilsails - I'm glad you called and spoke with her and there's a reasonable plan in place.
Unless the invite specifically stated no kids, I would assume my child was welcome. I would do everything in my power to secure child care, but if I could not, I would bring them and would never think to ask if they were welcome because me and children are kind of a package deal unless you tell me ahead of time "adults only". Most things in my family/circle of friends/community are very "everyone's welcome" though and I realize that might not be the case elsewhere.
I would ask the bride and then make reasonable accommodations to keep heirlooms, etc out of reach but wouldn't go all out baby-proof. I am sure the mother is used to being on high alert in strange places.
Unless the invite specifically stated no kids, I would assume my child was welcome. I would do everything in my power to secure child care, but if I could not, I would bring them and would never think to ask if they were welcome because me and children are kind of a package deal unless you tell me ahead of time "adults only". Most things in my family/circle of friends/community are very "everyone's welcome" though and I realize that might not be the case elsewhere.
I would ask the bride and then make reasonable accommodations to keep heirlooms, etc out of reach but wouldn't go all out baby-proof. I am sure the mother is used to being on high alert in strange places.
This update actually makes it worse to me. It isn't that she can't find a sitter, it is that she wants to interrupt the focus of the wedding shower so that people who can't be otherwise bothered to see her kid can see her kid.
I didn't get this vibe at all, but I think my POV is coloring that. Whenever there's a bridal shower, baby shower, non-holiday family (whole or partial) event I get asked if I'm bringing my kids (who are 1.5). Most of the time I'm like "uh, no, I want to enjoy myself", but I still get asked.
If the other family members are coming in from out of town then they haven't had a chance to see the cousins kid and could be pestering her about it. We don't know one way or the other.
aprilsails - I'm glad you called and spoke with her and there's a reasonable plan in place.
I brought my 6 month old to my sister's bridal shower. I had planned on leaving her with my husband but when everyone I know attending found out I was shamed into bringing her even my sister was "she has to come!"
This is probably one of those family/social circle specific things.
Post by aprilsails on May 13, 2015 11:25:13 GMT -5
Like I said in the OP, I always went to these kinds of events when I was a kid, but they were generally family only. I personally do not have an issue with her bringing the kid, although I know it will probably change the tone of the room a bit. I know the bride is having a child-free wedding, but as far as I know that is a cost-savings-only measure, particularly since her brother has 6 kids 8 and under.
If the baby isn't terribly mobile I don't see a real problem. I'm going to put the baby on ignore. There will already be some distraction from the bride going on since I am 6 months pregnant and I am sure I will get quizzed on that. It will all work out as long as she doesn't bring it for an indoors party.
Let's just say that people who presume that their children are invited everywhere unless specifically excluded invoke in me a primal urge to eliminate them.
I hate when there are children at a shower. If the only reason the baby is going is so family members can see her, I am of the opinion that they need to see her before or after. I look forward to these adult functions, celebrating a friend, and I hate to have made the effort to line up childcare, only to get there and still have children running all over the place.
Bah humbug.
That being said, I did have to bring my 2 month old with me to my best friend's baby shower because it was pretty far away and I was still nursing so frequently. She slept almost the entire time though. And my friend brought it up first, saying she knew I would have to bring her and she was looking forward to it.