Pics of x-spouse on FB?

[kanga1]

My friend is trying to set me up with one of her cousins. We are probably going for drinks Thursday. I stalked him on FB and all of his profile pics are public so I can see them even though we aren't fb friends. He still has pictures of him and his x as well as some family pics with their daughter. Their divorce happened because she was cheating on him for a year and he finally found out and was totally blindsided. The divorce process itself was pretty amicable but he was totally devastated by the affair. She is getting married this fall. Do the pictures seem weird to anyone else or just me?

[Deleted]

Naaaa. Some people just don't feel the need to delete them. I know I got most of mine deleted with my exh, but that's because we didn't really take a ton of pics together. He could be a very infrequent social media user.

[alleinesein]

I've got some and I feel no need to delete them. Most of them are from international travel and since my hard drive crashed I lost all my pics so the ones I do have posted online are the only copies I have.

[kanga1]

Good to know. I deleted all of mine but my XH went crazy cakes on me and I really want no more memories of him than necessary LOL

[cuddlyevil]

Nope. I haven't taken any family pics down on FB, but I have limited how far back people can see.

We're amicable and I am friends with his family still.

[berbles]

I'm sure if you look through my profile pic history, there are still pics of XH and me. I made all my wedding albums private; I like being able to access them online if I need to, but don't need them visible to anyone else. But I didn't feel the need to pretend he didn't exist by deleting any/all pics of him from my FB.

[verycontrary247]

Minority here, but that would bother me.

[glitzyglow]

It would bother me, too.

[Emerald1486]

No. There are still pics of XH and I on FB. I see pics of friends with their exes too. NBD

[bl]

I think it would all depend for me. If it was FULL of pics of him and her only that would probably grate a nerve a bit. If it was mostly family stuff and then just a few mixed in here and there it wouldn't be on my radar. I hid my wedding album, hid any albums that were just me and him doing or celebrating something, and then left any under profile, cover, or mobile uploads that were groups with him in them or us doing something that was some type of experience. I have an uncommon name, so if you google me, my entire wedding comes up on my photographers blog along with engagement and anniversary pics. I don't really care though because 1. I was married and that's a part of me, and 2. I looked damn good in those pics lol.

[GilliC]

Nope. The 8 years I was married were a big part of my life, and XH and I are still friends. If someone has a problem seeing photos of us together, it's probably good to know up front. Because they'd likely have a bigger problem with the fact that we still keep in touch and even hang out occasionally!

[cuddlyevil]

glitzyglow & verycontrary247, out of curiosity why would it bother you?

[verycontrary247]

Jul 15, 2015 8:08:27 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

glitzyglow & verycontrary247, out of curiosity why would it bother you?

I guess I'd be concerned they weren't really over it. Personally, I deleted all pictures of exH once I decided that I had zero interest in getting back together.

Also I'm insecure.

[jojoandleo]

Jul 15, 2015 8:28:19 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

Jul 15, 2015 8:08:27 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

glitzyglow & verycontrary247, out of curiosity why would it bother you?

I guess I'd be concerned they weren't really over it. Personally, I deleted all pictures of exH once I decided that I had zero interest in getting back together.

Also I'm insecure.

Just because that was your personal choice doesn't mean anyone who keeps pics of their ex can't possibly be over it.

I tend to delete exes personally, but I still have a few with my XHSBF on FB.  It was my first trip to Vegas! I am not going to delete them just because he is in them.

Also-I have noticed most men are not as into FB as I am. He may post infrequently and not even realize those pics are still there. People give facebook way more power than it should have. Not everyone gives a shit about social media.

[pinkdutchtulips]

I still have pics of Xh in FB but they're buried in albums (the wedding album is private) but I don't post any. Like it or not, he WAS a part of DD's life for 4 years and I'm not going to delete photos of them. On the upside, Xh HATED having his photo taken so very few photos of him exist period !

[pinkdutchtulips]

Jul 15, 2015 8:28:19 GMT -5 verycontrary247 said:

Jul 15, 2015 8:08:27 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

glitzyglow & verycontrary247, out of curiosity why would it bother you?

I guess I'd be concerned they weren't really over it. Personally, I deleted all pictures of exH once I decided that I had zero interest in getting back together.

Also I'm insecure.

I think it's far easier to delete any and all traces of an Xh if no kids were involved and it was just the 2 of you. Add kids to the mix and it's virtually impossible to completely eradicate them from your FB.

[glitzyglow]

Jul 15, 2015 8:08:27 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

glitzyglow & verycontrary247, out of curiosity why would it bother you?

It feels very awkward to me. Personally, I removed all pictures and all of my friends have removed pictures. That said, neither myself or my friends have kids. If someone keeps up pictures of, say, their kid's birthday and the ex is in the photo, I don't have any uncomfortableness with that. Having pictures of an ex on vacations, holidays, events, etc., would be awkward and bother me personally. I don't personally keep pictures of myself and my ex on display in my home for guests to see, so I treat my Facebook similarly and would prefer a partner to feel similarly (the kid issues brings exceptions).

[Deleted]

Jul 15, 2015 12:16:13 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

Jul 15, 2015 8:08:27 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

glitzyglow & verycontrary247, out of curiosity why would it bother you?

It feels very awkward to me. Personally, I removed all pictures and all of my friends have removed pictures. That said, neither myself or my friends have kids. If someone keeps up pictures of, say, their kid's birthday and the ex is in the photo, I don't have any uncomfortableness with that. Having pictures of an ex on vacations, holidays, events, etc., would be awkward and bother me personally. I don't personally keep pictures of myself and my ex on display in my home for guests to see, so I treat my Facebook similarly and would prefer a partner to feel similarly (the kid issues brings exceptions).

But I think this assumes someone gives a shit about social media. A lot of people just don't care or really keep up with it that much. I mean it's not like his profile pic is of them together or anything. To a lot of people scrolling through possibly hundreds of photos to delete or hide just isn't worth their time.

[jojoandleo]

Jul 15, 2015 12:16:13 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

Jul 15, 2015 8:08:27 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

glitzyglow & verycontrary247, out of curiosity why would it bother you?

It feels very awkward to me. Personally, I removed all pictures and all of my friends have removed pictures. That said, neither myself or my friends have kids. If someone keeps up pictures of, say, their kid's birthday and the ex is in the photo, I don't have any uncomfortableness with that. Having pictures of an ex on vacations, holidays, events, etc., would be awkward and bother me personally. I don't personally keep pictures of myself and my ex on display in my home for guests to see, so I treat my Facebook similarly and would prefer a partner to feel similarly (the kid issues brings exceptions).

So, you would only date someone who feels similarly about social media as you do? Because MH hasn't been on FB in weeks. I'm not sure he even knows what pictures he is tagged in. If we divorced, I doubt he would go looking through his entire FB to find every trace of me to delete because he doesn't give a shit. FB to him is not his home. He would of course take down pictures of me in his home where he sees them every day. Facebook? He doesn't look at that shit.

[jojoandleo]

People are putting their own feelings about social media into this and acting like everyone feels that way. Is it possible the guy still isn't over his ex? Of course! Is his social media presence a sign of that? Possibly. But based on how open his profile is, I am betting he just doesn't mess with FB a lot. So, I say go into it with an open mind, but maybe look for yellow flags just in case. Which I think most of us do anyway.

[doglove]

I deleted most of the couple pictures, but since he was a huge part of fostering and my life, he's in with some photos in status updates that I didn't want to delete or hide from my timeline.

[1confused1]

I took down all the pictures of my xh, he traumatized me and I don't like looking at him.

But I know my situation is unique, so it wouldn't bother me if someone had pictures of their ex on their Facebook. Unless of course it was their profile picture.

[lookingup]

It wouldn't bother me. Everyone has history. That being said, I hid all photos of my XH in private albums. I do still have public photos of me in my wedding dress though, but only because I looked so damn good.

[glitzyglow]

Jul 15, 2015 13:26:10 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Jul 15, 2015 12:16:13 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

It feels very awkward to me. Personally, I removed all pictures and all of my friends have removed pictures. That said, neither myself or my friends have kids. If someone keeps up pictures of, say, their kid's birthday and the ex is in the photo, I don't have any uncomfortableness with that. Having pictures of an ex on vacations, holidays, events, etc., would be awkward and bother me personally. I don't personally keep pictures of myself and my ex on display in my home for guests to see, so I treat my Facebook similarly and would prefer a partner to feel similarly (the kid issues brings exceptions).

So, you would only date someone who feels similarly about social media as you do? Because MH hasn't been on FB in weeks. I'm not sure he even knows what pictures he is tagged in. If we divorced, I doubt he would go looking through his entire FB to find every trace of me to delete because he doesn't give a shit. FB to him is not his home. He would of course take down pictures of me in his home where he sees them every day. Facebook? He doesn't look at that shit.

?

Are you okay Jojo? This is oddly defensive. You and your husband have different comfort levels when it comes to presentation on social media. Different strokes for different folks.

[glitzyglow]

Jul 15, 2015 14:41:24 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

Jul 15, 2015 13:26:10 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

So, you would only date someone who feels similarly about social media as you do? Because MH hasn't been on FB in weeks. I'm not sure he even knows what pictures he is tagged in. If we divorced, I doubt he would go looking through his entire FB to find every trace of me to delete because he doesn't give a shit. FB to him is not his home. He would of course take down pictures of me in his home where he sees them every day. Facebook? He doesn't look at that shit.

?

Are you okay Jojo? This is oddly defensive. You and your husband have different comfort levels than I do when it comes to presentation on social media. Different strokes for different folks.

[glitzyglow]

Jul 15, 2015 13:20:11 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Jul 15, 2015 12:16:13 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

It feels very awkward to me. Personally, I removed all pictures and all of my friends have removed pictures. That said, neither myself or my friends have kids. If someone keeps up pictures of, say, their kid's birthday and the ex is in the photo, I don't have any uncomfortableness with that. Having pictures of an ex on vacations, holidays, events, etc., would be awkward and bother me personally. I don't personally keep pictures of myself and my ex on display in my home for guests to see, so I treat my Facebook similarly and would prefer a partner to feel similarly (the kid issues brings exceptions).

But I think this assumes someone gives a shit about social media. A lot of people just don't care or really keep up with it that much. I mean it's not like his profile pic is of them together or anything. To a lot of people scrolling through possibly hundreds of photos to delete or hide just isn't worth their time.

People do care, that's why it's so popular. Note all the people who have admitted to fb stalking people, lol.

I don't understand why caring about this is an issue. You don't care, I care. I know everyone has a past, I just prefer not to see it laid out on fb.

[kanga1]

Thanks for the replies everyone! Didn't mean to start any arguments.
Back to my date I'm going on it with a cautiously open mind.....my friend gave him number so he's been texting me since Saturday. He went from wanting us to go out with my friend and her H to wanting to meet me alone tomorrow night to wanting to stop in at my work today and meet me when he got back into town from vacation. Yikes. I get that he is excited but hell no is someone I've never met going to just show up at my work. So we shall see what tomorrow night brings, just coming on a little too strong for my tastes.

[jojoandleo]

Jul 15, 2015 14:41:24 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

Jul 15, 2015 13:26:10 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

So, you would only date someone who feels similarly about social media as you do? Because MH hasn't been on FB in weeks. I'm not sure he even knows what pictures he is tagged in. If we divorced, I doubt he would go looking through his entire FB to find every trace of me to delete because he doesn't give a shit. FB to him is not his home. He would of course take down pictures of me in his home where he sees them every day. Facebook? He doesn't look at that shit.

?

Are you okay Jojo? This is oddly defensive. You and your husband have different comfort levels when it comes to presentation on social media. Different strokes for different folks.

huh?  It sounds like typical me to me.  My point was you compared pictures in your home to FB pictures, which are not even close to the same thing.  There are people who never get on FB, so judging them for still having pics of their ex is weird to me when you don't know if they have even been ON FB in a year. 

[jojoandleo]

To be clear: MH has no pictures of his ex on FB because he did not have a facebook account until a little before we met. AND he did not have a profile picture at the time. Some people honestly don't care about FB. I get it is apparently a BIG DEAL to some people, but you can't ASSume everyone is addicted to it like I am. And I am.

[cam13]

How long has he been divorced? I didn't delete every picture on social media right away. And, as pp said, maybe he's not on FB a lot.

Regardless, I hope the date goes well!