Let me tell you all how I feel right now. Right now, I feel like a friend brought light to our board about a new (to April 12) poster. She knew that there were people here who would be offended and hurt by the things that the new poster spouts (regularly). So, this friend went ahead and made her uncomfortableness known before any shit could go down. Now, this may not have been the way YOU (the collective you) would have done things (and I seriously question if many others would have done anything) but *I* appreciate creamsiclechica for looking out for us.
What I'm feeling is that because some of you like stellas, our feelings about how she sees US (board regulars, no less) are irrelevant. It certainly feels like our "friends" could not care less how bad that hurts. And now the hurt is posting on our board and you all are all fuck it, just block her. Get over your blackness and CONTINUE to turn a blind eye because we can't be bothered to have our feathers ruffled.
So, thanks for making me feel welcome on my own home fucking board. I don't care what your initial intentions were, I don't care how you feel about the way this shit went down. These are my mother fucking feelings and I'm owning them. This right here is some serious bullshit. But by all means, welcome to April 12 stellas.
Some folks need to ask themselves why they're all up in this thread with hella shit to say but couldn't so much as hit a like button when we have threads discussing race. Yeahhhhh I see it.
I'm not sure if I'm wrong to assume this is directed at me, but just because I may not have participated in race discussion threads didn't mean I wasn't reading and learning. My lack of "likes" in a thread does not mean I'm complacent with racist bigots and I didn't know I was being judged by my silence. I'm sorry if I've offended you and others in this thread as that was far from my intention.
I have absolutely zero problem tagging folks so if I was talking specifically to you, I would have tagged you.
Post by dixeedeluxe on Aug 6, 2015 10:29:28 GMT -5
I ignored this thread after reading cream's initial post because I thought everyone would agree. And I don't participate on ML and have trouble keeping track of the long threads. Then this thread got long so I went back.
EnchantedSoul, I'm really sorry things seem to be playing out in an unexpected way on this thread. I'm also really sorry for not participating and I hope I'm able to show you and any other board members support in the future.
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
I'm not sure I understand how we could have handled this differently. Links were posted so people could take a look at her comments in context, form their own opinions about the statements, and then have a chance to state those opinions and whatever additional feelings they might have. Just because a number of people arrived at the same conclusion and action (the statements were unacceptable and we would prefer you don't join our community), I'm not sure I see how that is a piling on.
Can we not be complacent with racist bigots posting on this board? I've been privy to enough of Stellas views to feel completely uncomfortable with harboring her here. She can post here all she wants and you all can continue to welcome and engage her. I will not. Furthermore, since there are only TWO regular posting Black folks, it's ok for us to just keep moving along like there's nothing to see here because her views clearly don't affect the majority.
Some folks need to ask themselves why they're all up in this thread with hella shit to say but couldn't so much as hit a like button when we have threads discussing race. Yeahhhhh I see it.
It's actually not even the OP I have an "issue" with. Yes, I do think we have the right to police our space. Yes I think we need to listen to POC about what makes them uncomfortable and feel angry etc. precisely because there are only 2 regular posters OC. I am working on listening more than talking. I'm not even talking about protecting Stellas' "right" to post here, or asking others just to block (I agree, that is a trite solution to a big problem).
But the gifs of "buh bye" etc just seem superfluous and unnecessary. Especially considering the massive pile on from before. I think there's a difference between deciding we are done educating and policing our space, and being cruel.
And I actually can't claim this space since I rarely post here but it feels more and more comfy than ML so.
I regret posting yesterday. It has been bothering me all night and morning. I realized that it was totally unnecessary and made me look mean and heartless. I hope that my apology can be accepted for that harsh and unnecessary comment.
Let me tell you all how I feel right now. Right now, I feel like a friend brought light to our board about a new (to April 12) poster. She knew that there were people here who would be offended and hurt by the things that the new poster spouts (regularly). So, this friend went ahead and made her uncomfortableness known before any shit could go down. Now, this may not have been the way YOU (the collective you) would have done things (and I seriously question if many others would have done anything) but *I* appreciate creamsiclechica for looking out for us.
What I'm feeling is that because some of you like stellas, our feelings about how she sees US (board regulars, no less) are irrelevant. It certainly feels like our "friends" could not care less how bad that hurts. And now the hurt is posting on our board and you all are all fuck it, just block her. Get over your blackness and CONTINUE to turn a blind eye because we can't be bothered to have our feathers ruffled.
So, thanks for making me feel welcome on my own home fucking board. I don't care what your initial intentions were, I don't care how you feel about the way this shit went down. These are my mother fucking feelings and I'm owning them. This right here is some serious bullshit. But by all means, welcome to April 12 stellas.
You're right and I apologize to you and skwcm80. I've been considering what I think and feel about how this has gone down and what should be done, but it doesn't matter, because as offensive as I find her comments and points of view, I'm not the one personally affected by them. It's not about how I feel; it's not right that you guys are made to feel uncomfortable by our inaction in the name of tolerance.
I agree with this. It feels a little harsh to me that now all these people who don't even know her are out there with pitchforks. I don't blame people for being uncomfortable with her posting, but, like ninja said, the mass pile on is making me feel uneasy.
Were you equally uncomfortable when it was Gisa, or, Ouiser, or Dolci being piled on? I don't need to know more about her than what she's posted.At least one of those links I posted are from a few weeks ago. Are we supposed to wait around for her to say something offensive here before we can legitimately have an issue with her posting here?
It's interesting you mention those 3 because I can see parallels between Stellas and each of them. The Ouiser one was obvious but I had to think about the others. Dolci could not be reasoned with and Gisa posted inflammatory shit just to get a rise out of people.
My general stance is in favor of the overall health of the board with as few rules and censorship as possible.
I would make a stink if any of those 3 "just posted in the BOOTD".I would rather my friends, and everyone else here, feel comfortable and supported than her feel ok posting on our board.
Ugh I had to put this on hold for the kids and just got caught up on Tapatalk and see where the thread has gone. I'm sorry if this is too late or is not enough.
Post by TrudyCampbell on Aug 6, 2015 10:44:16 GMT -5
Okay, obviously suggesting that people block her was not my best idea and I really wasn't saying that as a way to keep Stellas posting here or something. It just seemed like an alternative to a board wide call out, but I understand why it isn't appropriate here.
I have absolutely zero problem tagging folks so if I was talking specifically to you, I would have tagged you.
So tag them?
I wasn't speaking specifically TO anyone. There are very few people who regularly engage in discussions on race, on this board. Therefore I'd need to tag the majority of this board to get my point across. However, you @tambcat nor TrudyCampbellninjabridemom @destinationunknown (if you need specifics from this thread), participate in those discussions, but had no problem making their feelings known that this "pile on" seems unfair to stellas. So the lack of chatter in those threads but the defense of a multi-offensive poster in here is deafening.
I wasn't speaking specifically TO anyone. There are very few people who regularly engage in discussions on race, on this board. Therefore I'd need to tag the majority of this board to get my point across. However, you nor TrudyCampbellninjabridemom @destinationunknown (if you need specifics from this thread), participate in those discussions, but had no problem making their feelings known that this "pile on" seems unfair to stellas. So the lack of chatter in those threads but the defense of a multi-offensive poster in here is deafening.
I have not participated on this board much at all, so I don't know how fair that is, but I am going to be posting more. So thank you for making me aware of it.
I just want to say EnchantedSoul and skwcm80 that I am sorry this even has to be an issue. You shouldn't have to face it in your daily life, and you shouldn't have to face it here. You are both woman that I admire and respect, and have learned so much from.
I wasn't speaking specifically TO anyone. There are very few people who regularly engage in discussions on race, on this board. Therefore I'd need to tag the majority of this board to get my point across. However, you nor TrudyCampbellninjabridemom @destinationunknown (if you need specifics from this thread), participate in those discussions, but had no problem making their feelings known that this "pile on" seems unfair to stellas. So the lack of chatter in those threads but the defense of a multi-offensive poster in here is deafening.
Guess what? I don't read every post on GBCN. If something is titled UO or FFFC, I have no fucking clue what specifically is being discussed in there. I did participate in a UO about race a couple of weeks ago. I can't remember if I liked any posts.
Ok, let me just say this because talking semantics all day, isn't my thing. *I* feel like the discussions we've had about racism and being fearful of our children dying at the hands of police are important. I feel it should be important to *you* too because our kids share this one world. But when there are heavy threads like that and then a thread about lunch boxes and the lunch box thread has 100 comments and the thread about me being fearful for my kids lives has 20 and half of them are mine, it's really easy to feel like the collective you, don't care about what is happening. And while that may not be your intention, that's how it looks to me. Does that make sense?
I certainly don't read every thread and don't expect anyone else to but it is very saddening when I feel like people here just don't care because it doesn't affect them directly.
This makes me really sad. I thought this was finally one small thing we could do. One tiny way we could renounce these attitudes. There iis no reason stellas needs to post here, she has no relationships with people except Tamb and I'm sure Tamb can handle her friendship with her even if she doesn't post here. Why is it not okay to say that her attitudes aren't welcome here? I don't think Cream was overly harsh and honestly if she was who cares? She has offended OUR OWN posters.
I wasn't speaking specifically TO anyone. There are very few people who regularly engage in discussions on race, on this board. Therefore I'd need to tag the majority of this board to get my point across. However, you nor TrudyCampbellninjabridemom @destinationunknown (if you need specifics from this thread), participate in those discussions, but had no problem making their feelings known that this "pile on" seems unfair to stellas. So the lack of chatter in those threads but the defense of a multi-offensive poster in here is deafening.
I have not participated on this board much at all, so I don't know how fair that is, but I am going to be posting more. So thank you for making me aware of it.
I only tagged you because I needed specifics from this thread.
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
Post by ninjabridemom on Aug 6, 2015 10:59:20 GMT -5
Can I just clarify, again, that I am not against the "no Stellas" rule at all? That's what I meant by "policing our space." And I'm obviously wrong about the rest of it, considering it was giving impressions I very much did not want to give. So I apologize for that.
skwcm80, thank you for posting those links. That's not just "having a dissenting opinion" but seemingly trying to offend on purpose and holding fast to bigoted, offensive views.
I feel like situations like this are by nature uncomfortable. Would a pm ring be better? That would also be uncomfortable. We feel uncomfortable with one thread. There are people who would feel uncomfortable every time her screen name popped up.
Were you equally uncomfortable when it was Gisa, or, Ouiser, or Dolci being piled on? I don't need to know more about her than what she's posted.At least one of those links I posted are from a few weeks ago. Are we supposed to wait around for her to say something offensive here before we can legitimately have an issue with her posting here?
It's interesting you mention those 3 because I can see parallels between Stellas and each of them. The Ouiser one was obvious but I had to think about the others. Dolci could not be reasoned with and Gisa posted inflammatory shit just to get a rise out of people.
My general stance is in favor of the overall health of the board with as few rules and censorship as possible.
I would make a stink if any of those 3 "just posted in the BOOTD".I would rather my friends, and everyone else here, feel comfortable and supported than her feel ok posting on our board.
Ugh I had to put this on hold for the kids and just got caught up on Tapatalk and see where the thread has gone. I'm sorry if this is too late or is not enough.
I know we're past this, but this was the line of thought I just had as I was thinking about all of this.
I feel like situations like this are by nature uncomfortable. Would a pm ring be better? That would also be uncomfortable. We feel uncomfortable with one thread. There are people who would feel uncomfortable every time her screen name popped up.
I think this thread was 100% appropriate. Just from what skwcm80 linked, and Stellas GBCN, she's been given MANY opportunities to not be a bigot. And she refuses. So a collective "we won't stand for this" is powerful and I love it.
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
Let me tell you all how I feel right now. Right now, I feel like a friend brought light to our board about a new (to April 12) poster. She knew that there were people here who would be offended and hurt by the things that the new poster spouts (regularly). So, this friend went ahead and made her uncomfortableness known before any shit could go down. Now, this may not have been the way YOU (the collective you) would have done things (and I seriously question if many others would have done anything) but *I* appreciate creamsiclechica for looking out for us.
What I'm feeling is that because some of you like stellas, our feelings about how she sees US (board regulars, no less) are irrelevant. It certainly feels like our "friends" could not care less how bad that hurts. And now the hurt is posting on our board and you all are all fuck it, just block her. Get over your blackness and CONTINUE to turn a blind eye because we can't be bothered to have our feathers ruffled.
So, thanks for making me feel welcome on my own home fucking board. I don't care what your initial intentions were, I don't care how you feel about the way this shit went down. These are my mother fucking feelings and I'm owning them. This right here is some serious bullshit. But by all means, welcome to April 12 stellas.
I have been typing, deleting, wanting to respond to this post. I didn't really want to "like" this post because it really made me sad. Sad because I am sorry you feel this way and have to explain it especially here. But it speaks volumes and puts things into perspective which people need to hear.
@therealmc I'm not sure where anyone referred to anyone but Stellas as bigoted.
I do agree with complacent. You don't have to have perfect words to sympathize with a mother who is scared for her children. That has feeling has no race. You don't need perfect words to discuss when yet another person of color is the victim of racism. Sometimes "I'm sorry" is good enough. And this isn't the first time this criticism has been made of the board.
It is telling that some are far more concerned about a pile on Stellas that they are with the shit that she spews. And how that feels to us regular, long time posters. And it is making me really wonder if this a place where I want to continue to post.
Post by charlielove on Aug 6, 2015 11:14:29 GMT -5
If all it takes for probies here to feel comfortable posting and not be confronted with more racist and bigoted ideology than they already are, then sayonara stellas. I'm all for a healthy discussion around important issues, but that is clearly not something stellas is capable of.
It also makes me sick to think that EnchantedSoul or skwcm80 or anyone else on this board have not felt fully supported when expressing their fears regarding these issues.
hi it is eddy. I can't remember my password to this place or the password to the email password associated with my original user name lol. But I have been thinking a ton on this subject since I am a MLer and wanted to chime in.
ANYWAYS, I will say this week has been an eye opener for me personally. I have been around as long as stellas has.I *know* her. And betty said something in the monster thread that is still making me look in the truth mirror. Too long I turned the other cheek to what she was saying. Sure I disagreed with her and would say so any time the thread came up. But then I moved on. And the moving past the hurtful things is what is still bothering me about myself. Especially because there was no change of behavior on her part.
So as a person who feels she is an evolved, liberal, empathetic person I got hit in the gut with my own compliance this week.
I know I don't go here a lot, but I am reading, and this is important. I've been discriminated against. My brothers have, my father has, and my mother. I've been judged by the lightness of my skin and my "good hair", I've been met with incredulous responses when asked "what I am". I am a black woman, even though my skin is light and my hair is straight. I've always struggled with my perceived privilege of being light skinned, and lately the thing that makes my stomach and my heart hurt, is that my son will most likely experience the same. And in the same turn, he most likely won't be a target of racial profiling because he looks like a white boy. It makes me sad that this makes me feel "lucky". No mother should ever have to worry like that. He's not a white boy. He has generations of strong, brilliant, creative black ancestors behind his eyes and in his heart, and I hope that he feels the power of that collective struggle in him everywhere he goes. And I hope that he has the strength to use his voice when the time is right. I don't know Stella's. I've read the links. I don't have any interest in mingling with someone who carries this kind of sickness, this kind of hate and complacency. That's all.