Aw, fuck. I'm the first one that mentioned blocking her (in my 1 minute scan of the post). Now I feel 100% shitty if I made EnchantedSoul or skwcm80 feel like I'm not totally supportive of their feelings and frustrations. My friends are uncomfortable and I feel horrible if I contributed in any way. I'm sorry.
Post by EnchantedSoul on Aug 6, 2015 11:49:04 GMT -5
I tagged people because I was asked to. The four people I tagged, participated in this thread so I tagged them to be specific. I never implied that they were racist or bigoted. I do not believe that they are racist or bigoted.
Hey guys, sorry about the gif. I can't post a lot right now but I just wanted to put that out there that I see that it left a bad taste in people's mouths and for that I'm sorry. Eta but I still feel the same about the sentiment.
@therealmc I'm not sure where anyone referred to anyone but Stellas as bigoted.
I do agree with complacent. You don't have to have perfect words to sympathize with a mother who is scared for her children. That has feeling has no race. You don't need perfect words to discuss when yet another person of color is the victim of racism. Sometimes "I'm sorry" is good enough. And this isn't the first time this criticism has been made of the board.
It is telling that some are far more concerned about a pile on Stellas that they are with the shit that she spews. And how that feels to us regular, long time posters. And it is making me really wonder if this a place where I want to continue to post.
I get it and I agree that people do need to participate and not be complacent. I just don't think that we should judge them too harshly if they are too afraid or too struck to do so. I am not a fan of complacency so I implore you to continue the discussions because you are wrong if you think it hasn't impacted anyone here, it truly has impacted a lot of us. I guarantee that so many more people participate now than they would have 4 years ago. It isn't an easy road to get people past compliance but to me, it is one that is well worth the heartache.
I do not think there is a perfect way to NOT support stellas. I know for a fact that some of the people tagged in this thread do not support her for even a second and it pains me to see that their discomfort with this thread is being read as some kind of support of her or her beliefs. They do not support her, not at all. You are right, no one called them bigot so I apologize for that.
Yes, I know that it is sometimes easier not to say anything. I know more people are willing to engage, but it also not my job to educate. I engage in these discussions because I want to do my part, but right now, I just don't have the energy. I
Sigh, I'm just really hurt right now. I know people have apologized but that doesn't really take away the sting.
Post by orriskitten on Aug 6, 2015 11:54:23 GMT -5
I'm sorry for the sadness, anger and frustration that people are feeling here. No one should feel unwelcome on their "home" board. I haven't read the ML threads fully, but the flavor of bigotry with blinders doesn't seem like something we'd want here at all.
One of the first lessons I learned in conflict resolution is that EVERYONE is racist in some way, but that doesn't mean that they have to stay that way. Since it sounds like this is/was a repeat and continuing theme with the poster, it is clearly someone not doing anything to change their prejudice. Not something I want to have around to make things nasty here.
I hope productive conversations can keep happening around here because even though the threads can be short, I've definitely noticed a number of regulars here mentioning that discussion here has changed their understanding of issues they may not encounter otherwise.
@therealmc I'm not sure where anyone referred to anyone but Stellas as bigoted.
I do agree with complacent. You don't have to have perfect words to sympathize with a mother who is scared for her children. That has feeling has no race. You don't need perfect words to discuss when yet another person of color is the victim of racism. Sometimes "I'm sorry" is good enough. And this isn't the first time this criticism has been made of the board.
It is telling that some are far more concerned about a pile on Stellas that they are with the shit that she spews. And how that feels to us regular, long time posters. And it is making me really wonder if this a place where I want to continue to post.
I apologize to you and EnchantedSoul for not participating more in those threads and will for sure try to from now on. I do read them and have felt like my words don't add to the discussion, but I will try even if it's an acknowledgement or an "I agree" or "I'm so sorry". Everything that is happening in this country right now makes me so sad and to think that 2 people on this board that I do consider friends and that I would be devastated to lose their voices have been made to feel not welcome just cuts me to the core. I think this callout and discussion has been an appropriate action to take and hope that it has shaken people to the core to reflect on what this board means to them and how to continue to cultivate our friendships in the future.
I wasn't speaking specifically TO anyone. There are very few people who regularly engage in discussions on race, on this board. Therefore I'd need to tag the majority of this board to get my point across. However, you @tambcat nor TrudyCampbellninjabridemom @destinationunknown (if you need specifics from this thread), participate in those discussions, but had no problem making their feelings known that this "pile on" seems unfair to stellas. So the lack of chatter in those threads but the defense of a multi-offensive poster in here is deafening.
Wow.
I explained your tag up there but will say it again. I was asked to tag people, so I did. I am not implying that you are racist or bigoted. I do not believe that you are racist or bigoted. Only that you participated in this thread but not the others I was speaking of.
I explained your tag up there but will say it again. I was asked to tag people, so I did. I am not implying that you are racist or bigoted. I do not believe that you are racist or bigoted. Only that you participated in this thread but not the others I was speaking of.
I read that after I posted. It just really saddened me to see my name tagged. I know I am not one of the most active posters on the board and some very important discussions have taken place during times where I have not had the time for thoughtful contributions. That, coupled with my discomfort with "you aren't welcome here" posts does not mean the things that are important to you are not important to me.
I try to treat people with kindness, even if they don't deserve it.
This whole thread is full of Le Suck. We can be sad-ish together.
I'm having a hard time coming up with the right words here...I'm sorry that people are hurting over something that was started on a different board. I had no clue about Stellas or what she posted.
I have learned and grown so much since being here. EnchantedSoul and skwcm80 I am sorry you are hurt.
Post by EnchantedSoul on Aug 6, 2015 12:25:14 GMT -5
I am thankful for those who have expressed that they have learned some things. I'm grateful to those who have offered support. I appreciate those who acknowledge that they want to do more and for those who admitted that they just don't know what to say.
I'll admit that I haven't really felt comfortable (?) here lately. It's not due to any one specific thing. Just kind of like I'm someplace different in my life and what is important to me right now is very different than what is being discussed on the board. I suspect lots of people experience something similar. I don't know but I really am thankful for the support given today. Forgive my rambles, I'm experiencing far too many emotions at once.
Post by creamsiclechica on Aug 6, 2015 12:28:09 GMT -5
I have always been a vocal proponent against this type of thing, and I have encouraged others to do the same as a way to combat it on their own. I can see why that's uncomfortable at times. And maybe it wasn't the "right" way to do it, because there's no formula for this type of thing, or these discussions wouldn't be ncessary to safeguard our friends in 2015. But it was the RIGHT thing to do and I stand by that. However, in an effort to give a collective voice against someone who has and has the potential to offend members of our board, it seems that much hurt has been bred here, and for that, I am regretful. As it were, we are a public forum, and although a close community, it's not always easy to know how regulate it from members were feel may be harmful to the overall membership of this board. I have certainly not always been on the right side of every argument in that respect. But it was my opinion that a public thread denouncing her opinions and protesting her membership was much better than private messages, ignoring and tolerating it as long as she was limited to non threatening threads, etc. So I posted. I think I can speak for the collective when I say that we love, admire, and are inspired by skwcm80 and EnchantedSoul, and in these tumultuous and dangerous times for their families and friends, we want to do all we can to make them feel our support and adoration. I just wanted to clarify. I just woke up so sorry for the time gap, the thread got away from me overnight. I love you guys.
I am thankful for those who have expressed that they have learned some things. I'm grateful to those who have offered support. I appreciate those who acknowledge that they want to do more and for those who admitted that they just don't know what to say.
I'll admit that I haven't really felt comfortable (?) here lately. It's not due to any one specific thing. Just kind of like I'm someplace different in my life and what is important to me right now is very different than what is being discussed on the board. I suspect lots of people experience something similar. I don't know but I really am thankful for the support given today. Forgive my rambles, I'm experiencing far too many emotions at once.
I feel like there are so many things going on in the world, that a lot of us who would normally post "controversial" things are kind of holding back because we are ALL trying to process this culture we're living in. And we don't want to say anything accidentally shitty. We don't want anyone to have to explain things to us because everyone is just...processing things.
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
EnchantedSoul and skwcm80 I can't remember if I have liked or commented on posts about being fearful your sons, but in the event I have not I'm terrified in being seen a certain way. So I want to clarify that my H and I have these discussions often and our hearts break that a parent feels this way. My husband gets so upset and pleads that they are supposed to run to him for safety and protection not away. He walks out this door 5-6 days a week 200% willing to die for their protection and safety. I hate that you both have to endure this.
This all makes me sad. I think, there is no question that someone who shares hateful/hurtful opionions regularly and shows little if any interest in learning/reflecting on her opionions should not be welcome here. I will also take this post as a reminder to be mindful of where I share support. I can't recall every post I've participated/not participated in, but moving forward I will be conscious to not let my worry about not having the perfect words result in silence. That silence does send a message, even if it's not intentional, and I will do better.
This all makes me sad. I think, there is no question that someone who shares hateful/hurtful opionions regularly and shows little if any interest in learning/reflecting on her opionions should not be welcome here. I will also take this post as a reminder to be mindful of where I share support. I can't recall every post I've participated/not participated in, but moving forward I will be conscious to not let my worry about not having the perfect words result in silence. That silence does send a message, even if it's not intentional, and I will do better.
I am thankful for those who have expressed that they have learned some things. I'm grateful to those who have offered support. I appreciate those who acknowledge that they want to do more and for those who admitted that they just don't know what to say.
I'll admit that I haven't really felt comfortable (?) here lately. It's not due to any one specific thing. Just kind of like I'm someplace different in my life and what is important to me right now is very different than what is being discussed on the board. I suspect lots of people experience something similar. I don't know but I really am thankful for the support given today. Forgive my rambles, I'm experiencing far too many emotions at once.
I feel like there are so many things going on in the world, that a lot of us who would normally post "controversial" things are kind of holding back because we are ALL trying to process this culture we're living in. And we don't want to say anything accidentally shitty. We don't want anyone to have to explain things to us because everyone is just...processing things.
Well put
On CEP I pretty much just read read read. I don't participate in their threads a ton, but that is because I am constantly processing. But I pretty much read every single thread on race and have learned so much. And I started at a place where I didn't think I had much to learn on the subject. I was wrong.
Post by dixeedeluxe on Aug 6, 2015 13:00:18 GMT -5
I read CEP a lot too. Just read. There is a lot of the same and I hope the women who post a lot of the same things keep doing so rather than just get tired of trying to tell people the same things over. And over. And over.
There are a lot of deeper topics that a lot of us need to talk about/read about. THESE PARTICULAR TOPICS linked in the first page of this post are not those topics.
C25K...it works Seaside 5K...........40:45(2012) Turkey Trot..........41:30(2012)/37:08(2013)/37:40(2014) St Pat's 5K..........39:27(2013)/38:48(2014)/35:12(2015) Belair Town Run......38:09(2013)/36:27(2014) Back To Football 5K..37:36(2013)/43:44(2015) Balt Run Fest 5K.....34:59(2013)/41:50(2014)/35:54(2015)
Post by spaghetticat on Aug 6, 2015 13:25:54 GMT -5
I feel like things have been heating up around here for a while and it's not really getting better. Every time an issue about race comes up I feel like the levels of frustration and hurt get higher. I don't want that. If just simply saying that we don't want Stellas posting here will do anything to help members of our board feel more supported, then it's a no brainier for me.
I lurk on ML occasionally and when she started posting here my first thought was that she was trying to find a new home because they weren't dealing with her shit anymore. And that was prior to this last blowup. I don't think she would've stuck to BOOTD.
This all makes me sad. I think, there is no question that someone who shares hateful/hurtful opionions regularly and shows little if any interest in learning/reflecting on her opionions should not be welcome here. I will also take this post as a reminder to be mindful of where I share support. I can't recall every post I've participated/not participated in, but moving forward I will be conscious to not let my worry about not having the perfect words result in silence. That silence does send a message, even if it's not intentional, and I will do better.
This all makes me sad. I think, there is no question that someone who shares hateful/hurtful opionions regularly and shows little if any interest in learning/reflecting on her opionions should not be welcome here. I will also take this post as a reminder to be mindful of where I share support. I can't recall every post I've participated/not participated in, but moving forward I will be conscious to not let my worry about not having the perfect words result in silence. That silence does send a message, even if it's not intentional, and I will do better.
I hope I don't come across as complacent here. I have a hard time articulating my feelings and worry about coming off as trite. What I am guilty of is not realizing how far any expression of remorse or support can go. I do, wholeheartedly, support and care for you both.
I often don't post and only hit like because I feel another poster has already said how I feel quite well, as ciesca has done here.
Post by LiveLoveLearn on Aug 6, 2015 14:22:44 GMT -5
I do not post here as much as I would like. With work I often do not feel I have the time to put together a good thought out response in a timely matter. I am sorry if this has been taken for complacency. I am always reading and learning from the discussions that happen here. I will make efforts to be a more active listener. There are so many amazing women on the board and the support here is incredible and I think everyone would agree that they would not openly welcome someone here who would make valuable members of this community hurt.
Post by Regina Philange on Aug 6, 2015 14:39:06 GMT -5
I sometimes do not know what to say. In the thread about fearing for your children it hurt my heart that you have this worry. I think about that post all the time.
I have no idea who Stellas is and have not clicked the links. I'm having a tough day w Zoey but I will revisit them later.
I need to apologize for a few things off the bat because I just drove 4 hours and am posting from H's old bedroom hiding posting quick before I have to go be polite.
I'm sorry @skw80 and @enchantedsoul for any hurt you have felt from this board or conversations had here.
I would also like to know if anything I have written is insensitive or is hurtful to you as its the last thing I was intending when responding.
I cant recall participating in any race threads here or on ML. Because even as a minority, I feel like others are able to articulate better than I am. I do read a lot of the threads and have learned a lot. I like those types of threads because they keep dialogue open and show view points from people who have personal experience with tough issues.
I will check back when I can so again, I apologize if I can't participate more right now.
Post by laurensmomma on Aug 6, 2015 15:15:51 GMT -5
Just back from a long hike, and I'm saddened by where this thead has gone. We have to protect "our" friends, and if that means making it known that someone like stellas, with a solid background of racism and whatnot, is not going to be welcome here with those kind of opinions, I'm okay with that. Skwcm80 and EnchantedSoul are one of us, and we should put their feelings above those we don't know. Just my opinion.
There are so many things I need to learn about race and how other people experience some of the things I take for granted. I appreciate the threads on race, and while I may not participate in all, they all are thought provoking for me.
I am so sorry. This is terrible and I'm not going to be eloquent like many of the previous posters have been.
I do read and just don't even know what to say... Where to begin sometimes. I am so sorry if that has ever EVER come off as hurtful or offensive. I will do better.
I don't generally comment in the race threads because I'm an international poster and usually haven't heard of the latest race related issue outside of this board. Pretty much the same reason I don't post on politics. It doesn't mean I'm not saddened that mothers have to fear for their sons every time they leave the house.
I just got home and was able to read this. I too am guilty of not speaking up at times because I don't know how to express what I'm feeling and I'm shy. I am going to try so hard to get over this shyness and offer my support to our friends who are feeling hurt because that matters so much more. Something happened to one of my friends this week at his own home and that combined with this thread is breaking my heart.
Also EnchantedSoul I've been wanting to tell you this for a while but I've been trying to find the right words. After reading your posts I want you to know you have made me reflect even more about the way I raise my own son and how other mothers of sons feel. I have had some really eye opening conversations with some of my friends and my husband about this. I wanted to thank you for this and know that I am doing my best to raise open minded and kind children and your words have really stuck with me.
She's got gross opinions, they make me feel disturbed just reading them. She didn't care about the people she was talking about when she posted so I don't care if she knows we're all uncomfortable with her possibly spouting that stuff here. Like her comments about rape seriously make me want to gag. Idk if she should be able to post or not, free country and all, but I hope she does not and I hope the displeasure with her shown in this thread is enough to keep her away.
skwcm80 and EnchantedSoul I'm so sorry that you both have been hurt. I'm sorry my voice isn't louder and I don't speak up in the threads as often as I should. You know I have much love for both of you and I'm fucking ashamed at the amount of fucking racism there is in this country. Please know that I am fighting the good fight and trying to open the eyes of people that I deal with daily.