Did you change your name?

[Tea-rific]

I cannot decide what to do about changing my name. I hate the idea of having a different last name than DS, but I am also not sure that I want to hang on to exH's name. To complicate matters, I am a teacher and hear my last name a million times a day.

ugh! Any advice?

[pinkdutchtulips]

legally i never changed my name when i got married which means when i got divorced there was no name to change lol

i don't mind having a different name than dd, it's a fact of life. socially i used xh's last name and its my alt name on FB in case any of miss r's school friend's parents try to find me. i started in 2014 using my maiden name for EVERYTHING (previously i had been hyphenated at work).

should i ever get remarried, i'm not changing my name either ... its just one of those things i never envisioned myself doing - i either would add it onto mine or keep mine, never did the thought cross my mind to drop mine and take his.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Sept 19, 2015 20:18:27 GMT -5 Tea-rific said:

I cannot decide what to do about changing my name. I hate the idea of having a different last name than DS, but I am also not sure that I want to hang on to exH's name. To complicate matters, I am a teacher and hear my last name a million times a day.

ugh! Any advice?

my mom taught for YEARS under her xh's (my dad) name. when she re-married she just started going by Mrs. J instead of Mrs. R -- no biggie.

[redshoejune]

My divorce was final about 8 months ago and I didn't. But I'm starting to think about it. The more crap that keeps coming up (since we have kids and still have to deal with each other) the more I hate him and want nothing to do with him. At the time of the divorce it seemed logical to keep it but I'm having a lot of feelings about it now. Will probably keep my married name out of laziness.

[bl]

I don't have any children and I didn't change my name. I don't have any emotional attachment to it with being exh's last name, it just feels like my name now. I also don't have a good relationship with my father, so I was happy to get rid of his name. I will change it whenever I get married again.

I would say if you think you will have negative emotions every time you hear it then it might be best to change it otherwise you could leave it so you have the same name DS.

[winecat]

I didn't change my name when I got married but if I had, I would have changed it back to my maiden name.

[sweetchix]

I didn't vote because, although I WILL BE changing my name back, I haven't yet. It was suggested that I wait until the final financial piece was complete (QDRO), and I finally got my money about 2 weeks ago. So, I plan on taking a half day at work in the next week or so and getting that all taken care of.

[katieido]

My divorce is still in progress but i am planning on changing it back to my name. There is an element of not wanting his name. but mostly I just want my name back, like I wanted my life to be mine again.

Right now I'm job hunting and I'm really in an awkward name space because my legal name has an expiration date and I no longer want to go by it professionally.

[jellymankelly]

I didn't change mine. I like having the same last name as my kids. I even have some odd feelings about not wanting to change when I get remarried, but of course I am not going to keep XH's last name while married to someone else. I'm also not looking forward to changing it professionally - There are 3 people in my division at work with my same first name, so I feel like doing a switch-up is going to confuse things even further.

The reason I have weird feelings about changing when I get remarried is because we won't be "the ______ family." We won't be "the D____ family" anymore, because that won't be my last name anymore, and we won't be "the S___ family" because that won't be my kids' last name. I don't ever want to do anything to make my kids feel like this isn't their family, know what I mean? (I realize this is overthinking, but I'm the only person in my family who has gotten divorced, so sometimes it's hard to wrap my head around aspects of it.)

[imalwaysme79]

I didn't change my name back when I got divorced, mostly because I hated my maiden name. My maiden name was hyphenated with my mom's maiden name and my dad's name. I have no relationship with my dad, and my mom's maiden name doesn't mean much to me. When I get remarried, I'll change it again.

[bg]

Sept 20, 2015 8:39:55 GMT -5 katieido said:

My divorce is still in progress but i am planning on changing it back to my name. There is an element of not wanting his name. but mostly I just want my name back, like I wanted my life to be mine again.

Right now I'm job hunting and I'm really in an awkward name space because my legal name has an expiration date and I no longer want to go by it professionally.

All of this.

[1confused1]

I didn't. I established myself in my career with my married last name and I didn't want to change it.

[Deleted]

I definitely changed mine back. But I also hate my exh. I want no part of him to be part of me.

[poptart84]

I am currently working on my name change.we do have a child and I don't think it will be detrimental that we have different names. I do plan on having one more child and that one will not have the same and that's ok too. Plus, the exh last name was a difficult one to pronounce and spell

[LoveBug]

I would have changed my name back in a flash if I didn't have DD, but now I don't really have a desire to. I want us all to have the same last night. I'm not sure what I will do if I get married again. I might consider hyphenating it which I generally dislike, or maybe not changing it at all and just use the new married name socially.

[boing]

I didn't change my name back. I had no emotional connection to ex-hs name and it just felt like my name at that point.
But...now that I'm engaged, t's an issue. FI hates that it's my last name. If I could go back, if have changed it when it made sense to. There's no point to me having my ex's name.

[frontbutt]

Yep. I am back with my maiden name. It feels weird, though. Like it's not mine? But his name doesn't feel like mine either...

I wish I could be cool like Cheryl Strayed and come up with a totally new one. My parents even suggested I go this route, but I didn't have any good ideas at the time we filed.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Sept 20, 2015 18:28:16 GMT -5 boing said:

I didn't change my name back. I had no emotional connection to ex-hs name and it just felt like my name at that point.
But...now that I'm engaged, t's an issue. FI hates that it's my last name. If I could go back, if have changed it when it made sense to. There's no point to me having my ex's name.

But it's only going to be your last name until you get married, right? I don't understand guys getting so spun up over the name their SO has. XH rrrreeeeeaaallllyyy wanted me to change my name once we got married. I did it because I was planning to anyway. I didn't change my name after we split up. DH didn't have an opinion either way about me changing my name; I did change my name after we got married because I didn't want to keep XH's name. I held on to XH's name after the divorce so I didn't have a different last name from DD.


ETA: When I divorced XH#2, I thought about changing my name to Mom and Step-Dad's last name. It had never been my name, but I wanted to honor the man who has raised me. I ended up not doing it, but that's an idea.

[verycontrary247]

I changed mine back. My maiden name was way cooler and I got guilted into taking his name to begin with.

If I remarry, I probably will not change my name again. Too much of a fucking hassle.

[Deleted]

 Yes I did.  I had no reason to keep it.  He was a huge asshole, we had no kids and his name was unusual and clearly not my nationality and brought frequent questions. I also sign my name a billion times a day at work and (after 9 whole months of marriage) it did not come naturally to even sign it. 

[boing]

Sept 20, 2015 19:42:16 GMT -5 Mrs.Rad888 said:

Sept 20, 2015 18:28:16 GMT -5 boing said:

I didn't change my name back. I had no emotional connection to ex-hs name and it just felt like my name at that point.
But...now that I'm engaged, t's an issue. FI hates that it's my last name. If I could go back, if have changed it when it made sense to. There's no point to me having my ex's name.

But it's only going to be your last name until you get married, right? I don't understand guys getting so spun up over the name their SO has. XH rrrreeeeeaaallllyyy wanted me to change my name once we got married. I did it because I was planning to anyway. I didn't change my name after we split up. DH didn't have an opinion either way about me changing my name; I did change my name after we got married because I didn't want to keep XH's name. I held on to XH's name after the divorce so I didn't have a different last name from DD.


ETA: When I divorced XH#2, I thought about changing my name to Mom and Step-Dad's last name. It had never been my name, but I wanted to honor the man who has raised me. I ended up not doing it, but that's an idea.

Right. I don't get it either but it is what it is. Maiden name was generic, xh name was generic. It didn't matter to me. But I guess I wouldn't want him to carry around a constant reminder of his past relationship either.

[llh0211]

I changed my name pretty much as soon as it was final. I was happy to cut that last tie. But, we didn't have children, and I didn't feel the need to keep it for professional reasons. So, I didn't see any reason to keep it.

[tevagirl]

I never changed mine when we got married. Xh changed his name to mine. I wanted him to change it when we got divorced but he refused, because of DD. He's getting married again and I HATE the idea of her getting my name. I honestly have no idea if that's her plan or not, but it still bugs me. Xh cheated on me w/her.

[Deleted]

I didn't. It wasn't a big deal to me and it matches DD.

Most guys I've dated have said, "Meh. I've only ever known you by that name, so I would never think to associate it with your xH." But when you talk about being remarried and still carrying the xH's name... that's when they get squirmy. I imagine I'll change it if I get remarried, but if my new H doesn't care... I probably won't hassle with it.

[somersault72]

I didn't change mine back. My maiden name was a PITA (no one every got it right) and I wanted to keep the same name as DS. Plus I didn't feel like dealing with changing it back (I'm pretty lazy).

[GilliC]

I was on the fence for a long time, since I'd spent a good chunk of my professional career using XH's name.

The thing that finally pushed me over the edge was that I got tired of the conversation:
"That's an interesting surname! Where does it come from?"
"India."
"Oh! Is your father Indian?!"
"No, my ex-husband is."
...awkward silence...

[glynn]

I plan to but I want to go back to my XH name. I maiden last name is pretty generic and I no longer identify with it. I have 2 adult kids with XH, even though I really do not like him in any way is last name is simple and no one here has it except my kids. My current last name is very unusual and when anyone here it they ask if I am related to soon to be X family. Yes there are only 7 of us so yes. Plus unless you know it people can not pronounce it. DD2 will keep it and if people call me that it will be fine. He will get remarried probably soon and I do not want people to think that I am related to a trap..... My professional stuff all started in XH name and a lot of my codes for work still use it.

[redredwine]

I changed it back to my maiden name because I just didn't want to be associated with my XH any more. I hadn't been at my job that long, so it while it was a PITA to change it, it wasn't oo bad at work because people didn't really KNOW me by that name, you know?
I remarried 4 years later and kept my maiden name. I already changed my name twice in my life, wasn't any way I was changing it AGAIN! and by that time, I established myself as RedRedWine Maidenname career wise, so mostly I kept it for that reason.

[gozf]

I just changed mine back at the beginning of the summer, and I've been divorced for... 4 years? Separated for over 5?

We parted on good terms, so I had no negative association with my married name. It sounded fine with my first name. And I mainly kept it to avoid confusion/questions at work. Also, paperwork is boring and tedious, and visiting the courthouse and social security office is boring and tedious, and I am fundamentally lazy.

But. I started a new job, and that seemed like the perfect opportunity for a fresh start with my new-old name. I have to say, it's nice to have it back, and I know my boyfriend, with whom I live, prefers that I am using my maiden name legally, instead of just socially.

[brooke77]

Sept 21, 2015 10:01:40 GMT -5 TR said:

I'm planning on changing mine back, just to have a clean break. But what is giving me a lot of anxiety is people noticing at work. I hate drawing attention to myself period, but I know this will bring questions and probably some "Congratulations!" from people thinking I got married.

This. I am planning on changing my name back to my maiden name. My maiden name is awesome and I never wanted to change my name when I got married. My H and his family were really adamant that I change it so I felt really pressured. I started a new job 6 months ago, and I'm worried about the "name change" and getting some congratulations and then having to explain, that yes, it's a congrats but for a divorce...

But the seconds of awkwardness is worth having MY NAME back!