I am fairly certain if it were his choice I would get a RCS but he has been smart to keep his mouth shut
This is partially why I asked. H is strongly in favor of a rcs while I would prefer (I think) to try for a vbac. I think G's birth was pretty traumatic for him, so I get where's he coming from but I don't know how much say he should be "allowed" to have. Lol
Post by sillygoosegirl on Sept 24, 2015 20:50:41 GMT -5
Yes, but he didn't try to fight me or change my mind on anything. And the things he wanted to do in the birth plan (catch the baby, cut the cord), when the time came he was all, "can you guys do that?" to the midwives.
Post by timorousbeastie on Sept 24, 2015 21:01:46 GMT -5
My birth plan was literally 1) Call me by XXX name instead of my legal name in my chart; 2) Give me all the epis; and 3) Don't ask H to look while I'm pushing, cut the cord, or look at the placenta. It would have been very weird if he objected to the name request, seeing as it's the only name I've ever gone by; he couldn't care less about whether or not I got an epi; and #3 was at his request as he was worried about passing out (although he ended up doing all three and managed to not pass out).
The only plan I had was I wanted an epi. We did get into an "argument" before we left for the hospital. My water broke 5:30 Christmas morning in 2009. For those in MN that was the year of the huge snow storm. I wanted to take the truck, he wanted to take the car (truck was low on gas). I won that discussion but should have listened to him. The truck spun out on the way to the hospital.
Otherwise he went with what I wanted. He wasn't going to watch the birth but decided to at the very end. He loved seeing our babies born.
My birth plan was very simple - healthy baby, healthy mom, pain management. I told him that his job was to do whatever I told him to, and to be cheerful about it.
His plan was to not get killed by me, and not to pass out.
If he has something specific that he wants for the birth plan for the next one, we can discuss it, but NO WAY would his preference trump mine (ETA - as in, if we both felt strongly about something, the birther wins. If it's something I'm neutral about, then I have no problem making those sorts of changes).
He had opinions out the wazoo the first time around. After he actually went through the process and saw that it pretty much involved me 100% and him 0%, he had many fewer opinions.
He did have an opinion about circumcision. And the second time around he was wary of spending the money for a homebirth ($3k OOP, insurance doesn't cover it).
Post by matildasun on Sept 24, 2015 21:19:16 GMT -5
Yes. At two different points. I would have wanted a home birth or a birth center, but my husband was really uncomfortable with that.
Then the birth class we went to had us each complete aa multiple choice birth plan questionnaire. Even though I won most points it gave us a chance to discuss our vision of childbirth, and to understand where the other one was coming from. He was really worried about my being in pain, and I wanted to go as med free as possible, and addressing that ahead of time really helped.
Edited to add- I really wanted him to cut the cord and told the doctors would. I thought they didn't offer because her birth was rather emergent,but apparently he refused. When M was born, we discussed it again and he still didn't want to, so I told the Dr. that. Then once M was born he decided he would.
Post by awkwardpenguin on Sept 24, 2015 21:35:06 GMT -5
DW gave birth and I definitely had some influence on her choices in two key ways. First, I'm the researcher in our relationship and found a midwife practice at her request. That obviously had an influence on her birth experience. Second, I was very in favor of birth class, which we did do. It turned out to be very helpful for both of us, and ultimately helped DW to be much more secure in her choices.
Her birth preferences are actually quite different from what mine would be, but it was my job to support her choices.
Yes. The plan was he would stay outside and wait until the baby was born and cleaned up and my surgical blood and guts stuff was all sutured up and tucked under a gown. We both knew to expect a C bc she was breech and never turned. One of the rare times in our marriage we agreed on something unanimously with no coaxing or convincing or crying involved. If only the rest was so easy.
MH did not want me to have another CS if we could avoid it. He preferred a VBAC. But he didn't pressure me or anything, just expressed his preferences when I asked. He's really freaked out by surgery and the risks which I totally understood. I agreed with him and had a successful VBAC.
I am fairly certain if it were his choice I would get a RCS but he has been smart to keep his mouth shut
This is partially why I asked. H is strongly in favor of a rcs while I would prefer (I think) to try for a vbac. I think G's birth was pretty traumatic for him, so I get where's he coming from but I don't know how much say he should be "allowed" to have. Lol
This feels like a different question than what you asked. I feel like if DH had seen me go through something scary during my first labor, that he would probably have more to say about my second labor than whether we circumcised if our Team Green baby was a boy.
Post by demofea01 on Sept 24, 2015 22:07:59 GMT -5
Yeah no. The one giving birth gets to make the decisions. Although I did want a home birth and he felt VERY strongly about me being in a hospital. Since I got to have my amazing midwife with me either way, I left him have that one.
I didn't technically have a birth plan but we did discuss some things in advance (I appreciated having the sounding board). Ultimately he felt the same as I did in terms of doing whatever it took to make the experience as safe as possible for me and the baby. He didn't think he wanted to cut the cord but changed his mind at the birth.
At one point (transition, in retrospect) the doctor said there was no prize for going without an epidural, and he joked, "yes there is, there is an ice cream sandwich in it for you." I asked for the epi with his support but it ended up being too late. He did make sure I got an ice cream sandwich.
I didn't have much of a plan in the first place but what I did want, he was supportive of. And he also rolled with the punches. He ended up having to hold one of my legs. He wasn't going to cut the cord until in the moment, when the doc asked him, he said "sure!", and we both ended up being able to watch everything when they brought a mirror in.
My HOPE was that I could go as naturally as possible (ideally- no meds, vaginal birth, BF immediately). He was fine with that. He also understood I was the one that could change it on a whim because, you know, I was birthing the baby. He was supportive of all my choices.
I didn't have much of a plan either time other than to get the kid out safely and have us both be alive at the end of it. The day of my induction for #1, I was 50/50 on getting an epidural. My husband strongly encouraged me to just go ahead and get one (he had one with a previous knee surgery, so in some ways knew what he was talking about). The contractions got pretty painful so I did wind up asking for one.
If it had been his say, he probably would have kicked his three family members and my sister out of my room when DD1 came, but I was happy to share the birth with all of them (my sis and in-laws are awesome). He still wanted DD2's birth to be less crowded, but (excluding medical staff) it worked out that way anyway, since the inlaws were with DD1 and DD2 came by c-section. So, his opinions were noted, but I didn't do anything differently because of them.
Post by penguingrrl on Sept 25, 2015 6:00:33 GMT -5
With our first he was entirely on board with whatever I wanted. With our second he supported me in my desire to have a VBAC but definitely looked into the potential risks on his own as well. He knew he didn't really have a say but had he expressed a true risk that I didn't know about I would have discussed it with him.