UPDATED: Considering giving up breastfeeding

[preppy]

UPDATE: the cultures came back and it's a MRSA infection. They switched antibiotics and are giving those 48 hours, if it doesn't improve I have an appt with the breast surgeon Thursday morning and would have the I&D this week. I'm now way more terrified of giving this to Stella than anything else. I'm waiting on the pedi to see what I should do. My OB said its fine to nurse but I'm so scared she will get this. She's so tiny and it could be terrible. If they say there is any risk I am done, I can't do anything to put her at risk.


So if you've seen my saga I've had a clogged duct for two weeks now and had it aspirated twice and started antibiotics Friday as its now an abcsess. I'm going in tomorrow since it's back to the same size, is red, and hurts. It's hurt like hell for two weeks straight. Nursing actually makes it feel better since it relieves pressure, but it doesn't last.

I might now need an I&D to remove the abcsess which would include an incision in my breast and not just drained via needle like the other times. Ladies here have had this done and successfully nursed after. I'm not sure I feel like I can do that, and I don't know if I can physically keep dealing with this if it' continues to be a reoccurring issue. It's very painful and taxing.

I feel guilty about even considering stopping nursing due to this as otherwise I have been very successful. I have good supply, she latches well, I like nursing overall. I hoped to do it for atleast a year. I feel like I'm failing DD since it would be for my own gain as she's thriving and I could likely technically continue if I chose to. I also feel selfish that I wouldn't want to wean on that side and continue on the one side that's fine, which has been suggested as an option.

I don't know what I'm looking for here. I think I'm just brain dumping.

[pugz]

hugs

[Deleted]

Hugs. That sounds really hard.

[imimahoney]

I'm really sorry you are going through all of this, it sounds so horrible and painful.

Whenever I've contemplated weaning (I've done it at 10 weeks and then 14 weeks) I was told to never quit on a bad day and to if possible, wait until the issue improves and then see if you want to wean.

But also that bfing only works when it's in the best interest of the baby and the mother. There's nothing wrong with acting on what you want, your baby will thrive no matter what.

[noodleskooze]

You can always decide once the procedure is done; either way, you have done a great job and will continue to do so whether you BF or FF or combo.

[whiskeyandwine]

Hugs, Preppy.

We had issues BFing after Isaac's surgery (he was 8 weeks). I wanted to keep going, but was so emotionally exhausted after all the other BS that ... I just gave it up.

I won't say I never feel some guilt, bc some days I do, but mostly over what I gave up - never bc I think he is missing anything.

Like you, I started with the best of intentions to BF long term and I just got derailed by circumstances outside if my control.

I only tell you all this to say - sometimes something has just got to go. If for you, in this moment, that's BFing then that is ok. No shame in that game.

Good luck, I know it's a hard thing to be thinking about.

[anna7602]

Hugs. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. The most important thing is to take care of yourself so you can take care of your LO.

[krystee]

She will thrive best with a happy mom. If that means BFing, you should BF. If it means FFing, you should FF.

If you are looking for permission to stop, I will tell you that my son is thriving and happy and surpassing all of his milestones as a FF kid. I stopped at six weeks, though he never got much before that either since my milk never came in.

If you are looking for support to stay the course, I will offer that too!

Big hugs, whatever you decide. I was so emotional about it.

[greycat]

((Hugs))

You are not failing if you quit. Just because someone else continued BFing doesn't mean you have to. Knowing your limits is a wonderful thing. If you are sure you are done then quit. If you aren't sure then see how it goes after surgery. Either way your daughter will be fed and happy and you will not be a failure.

((Hugs)) we are all here to support you. Hope you are healed and feeling better very soon!

[namasteak]

(((Hugs)))
Your health (mental & physical) is just as important as your DDs. What matters is that she is fed! That said I would encourage you to not quit on a bad day.

[sjh722]

((Hugs))

[preppy]

Thanks everyone. I'm crying in bed eating ice cream just thinking about it. It's good advice to not stop on a bad day. I am going to see what they say tomorrow, and if I have to move forward with he procedure I will likely have to atleast pump on that side till I heal since engorgement can make it worse. DH suggested I wait till then, pump on that side instead of nurse if I need to, then decide once it's cleared. I'm going to try to do that since I'm just so upset about it right now.

[countthestars]

Hugs. We support whatever you decide. You are in no way failing your daughter no matter what you decide. I would not blame you for quitting if that is what you choose.

[starburst]

Hugs to you. Whatever you choose to do, you are not failing your DD. You will be feeding her either way, and she will continue to grow and be healthy and strong.

[yellowbrkrd]

Hugs. Your health and happiness is important so you need to do what's right for you. Your daughter will be fed and happy either way.

[jeaniebueller]

Hugs. Don't feel guilty if you switch to formula. I have two healthy formula babies. As long as you are feeding your baby! You have been through the ringer lately. Take care of yourself.

[miamigirl]

Hugs. I'm sorry you're going through this. Don't feel guilty, whatever you decide will be ok, you also have to think about you.

[nextbigthing]

Happy mom = happy baby and if it's not working, it's ok to stop.

I had supply issues and decided to go to formula at around 3 weeks. Could I have tried harder to nurse, absolutely, but it wasn't what worked best for me. DS is on Similac Sensitive formula and is doing great and has since the beginning.

Breast milk or formula are great, you're caring for your baby and that's what matters.

Lots of hugs, I cried over ice cream too.

[cincodemayo]

I'm sorry, that sounds so miserable. We are here for you no matter what.

[zeewifeandmama]

Big, big ::: hugs :::
Whatever you decide, we are in your corner! Happy mama, happy baby!

[panicfoot]

Oh man. I considers weaning for much less. You are awesome, seriously. Your LO will do best with a healthy mommy so please do what is best for you.

Hugs.

[rugbywife]

One of my closest friends had an abscess that needed to be opened up and left open with packing in it (not sure if this is what you are referring to).

She stopped breast feeding because of it, she was just done and while it was hard on her because of what she had hoped would be a long breastfeeding story, it was what was healthiest for her at the time.

Eta: you need to not feel any guilt over deciding to give it up, if that is what you choose.

[lindsaymg]

Happy mom, happy baby. I'm sorry you have to make this decision. I know how you felt about making breast feeding work. Nobody will think less of you, your baby will adapt, you will be less stressed and less pained. Sorry friend!

((Hugs))

[bcarp30]

I can't imagine the physical pain that you're going through, let alone the emotions that come along with it all and contemplating stopping. So many hugs to you.

Whatever you decide will be the best decision because whatever it is, you're still feeding, caring for, and loving your daughter. Nursing or formula feeding doesn't change that, and as hard as it may seem now, it's important to remember.

Maybe this makes you nurse until she's 2, maybe you decide to wean now. Either way you are a wonderful mom and will receive support for whatever you decide. What you're going through is harder than so many people have to deal with and you are handling it so insanely well. T&p you're able to recover physically quickly and are able to make a decision that's best for you and your family easily.

[preppy]

Oct 25, 2015 20:09:39 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

One of my closest friends had an abscess that needed to be opened up and left open with packing in it (not sure if this is what you are referring to).

She stopped breast feeding because of it, she was just done and while it was hard on her because of what she had hoped would be a long breastfeeding story, it was what was healthiest for her at the time.

Eta: you need to not feel any guilt over deciding to give it up, if that is what you choose.

The same thing your friend had is likely what I will need. I'm pretty terrified of it.

[rugbywife]

Oct 25, 2015 20:14:24 GMT -5 preppy said:

Oct 25, 2015 20:09:39 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

One of my closest friends had an abscess that needed to be opened up and left open with packing in it (not sure if this is what you are referring to).

She stopped breast feeding because of it, she was just done and while it was hard on her because of what she had hoped would be a long breastfeeding story, it was what was healthiest for her at the time.

Eta: you need to not feel any guilt over deciding to give it up, if that is what you choose.

The same thing your friend had is likely what I will need. I'm pretty terrified of it.

She did okay, really...I don't know how old your child is but hers was about 3 months I believe.  I think mostly it was a PITA because initially she had to go have the packing changed every day, then it went to ever other.  I think initially she was grossed out but then just got used to it?  They did give her pain meds too. I think mostly she was so happy to finally have it resolved though, because it hurt so much. Part of her decision to quit BFing might have been because she said it could happen again and she wasn't willing to have that happen again. I can ask her if she has any advice/suggestions if you like. 

[turtlegirl]

I understand the guilt. Both times I've stopped breastfeeding it was for "selfish" reasons. No supply issues or latch or anything like that. I just get worn out after a few months of having a baby attached to me, pumping once I go back to work, having massive nursing boobs that don't fit into any clothes, etc.

So it's more for my mental health than anything else. But I've come to accept that that's on okay reason. Happy mom = happy baby.

[Muddled]

I'm so sorry, preppy. I wish this process was as easy as they like to make it out to be. Do whatever is best for you. S is going to be fine either way.

FWIW, I have mixed in pumping to give my nipples a break and let them heal some and it feels heavenly after the abuse I've gotten from the Muddlette. I stick to a relatively low setting and H gives her bottles a few times a day.

[Deleted]

I'm so sorry preppy. That sounds awful. Do what works best for you and your family!

[pinotgrig]

Hugs preppy. You're in a tough situation; life gets in the way sometimes despite our best intentions. That's not a reflection on you. You'll still be a great mom, no matter what. You matter just as much DD does so please don't discount your mental and physical health here.