advice needed. telling a friend about pregnancy

[mandapanda18]

I would hide it or flaunt it. Did you tell her early with your first pregnancy? I would l act the same way as you did with #1

[pinotgrig]

I asked a similar question recently - pandce.proboards.com/thread/497777/wording-text-sound-ok

I did it after work, but that was due to my schedule. I never thought about the best time for her to receive it.

[Elsa]

I would tell her thru text. Give her time to process in private before she has to put on a happy face in front of you or others.

It can be really hard to hear that news. You want to be happy for them, and you are, but it also makes you incredibly aware of your own situation.

You are a good friend to consider her feelings

[ECB]

Absolutely tell her thru text or MAYBE a phone call. Definitely not in person. Having been there myself, I very much appreciated being told in a way that allowed me to process my feelings.

[booboo173]

I agree I preferred being told in text so I could process

[origami]

Agreed that text is best. Or PM on facebook or something.

[patbutcher]

Text for sure. It's easier if you have time to collect your thoughts rather than be faced with it in person, in my experience.

[jewel]

Text or email, for sure.

Personally, I would not have liked the "I know this will be hard to hear..." line. I mean, obviously, it's hard. It just puts the receiver in a weird position and makes the message more about them than about you, which would have made me feel particularly awkward and infertile. I think she'll get the picture that you are trying to make this as easy as possible, without having to spell it out.

[Susie]

I like what boiler suggested for wording, but I'd do email over text. Texting is more casual, and I feel a lot more pressure to respond promptly to texts than emails as a result. I'd rather go with the lowest possible pressure on a response for a message like this.

[pooh8402]

I preferred text or email over phone calls or in person. Something that didn't require an immediate response. I'm not good at wording though.

[jessnpaul]

Email is better. I feel like texts are kinda impersonal as they only take a few seconds to write. Emails are more thoughtful.

It'll be hard for her no matter how you tell her (been there, done that!!!!) but I agree not doing it in person is definitely the way to go!

[genet313]

Jan 5, 2016 9:46:26 GMT -5 jessnpaul said:

Email is better. I feel like texts are kinda impersonal as they only take a few seconds to write. Emails are more thoughtful.

It'll be hard for her no matter how you tell her (been there, done that!!!!) but I agree not doing it in person is definitely the way to go!

This -- plus you can say more and ask her about her IF process if you send an email.  

[ECB]

Jan 5, 2016 10:09:23 GMT -5 genet313 said:

This -- plus you can say more and ask her about her IF process if you send an email.  

I agree that email is better but don't ask her about IF in the same email.  When I was going through IF, I had a friend call me to tell me she was PG.  It was all well and fine - she told me, I congratulated her, held it together, and then just lost it when we hung up.

If she had used that opportunity to also be like "Oh, so hey, how's the IF going?", it really would have felt like pouring salt in the wound. 

Tell her about the pregnancy, let her know you're thinking of her, then be done.  Save the IF talk for another, unrelated time. 

[genet313]

Jan 5, 2016 10:17:15 GMT -5 ECB said:

Jan 5, 2016 10:09:23 GMT -5 genet313 said:

This -- plus you can say more and ask her about her IF process if you send an email.  

I agree that email is better but don't ask her about IF in the same email.  When I was going through IF, I had a friend call me to tell me she was PG.  It was all well and fine - she told me, I congratulated her, held it together, and then just lost it when we hung up.

If she had used that opportunity to also be like "Oh, so hey, how's the IF going?", it really would have felt like pouring salt in the wound. 

Tell her about the pregnancy, let her know you're thinking of her, then be done.  Save the IF talk for another, unrelated time. 

Ah, see, I felt exactly the opposite.   I felt so alone during IF (only a couple of IRL friends knew) that if I had anyone to share it with I'd want to talk, even if I was totally wounded by the pregnancy announcement.  

Obviously we're no help to you OP!  Maybe best bet is email with news, and then a later follow-up asking how she's doing.

[ECB]

Jan 5, 2016 10:31:28 GMT -5 genet313 said:

Jan 5, 2016 10:17:15 GMT -5 ECB said:

I agree that email is better but don't ask her about IF in the same email.  When I was going through IF, I had a friend call me to tell me she was PG.  It was all well and fine - she told me, I congratulated her, held it together, and then just lost it when we hung up.

If she had used that opportunity to also be like "Oh, so hey, how's the IF going?", it really would have felt like pouring salt in the wound. 

Tell her about the pregnancy, let her know you're thinking of her, then be done.  Save the IF talk for another, unrelated time. 

Ah, see, I felt exactly the opposite.   I felt so alone during IF (only a couple of IRL friends knew) that if I had anyone to share it with I'd want to talk, even if I was totally wounded by the pregnancy announcement.  

Obviously we're no help to you OP!  Maybe best bet is email with news, and then a later follow-up asking how she's doing.

Oh, I absolutely do agree that having people reach out and ask and talk about the IF is a good thing.  I definitely appreciated it when friends did that.  100% with you.

I just wouldn't want it at the same time as a pregnancy announcement.   But it sounds like the OP has been there for her friend throughout her struggle.  If so, even more so, I feel the announcement should be on it's own.  Then, as you said, follow up later.