What's the longest you've CIO

[glauren]

DS was 9.5 months when we did extinction CIO - I think the longest he went was close to 3 hours? Maybe 2.5? You're not a shitbag; not getting sleep SUCKS.

[namasteak]

We did CIO for MOTN at 12 months and I think the longest he went was almost 90 minutes.

[oswin]

We never really had to do extinction with either kid, but we've spent up to 90 minutes doing checks every 10-15 minutes. However for MOTN wakeups like that usually I'll let DS fuss for up to 30 minutes (if he's fussing and not escalating into screaming) before I check on him. I don't generally go longer than that in case it's something like a stuck limb, a poopy diaper, vomit, etc. I've also found that if he's fussing for more than 30 minutes, there's something wrong that will be resolved faster (and let me get back to sleep!) if I go in and deal with him. Usually for us it's a feeding, which doesn't happen most of the time but he's gone through several growth spurts since stopping eating at night that have caused him to temporarily need to eat at night.

[namasteak]

I need you guys to pump me up at CIO. Because we were going to start tonight and now I'm stalling.

[namasteak]

Jan 15, 2016 17:28:08 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

Jan 15, 2016 17:27:04 GMT -5 namasteak said:

I need you guys to pump me up at CIO. Because we were going to start tonight and now I'm stalling.

We can cheer each other on, turtlegirl too
We just started literally Wednesday night.  And it has sucked both nights but last night was the worst.

Ugh so one pedi (not our normal) said he had reflux but our regular one doesn't agree. I was hoping to have her elaborate more today but I forgot to go to the appointment. So now I'm hesitating on CIO.

But I think he real issue is that I don't want to do it.

[cjeanette]

No flames but my question is why? If the paci worked why would you not have gone in and put it in right away?

I would say the longest we went was 20-30 minutes but that was so long ago.

[dcn]

Ds1 cried for 1 hr 58 min once. I know bc two hours was my limit. He was 10 months, though I did do checks every 15 or 20 min.

[awkwardpenguin]

Jan 15, 2016 17:36:29 GMT -5 @starry said:

Anywho, I gave up on CIO somewhere around 2 hours (but not extinction). I think multiple 2 hour blocks but really I can't remember. Something in my gut was just telling me it wasn't right for my baby as lame as it sounds (and I'm no softie normally in this regard). Maybe I should have stayed strong, the world will never know.

Don't feel bad for doing what you felt was right for your baby!  Honestly I have some regrets about sticking it out in the face of some serious doubt.

[Alyssa]

Oh boy I don't remember how old my little one was..he definitely wasn't a newborn but I believe my breaking point was around 45 minutes. 

[oswin]

Jan 15, 2016 17:40:56 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

Jan 15, 2016 17:34:23 GMT -5 @starry said:

So do you have to keep doing pacifier replacements? Prior to CIO I mean.

Well he was in our bed prior to CIO, he's in the crib as of last night.  So I'd do paci replacement and/or put my hand on him and kind of rock him side to side for a minute or until he/we fell asleep.

With such big changes, I would recommend doing Ferber checks rather than extinction, and only switch to extinction if Ferber doesn't work. Neither of my kids took a paci really, so we didn't have to deal with that, but following Ferber's recommendations on general sleep associations it seems like it would be important to teach him to fall asleep without the paci in his mouth, since he can't be counted on to put it back himself (being too little) and you don't want to get up and replace it all night long. So if I were you, I would try no paci at all with checks at 5, 8 and 10 minutes (continuing to check every 10 as long as necessary or as long as you're willing) each time he wakes up. When you check on him, just pat him a bit and tell him to go to sleep. It might suck for a few nights but it might also lead to more continuous sleep long term. No flames either way though, sleep troubles are hard to deal with and no two kids are exactly alike in what works.

[Deleted]

12 minutes. I have zero tolerance for crying. Luckily my kids are fairly good sleepers.

[jeaniebueller]

An hour. Then she went to sleep. We would have gone longer.

[awkwardpenguin]

To answer the original question, 1 hour and 44 minutes. We did Ferber with checks. She was a week shy of 6 months.

I honestly don't know the answer here. CIO was awful but she sleeps much better now, so I guess the ends justify the means.

[oswin]

Jan 15, 2016 17:53:36 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

Jan 15, 2016 17:50:59 GMT -5 oswin said:

With such big changes, I would recommend doing Ferber checks rather than extinction, and only switch to extinction if Ferber doesn't work. Neither of my kids took a paci really, so we didn't have to deal with that, but following Ferber's recommendations on general sleep associations it seems like it would be important to teach him to fall asleep without the paci in his mouth, since he can't be counted on to put it back himself (being too little) and you don't want to get up and replace it all night long. So if I were you, I would try no paci at all with checks at 5, 8 and 10 minutes (continuing to check every 10 as long as necessary or as long as you're willing) each time he wakes up. When you check on him, just pat him a bit and tell him to go to sleep. It might suck for a few nights but it might also lead to more continuous sleep long term. No flames either way though, sleep troubles are hard to deal with and no two kids are exactly alike in what works.

Thanks, I think we will try this.  I can't repeat last night, I don't think.  My heart was really breaking.

Good luck. I hate listening to babies cry, but I knew when doing Ferber that we would all be better and healthier and happier if we were sleeping better. If possible, you can also take turns with your husband so that only one of you is listening to him cry at a time, or if you're comfortable doing so, just turn off the monitor (or go somewhere where you can't hear them) for a few minutes between checks. And if it's really not working or he just keeps getting madder, it's ok to give up and try again another time. I Ferbered my kids around 4 or 5 months and it worked for them, but some kids might not be ready for sleep training yet or may need a different strategy.

[namasteak]

Jan 15, 2016 17:45:25 GMT -5 @starry said:

[ Eventually we added back the swaddle and it got better. 

Did you swaddle & do CIO?

Debating keeping ds2 swaddled tonight, switching to 1 arm out swaddle or switching to the merlin.

[carolinagirl831]

Oh man at that age I would just feed him, 30 mins and she'd be out! No way could I listen to her cry for 2 hours esp at that age. I am pro cio too.

[namasteak]

oswin since you ST your kids young did you keep them swaddled? Use something like the merlin? Sleep sack?

[carolinagirl831]

I also think it's normal for a 4 month old to wake up to eat. Honestly I think you need to adjust your expectations. Wasn't your first a unicorn sleeper? I think this one is just a normal baby and probably does need to eat and doesn't sleeps through the night yet. Don't feel bad, it's normal!

[carolinagirl831]

But to answer your question 1 hour was out limit

[starlily]

CIO to extinction: 30-40 minutes. That was after she bed shared with me and J1 for a week while we were visiting my mom.

CIO with Ferber checks: around 2 hours, with both of the girls. That got significantly shorter each night.

[cjeanette]

Jan 15, 2016 18:15:52 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

Jan 15, 2016 18:13:39 GMT -5 carolinagirl831 said:

Oh man at that age I would just feed him, 30 mins and she'd be out! No way could I listen to her cry for 2 hours esp at that age. I am pro cio too.

This may sound stupid bc I have no idea what I'm doing but I'm afraid if I feed him, he'll get used to eating MOTN?  Ugh.  This is really hard.

I wouldn't even be so pro CIO if my exhaustion weren't having suh a big impact on my work performance TBH.

But you weren't sleep for those 2 hours were you?
At that young I would feed him or rock him MOTN and see how that goes. 10-15 min of your time might give you and him more rest.
To me that is so young to leave him crying for so long.

[t]

We did Ferber with both girls, we are on attempt 3 or 4 with DD2. We did CIO once and gave up after one hour. I couldn't bare it.
Ferber was no picnic either since both girls were irate every time we left after a check, but it was over after a few days. DD2 took several attempts because we gave up after illness or her inconsistencies with sleep.
ETA we started it again on Monday this week - took 55 minutes. Tuesday took 35 minutes. Wednesday took 15 minutes. Thursday took 90 seconds. Each night we got 8-10 straight hours of sleep after that, with a wakeup around 4am. I find the checks easier since at least I knew she was ok, but just pissed. And pissed she was lol.
Good luck!

[CloudBee]

Jan 15, 2016 18:15:52 GMT -5 farmvillelover said:

Jan 15, 2016 18:13:39 GMT -5 carolinagirl831 said:

Oh man at that age I would just feed him, 30 mins and she'd be out! No way could I listen to her cry for 2 hours esp at that age. I am pro cio too.

This may sound stupid bc I have no idea what I'm doing but I'm afraid if I feed him, he'll get used to eating MOTN?  Ugh.  This is really hard.

I wouldn't even be so pro CIO if my exhaustion weren't having suh a big impact on my work performance TBH.

I think you need to let go of that fear, because most kids this age aren't capable of going that long without eating. His stomach is still tiny.

[kate1482]

I'm sure this isn't a great solution but it worked for us. (Dd didn't have teeth yet).

She was waking up 2-3 times a night around 4.5 months. I picked a time about an hour before she normally woke up and set my alarm and fed her. (Dream feed). I EP and left out a 4oz bottle and just stumbled into her room in the dark, scooped her up/fed/back in the crib. She wouldn't really wake up and I was back to bed in 15-20 mins and she would sleep until 6:30ish.

It sucked to wake up at 2am every night but I slept soooo much better with a controlled wake up. I did this for WAY too long but I was so scared to mess with her sleep. We dropped it when she was 10months no problems.

Good luck and huge hugs. Sleep deprivation is no joke and one of many reasons why we are one and done.

[awkwardpenguin]

Is he usually hungry at that MOTN wake up? Will he only accept you or will he take a bottle from your H?

Even with CIO DD still wakes twice a night to eat. Hunger wakeups are different because she won't go back to sleep at all if she's hungry.

[Myrrhine]

We did checks, but about 90 minutes was the longest during CIO. I told myself I could do up to 2 hours.

Good luck!

[namasteak]

I might try feeding him if it has been 6 hours abd see if that makes things easier.

[karinothing]

Farmer I love you but I think you just need to feed him. He is still young. You say he can go 12 hours without eating but is that true? I mean ge doesn't skeep 12 hours right, you can just placate him for a bit with a paci or a pat right? I would assume at that age he is hungry.

I know it sucks, my kid is 5.5 months and still wakes to eat. I assume he will for a while. I get the desire for more sleep, but it won't last forever I promise.

[geek96]

I don't dream feed on my own only when DD wakes. The second I hear her wake up I scoop her up and feed her and lay her back down. She doesn't even fully wake. This is more because I don't want her to wake DS who is in the next room.

She also sleeps in our room due to us only having 2 bedrooms so I could never sleep through her crying. The only way I'm able to get through this is by reminding myself this will only last a few more months, hopefully.

[bdubs419]

We tried to CIO many different times without luck. It did not work until DS2 was 11 months. We would test it but he would not give in (cried 1 hour +). I honestly feel like it's crap that people say that babies can go 12 hours without eating. There is no norm here. Some babies need to eat middle of the night (DS2 had to) and some do not (DS1 didn't and started STTN by 4 months). I feel like it failed for us at first because he was legitimately hungry. I wish I hadn't wasted so much time analyzing everything at the time. Poor kid was just hungry. So yes if I were you I would absolutely feed him.