Do you attend family events as a family?

[CheeringCharm]

I think your plans make sense. It all just depends on circumstance. We have local family so we do attend family events as a family but for OOT stuff we have left all or one of the kids behind.

[imojoebunny]

I do a lot of stuff on my own with the kids with family, and some stuff with everybody. My family lives 6 hours away, so it is just not practical for DH to take time off, so we can spend time where they live, since we also like to travel to other places and have time off at home around holidays. He goes about once a year for a long weekend, and my parents have a house here they don't often use, so we will occasionally, like ever 2-3 months have dinner with them as a family, but otherwise, nope. I sometimes wonder if it is that we got married older, since my brother and his wife spend a lot more time with my parents, and they got married pretty young. We seldom see DH's family. Haven't seen his brother in 5 years. We see his dad twice a year for about 4 days total.

[CheeringCharm]

Hugs, Anna. You're not a bad mom at all. You're just going through a hard phase and the people closest to you, like family, should be the ones recognizing that and offering to help you or at least not giving you a hard time about doing what's easiest for your family right now.

[justjen]

We usually go as a family because most events are within like 30 min from our house and I like to ignore my kids to chat, so I need dh there

But seriously-- we've been known to divide. Last summer DH and L drove 8+ hours to Maine to spend a week at a camp with his family. M was too little for that drive, IMO , so I stayed home (and even took the days off to have a little staycation)

Also-- I think there's value with spending 1-on-1 time with each of your kids. I'd love to take L to Florida just the 2 of us.

So team you. Ignore the haters

[thejen626]

DH works late most nights and works every weekend, so I'm on my own with the kids frequently. I often will get a sitter for DD2 so I can take DD1 only and actually have a pleasant time

[anna7602]

Mar 4, 2016 17:38:20 GMT -5 @dontcallmeshirley1 said:

I'm pretty sure you know how I'm going to answer this question ;-)

You're doing great. Hang in.

Where have you been? I think I missed your baby #2 announcement. (Or am just so out of it that I can't remember.) please direct me to the announcement or provide details.

[winecheery]

In your first scenario, that seems logical to me.

Second one, we'd all go as a family, or I'd go alone, or no one would go. I don't see us each taking charge of one kid in that situation.

But I do not see a single thing wrong with the way you are handling these trips, so...your extended family is being dumb if they are harping on you for trying to do what is the best thing for your family of four, while still attending extended family gtgs.

[NandaB]

Our situation is different because our families are both local, and we do big family events like holidays with my extended family and just invite my MIl (h is an only child and his dad is not alive). We all go to those events. I would never think to have both of us go to my gym or well child visits (other than my oldest's first appt.ever) but up until very recently my h worked long hours and I was a sahm. So I did all the during the week stuff.

That said I actually think its important to not do everything all together. I think our kids deserve time to have one on one time with each of us. For example my H is taking DS1, who is 4.5 on a road trip to see a spring training baseball game today after his tball game. Could we all go? Sure, but this something special.for the 2 of them to do together. I took only DD (2.5) and DS2 (1) to a birthday party last week because DS1 had tball practice. She worships her brother, and was actually a little off her game without him at first, so I'm glad she got that time.

In your second situation I would probably go alone, but I like to paaarrrrty at weddings, not parent, lol

[estrellita]

We all go. I can understand in situations where there are other things going on (like with the birthday party) and dividing then makes sense. We usually have to drive over an hour for most family things so I prefer it if we all go. Plus I know everyone likes to see E

[jeaniebueller]

It depends on the event. Big events, like weddings or whatever, yes. But, it's not uncommon for me to take the kids on a road trip to my moms house and not my H to come with us.

[read247]

Since visiting family requires interstate travel and overnight stays for us, whether we attend events together or not really depends. We decide based on the situation.  And since DH and I both have close families that get together a lot, there are plenty of events and honestly we skip 80% or more of them entirely.  I'm not making myself crazy over a backyard BBQ...I save the stress for more major events but even then it's definitely not a given we'll *all* go.

I refuse to drive up and back in the same weekend if I can avoid it. And DH can't always take a Friday or Monday off, plus the kids are old enough now that missing school matters. Major things like milestone birthdays and holidays we attend together but I had no trouble sending DH to his cousin's wedding without us last year so the kids didn't miss multiple days of school and activities for an event they had no desire to go to in the first place, and I've traveled with the kids for things that we didn't think was worth DH wasting vacation time on or that he couldn't get off work for.

[YahYahs]

We'd handle the first situation the same as you, probably. The second is a wedding, so DH and I would get someone to watch the kids and we'd go by ourselves because wedding = date night to me, lol.

[meltoine]

As a rule, no. But almost always because of H's work schedule. We haven't been to a wedding together since our own. I've been to several alone with the kids and he took DS2 to one OOT when I was too pregnant with DS2 to fly. We don't attend smaller family gatherings because we live 1300 miles away from our families.

I took DS2 back home for my uncle's funeral because we couldn't afford to all go, he was still small enough to be a lap baby, and DS1 could go to school/aftercare while H was at work.

[barefootcontessa]

What you are doing makes perfect sense to me and I hope you truly do not care what other people think anymore. I have a similar situation in that people give me grief about not getting to see the kids, when they are one adult person with plenty of money, and I have five children plus myself to transport-- not to mention the schedules of school-aged children. If they want to see the kids so bad, then come see them. Or if you want your sister to see them, fly out and help me get them there. Hang in there Anna.

[Marmee]

Usually with DHs family we do. With my family I often go it alone with kids.

[suzubell]

We divide and conquer all of the time. We are all busy with lots of commitments and if we waited until we could all go, we would miss a lot of things.