Intro

[asoctoberfalls]

I usually hang out on MM Moms, and this is my first post here. My H told me yesterday that he wants a divorce. I was completely blindsided - I had no idea this was coming. We have been married almost 13 years and have a 4 year old child. We just built our dream house a year ago and as recently as 3-4 days ago were making plans for the future.

I've always trusted him and never had any reason to suspect he was unfaithful. Friday night he was texting someone late at night, around 11:30. I noticed he was being secretive with his phone, trying to hide it from me. I asked who he was texting, and he said "someone from work" but wasn't more specific than that.

Saturday morning he was acting very strangely. He finally grabbed me to talk while our son was watching a show and dropped this bombshell on me. He said neither of us is happy and we haven't been in a while, which is true. I asked if there was someone else, and he said no - physically, he hasn't cheated on me. I asked if he was talking to someone else and he said he talks to people from work, but he wasn't having an emotional affair. I asked who he was texting the previous night, and he said it was a girl from work and told me her name. I don't recall hearing him talk about her before.

We both were very devout Christians when we met - he was a pastor. over the years, he has fallen away from our faith, and while he says he believes, his action speak otherwise. He stopped going to church regularly years ago and has slowly become an angry, mean person - someone I don't recognize. I just dealt with it because I don't believe in divorce and I keep hoping he will change, become the person he used to be. We actually get along fine and rarely fight because I just don't ask anything of him. I take care of everything - cooking, cleaning, finances. The only area he helps is in taking care of our son.

He said he thought id be happy he asked for a divorce - he thinks I want one but am just unwilling to take the step. I told him no, I don't want a divorce - because I don't. I still love him, I just want him to be how he used to be.

A bit more than a year ago, we got into a fight over something really stupid. He lost his temper and basically acted abusive toward me. He grabbed my arm and physically prevented me from leaving the house. He body blocked me while I tried to walk away, screaming the whole time. Our son was there too, crying and trying to get to me, and DH prevented him from reaching me. After that incident, I changed. It damaged any trust or affection I had for him. I asked him to go to counseling, and he refused.

He left last night. He said it was awkward. I don't know what he expected - of course it's awkward. He said he got a hotel, but he wouldn't tell me where he was and I haven't seen the charge show up on our credit card yet.

Sorry this is so jumbled. I'm all over the place. I'm angry, devastated, relieved. I don't want a divorce. But, he's kind of a jerk and I think in the long run I WILL be happier without him. This is just not how I imagined my future. I'm scared financially. Our house is brand new and they're still selling new houses in our development. I have no idea how we will sell - anyone who wants to buy in our neighborhood could just build and get everything they want. I'm scared because all of our friends are friends we have together. We have been together our whole adult lives and I am scared of what the future looks like alone. I'm so, so sad for our son. He's been asking all day where daddy is. I'm sad for myself - I can't imagine not being with my son every day. I wanted more children, and that will never happen for me. We had planned to send our son to a private Christian school we loved, and I'm not sure how that can happen now.

H basically holds all the cards since he's the one initiating this. I asked him for counseling again, and he said no. I think he's really done. He's coming over tonight and we are supposed to talk. I have no idea how to act around him. I don't want to make this easy for him because he's breaking his promise and a covenant that we made before God - but then part of me does want to make this easy since it sounds like he's done and I don't want to drag this out. He has no idea how to take care of himself and I think he plans to just stay in a hotel until he can get an apartment - but I don't want to pay hotel bills because this divorce is going to wreck us financially.

I think I'll just stop now since I could go on forever. TL;DR - I'm a mess.

[closertofine]

Oh October, I'm so sorry. I don't really have anything helpful to say, but I'm so so sorry.

I'm sure you know this, but lawyer up tomorrow, and get yourself in to a counselor. These ladies here keep assuring me I'm going to be ok. We are going to have to trust them.

Hugs.

[Deleted]

Big hugs.  I'm sorry you've found yourself in this predicament.  I think you need to get into therapy alone and with him too if necessary.

 If he said he wants a divorce, left and has been texting someone else, my guess is that he's thought this over for a while.  I'm sorry you've been blindsided, but is this what you really want?  He became abusive to you and he's obviously no longer the person he once was or pretended to be.  You and your DS deserve to be happy.  Saying that you don't want a divorce because you want him "how he used to be" is something you need to realize is not going to happen.  He's not how he used to be.  People don't change unless they want to, no matter how much you beg, plead or try to fix them. You are worth more than that.  Don't beg someone who is acting like a piece of shit.  You deserve better. 

I'm not going to sugar coat it...this will be an emotional roller coaster.  BUT it will be ok in time.  Lean on your family and friends and come here too.  I'm sorry.  

[bg]

I'm so sorry you've found yourself here. Everything you're feeling is totally normal. There have been a couple of other intros in the last day. Read those too -- I think a lot applies to you as well.

You stated that "H basically holds all the cards." He does have a bit of a head start because he blindsided you, but now you can take steps to take control of the situation yourself. Gather your financial information. Meet with a lawyer. Make sure you're taking care of yourself and your son.

[cuddlyevil]

Huge hugs.

Very few people want a divorce (even those of us who asked for one), but recognizing that you will be happy without him is huge.

It is okay to be all over the place. He just told you. You have more power than you realize. Get copies of everything and find a lawyer.

[glitzyglow]

I'm so sorry. My exH also blindsided me one evening by announcing he was moving out "to find himself." He found a girlfriend, too. I will say this from my own experience: I wish I would have just let the marriage go because it was clear he was done. I thought I was doing myself a favor by fighting, but in reality it cost me unnecessary extra pain and a delayed start to my new life. It takes two to maintain a relationship but there I was, trying to rebuild this bond that was originally built by two people in love. I couldn't do it not because I didn't love him or care, but what we had involved both of us and once he was out, it was over.

It's perfectly okay to feel mixed up and jumbled. I think there are some great truths about what you really want within your post. Therapy really helped me sort out my emotions and helped me see what I really needed to do for myself and to be my best, happiest self.

[asoctoberfalls]

Thanks guys. I know I'll be ok. (Although if you ask me again in a few minutes, I may not agree with myself). At the moment I'm very angry with him. He said he's been thinking of this for years. He said he can't get over the guilt from the time he was abusive to me, and for other things he's done in the past. If that's the case, I don't understand why we built this house (that he pushed for) or planned a vacation for May.

Bottom line is he says he wants to be happy and he's not. The problem is, he thinks I'm the reason he's unhappy, and I'm not. It's within himself. I'm an awesome person and have put up with way more crap than most people would have. We don't have the connection that either of us wants, but I'm not sure I could have that with him unless he did some serious therapy to figure out his abusive tendencies.

I guess the real problem is not so much the loss of him, but the loss of my dreams for my future. I always pictured us growing old together with lots of kids. I'll be 36 in a week - no time for more kids if it's not with him. And also, my interpretation of scripture tells me that once I'm divorced, I can't remarry. That's a long and lonely future. I don't have many friends, and all my girlfriends except 1 are the wives of his high school friends. I guess I need to figure out how to deal with these things and not confuse them with losing him. I really do believe I will be happier without him, but remembering happy times and thinking of our inside jokes and all that is making me lose my breath today.

I do need to see a counselor. But the financial implications of this are making my head spin and I'm not sure how I could afford a counselor. I'll meet with my pastor for sure, but he's not a licensed mental health professional so I'm not sure how much help he will be other tun being a source of spiritual comfort and support.

I guess it's telling that part of me is afraid he'll say he wants to work things out tonight. Yet i have to try because I believe divorce is a sin. I know the religious aspect of this for me maybe adds a bit of a wrinkle that some others may not understand, but I hope it doesn't mean I can't lean on this board and others who have been there. I've been lurking the past day and I think this will be a great community to help through the jumble of emotions and legal hoops and all the other things I'll be dealing with in the upcoming months.

Thanks again everyone.

[cuddlyevil]

I understand the religious aspect of it. My church is a PCUSA church which believes divorce is a sin UNLESS there is abuse. And honestly that would apply here.

Many therapists have sliding scales as well. It can't hurt to call around.

[bg]

Is there a possibility that your pastor might be able to recommend a therapist?

It's great that you recognize that you aren't the one making him unhappy. Read that paragraph you wrote over and over again if/when you need to.

It's ok to think about your good times and grieve the future you thought you'd have. I'm still trying to come up what I want my new future to look like (what I have control over). It's hard.

[alleinesein]

Mar 6, 2016 14:54:36 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

I guess the real problem is not so much the loss of him, but the loss of my dreams for my future. I always pictured us growing old together with lots of kids. I'll be 36 in a week - no time for more kids if it's not with him. And also, my interpretation of scripture tells me that once I'm divorced, I can't remarry. That's a long and lonely future. I don't have many friends, and all my girlfriends except 1 are the wives of his high school friends. I guess I need to figure out how to deal with these things and not confuse them with losing him. I really do believe I will be happier without him, but remembering happy times and thinking of our inside jokes and all that is making me lose my breath today.

I do need to see a counselor. But the financial implications of this are making my head spin and I'm not sure how I could afford a counselor. I'll meet with my pastor for sure, but he's not a licensed mental health professional so I'm not sure how much help he will be other tun being a source of spiritual comfort and support.

I guess it's telling that part of me is afraid he'll say he wants to work things out tonight. Yet i have to try because I believe divorce is a sin. I know the religious aspect of this for me maybe adds a bit of a wrinkle that some others may not understand, but I hope it doesn't mean I can't lean on this board and others who have been there. I've been lurking the past day and I think this will be a great community to help through the jumble of emotions and legal hoops and all the other things I'll be dealing with in the upcoming months.

Thanks again everyone.

See if your church has the resources to pay for a few therapist sessions for you.  Since your pastor is not licensed he should not be giving you guidance other than spiritual guidance.  I speak from experience on this.  Back when I was high school I had lots of issues going on and had a great relationship with the youth pastor at one of the churches in town.  When I had an issue that he couldn't deal with he had the church pay for a few sessions with a psychologist to help me out.  Use your church as a resource and take any help that they can offer.

Keep this in mind- THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT.  YOU ARE NOT DAMAGED GOODS.  YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.

If your religion 'requires' you to stay married to someone who is abusive because divorce is a sin maybe you should look into other denominations.  Why should you be punished when the other party is the one who has hurt you?  Ask yourself this question (not sure if you have a son or daughter) but what would you tell your child if they were in an abusive relationship?  Would you encourage them to stay in a bad marriage because divorce is considered a sin?  Sometimes you need to sit down and reexamine your beliefs and start asking "why".  Religion should bring you joy and comfort; it should not bog you down with feeling of guilt and being labeled a sinner for someone else's actions.  

Your H does not hold all the cards.  You said that you control the finances so you hold more cards than you think.  He is the one abandoning you.  

Do you work?  If so, open your own bank account and deposit your paychecks there.  Start establishing your own finances separate from his.

Check into the laws regarding divorce in your state; each state has different requirements and timelines so it helps to be prepared.  

Feel free to vent away on here.  We are an odd but lovable bunch and while we may occasionally call someone out for being a twit or doing something stupid we will still offer our support.

[asoctoberfalls]

I do work. I have a good job and make decent money. Even though I wanted to SAH when I had my son, I never pursued it because I didn't trust my H fully. I plan to open a separate checking account and have my checks deposited there. The main thing I'm worried about financially is that I can't afford the mortgage on my own and we don't have a lot of savings. I could easily see H going into debt and not caring if his credit is ruined because the mortgage doesn't get paid. Plus we really wanted this private school for DS.

It's not my church or pastor telling me I can't remarry (if I ever want to - I'm feeling pretty jaded right now); it's my own interpretation of scripture. I will talk to my pastor and see how he thinks it applies in my situation. My assistant pastor is married to a woman who is divorced, so it obviously doesn't preclude him from ministry.

[asoctoberfalls]

Also, can my H be considered abusive if he only did this one thing? This was an abusive action, but does that mean he's abusive? I have known him for 15 years and this is the first time he's ever done anything like that. He hasn't done anything like that since. But that one action was enough to shatter my trust for him.

[cuddlyevil]

I second talking to your pastor, I know my church has resources available for every situation. And they're not afraid to refer you to places that will help. AND, they don't judge you for the decision you make (at least at my church, I wouldn't be there otherwise). I walked into the church a nearly divorced woman and never once felt judged or shamed. But we're admittedly on the more inclusive, liberal side of the PCUSA.

Talk to your pastor and find a counselor. You will be okay and I don't believe God wants you to be alone forever.

[cuddlyevil]

Mar 6, 2016 16:34:42 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

Also, can my H be considered abusive if he only did this one thing? This was an abusive action, but does that mean he's abusive? I have known him for 15 years and this is the first time he's ever done anything like that. He hasn't done anything like that since. But that one action was enough to shatter my trust for him.

My xh wasn't physically abusive, but he was psychologically and emotionally abusive. You referenced abusive tendencies, it can go beyond the physical.

I wasn't able to afford our mortgage either, but I lucked into a house in an excellent school district. Sometimes you have to alter your plans and expectations a bit.

[alleinesein]

Mar 6, 2016 16:34:42 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

Also, can my H be considered abusive if he only did this one thing? This was an abusive action, but does that mean he's abusive? I have known him for 15 years and this is the first time he's ever done anything like that. He hasn't done anything like that since. But that one action was enough to shatter my trust for him.

YES!  It only takes one time and if it shattered your trust that should be a huge indicator that you know his actions were wrong.  Someone does not have to beat you regularly to be abusive.  

Talk to the pastor who married a divorced woman.  It might be helpful to see how their interpretation of scripture differs from yours.  Another person's interpretation can be a great jumping off point and having an open conversation about it can also be healing for you.

You deserve to be happy and you should do everything in your power to achieve that happiness.  

[bg]

Talk to a lawyer about how you can best protect yourself financially. They've likely seen a situation like yours before. Start to look for more affordable housing -- I bet it'll help you feel more in control as well.

[closertofine]

Mar 6, 2016 16:34:42 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

Also, can my H be considered abusive if he only did this one thing? This was an abusive action, but does that mean he's abusive? I have known him for 15 years and this is the first time he's ever done anything like that. He hasn't done anything like that since. But that one action was enough to shatter my trust for him.

Was it enough to make you fearful and doubt him and mistrust him? Then yep.

[asoctoberfalls]

Guys, he's home tonight and is being nicer to me tonight than he has in years. Helpful, kind, asking me questions and actually paying attention to my answers, not staring at his phone when I try to talk to him....It's making me hopeful that the man I used to know is not gone. My feelings are changing every minute it seems. This just sucks. And seeing him with my son is killing me. I am running an errand because I had to get out - and I'm sitting in my car crying in a parking lot. H is planning to sleep in the spare room tonight and it was killing me to hear him explain it to our son (I leave for work before DS gets up in the morning, so he always climbs into bed with his daddy when he wakes up).

Having your advice here is great. I am positive I'll be coming to this thread again and again in the upcoming months.

[asoctoberfalls]

Mar 6, 2016 17:49:05 GMT -5 bg said:

Talk to a lawyer about how you can best protect yourself financially. They've likely seen a situation like yours before. Start to look for more affordable housing -- I bet it'll help you feel more in control as well.

You're absolutely right about the housing thing. If we didn't own a house that I feel will be difficult to sell, I'd be a lot less nervous about the upcoming months. Real estate is pretty soft in our area, so I think we will have to take a huge loss and we don't have the savings to absorb it....and that's if we manage to find a buyer.

The other issue is I'd really like to live closer to my parents, but if I move up by them, the private school is out of the question because it's too far away. It may be out of the question anyway because of the cost, but I really want DS in the Christian school because I don't think his dad will take him to church or expose him to the faith.

[asoctoberfalls]

Mar 6, 2016 16:36:59 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

I second talking to your pastor, I know my church has resources available for every situation. And they're not afraid to refer you to places that will help. AND, they don't judge you for the decision you make (at least at my church, I wouldn't be there otherwise). I walked into the church a nearly divorced woman and never once felt judged or shamed. But we're admittedly on the more inclusive, liberal side of the PCUSA.

Talk to your pastor and find a counselor. You will be okay and I don't believe God wants you to be alone forever.

I am a member at a PCA church, which is the much more conservative cousin of the PCUSA. Still, I'm 100% confident that they will not judge me and will rather surround me with love and support. I'm glad for that, at the very least. I plan to contact my pastor tomorrow.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Mar 6, 2016 16:33:47 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

I do work. I have a good job and make decent money. Even though I wanted to SAH when I had my son, I never pursued it because I didn't trust my H fully. I plan to open a separate checking account and have my checks deposited there. The main thing I'm worried about financially is that I can't afford the mortgage on my own and we don't have a lot of savings. I could easily see H going into debt and not caring if his credit is ruined because the mortgage doesn't get paid. Plus we really wanted this private school for DS.

It's not my church or pastor telling me I can't remarry (if I ever want to - I'm feeling pretty jaded right now); it's my own interpretation of scripture. I will talk to my pastor and see how he thinks it applies in my situation. My assistant pastor is married to a woman who is divorced, so it obviously doesn't preclude him from ministry.

i was in the bolded myself ... after lots of reflecting and conversations w/ my discipleship mentor, we came to the conclusion that biblically speaking, he abandoned us (much like your h is doing to you) and divorce WAS permissible.

depending on the denomination, divorce WILL NOT preclude anyone from a ministry position. my dad is a minister who is divorced AND remarried.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Mar 6, 2016 16:34:42 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

Also, can my H be considered abusive if he only did this one thing? This was an abusive action, but does that mean he's abusive? I have known him for 15 years and this is the first time he's ever done anything like that. He hasn't done anything like that since. But that one action was enough to shatter my trust for him.

another yes vote !

just bc he hasn't done it in 15 years doesn't mean its been lurking there for years. grabbing you and preventing you from leaving are pretty big abuse red flags. doing it the one time may have woken up a sleeping tiger. trust me, you DO NOT and you DO NOT want your child to see that.

[asoctoberfalls]

Mar 6, 2016 19:48:49 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

just bc he hasn't done it in 15 years doesn't mean its been lurking there for years. grabbing you and preventing you from leaving are pretty big abuse red flags. doing it the one time may have woken up a sleeping tiger. trust me, you DO NOT and you DO NOT want your child to see that.

He did see it.  When H and I talked last night, I told him I'll never be able to get the image of DS cowering in the corner and screaming out of my head.  Never, ever.  It was probably the worst feeling I've ever experienced in my life.

[asoctoberfalls]

H came home last night and we talked. I first asked him where his head was and whether he had changed his mind. He said he had thought a lot about it and was still in the same place, then he asked what I was thinking. I told him that I was angry, sad, and partially relieved. I told him I hadn't been able to act the same towards him after that incident where he was abusive towards me. I told him it had shattered my trust, and I hadn't seen him taking the steps necessary to rebuild that. I had asked for therapy at the time, and he had refused.

He said he had taken the steps, they just weren't the steps I wanted (and he used this as an example of how he feels controlled by me). So I asked what steps he had taken, and he said he had thought a lot about it and decided he needed to control his temper better. He said the fact that he hasn't done it since then means that his steps have worked. I said that was not sufficient for me. I'd like to be able to move past what happened and act normally towards him, but I dont know how.

At that point, he said that when he was away at the hotel, he was hopeful we could make it work and was willing to try counseling... but after I talked to him last night, he is pretty much done. He doesn't think it can be fixed. He decided to move into the spare bedroom while he decides what to do, and he said he doesn't want me to have "false hope" that he's moving into the spare room instead of moving out. I don't think H is manipulating me, I just think he's in a state of massive confusion. It makes me sad for him.

I told him I was going to talk to our pastor. He asked me not to because they're meeting for lunch next Tuesday and he doesn't want the pastor to call him out. He's also not telling any of his (our) friends, because "it's none of their business." Yet he keeps asking me who I've told. I'm sick of protecting him, I've done it for years and I'm just starting to recognize it. So anyway, I am going to wait until next week to call my pastor, but I may try to talk to his wife before then. And I haven't told our mutual friends yet, but I'm slowly building my support system by opening up to my mom and my bff.

I talked to my mom this morning and told her everything. We are very close, but I've hidden so much from her - from everyone - about the way he acts and how he's treated me. Talking to her actually provided a ton of clarity. I spent the day at my parents' house yesterday with my son, and my mom said it was amazing how I could just smile, interact with my son like nothing was wrong, etc. She said I've become masterfully deceptive, which made me sad. She didn't say it in a negative way, just that I'm really good at putting on a face and pretending everything is OK because that is what I've learned to do to survive in this relationship.

Although I know I'm not perfect and I have made my share of mistakes, I honestly know this is 90% on him. The things that have been posted on this board, the conversation with my mom, have caused me to realize how disordered my own thinking has been. I need to get into therapy by myself, whether we stay together or split up. Today I'm in a place where I really hope he just calls it and is done. I don't WANT to try any more. Yet, for myself and my faith, I have to try if he's willing to try. And the thought of trying any longer seriously exhausts me.

I think I need to take this day by day. So today, I will call my bank and open up a checking account in my name. And I will research therapists. And I will try to sleep.

[cuddlyevil]

It's okay to want to give it the 'ol college try to fix it. But only do it if he's willing.

FWIW, my ex wasn't happy that I was seeing a therapist and resistant to couples counseling because "I don't want strangers to know our business". But I'd stopped making excuses for him (he was chronically late, would miss 80% of visits from my family because he'd sleep in super late or wouldn't take off work, etc. and I'd always explain it away--but I stopped) and I felt like he was more concerned with appearing like the good husband rather than actually being a good husband.

I'm proud of you.

[doglove]

Hugs.

[asoctoberfalls]

Mar 7, 2016 11:43:57 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

It's okay to want to give it the 'ol college try to fix it. But only do it if he's willing.

FWIW, my ex wasn't happy that I was seeing a therapist and resistant to couples counseling because "I don't want strangers to know our business". But I'd stopped making excuses for him (he was chronically late, would miss 80% of visits from my family because he'd sleep in super late or wouldn't take off work, etc. and I'd always explain it away--but I stopped) and I felt like he was more concerned with appearing like the good husband rather than actually being a good husband.

I'm proud of you.

Right now he may be willing to try.  He's confusing - one minute he says he is, the next he says he's done.  But I'm hoping he's just done so I don't have to try any more.  He doesn't seem to understand why I can't just get over the abuse.  5 or 6 years ago, he was going to bars a lot and acting inappropriately with women (flirting, dancing, etc.).  I was able to move past that.  He keeps bringing up how I moved past that but can't move past the abuse.  I really don't think he has any idea how big of a deal that was.

I got the "I don't want strangers to know our business" line just this weekend when he refused counseling.  He also never goes when I hang out with my family, and he misses church 80% of the time.  Every week when I get home from church, he says, "Did anyone ask about me? What did they say?"  The thing is, people mostly stopped asking because it became the norm for him NOT to be there.  And I always have made excuses for him, but I'm done. At least, I want to be done.  

And as to the bolded, a million times yes!  He's the exact same way.

And thanks.  

[doriswe]

Mar 7, 2016 12:20:50 GMT -5 asoctoberfalls said:

Mar 7, 2016 11:43:57 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

It's okay to want to give it the 'ol college try to fix it. But only do it if he's willing.

FWIW, my ex wasn't happy that I was seeing a therapist and resistant to couples counseling because "I don't want strangers to know our business". But I'd stopped making excuses for him (he was chronically late, would miss 80% of visits from my family because he'd sleep in super late or wouldn't take off work, etc. and I'd always explain it away--but I stopped) and I felt like he was more concerned with appearing like the good husband rather than actually being a good husband.

I'm proud of you.

Right now he may be willing to try.  He's confusing - one minute he says he is, the next he says he's done.  But I'm hoping he's just done so I don't have to try any more.  He doesn't seem to understand why I can't just get over the abuse.  5 or 6 years ago, he was going to bars a lot and acting inappropriately with women (flirting, dancing, etc.).  I was able to move past that.  He keeps bringing up how I moved past that but can't move past the abuse.  I really don't think he has any idea how big of a deal that was.

I got the "I don't want strangers to know our business" line just this weekend when he refused counseling.  He also never goes when I hang out with my family, and he misses church 80% of the time.  Every week when I get home from church, he says, "Did anyone ask about me? What did they say?"  The thing is, people mostly stopped asking because it became the norm for him NOT to be there.  And I always have made excuses for him, but I'm done. At least, I want to be done.  

And as to the bolded, a million times yes!  He's the exact same way.

And thanks.  

See the bolded? What you just said? It's okay to be done.  For real. 

[glynn]

Check your insurance you may have coverage for a few sessions for help.

I was blindsided in May by H also so I get that. We still lived together until 1/25 of this year which was hard. H is still in denial with other people knowing. He is the one who is now on his 2nd GF but can't verbalize what he wants to get the divorce done. We should/could of been divorced early Oct but his lawyer will not communicate with mine. He said he had a offer sent over so we will see.

Hugs.... You will be all over the place and that is OK. You do what you need to do and do not worry about him or other people.

[tevagirl]

I'm so so sorry. XH completely blindsided me also, it sucked so bad at the time. Now I realize that I'm so much happier and a better me/mom without him.