I am being judged hard, and it is really irritating me.

[lookforstars]

So, I come from very conservative Christian roots. I am still a Christian, but don't really identify with the kind of Christians I grew up around / the kind people expect me to be.

My boyfriend and I went to a concert this weekend 3 hours away from us. Just to do something fun. We didn't want to drive back really late (hello, my husband died in a car accident possibly due to falling asleep). So we got babysitters, booked a hotel room and had a nice night away. We are both solo, widowed parents of young children, so every now and then, we need a break.

I got a text from a friend tonight, asking me if we spent the night away together. Because our other friend, who we rarely hear from, saw something my boyfriend posted on Facebook, and promptly texted friend to ask her if we spent the night together. Because, SCANDOLOUS.

I am so tired of my life being on display for everyone's opinions and judgment. Is it that hard to just be happy that I've found some happiness after one of the most tragic things imaginable happened? But no. I spend the night with my boyfriend sometimes. I'm TERRIBLE.

End rant. Sorry guys. I may delete this later, just in case. And plus also, bc someone on here sort of knows my boyfriend and I don't want to make things awkward for her lol.

[cuddlyevil]

Those people can go fuck themselves.

[pixy0stix]

You need better friends.

[jennysmitten]

I think you should delete those judgey, nosy people on facebook.

[nicbreeful]

Just so I'm understanding what you mean.. Was she texting because they're Christians and don't believe in premarital sex or because you're dating again?

Either way, none of their business.. Did your friend that was texted promptly tell her to take a long walk off a short pier?

[Champagne Supernova]

Those people are not your friends. Get rid of them and find new ones. They suck.

[wannabe]

Fuck those bitches.

[lookforstars]

Mar 14, 2016 21:25:57 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Just so I'm understanding what you mean.. Was she texting because they're Christians and don't believe in premarital sex or because you're dating again?

Either way, none of their business.. Did your friend that was texted promptly tell her to take a long walk off a short pier?

This particular "friend" is okay with the dating part, but does NOT believe in premarital sex. That is the scandolous part for her.

I'm sure there are some people judging the fact that I'm dating, too. Lol.

[happywife]

Delete them from your life, not just FB! You deserve happiness, enjoy it!!!!

[missanne]

They can suck it. Good for you for having fun & doing something for yourself. Especially something that isn't just a mani/pedi... Moms deserve time off too, regardless of the circumstances with your late H. Hugs.

[pantsparty]

Uncle fuckers!

[thatgirl2478]

You are an adult with a child. So is he. If other people haven't figured out that you have had sex by now, that's their problem not yours. Ridiculous.

[dexteroni]

Mar 14, 2016 21:29:56 GMT -5 @fkasmace said:

You didn't get a text from a friend. You got a text from a nosey asshole that can't mind her own fucking business

Yes, this. I hope you told her it's none of any of their business and then defriended them both. lookforstars

[thejen626]

Fuck both of them. And I'd probably post something on Facebook "if you're going to judge me and the way I'm living, just delete me from FB".

[muffin0]

I feel like your friends could have been my ex friends. 

I don't miss them.

I'm sorry, but you do you, and if they have an issue then screw them. 

[otowngirl]

Ew. Really?

[lookforstars]

Ahh, thank you all. This is why I posted here. I needed the reminder that I'm not the problem here. And you all totally made me laugh.

[lookforstars]

Mar 14, 2016 21:25:16 GMT -5 jennysmitten said:

I think you should delete those judgey, nosy people on facebook.

I haven't yet, but I am considering it.

[lookforstars]

Mar 14, 2016 21:29:56 GMT -5 @fkasmace said:

You didn't get a text from a friend. You got a text from a nosey asshole that can't mind her own fucking business

I know I never read the bible in its entirety but I'd bet a dollar it didn't say "and go forth and be your friend's activity police, asking questions that are none of your fucking business."

Eta: the only acceptable thing for your friend to have texted you was "hey, some dumbass here is all trolling your fb and being shitty. She texted me and I told her she better go mind her damn business before God smites her. Just want to let you know in case you wanted to block her."

You are so right. Thank you for this.

[nicbreeful]

Mar 14, 2016 21:28:27 GMT -5 lookforstars said:

Mar 14, 2016 21:25:57 GMT -5 nicbreeful said:

Just so I'm understanding what you mean.. Was she texting because they're Christians and don't believe in premarital sex or because you're dating again?

Either way, none of their business.. Did your friend that was texted promptly tell her to take a long walk off a short pier?

This particular "friend" is okay with the dating part, but does NOT believe in premarital sex. That is the scandolous part for her.

I'm sure there are some people judging the fact that I'm dating, too. Lol.

Funny.. I could've sworn the Bible speaks of gossip..

Oh, yes!  It does!

Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."

Psalm 101:5 "Whoever slanders his neighbor secretly I will destroy. Whoever has a haughty look and an arrogant heart I will not endure."

1 Timothy 5:13 "Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not."

[nicbreeful]

Ooh.. and you know how much Christians love Leviticus.

Leviticus 19:16 "You shall not go around as a slanderer among your people, and you shall not stand up against the life of your neighbor: I am the Lord."

[Eagles]

What dickbags.

[cville]

Ew. Anyone who would gossip all ESCANDALO over some grown ups having a grown up evening needs to get the hell over themselves and find a hobby. I suggest macrame. It's making a comeback. Bonus: everyone hates judgemental gossiping assholes AND over-large wall hangings so macrame is a good choice.

[rosiebear]

They are rabid assholes. Try not to give them one more thought.

[lookforstars]

Mar 14, 2016 21:41:28 GMT -5 spearmintleaf said:

Fuck anyone who judges you.

By the way, I'm so happy you've found happiness. Grieving doesn't have to be done just because you're with someone else. You can grieve and date.

I was widowed too and there's so much pressure to be a "good widow." But some people will judge you for moving on too quickly, while others will judge you for grieving too long. Some people want you to keep your life as a shrine to your first husband, and others feel you have to find a new male role model for your kids. You really can't please everybody, and anyone who would judge you for how you rebuild your life is a callous person who shouldn't be in your life.

Thank you.

I do feel like there's a lot of judgment coming my way in general right now. It's frustrating. Most people don't actually say anything. I can just tell, ya know? Then there is this friend, who has always loved having someone to gossip about anyway. I'm not sure why I'm even surprised.

I am very much still grieving for my husband. I think I will grieve for him for the rest of my life, in many ways. People aren't replaceable. But that doesn't mean I can't still live, and love. I'm still here.

[lookforstars]

Mar 14, 2016 21:43:04 GMT -5 cville said:

Ew. Anyone who would gossip all ESCANDALO over some grown ups having a grown up evening needs to get the hell over themselves and find a hobby. I suggest macrame. It's making a comeback. Bonus: everyone hates judgemental gossiping assholes AND over-large wall hangings so macrame is a good choice.

LOL. I love this.

[Deleted]

Fuck these mother fuckers.
If she doesn't believe in premarital sex than SHE shouldn't have any!!!!!
Oh fuck no...I don't care what people choose to believe for themselves, but don't put that shit on others and judge them.  No one has the right to judge your situation.
You've been through a lot.  If you can find some happiness, I am happy for you!  You deserve some peace, fun and excitement.  Get rid of these dickbags.   

[nicbreeful]

Mar 14, 2016 21:45:45 GMT -5 lookforstars said:

Mar 14, 2016 21:41:28 GMT -5 spearmintleaf said:

Fuck anyone who judges you.

By the way, I'm so happy you've found happiness. Grieving doesn't have to be done just because you're with someone else. You can grieve and date.

I was widowed too and there's so much pressure to be a "good widow." But some people will judge you for moving on too quickly, while others will judge you for grieving too long. Some people want you to keep your life as a shrine to your first husband, and others feel you have to find a new male role model for your kids. You really can't please everybody, and anyone who would judge you for how you rebuild your life is a callous person who shouldn't be in your life.

Thank you.

I do feel like there's a lot of judgment coming my way in general right now. It's frustrating. Most people don't actually say anything. I can just tell, ya know? Then there is this friend, who has always loved having someone to gossip about anyway. I'm not sure why I'm even surprised.

I am very much still grieving for my husband. I think I will grieve for him for the rest of my life, in many ways. People aren't replaceable. But that doesn't mean I can't still live, and love. I'm still here.

You will.  And that's not a bad thing.  I've never lost a husband, but I have lost very close friends and family.  And you are absolutely right.  Your H would never want you to spend the rest of your life in a mourning shroud, tearing out your hair.  They're wrong.  You do you and screw everyone else.  God would be on your side on this.  He doesn't want us to be alone either.

[Deleted]

I am so happy to hear you're dating and enjoying some time to yourself.

[lookforstars]

I think it just stunned me because I mean, we're all adults now. I would have expected this when we were younger. But now? I'm an adult, who was married, and suddenly I wasn't. I have kids. Obviously, I've had sex. But I guess I'm not "supposed" to be having sex with THIS person.

It's all so ridiculous. A couple adults texting about whether I might be sleeping with my boyfriend or not. Ugh.