I do feel like there's a lot of judgment coming my way in general right now. It's frustrating. Most people don't actually say anything. I can just tell, ya know? Then there is this friend, who has always loved having someone to gossip about anyway. I'm not sure why I'm even surprised.
I am very much still grieving for my husband. I think I will grieve for him for the rest of my life, in many ways. People aren't replaceable. But that doesn't mean I can't still live, and love. I'm still here.
You will. And that's not a bad thing. I've never lost a husband, but I have lost very close friends and family. And you are absolutely right. Your H would never want you to spend the rest of your life in a mourning shroud, tearing out your hair. They're wrong. You do you and screw everyone else. God would be on your side on this. He doesn't want us to be alone either.
lookforstars, when you said you're still grieving and you likely will continue to, but need to go on------I want to hug you for that. You're absolutely right and have your head on straight. I think I've told you before that my mom is a widow (twice) and she says the same thing. You will always miss that person...even 30 years from now. But you are human and you deserve happiness and normalcy.
I am so tired of my life being on display for everyone's opinions and judgment. Is it that hard to just be happy that I've found some happiness after one of the most tragic things imaginable happened?
I'd respond with exactly this. Let her feel like the ass she is.
lookforstars , when you said you're still grieving and you likely will continue to, but need to go on------I want to hug you for that. You're absolutely right and have your head on straight. I think I've told you before that my mom is a widow (twice) and she says the same thing. You will always miss that person...even 30 years from now. But you are human and you deserve happiness and normalcy.
Thank you.
I admire your mom. I cannot imagine going through this shit twice.
I had a lot of guilt when I first started dating. It was something I had to deal with. But one day I realized that my husband would want nothing but happiness for me. I stopped being so hard on myself after accepting that.
lookforstars , when you said you're still grieving and you likely will continue to, but need to go on------I want to hug you for that. You're absolutely right and have your head on straight. I think I've told you before that my mom is a widow (twice) and she says the same thing. You will always miss that person...even 30 years from now. But you are human and you deserve happiness and normalcy.
Thank you.
I admire your mom. I cannot imagine going through this shit twice.
I had a lot of guilt when I first started dating. It was something I had to deal with. But one day I realized that my husband would want nothing but happiness for me. I stopped being so hard on myself after accepting that.
And then these friends. Ugh.
Don't feel guilty. They haven't walked in your shoes and have zero right to open their mouths. Dump them. You need positive people.
I am totally going to have to delete this post later lol. I have the fear that they will find me here somehow haha. But I wanted to be more specific.
The text I received said "How was the concert? Did y'all spend the night there? Details??"
I responded saying it was fun and yes we spent the night, not thinking much of it at that point.
She then said "It was kind of obvious y'all spent the night, you posted on fb that night and that morning lol. I actually wouldn't have noticed but *** asked if y'all were out of town together, you know she is nosy anyway."
We said more but she went on to admit said friend was judging hard.
Am I weird for being so annoyed by this? Lol. We're grown adults here!
I will say, when I started dating I FELT judged, and looking back I'm not sure how much of that was really other people and how much was my own guilt (your gossipy friend aside; she is clearly judging you lol).
And I so agree with your last point. It's not that you want to replace the person who passed, but you are still here, still alive, with a body and a mind and a strong need to connect with other humans. Being open to that, and enjoying it when it comes, has nothing to do with your late H and is not a reflection on how much you loved him. It's just being human. I hope you're enjoying this time.
You're probably right about this part. I think MOST people are happy for me. There has been some weirdness with my late husband's family that has made me feel weird about it. That's probably where my feeling of being judged for even dating comes from.
I am totally going to have to delete this post later lol. I have the fear that they will find me here somehow haha. But I wanted to be more specific.
I'm sorry for all this shit. You guys are grown-ass adults and it's nobody's business what you do. You're under no obligation to share anything with anyone. Just ignore nosy texts, and don't share things on FB you're not comfortable talking about.
If I'm ever so bored/miserable in my own life that I start to give a flying fuck about which one of my friends is or is not having sex with whomever they jolly well goddam wish to have sex with, please take me out back behind the barn, and shoot me to put me out of my misery.
It sucks when people are judgmental. However if someone asked me for details I might start describing scenes from 50 Shades of Gray. This usually freaks out judgmental people enough to stop asking intimate questions.
Just so I'm understanding what you mean.. Was she texting because they're Christians and don't believe in premarital sex or because you're dating again?
Either way, none of their business.. Did your friend that was texted promptly tell her to take a long walk off a short pier?
This particular "friend" is okay with the dating part, but does NOT believe in premarital sex. That is the scandolous part for her.
I'm sure there are some people judging the fact that I'm dating, too. Lol.
Unless you were having premarital sex with her, it's not her business.
j/k. When my sister got engaged, I went to tell my memaw. My sister and her BF/H were on vacation when she got engaged. My memaw's response was "I didn't know she was like that." :-\ Pay no mind to those people. I stopped giving a fuck years ago. It's your life. Live it the way you choose.
I come from a conservative Christian background as well, so this feels familiar to me and I empathize. I dont consider myself religious any more and have had to slowly cut myself off from people who can't see beyond that and still be my friend. I know its easier said than done, but just do you. The ones who matter will stick around.
Post by thinkofthesoldiers on Mar 15, 2016 7:23:14 GMT -5
This is a prime example of the bullshit in the conservative Christian churches. No one offered to take your kids, I bet, to give you a break. So instead, we will stalk and gossip and not act supportive at all because "sin." Oh? Your son died from an overdose on drugs? Well he kind of deserved it because drugs and sin. Oh? You are getting a divorce? You didn't submit to your husband, so I guess you reap what you sow. Fuck them and the horse they road in on.
I think this so-called friend needs to better familiarize herself with Matthew 7:1 - "Judge not, lest you be judged."
I am so angry on your behalf. How dare she judge you and still call herself a "friend." You had the absolute worst thing in the world happen to you and this bitch is trying to steal your right to move on and find happiness again.
Fuck her and the high horse she rode in on and enjoy every drop of wonderful that you and BF share.
So is it really a thing to not have pre-marital sex after you've already previously been married?
I mean, isn't the horse kinda out of the barn at that point?
Of course it is. It is more of a way for them to control and shame people. What a great way to get followers, right?
And when she deletes these people from her FB account, it won't occur to them that it is because they were assholes. It will be because she is ashamed and hiding her sin.
This particular "friend" is okay with the dating part, but does NOT believe in premarital sex. That is the scandolous part for her.
I'm sure there are some people judging the fact that I'm dating, too. Lol.
Unless you were having premarital sex with her, it's not her business.
Or her husband; it would also be her business then, too
Sorry, OP, really hope my crack gave you the smile I was aiming for! These women do not wish you well, & you deserve friends who support you. Friends who cheer you on during this kinda big step, in a giggly, excited, supportive way! You absolutely need & deserve this from your close girlfriends.
I know it's not easy to go out & find a bunch of new close GF's, so we're here in the meantime! Congratulations on your relationship; I hope you guys had a great little escape!!