Post by Captain Serious on Mar 15, 2016 9:30:36 GMT -5
These days?
M has been crushing on a girl in his grade for months. It seems to be mutual. He told is he wanted to "ask her to go out with" him, and did so last Friday at the school dance. She accepted.
I was fine with this, as this was quite normal when I was growing up, and it typically meant that the couple would hold hands in school, walk and talk with one another, and giggle. It was all very innocent and just meant you were getting to know one another individually.
Now, though, they are trying to make plans to hang out outside of school, and talked about going to a movie together. This feels more like an actual date, and gives me pause. Am I just out of touch? Is this normal at this age, or should we slow them down?
What do typical 12/13 year olds (I think she is 12, he just turned 13) do when they are "dating" someone?
We did the movies thing at that age but it was a group going and those 'going out' sat next to each other. Parents drove the girls in one car and boys in another. No making out or buying tickets for each other or anything. Just groups meeting up and sitting by each other really. It was innocent and looking back kind of stupid, lol. Also meeting up at the mall to walk around and annoy the retail workers because none of us had money to buy anything! Is this more a one on one thing and he wants to pick her up? It's sweet and cute at this age but I wonder what her parents will think about it.
I don't think you are overreacting at all. I have run into this as well. Mine is 14 and I allowed her to go on a group date to the movies but the other day she asked if she could go to his house. Ummm...what?! I'm good with group things.
Post by Captain Serious on Mar 15, 2016 9:59:03 GMT -5
I let him invite her over to our house. The family would have all been home, and he said he planned to be outside most of the time (probably playing basketball or kicking the soccer ball around). Instead, she suggested going to see a movie on Saturday. I'm wondering if that was her parents' response to the idea of her going to a boy's house to hang out.
Would it be bad if I reached out to her parents? Just to introduce myself and let them know that we would always be watchful if/when the kids are under our supervision? We just moved to this (small) town last July, so no one really knows us (and they are used to knowing everyone in town).
I wasn't allowed to go on a date / have one-on-one time until I was 16. Before that, any "going together" was just like a status thing during school hours, maybe seeing each other at things like football games. Having a guaranteed dance partner at school dances. Calling each other, passing notes.
Would it be bad if I reached out to her parents? Just to introduce myself and let them know that we would always be watchful if/when the kids are under our supervision? We just moved to this (small) town last July, so no one really knows us (and they are used to knowing everyone in town).
I'd vote for that. All of you (parents) would probably feel better and reach an understanding on your rules. That "going out" phase drove me nuts when my daughters were in middle school. I'd always ask "So where are you GOING?" The term itself was irritating, but the boys were always cute and clueless at that age.
Post by onesweetworld on Mar 15, 2016 10:11:35 GMT -5
For me in the late 80s it meant:
Holding hands Talking on the land-line, rotary dial phone Hanging out after school We went to school dances together, grade 8 "prom" Movies Walks around the neighbourhood Kissing (sorry) He'd buy me a lot of little gifts too for some reason
I don't think dropping them off at and picking them up from the movies is that big of a deal. I'd probably sit in the parking lot and play on my phone and make sure they stayed there. lol. I'd definitely talk to her parents first though and make sure they know what's going on and are okay with it.
Ha! I told him that if I was driving, I'd be sitting in another row in the theater.
"Going out" in middle school is telling others that you're boyfriend/girlfriend. Walking together in the hallways/after school. Little gifts on Valentine's Day.
Kiddo has a "friend who is a boy" who she invited to the movies. Kind of neglected to inform me of it until after she started making plans and asking. I told her no way was she doing a movie with a boy, but if she wanted to invite a bunch of friends including him that was fine. We ended up with a couple friends for each girl, but his dad was against him going (mom was "okay" but we're friends and she knew that nothing would happen except a fun time watching Zootopia with a group of friends - and me and another mom.) But no one-on-one at this age. Her friend has a boyfriend and they've already kissed (Truth or Dare) which is so not where I am headed until they're older.
Gah! Anytime kissing comes up, he still tells me "kissing's weird!"
I agree with him!
The first time that boyfriend kissed me I ran upstairs to the bathroom and vigorously brushed my teeth. We really didn't kiss that much after that. Also we both had braces so you can imagine the potential mishaps...
For me, "going out", meant we hung out with my best friend and his best friend at the mall, movies, skating rink or pool. Sometimes 1 person would have everyone over at their house. We talked on the phone, sent each other "143" pages, held hands and kissed like I would kiss my grandma.
Gah! Anytime kissing comes up, he still tells me "kissing's weird!"
I agree with him!
The first time that boyfriend kissed me I ran upstairs to the bathroom and vigorously brushed my teeth. We really didn't kiss that much after that. Also we both had braces so you can imagine the potential mishaps...
This is the first time I'm excited to know he's getting braces this Spring!
For me, "going out", meant we hung out with my best friend and his best friend at the mall, movies, skating rink or pool. Sometimes 1 person would have everyone over at their house. We talked on the phone, sent each other "143" pages, held hands and kissed like I would kiss my grandma.
Post by ladystardust on Mar 15, 2016 10:22:27 GMT -5
I'm going to be so lost when this stage starts. i never even did group dates at that age. DH had a gf in 3rd grade and would go with his mom to her dance recitals. I'll have to ask what his rules were at 14.
For me, "going out", meant we hung out with my best friend and his best friend at the mall, movies, skating rink or pool. Sometimes 1 person would have everyone over at their house. We talked on the phone, sent each other "143" pages, held hands and kissed like I would kiss my grandma.
What are 143 pages?
When you paged someone on their old school pager. Instead of leaving the phone number you typed "143" it was code for "I love you"
My dd is 14 and in high school going out means that's her boyfriend. When she was in middle school they would say "messing with". like dd would tell me so and so are messing with each other, which meant they talked on the phone when on group dates, movies, out to dinner, etc. No one was going to each others house. My dd was allowed to go to the movies and restaurant as a group, not alone with a boy starting in 7th grade.
My dd has a friend thats been dating the same boy since 6th grade ?.
My dd is 14 and in high school going out means that's her boyfriend. When she was in middle school they would say "messing with". like dd would tell me so and so are messing with each other, which meant they talked on the phone when on group dates, movies, out to dinner, etc. No one was going to each others house. My dd was allowed to go to the movies and restaurant as a group, not alone with a boy starting in 7th grade.
My dd has a friend thats been dating the same boy since 6th grade ?.
omg if my kid came home at 11 and said he was messing with some girl, I'd fall out. and. die.
My dd is 14 and in high school going out means that's her boyfriend. When she was in middle school they would say "messing with". like dd would tell me so and so are messing with each other, which meant they talked on the phone when on group dates, movies, out to dinner, etc. No one was going to each others house. My dd was allowed to go to the movies and restaurant as a group, not alone with a boy starting in 7th grade.
My dd has a friend thats been dating the same boy since 6th grade ?.
omg if my kid came home at 11 and said he was messing with some girl, I'd fall out. and. die.
This was my thought, too. " Messing with " sounds so naughty!
I let him invite her over to our house. The family would have all been home, and he said he planned to be outside most of the time (probably playing basketball or kicking the soccer ball around). Instead, she suggested going to see a movie on Saturday. I'm wondering if that was her parents' response to the idea of her going to a boy's house to hang out.
Would it be bad if I reached out to her parents? Just to introduce myself and let them know that we would always be watchful if/when the kids are under our supervision? We just moved to this (small) town last July, so no one really knows us (and they are used to knowing everyone in town).
Reach out for sure! If my kid is wanting to go to her BFs house then we plan to meet the parents.
Curious, but is "no dating/going out with until 16" or whatever age you feel ok with off the table these days?
Or am I just oldz. I feel there's so much time to be involved with boys as you get older than when your younger, I'd just like them to concentrate on friends, school, etc.
This is brought to you by the terrified mother of girl who is going to be 10 lol.
My SIL and her husband have this rule. I don't know if they allow the group thing but one on one is at 16. I really don't put a number on it and would rather go based on the child and when I feel like I'm OK with it. Right now I'm OK with this dating thing with my teenager. I have one more to worry about but that is years away.
I landed myself a boyfriend for the first time at 13. We were allowed to go on a group date and at that time it was to see the first Jurassic Park movie as a matinee. We only dated for a month but it consisted of holding hands at lunch and giving hugs hello and goodbye. A couple kisses here and there, it was all pretty innocent. That was over 20 years ago, so who knows what today's kids are up to.
My dd is 14 and in high school going out means that's her boyfriend. When she was in middle school they would say "messing with". like dd would tell me so and so are messing with each other, which meant they talked on the phone when on group dates, movies, out to dinner, etc. No one was going to each others house. My dd was allowed to go to the movies and restaurant as a group, not alone with a boy starting in 7th grade.
My dd has a friend thats been dating the same boy since 6th grade ?.
omg if my kid came home at 11 and said he was messing with some girl, I'd fall out. and. die.
I know, I'm not sure why that term is use. A few months ago my dd was telling me a story about a school it slip out that she was "talking" to some boy over the summer. She told me talking meant, getting to know the person to see if you want to date.
Post by textbookcase on Mar 15, 2016 12:23:51 GMT -5
C is turning 12 in a few weeks and I'm so not ready for this! She only seems to be interested in fictional character boys at this point, but her friends are starting to have crushes and boyfriends. Gah!