Fresh Wounds Feeling Alone

[bird2016]

Last Wednesday my husband told me that he thought we should sit down and talk about not being together anymore. Not like talk about it maybe happening, it is definitely happening. I chose to write on this board because I thought you all might have some good advice for coping with the way I'm feeling. I'm lost, lonely, hurt, depleted. We've decided that we are going to work through this together and remain friends because we were and always will be great friends were just not great married partners. I just don't know how to deal with all of these emotions. Any help?

[soso]

That sounds so difficult. How's your support system otherwise? If you have some positive family and true friends, consider sharing how you are feeling and take it one day at a time. What are you feeling sounds very typical. Practice good positive self care in small ways that matter to you.

When you mention you will be going through this together and remaining great friends, I get nervous. Typically in this situation, you will each process all of the emotions on a different timetable and in a different way -- making it very hard to stay connected with out getting hurt further. You may be respectful to each other and always love and care for each other but that can look very different than great friends. At this point, it is far less emotionally taxing to simply take care of yourself then to also layer in being a great friend to him during this transition.

[bg]

I'm sorry you've found yourself here. I agree with soso, focus on building your support system and working through all of the emotions that come with ending a relationship.

OP deleted her original post, but this previous poster got some feedback about being friends with their STBX throughout the divorce process: pandce.proboards.com/thread/517477/new

[cuddlyevil]

Therapy is what got me through.

Build a support system as well.

I am sorry you find yourself here.

[Deleted]

Sorry you find yourself here. I'm in a very similar place, as my husband and I decided to separate about a week ago after having months of problems. I'm a pretty private person and had kept our issues from all of my friends up until today because all of our friends are mutual. Well, I will 100% echo finding a support system because after finally letting one of my friends know, she has been insanely supportive and I feel like a weight has been lifted.

As far as wanting to be friends w/ your husband, my (short) experience has shown that even with this end goal, being apart is important. Being in the same house as someone that you love spending time with but are ending a relationship with is so goddamn depressing. The few days we've been totally apart and out of contact have been much easier to navigate.

So far I've found therapy helpful, and have been spending time doing things that *I* enjoy doing. No matter how much you feel your life is tied to your H, somewhere you've got an identity that you can re-energize.

[Mrs.Rad888]

Apr 23, 2016 22:10:19 GMT -5 @travelin said:

Sorry you find yourself here. I'm in a very similar place, as my husband and I decided to separate about a week ago after having months of problems. I'm a pretty private person and had kept our issues from all of my friends up until today because all of our friends are mutual. Well, I will 100% echo finding a support system because after finally letting one of my friends know, she has been insanely supportive and I feel like a weight has been lifted.

As far as wanting to be friends w/ your husband, my (short) experience has shown that even with this end goal, being apart is important. Being in the same house as someone that you love spending time with but are ending a relationship with is so goddamn depressing. The few days we've been totally apart and out of contact have been much easier to navigate.

So far I've found therapy helpful, and have been spending time doing things that *I* enjoy doing. No matter how much you feel your life is tied to your H, somewhere you've got an identity that you can re-energize.

I liked your post because you give some very good advice, but I'm sorry you find yourself in the same situation.
Just make sure you are taking care of yourself while this is going on. 

[Deleted]

It's definitely helpful to have friends/family that can help get you through the tough days.  I'm sorry that you've found yourself here.  Take one day at a time.

[asoctoberfalls]

::hugs::

I know what you mean about feeling alone. Sorry you find yourself here.