he couldn't drive himself to dinner with his brother if he cared that much? ugh he is awful. I am sorry ProfessorArtNerd.
He has work tonight, he had to sleep. We didn't know about this visit or any plans til today.
I fucking hate this. His shitty overnight job and the way he handles it is going to end us
This was his choice, correct?! Wasn't he offered a day-shift & turned it down? (Apologize if I'm remembering incorrectly)
Nonetheless, I'd be sure he knows his Muther F'ing CHOICE (that I'm pretty sure he made solo!!) is making his family miserable. Go live in misery by yourself, dickhead! (I know, you're on it in due time; wasn't pressuring, Love.) So Many hugs (((Prof)))
Post by lexxasaurus on Aug 26, 2016 21:46:11 GMT -5
litebright I put $1800 into my girl's 11 extractions a couple months ago. I empathize and I'm so sorry because I wasn't expecting it either. It's hard to see them in pain AND extra hard to swallow the bill.
Profart, we love you. And you will feel guilty until the end, and even sometimes after. My relationship was also abusive in several ways and they train you to feel that guilt because it means you're the one at fault. I know you can't stop feeling that way, but I hope you can also see the rational side and know you're doing the best you can.
he couldn't drive himself to dinner with his brother if he cared that much? ugh he is awful. I am sorry ProfessorArtNerd.
He has work tonight, he had to sleep. We didn't know about this visit or any plans til today.
I fucking hate this. His shitty overnight job and the way he handles it is going to end us
My husband works overnight and isn't an ass like this at all. Please don't blame his job for this behavior. He'd be this way no matter what shift he worked. And none of this is your fault, none.
Emotions are irrational. Guilt is irrational. If your brain has decided to feel guilty, ok fine. It doesn't have to dictate your actions. You already know what you need to do for your kids and for yourself. If guilt is the only thing holding you back, say fuck you guilt and do it anyway.
Prof, I wrote a reply but pro boards ate it. I just want you to know you're not alone in feeling like you have no place where you can feel truly comfortable. When I got out of inpatient care, I felt like I immediately put all the masks back on (((hugs)))
So I had a work happy hour tonight. It's been planned for over 2 weeks, no surprises. I'm also on call...when I'm on call it's for the entire week and also the weekend, so from Friday at 5:30 pm till 7am Monday morning. And calls can happen at any time, so dh and I have learned those are great weekends for ds to go visit his grandparents, because then dh can still do crap he wants to do, he's not stuck being "on call" too in case I get called in. So, naturally, that's what we planned for this weekend. Also, dh was off today. So, our plan was, grandma picks ds up from camp this afternoon, I do my work happy hour and DH gets to do whatever he wants on his day off, which would probably be go on an overnight trip on his motorcycle. Fine. DH never figured out anywhere specific he wanted to go, and for some reason decided to not take DS to camp today. So of course by the end of the day he was grumpy about "wasting" his day off. Whatever. In the meantime, I had planned to hang out till the bitter end at my happy hour because I rarely get to go out and not have to feel guilty about missing bedtime, dinner, etc. Not my problem dh changed his plans and stayed home, right?? I texted him when I got to happy hour that I would keep him posted on my eta for home but I really had no idea. And I did that. I texted him a lot actually and kept him as informed as I could about my plans. But we were having a great time and talking, eating, drinking, so whatever. We stayed at "happy hour" from 5:30 until about 9:45. Yes a long time. But is it crazy long? I don't think so. Anyway around 9:15 dh asked me for an updated eta and I told him I really wasn't sure. He wrote back "ok don't worry I have my answer" and I haven't heard from him since. I texted him when i left the restaurant, no answer. I got home around 10:15, he's not home. I texted him after I'd been home for a bit, and now it's been about an hour and a half since that text, still no answer.
I'm trying to be objective about it, and I guess I can see being annoyed, but I can't see being really pissed. We didn't have plans. I wasn't even expecting him to be home when I made my plans. This was the first happy hour I've gone to with this specific group of coworkers so I had no idea what their general time line usually is. It's not my problem he decided to keep the 8 year old home from camp when we had a good plan in place for ds to be safe at camp, dh to go enjoy his day off and me to enjoy an evening out. So annoyed because he's bored and didn't have the day he wanted, ok, but so pissed he's off on his motorcycle at 11pm at night and did not give me any ideas where he's at or what's up? That seems to be over the top. Right? Or am I clouded by the fireball shots I had earlier?
lostrn, keep in mind that I'm a bit sleep deprived and definitely wrapped up in a lot of my own emotions ... But I think I would be pissed. There are unspoken expectations here (even though you both clearly communicated about what was going on), and (to me) it sounds like he got bitchy when he realized he wasn't the only focus in your world.
I'm not trying to be harsh or mean, please let me know if that's how I'm coming across. It's hard to know on the Internet. I might be projecting my issues over my relationship onto yours.
That statement makes me so sad. My home, in all its craziness and chaos, is my sanctuary.
I hope things getter better for you. But I believe, like most here, they won't unless you do something drastic. Which isn't fair, and sucks completely, but it seems that's the only way. I'm glad to see you're working through it in therapy.
lostrn, keep in mind that I'm a bit sleep deprived and definitely wrapped up in a lot of my own emotions ... But I think I would be pissed. There are unspoken expectations here (even though you both clearly communicated about what was going on), and (to me) it sounds like he got bitchy when he realized he wasn't the only focus in your world.
I'm not trying to be harsh or mean, please let me know if that's how I'm coming across. It's hard to know on the Internet. I might be projecting my issues over my relationship onto yours.
Creepy Internet hugs?
Oh, you hit the nail on the head, not being mean at all. He wants to be my #1 priority 100% of the time and can't handle it when he's not. I'm pretty much over him at this point, but he comes in handy from time to time. At least that's my attitude today. Tomorrow this could change lol and maybe I'll care again a bit about his feelings. But for today, screw him.
And lostrn, I'd be really ticked off. Him completely ignoring your texts is passive aggressive and disrespectful as hell.
Have you heard from him yet?
To be fair about ignoring my texts, he was on his motorcycle and you especially can't text and drive on that. He decided to take a road trip (at 9pm??) and spend the night about 2 hours away from here. Didn't have the time to tell me before he left. Ok, whatever. I'm not even pissed. Have the bed to myself and an empty house today, it's like heaven. As long as work doesn't call me later needing help.
And lostrn, I'd be really ticked off. Him completely ignoring your texts is passive aggressive and disrespectful as hell.
Have you heard from him yet?
To be fair about ignoring my texts, he was on his motorcycle and you especially can't text and drive on that. He decided to take a road trip (at 9pm??) and spend the night about 2 hours away from here. Didn't have the time to tell me before he left. Ok, whatever. I'm not even pissed. Have the bed to myself and an empty house today, it's like heaven. As long as work doesn't call me later needing help.
Fair enough but I'd still be ticked he didn't shoot a quick text before he left. You had the consideration to keep him in the loop and he should have done the same.
So many hugs to you prof. You know you deserve better. I pray you find the strength to get him out of your life. The man needs a serious wake up call and deserves zero explanation from you. He knows he is wrong but is too wrapped up in his own emotions to treat you and his children decently.
lostrn, I think it's BS that he couldn't send you a quick text to let you know he was leaving. It is just irresponsible on his part and his way of "punishing"you for not making him the center of your attention last night. I would let him get back and then call him out on this BS. What if he got into an accident? You would have no idea where he was and to not at least give you a heads up is disrespectful on his part. Someone needs to stop being an immature ass and it is not you.
Post by litebright on Aug 27, 2016 10:17:22 GMT -5
Thanks, lexxasaurus and isabel. Sonny seems more like himself this morning. He even ate last night (food softened with some chicken broth), so it seems like he's already starting on the road to recovery. And the good news is that all of his blood work and everything came back perfect, so he's very healthy other than those teeth and hopefully this will mean more good years for him (he's 12, which is old for as big as he is).
Which makes me feel better about the expense, lol. I can deal as long as spending the money and putting him through this actually helps him -- it was just hard to feel like I'd paid a lot of money for him to be hurting and miserable.
Thanks, lexxasaurus and isabel. Sonny seems more like himself this morning. He even ate last night (food softened with some chicken broth), so it seems like he's already starting on the road to recovery. And the good news is that all of his blood work and everything came back perfect, so he's very healthy other than those teeth and hopefully this will mean more good years for him (he's 12, which is old for as big as he is).
Which makes me feel better about the expense, lol. I can deal as long as spending the money and putting him through this actually helps him -- it was just hard to feel like I'd paid a lot of money for him to be hurting and miserable.
Haha. I told H that Bella better live at least another 2 years after the $2k we spent for her teeth. She's 14, but she's a beagle and is in good health otherwise. I have my fingers crossed.
To be fair about ignoring my texts, he was on his motorcycle and you especially can't text and drive on that. He decided to take a road trip (at 9pm??) and spend the night about 2 hours away from here. Didn't have the time to tell me before he left. Ok, whatever. I'm not even pissed. Have the bed to myself and an empty house today, it's like heaven. As long as work doesn't call me later needing help.
Fair enough but I'd still be ticked he didn't shoot a quick text before he left. You had the consideration to keep him in the loop and he should have done the same.
Absolutely!! lostrn this is SO thoughtless & disrespectful! I'd say that regardless of the following, but you guys had been texting All Evening Long!! YOU'VE been taking attention away from your social time to keep him abreast of your activities. But He can't freaking drop you a line to alert you of his plans when he expects you to txt him throughout your entire gtg?!?! Noooooo! No, no, no, not how this works. PLEASE do not let him off as easily as I feel you are
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny