What's happening in your life? AW/vent/whatever!

[doglove]

Aug 30, 2016 11:45:31 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Everywhere I look, I'm seeing REALLY tall guys w REALLY short girls ... as a tall girl it's frustrating. Ahem you're 5'4", 6'0 should be plenty tall for you so the 6'0" girl can date the 6'4"+ guy so she can feel short !

I don't like tall guys much and I'm 5'4". I'll take all the shorties please. 

[glynn]

Aug 29, 2016 21:32:55 GMT -5 letsgetweird said:

I had 3 dates with this guy. 3rd date he comes over. We had quick mediocre sex and I never hear from him again.

Blehhh

Ugh sorry... Dating at this age is hard. I am having great sex with a guy that has no interest in dating.....

[itsmyparty]

This is going to be long, but I need to share it with ladies who I think will understand...

For the past three months I've been dating a guy I really like, who I met on Tinder. And who I think (he says so, anyway) really likes me. But he travels constantly for work - I mean 75% of the time, probably - which makes it hard for us to spend quality time together or make any future plans (even in the near future). The time we HAVE spent together has been wonderful, full of chemistry and a meaningful connection. But as much as we text when we're apart, the travel has been a source of frustration and sadness. Still, he has built me up constantly, sending me good morning/miss you texts, telling me he can't wait to see me, he's trying to make more time for us, etc.

The past week his texting dropped off, to the point where I didn't hear from him for several days...which isn't normal for him, even when he's overseas we text every day. I could tell something was up, so I called him on it...and still didn't get a response. Then he unmatched me on Tinder. I was pretty devastated. I mean, I think I knew deep down that this relationship wasn't going to work thanks to his travel, but I like him so much that I was hoping it would change and I guess I wasn't ready for it to end yet. But regardless of all that, I couldn't believe that he would just GHOST me after three months. I spent all Sunday crying and pouring my heart out to my girlfriends via messenger (because I've moved to a different state where I don't know anyone). Then...he texted me. He tells me he likes and cares about me very much, but that he's never home and feels like he's wasting my time. I texted back, and basically where we left it is that when he's in town, it'd be fun to get together, he'll text when he wants and I'll do the same, but I'm going to carry on with my life.

Although I've done some casual dating since separating/divorcing, this was my first kindof relationship post-divorce and the first guy I had any type of feelings for. I'm now doing some self inventory so I don't repeat this. Part of me thinks the old single me wouldn't have even tried to start this relationship when I learned how much he traveled, yet part of me doesn't regret it because it was so nice to have found a great romantic connection that I haven't had in many, many years. I know that I dove in this time because this guy is basically the opposite of my ex in every good way. And everyone told me the first break-up post-divorce is bad; I guess I'm glad it happened just a few months in, when really it would've probably only been harder if it had continued and we developed stronger feelings. But after this experience I'm feeling so sad about dating. I feel like I have to keep a wall up, because so many of the guys are either just looking for sex (at least most are honest about it, and I've been there, too), they're married, or just not what I'm looking for. Plus, I'm not physically attracted to soooooo many of the guys on the dating sites I'm seeing, whereas this guy was hot and we had intense sexual chemistry. Part of me is so ready to date and love again, but if I got so wrapped up with this guy after just three months maybe I'm not ready? Ugh...I hate dating.

[pinkdutchtulips]

itsmyparty your guy sounds an awful lot like a guy feel head over heels for on Tinder too. Lots of texts, awesome chemistry, a 9 hr time difference when overseas for business no problem !, good morning texts, the whole kit and kaboodke then the texts go from a torrent to a trickle. I was pissed he had ghosted me !

I'm hoping it wasn't the same guy :/ hugs and the 1st break up post divorce is the one that stings the most. Don't keep him around as a FWB, you deserve better than that ! Sometimes FWB hold us back from meeting the meaningful people who SHOULD be in our lives ..

[itsmyparty]

mp, pinkdutchtulips, You're both right, of course. I think this just got to me so much because it was the first time I had felt "special" to a man in a long time. But I need to remind myself that actions speak louder than words, and it's hard for actions to say much of anything when I hardly ever see the dude.

When I met him on Tinder I wasn't even looking to get into a relationship or even maybe date. I was kinda just looking for a good time. And I was bored. But he kinda swept me off my feet. What kills me is that I actually really had my wall up pretty good when we first started seeing each other, but he was so endearing that I just started to drop it. Now I feel a little emotionally manipulated.

[bg]

Aug 30, 2016 16:22:11 GMT -5 mp said:

itsmyparty if you were devastated and bawling, why the heck are you willing to maintain a FWB situation with him? You're setting yourself up for repeated pain. BUt honestly, it sounds like A LOT in 3 mos given that you couldnt have spent all that much time with him. It sounds like you barely even gave yourself time to find yourself in your new city. Slow your roll!

In any case, let it be a reminder that you can and will have those feelings again. And next time w/a guy who doesnt travel as much.

I had something similar happen recently -- guy decided he wasn't in a position to date. I definitely had some feelings for him so it was hard, even if it had just been a few months. But as mp said, I'm using it as a reminder that I can have those feelings and that I can have fun with a guy. It's ok that you brought down your guard a bit. I would also agree with mp that it doesn't sound like a good idea to be FWB with him.

[doglove]

Aug 31, 2016 2:29:08 GMT -5 itsmyparty said:

mp , pinkdutchtulips , You're both right, of course. I think this just got to me so much because it was the first time I had felt "special" to a man in a long time. But I need to remind myself that actions speak louder than words, and it's hard for actions to say much of anything when I hardly ever see the dude.

When I met him on Tinder I wasn't even looking to get into a relationship or even maybe date. I was kinda just looking for a good time. And I was bored. But he kinda swept me off my feet. What kills me is that I actually really had my wall up pretty good when we first started seeing each other, but he was so endearing that I just started to drop it. Now I feel a little emotionally manipulated.

Were you on the dating app because you were bored or because you were looking to hook up with someone? I don't mean to be critical here, but if you if you aren't ready to date, you shouldn't be on dating apps to fill your time as a distraction. Look into activities that fill you up and make you feel good about yourself. This whole scenario is coming across to me as you were looking for a distraction from yourself, found someone on Tinder who was upfront about their availability and you just fell down the rabbit hole? I don't see how you were emotionally manipulated in this situation either unless you're leaving out more information. 

[cuddlyevil]

POF guy is no longer normal. Keeps turning small talk type texts into hints or overt comments about needing sex. Nice to get back out there, but I'm nopeadopeing outta this one.

[bg]

I accepted a job. Low pay will make things interesting financially but I hope in the long run it'll be the right choice. Now I get to bask in some downtime before I start and finish up some on going projects.

[Deleted]

Aug 31, 2016 12:31:34 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

POF guy is no longer normal. Keeps turning small talk type texts into hints or overt comments about needing sex. Nice to get back out there, but I'm nopeadopeing outta this one.

Why do they do this?  Can they find NOTHING ELSE to talk about?  UGH.  Sorry you spent time on that.

[cuddlyevil]

Aug 31, 2016 13:43:49 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Aug 31, 2016 12:31:34 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

POF guy is no longer normal. Keeps turning small talk type texts into hints or overt comments about needing sex. Nice to get back out there, but I'm nopeadopeing outta this one.

Why do they do this?  Can they find NOTHING ELSE to talk about?  UGH.  Sorry you spent time on that.

We fooled around after date #2, but since then he's kind of scaled back on his texting--even over the weekend. So it was like his interest was waning, but now it's like he's only putting effort in so that I'll put out. Which, it's not even full effort so newp. It had a lot of promise until recently.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Aug 31, 2016 13:49:59 GMT -5 mp said:

Aug 31, 2016 13:43:49 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Why do they do this?  Can they find NOTHING ELSE to talk about?  UGH.  Sorry you spent time on that.

I met a guy last week. I wasn't SUPER interested in him ,but he was nice and funny. He texted me after i was like "ahh school just started" all "I've been told I'm great at massages. What's your address? "DUDE. You havent even taken me on a fucking date.

I had a similar thing happen on Tinder - no you cannot come over .. we just met jeez

[glitzyglow]

Aug 31, 2016 13:49:59 GMT -5 mp said:

Aug 31, 2016 13:43:49 GMT -5 @bigtowlittletoe said:

Why do they do this?  Can they find NOTHING ELSE to talk about?  UGH.  Sorry you spent time on that.

I met a guy last week. I wasn't SUPER interested in him ,but he was nice and funny. He texted me after i was like "ahh school just started" all "I've been told I'm great at massages. What's your address? "DUDE. You havent even taken me on a fucking date.

Recently a guy asked me out on Tinder and I said sure. Then he followed up with, "And I can give you a special massage " Um, no. Unmatched.

[alleinesein]

Aug 30, 2016 11:45:31 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Everywhere I look, I'm seeing REALLY tall guys w REALLY short girls ... as a tall girl it's frustrating. Ahem you're 5'4", 6'0 should be plenty tall for you so the 6'0" girl can date the 6'4"+ guy so she can feel short !

I've been bitching about this for over 20 years.  Dammit I want to date someone who is taller than me when I wear heels.  I hate hate hate hate being taller than a guy and when all the 6'+ guys are dating girls who are a good foot shorter than them it really makes it hard to find a tall guy to date.  

[pinkdutchtulips]

Aug 31, 2016 15:18:59 GMT -5 alleinesein said:

Aug 30, 2016 11:45:31 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Everywhere I look, I'm seeing REALLY tall guys w REALLY short girls ... as a tall girl it's frustrating. Ahem you're 5'4", 6'0 should be plenty tall for you so the 6'0" girl can date the 6'4"+ guy so she can feel short !

I've been bitching about this for over 20 years.  Dammit I want to date someone who is taller than me when I wear heels.  I hate hate hate hate being taller than a guy and when all the 6'+ guys are dating girls who are a good foot shorter than them it really makes it hard to find a tall guy to date.  

it's by far my BIGGEST dating pet peeve ... tried dating shorter guys ... NEWP !

[Deleted]

Aug 31, 2016 15:17:37 GMT -5 glitzyglow said:

Aug 31, 2016 13:49:59 GMT -5 mp said:

I met a guy last week. I wasn't SUPER interested in him ,but he was nice and funny. He texted me after i was like "ahh school just started" all "I've been told I'm great at massages. What's your address? "DUDE. You havent even taken me on a fucking date.

Recently a guy asked me out on Tinder and I said sure. Then he followed up with, "And I can give you a special massage " Um, no. Unmatched.

Same, but he offered to bring wine and snacks, too.  NO.  No amount of stranger hands, food and wine is going to make me invite you over.  Creeper.

[doglove]

Someone on tinder asked me to come over that same night, without exchanging any messages. Is this normal? I was like, no thanks. Hello? Are people skipping public dates now and just going to other people's homes? WTF?

[itsmyparty]

mp, bg, doglove, When we first met he told me he traveled 50% of the time, which wasn't really the case. The first month it may have been that, but it ended up being more like 75-85%. But because I wasn't in a rush and was comfortable going slow - just tipping my toe back in the dating pool, as I phrased it - his travel didn't bother me that much at first. Especially because he was so communicative via text, so it still felt like we were able to get to know each other when we weren't seeing each other.

From the beginning he told me that he was a one-woman man, that he didn't have the time or desire to date more than one woman at once. Still, he knew I was dating other guys when we first started dating, which he didn't question. But after a couple of months and I started to feel some feelings for him, I just didn't really feel like dating anyone else. After he told me once that he "only has eyes for [me]" and called me his girlfriend, I mentioned that I wasn't dating anyone else currently...which he said made him really happy. So it was my decision, and the exclusive thing isn't bothering me at all...it's not like I feel I missed out on anyone by not dating around for a month or two.

What makes me feel a little emotionally manipulated is that he was the one who escalated the "sentimental" aspect of the relationship from the beginning. Lots of terms of endearment (which isn't really my thing, because I'm not used to it), the "good morning" "thinking of you" "missing you" texts waiting for me every morning or at random times throughout the day, sooooo many references to him feeling lucky to have found me on Tinder of all places, how he couldn't wait to do this or that with me or take me up to his cabin, the really romantic and cozy dates we had where we talked for hours, etc. None of which is bad, except I feel he had to have known that he probably didn't have time for a relationship at all whereas I didn't really know what I was getting into in the beginning (because the travel ended up being a lot more than he initially claimed). I even told him early on that I needed to keep a bit of a wall up - I think he could sense I was prickly about certain topics - but after a while you want to start to drop it, ya know? Also, he went from hot to cold very suddenly; we texted on Friday about what we should do for our next date, lots of our usual flirtation and suggestion and kissyfacemuwah stuff, Saturday he was traveling but still sent me hellos and a goodnight kissy emoji. (GOD, that feels so lame to type.) Then that was it - no more texts from him until I asked him what was up a week later, and that I'd appreciate him acknowledging me instead of just ignoring.

So basically, yeah, I went along for the ride willingly, but if he was going to just end it because of his work schedule - which he knew about all along - I wish he just wouldn't have started it in the first place. He says he ended it because he felt like HE was wasting MY time, which I never expressed to him. Because I didn't feel like he was wasting my time...I am in no rush nor am I motivated to date guys I'm not interested in just for the sake of dating. I really dislike him using that as an excuse - I should be the only one to decide if my time is being wasted.

OH, as for why I was on Tinder. I was partly curious about it - I had never been on it before and just kinda wanted to see what it was all about - and partly looking for companionship. I don't have a problem with FWBs or FBs...had 'em in the past, and coming out of a sexless marriage Lord knows I have some physical needs. I have joined a ton of MeetUp groups here, some alumni type groups as well, but no real friends yet, so I'm looking for companionship in different forms. So I just thought I would try out some dating slowly, see how I feel, and adjust accordingly. Some guys I had no interest in past the first date, a couple others are FWB/FB possibilities, and this guy ended up being the only one I had some feelings for. I don't think there's anything wrong with me tipping my toe in, as long as I'm paying attention to my feelings and everyone is really clear about expectations.

Sorry for another long post!

[itsmyparty]

As bad as people say Tinder is, I've actually been propositioned WAY more on OKCupid. Sex is WAY important to me in a relationship, but I'll be damned if I'm going to discuss it with every dude who I exchange a few messages with. I have to blame women for this, too, because men wouldn't try that approach if it wasn't successful for them. Also, the number of men claiming to be in an "open relationship" I find HIGHLY suspicious.

[nextbigthing]

Aug 31, 2016 15:21:24 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

Aug 31, 2016 15:18:59 GMT -5 alleinesein said:

I've been bitching about this for over 20 years.  Dammit I want to date someone who is taller than me when I wear heels.  I hate hate hate hate being taller than a guy and when all the 6'+ guys are dating girls who are a good foot shorter than them it really makes it hard to find a tall guy to date.  

it's by far my BIGGEST dating pet peeve ... tried dating shorter guys ... NEWP !

I'll sympathize here, I'm 6'2"! There are a limited number of guys taller than me! Stbxh is 6'7"

[Mrs.Rad888]

Aug 31, 2016 18:33:47 GMT -5 nextbigthing said:

Aug 31, 2016 15:21:24 GMT -5 pinkdutchtulips said:

it's by far my BIGGEST dating pet peeve ... tried dating shorter guys ... NEWP !

I'll sympathize here, I'm 6'2"! There are a limited number of guys taller than me! Stbxh is 6'7"

I feel for all of you. I'm 5'8", which is taller than average for a woman, but not really tall. Still, the majority of guys I've dated weren't tall enough for me to wear heel without being taller than them. DH is 6'2", which is just right for me if I am wearing heels, but I know the rest of you would still be taller than him.

[statlerwaldorf]

At least you guys are getting offered massages. I would get shit like so do you spit or swallow? What exactly am I going to get out of that exchange?

[statlerwaldorf]

cuddlyevil those guys are the worst. It's like a switch gets flipped and suddenly they are incapable of talking about anything else.

[1confused1]

I can't believe all of the shit I have to do to help get my kids protected from their "father". Thanks for nothing family Court.

[itsmyparty]

Aug 31, 2016 20:10:46 GMT -5 statlerwaldorf said:

At least you guys are getting offered massages. I would get shit like so do you spit or swallow? What exactly am I going to get out of that exchange?

One guy on OKC messaged me - first message! - the other night with "Kinkiest thing you've done in bed?" Do women actually respond to these guys?!

[nextbigthing]

Stbxh is being a pain. He is draaaaaaaging out this divorce and it's making me nuts.

I told him to make a list of what he wants from the house (which he did and I agreed to all of it). Then I asked him if instead of mediation he wanted to give me a dollar amount that he wanted and if we agreed we'd get the lawyers to finalize and be done. He said ok, but won't give me a number and all I keep getting is "I love you, please don't divorce me, I want to treat you like a queen, blah blah blah." Um, STBXH you've been a shitty husband for 11 years and got drunk caring for our toddler, fuck you.

I told my lawyer yesterday to get a court date and get mediation scheduled. If stbxh takes half of everything (which he is legally entitled to, I know, but he didn't earn or pay for any of it, he's a lazy loser), I will make everything so difficult for him for the rest of his life and will air every bit of his dirty laundry. Jerk. He has barely worked during our marriage and I've worked super hard.


Grrrrrrrrr

[glitzyglow]

Ugh, I want to cry this morning. It's my cat's 15th birthday today and since 7am he's been in the litter box at least 10 times. I changed the litter last night, so I can see he's peeing, but this warrants a trip to the emergency vet. And of course, I have a meeting at 10 and a meeting at 11:30am that are mandatory and are an hour away from my apt.

And I spent a fuck ton of money on my car on Tuesday and rent was paid this week, so I hate myself for looking at my sick cat and thinking about the additional money I'm going to have to spend today on him. And I'll have to use my cc that I'm trying to pay off but don't seem to have the chance to. Financially I feel like I'm always 1 step forward, 10 steps back.

He's eating and drinking, so that's good. I know he's getting older and such, and these are the moments I hate my exH so much. He also skipped out on the cat along with me and here I am again having to spread myself thin because exH is a monumental fuckup.

[doglove]

Hope he's okay - big hugs glitzyglow.

[bg]

Healthy thoughts to your kitty glitzyglow

[mommadukes]

Sept 1, 2016 10:15:59 GMT -5 @32flavors said:

I've been dating a guy who is an xbf from my very early 20s. I met xh through him actually. He is thoughtful and funny and I like being with him. He has spent the night a few times, it's only been a few weeks. This morning he said he wants to call my xh to let him know we are spending time together. I appreciate that they have been friends forever and I respect that he wants to be a stand up guy. It still feels a little odd to have the guy I'm sleeping with call my ex.

sounds like a bad idea