What's happening in your life? AW/vent/whatever!

[nextbigthing]

Sept 1, 2016 10:15:59 GMT -5 @32flavors said:

I've been dating a guy who is an xbf from my very early 20s. I met xh through him actually. He is thoughtful and funny and I like being with him. He has spent the night a few times, it's only been a few weeks. This morning he said he wants to call my xh to let him know we are spending time together. I appreciate that they have been friends forever and I respect that he wants to be a stand up guy. It still feels a little odd to have the guy I'm sleeping with call my ex.

a friend of mine did the exact same thing (and has since married the guy), but when her now H called exH, a HUGE shitstorm erupted evem though everyone had moved on.

You may want to think about waiting until you see if it's going anywhere before you open that can of worms.

[doglove]

Yikes - why are you dating your exH's best friend? Nope.

[TR]

Sept 1, 2016 11:48:23 GMT -5 doglove said:

Yikes - why are you dating your exH's best friend? Nope.

Well, it sounds like she knew the guy before she met XH so it's not AS crazy as just dating your XH's best friend if you'd met the guy through your XH. Still, it is a delicate situation and I don't know that the conversation needs to happen if and until you two know you're serious. 

[TR]

Sept 1, 2016 12:05:06 GMT -5 @32flavors said:

Sept 1, 2016 11:55:12 GMT -5 TR said:

Well, it sounds like she knew the guy before she met XH so it's not AS crazy as just dating your XH's best friend if you'd met the guy through your XH. Still, it is a delicate situation and I don't know that the conversation needs to happen if and until you two know you're serious. 

This is it, we dated before I met my xh. It's probably been just under a month since we started seeing each other again. As I said, I truly don't think my xh is going to care. And- I see the respect of saying something since we've been seeing each other regularly. Both my irl bffs have weighed in and think it's the right thing to do, and they know everyone involved. 

I appreciate the opinions and if I turn out to be wrong of course I'll let you know!

How close of friends are they? I think the closer they are, the sooner the conversation can happen and not be weird, lol. 

[itsmyparty]

Sept 1, 2016 12:09:55 GMT -5 TR said:

Sept 1, 2016 12:05:06 GMT -5 @32flavors said:

This is it, we dated before I met my xh. It's probably been just under a month since we started seeing each other again. As I said, I truly don't think my xh is going to care. And- I see the respect of saying something since we've been seeing each other regularly. Both my irl bffs have weighed in and think it's the right thing to do, and they know everyone involved. 

I appreciate the opinions and if I turn out to be wrong of course I'll let you know!

How close of friends are they? I think the closer they are, the sooner the conversation can happen and not be weird, lol. 

If you don't think your ex will care, why does this guy feel it's necessary for him to say something? 

[mommadukes]

Sept 1, 2016 11:09:08 GMT -5 nextbigthing said:

Sept 1, 2016 10:15:59 GMT -5 @32flavors said:

I've been dating a guy who is an xbf from my very early 20s. I met xh through him actually. He is thoughtful and funny and I like being with him. He has spent the night a few times, it's only been a few weeks. This morning he said he wants to call my xh to let him know we are spending time together. I appreciate that they have been friends forever and I respect that he wants to be a stand up guy. It still feels a little odd to have the guy I'm sleeping with call my ex.

a friend of mine did the exact same thing (and has since married the guy), but when her now H called exH, a HUGE shitstorm erupted evem though everyone had moved on.

You may want to think about waiting until you see if it's going anywhere before you open that can of worms.

I agree and that is what I meant more in my response above. @32flavors

[itsmyparty]

nextbigthing, I can relate. My husband dragged out our divorce unnecessarily, too, first saying he'd take the first stab at a settlement offer, then stalling to the point where I had to take it over and drive it. He hired a total clown of an attorney, too, which didn't help. Absolutely stick to your guns and get the dates on the calendar with the court/mediator!

[pinkdutchtulips]

In looking to see what I had to do to renew my DVRO I was pleasantly surprised to see that while the RO expires, the custody order contained in it expires when DD turns 18 !! I've got a criminal protective order in place that is an under NO CIRCUMSTANCES do you contact this person w/in 300 yards that expires in 2024.

I won't be renewing my DVRO. Besides attempting service on a transient can be EEKpensive !

[brooke77]

Sept 1, 2016 12:25:45 GMT -5 @32flavors said:

Sept 1, 2016 12:09:55 GMT -5 TR said:

How close of friends are they? I think the closer they are, the sooner the conversation can happen and not be weird, lol. 

When he ran the idea of speaking to him by me he used the words, "he's like a brother." I don't think they spend a lot of time hanging out on a regular basis, but it's been a lifelong friendship. And while I respect people's opinions that I shouldn't date a friend of my x at all- we had an amicable divorce, we don't argue or get nasty, he is happily re-married.

Also- this is a really kind, considerate, funny man who I have always genuinely cared for, even when things were platonic. I'm not sure that he is going to be my next husband, but I can say that it's really nice to spend time with a guy I really trust and who genuinely cares about me as well. 

I may be in the minority too, but I don't see why it's a terrible idea that he tells your X that he's been hanging out with you.  I think it shows that he's a pretty mature guy who knows how to communicate.

[doglove]

Sept 1, 2016 11:55:12 GMT -5 TR said:

Sept 1, 2016 11:48:23 GMT -5 doglove said:

Yikes - why are you dating your exH's best friend? Nope.

Well, it sounds like she knew the guy before she met XH so it's not AS crazy as just dating your XH's best friend if you'd met the guy through your XH. Still, it is a delicate situation and I don't know that the conversation needs to happen if and until you two know you're serious. 

I understand. I feel like if he was already an ex though, why revisit this situation? Also there are four bazillion men in the world. I respect everyone's right to choose who they date, I just don't think I'd be dating my ex-H's best friend regardless of knowing him beforehand or not. That's just my 2 cents though. 

[glynn]

Sept 1, 2016 12:29:28 GMT -5 itsmyparty said:

nextbigthing , I can relate. My husband dragged out our divorce unnecessarily, too, first saying he'd take the first stab at a settlement offer, then stalling to the point where I had to take it over and drive it. He hired a total clown of an attorney, too, which didn't help. Absolutely stick to your guns and get the dates on the calendar with the court/mediator!

This is also what I had to do. He waited until we were in the court room to finally sign what I wanted and he had agreed to.