This is no longer about post about cute kids

[Deleted]

I felt like should explain. I felt horrible but whatever damn me for not just saying sorry all by itself

[elleblue]

Aug 30, 2016 20:27:58 GMT -5 MittenState said:

My kids are amazing, but sorry I did not think. I will tear myself down just as all of you have to make you guys feel better about this. I live a real life where I take care of my amazing bi -racial kids and cannot believe I wasted so many years somewhere with people like yourselves. I said I was wrong and maybe I should have read the posts but I didn't. I'm going to take my horrible self and leave because I clearly must have better things to do.

Oh give me a fucking break. 

[jewel]

Aug 30, 2016 20:16:33 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

Okay, I don't buy it. The ONLY reason I came back to this thread, after posting once and not reading anything, was because it was at 9 pages and I KNEW something had to be up. By the time you posted it was 12 pages. How in the world could you have thought this thread got to 12 pages on this topic without it being something heated. You had to have known.

She did know.

"I saw a tense situation which on here generally means people are all worked up and I responded to the original question."

Even if she didn't read the details, she knew something was up. Anyone with any ounce of GBCN sense would know to read. And wouldn't double down after learning that her assumption (that it was harmless drama?) was wrong.

[h]

Can we really not do better than this? Seriously?
.

[cincodemayo]

Well don't let the door hit ya, wiseowl. Holy crap. Yes, a sorry would have sufficed.

Gah. I'm sorry to the WOC on this board. You deserve a lot better. I wish you well, @natariru. Please come back if you are ready. We will miss you very much.

[JLV]

Aug 30, 2016 20:27:58 GMT -5 MittenState said:

My kids are amazing, but sorry I did not think. I will tear myself down just as all of you have to make you guys feel better about this. I live a real life where I take care of my amazing bi -racial kids and cannot believe I wasted so many years somewhere with people like yourselves. I said I was wrong and maybe I should have read the posts but I didn't. I'm going to take my horrible self and leave because I clearly must have better things to do.

Oh, I see you've moved on to martyrdom.

[sweetday]

See ya.... the post you quoted spoke of the "other stuff" you wanted to ignore. "". For reference

Aug 30, 2016 19:14:00 GMT -5 MittenState said:

Aug 30, 2016 18:50:14 GMT -5 glitzy07 said:

Holy shit. I haven't been on at all today and was thinking this was just a post full of "Yes, little Johnny is definitely the cutest!"

I have learned so much from this place, race/micro-aggressions being only one of the many topics I'm referring to. It kills me that we're losing such amazing members of our community due ignorance and the inability for some to find a way to grow in 2016.

You'll be missed more than you know, @natariru.

I ignored the other stuff and tried to revert it back by posting my kids

[katrinabennett]

Aug 30, 2016 16:49:40 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

Also my first instinct when I'm called out is to get defensive. It's something I need to work on in all facets of life. I mean, sometimes I AM wrong. Who'd have thought??

Yes
Stop.
Write the defensive post.
Then delete it. Because nobody cares about 'you' and what 'you meant'. They are hurt. They are offended. It isn't about you.
Reflect.
Then apologize.
Then shut up. Don't beg for forgiveness - earn it.


Even better. Slow down in the beginning. Think before you speak.

I'm trying. But it's my road. its not the responsibility of others to get me to my destination. It's mine.

[SJ]

I have no words.

I keep typing and deleting and turning the caps lock on and off. As I just read this Multiple posts in this thread left me speechless with rage and the defense of them is worse.

I will miss @natariru dearly.

[redheadbaker]

Daaaamn. Was wondering why this thread was so long. Got to cookiemonster's post, and my jaw dropped. WTF was that shit?

[scribellesam]

Holy shit. I finally opened this thread after ignoring it all day. I'm sorry to see the turn it took and to read the heartbreaking stories about posters' kids and parenting experiences.

[redheadbaker]

Aug 30, 2016 21:50:27 GMT -5 @kirkette said:

Aug 30, 2016 21:43:11 GMT -5 redheadbaker said:

Daaaamn. Was wondering why this thread was so long. Got to cookiemonster's post, and my jaw dropped. WTF was that shit?

Spoiler alert: It gets worse, and it's likely not the end of the foolishness.

I'm up to page 10 now, and still reading. I'm sorry these conversations keep happening. I know this sounds trite, but I can't imagine the frustration. 

[Beeps (WOT?*)]

Well I don't think they were the cutest kids. I KNOW they were. Unfortunately kids grow up. lol. Fortunately, they have kids that are even cutter than they were.

[speckledfrog]

Aug 30, 2016 22:03:46 GMT -5 Beeps (WOT?*) said:

Well I don't think they were the cutest kids. I KNOW they were. Unfortunately kids grow up. lol. Fortunately, they have kids that are even cuter than they were.

I know you have other stuff going on, but you have to at least read the last page of a mega thread to see if it's still on topic.  It's not.
Save

[redheadbaker]

Well. On one hand, I wish people would stick around and GET IT THROUGH THEIR HEADS that white fragility is not the burden of the WOC on this board. On the other hand, we're losing valuable posters, so if you're going to play the martyr, buh-bye.

[redwino]

Aug 30, 2016 23:09:19 GMT -5 @littlemoxie said:

I've been thinking about this. Yes, it's easy to "slip up" and say something that "sounds bad."
But we are typing! By its very nature, this medium gives you more time to reflect and choose words carefully.

Maybe we need to scrutinize our biases, intentions, etc much more carefully so that we do better in real life, when the stakes are higher (like kids around).

I've been thinking all night about how these "slip ups" are passed on to your children. If these are the things you type then I can only imagine the things you say when you can't take the time to think about your words.

[TamiTaylor]

I just can't with all this bullshit.

The frequency of these comments is getting out of control. However, I am sure they have been happening all along for years but my white privilege blinders were on and not open to seeing what was clearly in front of me.

It's appalling.

Wiseowl, how fucking dare you. You saw what was going on, posted a flippant post, then acted brand new. Then doubled down on it and played a maytr then pointed the finger at everyone else. That we wanted this. Who the fuck what's this. No one what wants you show your ass just so they can seize the opportunity to be "mean."


STOP SAYING THIS WE ARE MEAN GIRL BS. I'M NOT MEAN. I CALL BS WHEN I SEE AND I WANT TO PROTECT THE LADIES ON THIS BOARD. So fuck right off with that.

I am so fucking tired with people posting this crap and then cutting and running when they feel "attacked."

I am so tired to see shit go down for pages and the same very active posters are nowhere to be found. The "nice" posters need to step up @ashleyscott, where are you at? And before I have someone crying foul that I'm picking on people this was the first "nice" poster that popped in my head.

We need to get this shit together. I'm fucking furious that this has run off @natariru.

It's fucking 2016. It took a 100 years after the Civil War for the Civil Rights Act to be passed. It has been 51 years since that act was passed and its still more of the same. That's too damn long.



@kirkette & @natariru have been two of the nicest posters to me. They deserve better. All the WOC deserve better.

[andwhat]

Aug 30, 2016 19:38:46 GMT -5 Jalapeñomel said:

Jesus. I regret posting this, and I especially regret not reading the replies. It was supposed to be a thread where everyone said that they thought their kid was the cutest ever, and then divulge into a slew of cute kid pics. The wording sucked, and I should've known better then to post something this stupid.

Regardless, I'm sorry that this had to turn into, yet again, a post where someone should've actually thought before posting or, even better, realizing that those thoughts are what is causing so much anger and frustration, not just on our boards, but in every day life.

All of this is not your fault. You did nothing wrong

[miso]

Well, I usually only come here to talk about Pokemon, but I took the time to read this thread, so I might as well comment.

(1) Negative million points to posters who continued to boast about their purportedly cute children without reading the thread. You are so fucking dumb.

(2) It is a damn shame that such continued nonsense on your board is driving away some quality posters. The bonus points comment was sheer insanity that could not have been construed or meant in any innocuous way. But, to me, the follow-up pleading for nice explanations of why someone is a fucking stupid racist was possibly even more offensive. I have always found the whole Teach Me Your Ways, Minorities phenomenon rather odd and irritating, and it seems to occur with semi-regularity on this board. That's not my job. I'm unemployed, and it's still not my job.

(3) Benefit of the doubt? LMFAO. No benefit for you. White people have the benefit of the everything already. Get your shit together. No fucking Sheltered Pass for you.

(4) LOL forever at the attempted use of the Stressed Mom Defense on MM Fucking Moms. Everybody is in the same boat here, yet most people manage not to spew forth such idiocy. At least have the courtesy to use a little creativity in crafting your excuses. LOL FOREVERRRRR.

(5) wiseowl -- poster least like her screenname in the history of GBCN. There is an art to inserting levity into an intense discussion. You don't have it.

(6) Let's focus on the positive here. When this happens, you purge your board of people you don't want or need. (I'm talking about the blonde-haired-blue-eyed-points-awarders and please-treat-me-with-kid-gloves types, not the women of color who have had enough.) Think of it as Kon Mari for your board.

Good luck and Godspeed, MM Moms. Do better.

(And my child is a charismatic delight but a far cry from a model.)

[halfpint]

I think what is extra galling is the old "I didn't mean it that way, you're overreacting, I'm a good person" defense. And that people still expect to be treated with kind words and "it's okay, your INTENT wasn't to cut my feelings to bits" responses. There are generations of people who have been termed "angry" or "too sensitive", or told "you're reading too much into it" or "Becky didn't MEAN it that way". But the reality is the words were still said, and people should be called out. And it doesn't need to be nice or respectful or apologetic. The hurt and the anger and the disbelief and the disgust need to be heard and seen, or we'll continue to have these situations. Situations where people feel like it's okay to brush feelings aside and claim ignorance and carry on their merry way, where managers feel like it's okay that Tim said something "mildly racist", because he didn't MEAN it that way and can't we all just move past this and get along?

It's not about your intent. It's about how your words are read and heard and perceived and that matters.

[Beeps (WOT?*)]

Aug 30, 2016 22:10:51 GMT -5 speckledfrog said:

Aug 30, 2016 22:03:46 GMT -5 Beeps (WOT?*) said:

Well I don't think they were the cutest kids. I KNOW they were. Unfortunately kids grow up. lol. Fortunately, they have kids that are even cuter than they were.

I know you have other stuff going on, but you have to at least read the last page of a mega thread to see if it's still on topic.  It's not.
Save

I read the post about sandsonik and the 3/5 comment and holy hell. I will try to read the thread when my iPad charges because I can't read shit on this phone and I obviously missed something. I didn't realize it was a mega shitpile of garbage. Appreciate the heads up.

(ETA: re-reading and fuck, that comment was on CEP, which means we have at least TWO different boards who are CONCURRENTLY dealing with this bullshit. I don't blame anyone for leaving. We (and I include myself) need to do better because our track record is appalling.)

[dulcemariamar]

I am so sorry that we are losing posters but I understand why they would not want to participate when people post shit like this.

[Beeps (WOT?*)]

And now that I am back and my iPad is somewhat charged, I have had an opportunity to read this entire thread. My phone didn't make it clear that it was 14 pages, and I only read the first ones, which were all "my baby is the cutest ever."

Today after Monkey's viewing, I went to lunch with my son, his STBX, her family and my daughter. The conversation began to center around Koepernick's refusal to stand for the national anthem. As I was listening to them speak, I realized the only person who thought he was doing right was STBX's mother, who was from Guam. There was "He's not oppressed, he makes millions" and "he is half-white and was raised by white parents" and "it's a way to stay relevant." Two of those people were my son and daughter. My heart got heavier and heavier as I realized just how much I failed my children because of my biases and the color-blindness manner in which I was raised. I was one of two voices at the table to speak on his behalf, the other being HER mother, with the others arguing against us. I knew I wasn't a stellar parent, this proved I was also not a stellar influence. It was sad to me to hear what they were saying, and to hear them argue rather than to try to listen to the opposing view points.

I need to work to overcome not only my biases but to try to teach my children to overcome theirs so that they and my grandchildren do not perpetuate the racism into the next generations. I think that's probably the best I can do. It's my failure, at your cost and your children's cost. I'm sorry. I'm doing better. I need them to do better as well.

The loss of @natariru and @wandering is devastating to this community. Understanding, but devastating.

[thebreakfastclub]

Sorry to see @natariru and @wandering go.

[water*drop]

JFC, people. Think. Think before you speak. Think before you post. Think when you read something. Think when you notice yourself reacting to a situation - any situation - to see if your reaction is really the way you want to react or if it's actually biased (intentionally or not) so that you can do better. Read about microaggressions and oppression and systemic racism and then check yourself constantly so that checking yourself becomes ingrained in you. Read about teaching kids about race, then actually do it. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable because we owe it to the world to do better, and that's the only way it's going to happen. Make a fucking effort without somebody having to point it out to you. And when you inevitably do screw up, own it, self-reflect even more, and then do better. We're all adults now, so we're the ones responsible for our own actions and reactions. If you want to do better (and all of us can do better, even if we're trying really, really hard), take ownership and DO it.

[vtdiamond]

Jesus christ, I didn't come into this post because I figured it was a bunch of my kid is cute bs. But holy crap, I am appalled by the offensive things that were said here.

[Deleted]

Yes @starry I am absolutely evaluating my privilege and subconscious bias, and my language and all that goes with it. I recognize how horrible I was, and I sincerely apologize. I know nothing I can say makes it better, and I fully deserved to be called out and flamed, and realize many may never forgive me. I do not want to cause pain to others, and am so sorry posters left as a result of my actions.

[aspentosh]

CHRIST ON A CRACKER people. WTF are you thinking? Oh that's right, you're not. Hence why this garbage is coming out of your mouth.

This is not ok. Note even close. I.. I just don't even know anymore.

[Willis Jackson]

Bonus points is gross. Jokes when people are justifiably furious is gross.

I still regret posting a picture of Cecily Tyson and being amazed at her age (she's 91 and looks fantastic). It's like, wtf Willis. She's not something to be gawked at. See also "I wish I had Lupita Nyong'o's skin!" No, you don't. Stop.

[raangoli]

I have so many feelings about this whole thread, but I cannot put them into words because I feel like they aren't adequate.

If you do something wrong or say something wrong you absolutely deserve to be called out. Just because you are white doesn't automatically grant you a benefit of the doubt or a do-over. POC would never get that opportunity. Many don't even get the opportunity to speak before they are judged.

I just can't. Think before you speak/before you type. Words have meaning and they can hurt deeply.