He's Puerto Rican and we were both raised in evangelical homes but I feel that's where the similarities end. He's white and I'm black, and I feel that in the current racial climate we're in there are certain things that he doesn't understand even though he's Latino; I also never realized that he's as conservative as he is. The older I get, the more I realize he and I have nothing in common. :?
That dude I married is becoming more and more conservative so that's working out for us. Except, like not.
It really, really sucks. We have some serious issues anyway, but his lack of awareness and shitty comments on social issues make them worse.
Anyone else expected to take care of parents in old age?
Expected, I don't think so. At least no one has ever said this. But both my mother and my MIL refused to put their mothers in nursing homes, so I'm just assuming they don't want to go. My plan is to move my mother in with us when and if she ever needs care. My husband has always known this. My mother has always known this, too. If we needed to move my MIL in (also?), obviously, we would, but I think she would prefer to stay with SIL instead. I am basing this largely on the fact that they're much closer than her and my husband are, and because every time she comes in town, she stays with SIL (except for one night when her friend was having a 60th birthday party, because her friend lives closer to us LOL). My BIL has more of an obligation, so I would think he would be next up to bat. So yes, we'd do it but not without some conversation and finger pointing first.
I'm not taking my dad, though. He's been crotchety as hell since like age 61. I don't have time for his complaining. Plus, I told my sister that she she was taking him and she said okay. I felt like that episode of Cosby Show where Cockroach came all the way up on Theo's dance show ticket. Like this is serious, no take backs!
My mom makes a big show about refusing to put her parents in a home, and I'm like, "and?" You can drop those hints elsewhere, sister. I love you to life, but guilt trips don't work on me. You know this, so stop showing out right goddamn now.
My mom makes a big show about refusing to put her parents in a home, and I'm like, "and?" You can drop those hints elsewhere, sister. I love you to life, but guilt trips don't work on me. You know this, so stop showing out right goddamn now.
My mom makes a big show about refusing to put her parents in a home, and I'm like, "and?" You can drop those hints elsewhere, sister. I love you to life, but guilt trips don't work on me. You know this, so stop showing out right goddamn now.
Cold world.
since I actually adore her, I'm very nice about it. I just give a polite Kanye shrug and a petty grin when she starts up.
I'm half Middle Eastern and half white. I know not everyone considers that nonwhite (no one would ever mistake my father for a white man) but I've never truly felt comfortable in either race so I hope no one minds that I post. My mom's side is German and English. I'm related to a US president ( a shit one) and relatives as close as my grandmother have his last name. My dad's family left Palestine during one of the wars. The majority of his family is here now, but my parents still own a house over seas. I spent many years as a child in the Middle East. H is white- Irish, Polish, and Italian. H has no relatives in other countries that they are in contact with.
Does it cause issues?
Yes and no. Within H and I's relationship, no. With his family? At times. We were raised with the same morals and values but via different religions. Mine was a combination of Lutheran and Islamic beliefs. H, Catholicism. We are both atheist, although I am agnostic at times. Education is very important. I heard, "The best legacy a man can leave is a well educated family" every single time I saw my grandfather. Service is huge in both families. H and I both feel strongly about education and giving back.
I grew up surrounded by a very close large Muslim family and my mom's American family. We celebrated both religious holidays. H grew up with a large, very Catholic family that he saw all the time.
H and I's decision not to be married in a church was very frowned upon by his side. We were also the 1st to not baptize our kids. Also caused issues. We are raising our kids to celebrate Muslim and Christian holidays, but not with the God component. So, for Eid, they give away toys and money and get toys and money. For Christmas, we celebrate family being together and exchange gifts. I no longer speak to my father which has cut out a lot of that side of my family. It makes it a little harder to celebrate Muslim holidays since I don't attend Mosque. I have a close Muslim friend (different sect though) here that makes it a little better.
H and I have had words and cut contact with some of his extended family members because of views and statements they have expressed about Muslims.
I grew up traveling a lot and my parents were accepting and open to all races and cultures. My parents spent years traveling the world ( my siblings and I were all born in different countries) and speak at least 4 languages. They love learning about other cultures and have friends all over the world. They made us take Arabic and German lessons (and then French) and encouraged us to travel whenever we could. H didn't travel much as a kid but has now that we've been together. He took Spanish in high school. His grandparents didn't speak Italian or Polish to his parents. Its important to both of us to raise our kids to be aware of what's outside their bubble so we will travel a lot. They speak Arabic and they already take Spanish in school.
I'm half Middle Eastern and half white. Â I know not everyone considers that nonwhite (no one would ever mistake my father for a white man) but I've never truly felt comfortable in either race so I hope no one minds that I post. Â My mom's side is German and English. Â I'm related to a US president ( a shit one) and relatives as close as my grandmother have his last name. Â My dad's family left Palestine during one of the wars. Â The majority of his family is here now, but my parents still own a house over seas. Â I spent many years as a child in the Middle East. Â H is white- Irish, Polish, and Italian. Â H has no relatives in other countries that they are in contact with.Â
Does it cause issues?
Yes and no. Â Within H and I's relationship, no. Â With his family? At times. Â We were raised with the same morals and values but via different religions. Â Mine was a combination of Lutheran and Islamic beliefs. Â H, Catholicism. Â We are both atheist, although I am agnostic at times. Â Education is very important. Â I heard, "The best legacy a man can leave is a well educated family" every single time I saw my grandfather. Â Service is huge in both families. Â H and I both feel strongly about education and giving back. Â
I grew up surrounded by a very close large Muslim family and my mom's American family. Â We celebrated both religious holidays. H grew up with a large, very Catholic family that he saw all the time. Â Â
H and I's decision not to be married in a church was very frowned upon by his side. Â We were also the 1st to not baptize our kids. Â Also caused issues. Â We are raising our kids to celebrate Muslim and Christian holidays, but not with the God component. So, for Eid, they give away toys and money and get toys and money. Â For Christmas, we celebrate family being together and exchange gifts. Â I no longer speak to my father which has cut out a lot of that side of my family. It makes it a little harder to celebrate Muslim holidays since I don't attend Mosque. Â I have a close Muslim friend (different sect though) here that makes it a little better.
H and I have had words and cut contact with some of his extended family members because of views and statements they have expressed about Muslims. Â Â
I grew up traveling a lot and my parents were accepting and open to all races and cultures. Â My parents spent years traveling the world ( my siblings and I were all born in different countries) and speak at least 4 languages. Â They love learning about other cultures and have friends all over the world. Â They made us take Arabic and German lessons (and then French) and encouraged us to travel whenever we could. Â H didn't travel much as a kid but has now that we've been together. Â He took Spanish in high school. Â His grandparents didn't speak Italian or Polish to his parents. Â Its important to both of us to raise our kids to be aware of what's outside their bubble so we will travel a lot. Â They speak Arabic and they already take Spanish in school. Â
that's so interesting that your siblings were born in different countries! And please don't be shy about posting. I always appreciate your stories about your Middle Eastern culture.
You know, it is weird to read what I type about my own mom. She raised me never to speak against her or an elder. But our relationship has devolved drastically in the last year or more and I have had it with her. I thought it was cultural differences where I am not supposed to question anything she says but I hear from my aunts and cousins who say she throws a fit and twists things around and makes a mountain out of a mole hill.
My husband married me a long time ago knowing that we might have to take her in to live with us one day since that is what my culture does and I am an only child. Sadly, we are at a point where I don't think that is possible anymore. My mom refuses to see a therapist despite my dragging her to family sessions and my attending individual ones. My own DH has gone to counseling to try and figure out how to deal with her. That man is a saint.
Sorry for the tangent. Anyone else expected to take care of parents in old age?
Yup. And it was something we discussed extensively before getting engaged.
Post by Black Lavender on Sept 7, 2016 5:15:37 GMT -5
I almost dont want to post in here because everyone else has such amazing cultural stories and we're both just plain ole black. H grew up in a very traditional conservative 2 parent household on the Main Line in PA. While both of his parents were educators and attended HBCUs, he didn't have much interaction with many black people until college. He attended a very white private college, but thankfully found the only other 5 black men who were also there and they are all still the best of friends.
My family is a hot mess, very low middle class and lots of trouble with addiction. Both of my parents had children when they got together (mom had a daughter, dad had a daughter and son that were 5 months apart) however it was only my one sister and I who were the children from their marriage that actually lived with them. My parents "split up" when I was 10. My "full" sister stayed with my mom and I moved in with my dad. This was the beginning of the end of my relationship with my mom. I had my oldest daughter when I was 14, and moved out when I was 17.
DH was very apprehensive to introduce me to his parents and extended family because I had a baby out of wedlock, but all went well and I adore his family (other than his sister) more than my own. I think I only have a relationship with any of my family members for show. They love DH and talk to him much more than me. I could honestly take them or leave them, I think I'm missing some kind of love your family gene.
My sister took care of my mother when she was dying (sister lived with my mom) and I hope the same sister or another plans on taking care of my dad because I'm not. I'll write a check, but that's about it. We will be taking care of my in-laws as they age which is why I agreed to the in-law suite.
I almost dont want to post in here because everyone else has such amazing cultural stories and we're both just plain ole black.
No ma'am. Don't do us that way. It doesn't get any better or any richer in culture than being African-American, as far as I'm concerned. ALWAYS imitated (I'm talking about every country I've ever visited), never duplicated, and unbreakable. The food, the music, the sheer freaking beauty. When will another culture ever?
Wow that your in-laws both went to HBCUs and then raised their child(ren) out on the Main Line. I'm sure he didn't have much exposure to other black people!
Post by iammalcolmx on Sept 7, 2016 9:00:01 GMT -5
Our backgrounds couldn't be anymore different if we tried. However we grew up together so we don't have any philosophical disagreements when it comes to racial issues. PLUS I am the angriest Black woman on the planet so if he doesn't understand my POV he will ask about it but won't debate me in those topics. Mainly because Miss Sophia will rock back and forth and let him he IT AINT WORTH IT! Additionally people stop treating him like a typical white person once they hear his name. Yes it has caused some issues like when my Momma cussed out his Momma during a political conversation. Never caused any issues with my H and I though, we are a united front. The plus side is family spanning over a few countries which makes it a damn shame we will never go to Turkey again.
I almost dont want to post in here because everyone else has such amazing cultural stories and we're both just plain ole black.
No ma'am. Don't do us that way. It doesn't get any better or any richer in culture than being African-American, as far as I'm concerned. ALWAYS imitated (I'm talking about every country I've ever visited), never duplicated, and unbreakable. The food, the music, the sheer freaking beauty. When will another culture ever?
Wow that your in-laws both went to HBCUs and then raised their child(ren) out on the Main Line. I'm sure he didn't have much exposure to other black people!
Yes! I stated somewhat tongue-in-cheek that I'm a regular old black person, but I still consider myself very much a part of a vibrant culture. My husband and I basically had parallel childhoods that were steeped in blackness. We were raised eating the same foods, listening to the same music, watching the same shows, using the same slang, etc. I pride myself on my ability to roll into any black church, family reunion, hood house party, or neighborhood cookout, and to kick it like I was invited. All up in the mix with the right food, clothes, line dances, and the secret codes. Love it and won't ever change!
We're both black. I'm the child of Nigerian immigrants. I lived in Nigeria for a few years as a kid and anyone who has spent any time with me knows how important my heritage is to me. His family is from KY but he grew up in the Bay Area. We were both raised Chtistian, but he isn't Christian any longer but will attend church for special occasions. We agreed when DD was born that she and future kids would go to church with me until they were old enough to make their own decisions.
We were both raised by single moms for most of our lives. My parents split when I was young and my dad moved back to Nigeria, but his childhood was more tumultuous due to decisions his mom made. We both get along with each other's families. Honestly a lot better than we get along with each other.
No ma'am. Don't do us that way. It doesn't get any better or any richer in culture than being African-American, as far as I'm concerned. ALWAYS imitated (I'm talking about every country I've ever visited), never duplicated, and unbreakable. The food, the music, the sheer freaking beauty. When will another culture ever?
Wow that your in-laws both went to HBCUs and then raised their child(ren) out on the Main Line. I'm sure he didn't have much exposure to other black people!
Yes! I stated somewhat tongue-in-cheek that I'm a regular old black person, but I still consider myself very much a part of a vibrant culture. My husband and I basically had parallel childhoods that were steeped in blackness. We were raised eating the same foods, listening to the same music, watching the same shows, using the same slang, etc. I pride myself on my ability to roll into any black church, family reunion, hood house party, or neighborhood cookout, and to kick it like I was invited. All up in the mix with the right food, clothes, line dances, and the secret codes. Love it and won't ever change!
My husband and I are separated, though recently working on repairing things. We're both regular black. My dad was an officer in the Air Force, so we grew up moving all over, every couple of years. My parents were high school sweethearts in the Mississippi Delta region, with mothers who worked as domestics for white families, cooked in kitchens and picked cotton. My dad picked cotton through high school. And my parents aren't that old, they're 65 and 66. My mom was always a stay at home mom. My parents have done really well for themselves, considering their start, so my brothers and I have always known how fortunate we are. Especially since most of my parents' siblings and their children struggle with many of the issues that come out of poverty to this day.
My husband is the only child of a never married single mom, who has never met his father. His Mom is a retired postal worker, so they did not have a whole lot growing up. They spent a big chunk of his formative years living with his grandparents.
Though he was raised COGIC and I was raised Baptist, we have a lot in common in terms of religious upbringing. My husband also served 20 years in the military, so we have a lot in common that way. Our issues stem from several factors, but I think it's probably safe to say that we got married fairly late in life (I was 35 and he was 38) because we both figured we'd better hurry up and do this.
I do NOT get along with my MIL and have LOTS of stories to tell. She hates me, and the feeling is fairly mutual. It's enough of an issue that it will significantly impact our ability to repair the marriage. I have been meaning to get in that in law thread, but have been busy with work. She is the quintessential single black mother who raised her son to be her best friend/boyfriend.
Post by camcam1010 on Sept 7, 2016 12:29:25 GMT -5
Hi all, I have been lurking on CEP for quite awhile. I hope you don't mind if I join you all here.
My husband and I are both American black, both from the suburbs, both born and raised in Virgina. Pretty similar experiences of being the "only" in school peer groups growing up.
One of the biggest areas where we differ is I guess culturally in the sense of I was raised with sort of black upper middle class trapings, i.e. Jack and Jill, mom is a Delta, Link, Chum, etc. His mom is/was not a part of those groups so he has a hard time understanding their significance in black culture.
I can take or leave the greek life, Links, etc. but it is really important that my family join Jack and Jill as it was such a huge part of my life growing up. My circle still includes Jack and Jill moms and their kids.
Luckily my husband is very easy going, so I know he will go along with it even if he doesn't completely understand it.
Before I met my husband I dated different races/cultures. In this current climate I often wonder how different my life would be had I married a person of a different race. I wonder if it would be too exhausting having to explain feelings around certain current events. One of my best friends is black and is currently single and dating and she says it's definitely a factor in her decisions. While she is and has always been open to all men, she says she is more careful dating non-black men now than she would have likely been previously.
I do NOT get along with my MIL and have LOTS of stories to tell. She hates me, and the feeling is fairly mutual. It's enough of an issue that it will significantly impact our ability to repair the marriage. I have been meaning to get in that in law thread, but have been busy with work. She is the quintessential single black mother who raised her son to be her best friend/boyfriend.
Do you know there is an entire thread on in-laws specifically for these stories?
I'll be waiting on you at the door.
I do hope your and your husband can work things out .
My husband and I are separated, though recently working on repairing things. We're both regular black. My dad was an officer in the Air Force, so we grew up moving all over, every couple of years. My parents were high school sweethearts in the Mississippi Delta region, with mothers who worked as domestics for white families, cooked in kitchens and picked cotton. My dad picked cotton through high school. And my parents aren't that old, they're 65 and 66. My mom was always a stay at home mom. My parents have done really well for themselves, considering their start, so my brothers and I have always known how fortunate we are. Especially since most of my parents' siblings and their children struggle with many of the issues that come out of poverty to this day.
My husband is the only child of a never married single mom, who has never met his father. His Mom is a retired postal worker, so they did not have a whole lot growing up. They spent a big chunk of his formative years living with his grandparents.
Though he was raised COGIC and I was raised Baptist, we have a lot in common in terms of religious upbringing. My husband also served 20 years in the military, so we have a lot in common that way. Our issues stem from several factors, but I think it's probably safe to say that we got married fairly late in life (I was 35 and he was 38) because we both figured we'd better hurry up and do this.
I do NOT get along with my MIL and have LOTS of stories to tell. She hates me, and the feeling is fairly mutual. It's enough of an issue that it will significantly impact our ability to repair the marriage. I have been meaning to get in that in law thread, but have been busy with work. She is the quintessential single black mother who raised her son to be her best friend/boyfriend.
Wow, threejs, my husband is also the child of a single mother, retired from the Postal service, who never knew his dad growing up (although he looked him up when he was in college and semi-reconnected). And, MIL almost torpedoed our relationship when we were dating. I had to give (then-boyfriend) explicit instructions that YOU DO NOT TELL YOUR MOM EVERYTHING WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU? after he told her something personal about me and then she called me to "sympathize." If we hadn't moved away from her, I don't think we would have made it as a couple. A little distance worked wonders! He had a half-sister, though, who got more and more enmeshed with the mom after we left and took the pressure of us, though.
Oh I did just think of a cultural difference...lending family money. It's not that I'm against it but I think it's definitely much more of a thing and expectation in African and Caribbean cultures vs American culture. I first realized it with my ex from Cameroon. When it first started with my ex, I was kind of in disbelief because his mom worked a good government job in Cameroon and my ex was most certainly not rolling in money. But I came to understand the culture behind that expectation, especially for sons that move away.
My boyfriend just now texted me to tell me he is giving his sister some money (a few hundred dollars). Previously I probably might've been a little annoyed but I get it now.
My husband and I are separated, though recently working on repairing things. We're both regular black. My dad was an officer in the Air Force, so we grew up moving all over, every couple of years. My parents were high school sweethearts in the Mississippi Delta region, with mothers who worked as domestics for white families, cooked in kitchens and picked cotton. My dad picked cotton through high school. And my parents aren't that old, they're 65 and 66. My mom was always a stay at home mom. My parents have done really well for themselves, considering their start, so my brothers and I have always known how fortunate we are. Especially since most of my parents' siblings and their children struggle with many of the issues that come out of poverty to this day.
My husband is the only child of a never married single mom, who has never met his father. His Mom is a retired postal worker, so they did not have a whole lot growing up. They spent a big chunk of his formative years living with his grandparents.
Though he was raised COGIC and I was raised Baptist, we have a lot in common in terms of religious upbringing. My husband also served 20 years in the military, so we have a lot in common that way. Our issues stem from several factors, but I think it's probably safe to say that we got married fairly late in life (I was 35 and he was 38) because we both figured we'd better hurry up and do this.
I do NOT get along with my MIL and have LOTS of stories to tell. She hates me, and the feeling is fairly mutual. It's enough of an issue that it will significantly impact our ability to repair the marriage. I have been meaning to get in that in law thread, but have been busy with work. She is the quintessential single black mother who raised her son to be her best friend/boyfriend.
Wow, threejs, my husband is also the child of a single mother, retired from the Postal service, who never knew his dad growing up (although he looked him up when he was in college and semi-reconnected). And, MIL almost torpedoed our relationship when we were dating. I had to give (then-boyfriend) explicit instructions that YOU DO NOT TELL YOUR MOM EVERYTHING WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU? after he told her something personal about me and then she called me to "sympathize." If we hadn't moved away from her, I don't think we would have made it as a couple. A little distance worked wonders! He had a half-sister, though, who got more and more enmeshed with the mom after we left and took the pressure of us, though.
I only wish my H had a sibling to take the heat off. Our problems began when my MIL, who lives in the Midwest, announced after the birth of our daughter that she would be visiting every 90 days. She picked the dates and would buy plane tickets, only tell him, and he'd tell her okay. I will take the rest of my stories to the in law thread, but I'm glad there's someone who can relate!
kicks that's how my family is too. Being my mom's oldest child I'm the one who gets the request for funds. In a real emergency I will help, but once DD was born I put everyone on notice that the bank was closing. That part of Nigerian culture did not transfer over.
Post by EnchantedSoul on Sept 7, 2016 19:29:22 GMT -5
I'm black, y'all. DH is biracial (AA and white). My parents had me super young (15 and 18). My mom is fair skinned and could have passed for white, I suppose. DH's mom is white, his father is Nigerian (shout out to skwcm80). I'm born and raised Catholic. He grew up as Jehovah's Witness but has since found his way toward general Christianity, or something. I think he still struggles with finding a peace with religion. The boys are baptized Catholic, DS1 attends Catholic school etc.
Our upbringings were different but my husband had such a terrible childhood, he works really hard not to make the same mistakes his parents made. We are on the same page in regards to parenting so it doesn't cause too many issues. In regards to race/ethnicity, his skin is darker than mine so he just identifies as black unless asked specifically.
I'm Puerto Rican and my H is from rural north/central WI. Soooo pretty different, lol.
That said, my parents moved me and my brothers to MN when I was 4 in the middle of winter (wtf were they thinking with that one?). I was holed up in the house with my mom for a few months and basically became mute because I could not communicate with anyone around me because I didn't know English. Like to the point that the doorbell would ring and I would hide in a closet so as to not have to interact. Fortunately, I was able to learn English fairly quickly once I started preschool. My siblings and I don't have any sort of accent at all, which I think helped us fit in with the not very diverse community we lived in. I had a lot of cultural/ethnic identity issues as a kid. Like I HATED my name for a very long time and would have preferred the name Stacy or Jessica or something I thought sounded "normal". I also hated my freckles and dark hair and eyes because everyone else I saw was blonde with blue eyes and no freckles. Not to mention a lot of kids were pretty vicious to me both pretty directly and indirectly because either I ate weird food or talked weird or had weird hair or whatever that I couldn't actually help. Despite all that, no one ever believes I am Puerto Rican because of the narrow view of what a Puerto Rican should look like and sound like. I remember seeing the movie Selena in middle school and totally relating to the part where her dad is telling her, "we're not Mexican enough for the Mexicans, and not American enough for the Americans" (or something along those lines).
H was raised in a very Catholic family with not much exposure to culture outside of his little town. He has the benefit of having fairly progressive parents though, relatively speaking, so that has helped in that he has always been open to learning and understanding where I (and others who don't look like him) come from. Sometimes I have difficulty expressing to him why something has upset me in a racially/ethnically charged way, and he is usually pretty good at asking questions and being patient with me as I figure it out, without being an ass, haha.
Although we were Catholic, my family stopped regularly attending church when I was about 8 years old, because my parents never felt welcomed in the community in MN. I would sometimes go to church with friends and their families and I was part of a youth group, so despite them not wanting to attend church, my parents were open to letting me explore my spiritual side (in reality, I was doing it for the boys, lol).
After a lot of existential exploration, H is now atheist, and I have always been pretty much agnostic. Before we got married though, he was very much wanting church to be a big part of our lives, because it was a big part of his, so we also did all of the Catholic stuff for that. It didn't matter much to me to do it, because it was important to him and I could sing the pretty songs haha.
As far as socially, I am continually surprised and grateful at how well my parents and ILs get along. We all have a lot of fun together. I think despite so many differences, we were raised with similar family values. His family has really embraced me and my family, even going so far as learning Spanish and taking salsa lessons before the wedding so they could talk to and dance with my relatives. I will say that his parents are definitely more hands off, but are there if you need them. My parents however, not so much.
I can relate with @natariru and others on the mom relationship SO MUCH!! If I don't call, I'm obviously dead somewhere, or, depending on her mood, I am an ungrateful child, lol. My mom and I are super close, but she's intense as hell and an expert guilt tripper. H has learned to accept it (and perhaps even appreciate it a little?), but it took a lot of effort.
My H is second generation Cuban and first generation German. I am first generation Dominican and first generation Guyanese/Scottish. Both of us were primarily raised by our moms. Both of them were raised Catholic.
My mom tried to combat my oppressive Dominican grandmother by being a very American teenager when she came to the states. She was a dancer for Alvin Ailey, became vegetarian, and began a deep religious exploration (mostly Hindu). Became rasta when she met my biological father. (They were both fishes out of water at Princeton.) She returned to Hinduism when she left him. I was primarily raised Hindu.
Having a shared cultural identity has been a wonderful bond and commonality. I am the more deeply immersed of the two of us as most of my family is still in DR and none of his remains in Cuba. It's been very positive for our girls to see us share something even though we look so wildly different. My older two sometimes struggle with this as my oldest and youngest have brown hair, eyes, and skin, and my middle has what looks like a tan, hazel eyes, and blonde hair. We are regularly asked if they have the same dad or if she's a friend tagging along. So, the shared culture has been very useful in reinforcing that we are a unit even though we all look different.
Religiously, we hadn't really followed any religion much, but I've recently found my way back to Hinduism. My girls have too, and my H is just starting to express a real interest in it.
Post by alleinesein on Sept 8, 2016 1:09:08 GMT -5
No longer married but XH was 100% Nicaraguan and I am white/Mexican/Brazilian with a bunch of other stuff thrown in the mix.
I grew up under the influence of my mom's white Midwestern family with a twist; my grandma (mom's stepmom) was Mexican (Aztec). So I got a mix of the traditional midwest values with mexican culture added to the mix.
I did not grow up knowing anyone from my dad's side of the family. His mother did not like the fact that he married an opinionated white girl so she disowned him.
XH was born in California but both his parents were from Nicaragua. He was raised Catholic and his mother doted on him. She did everything for him until he moved out of the house. He went to private catholic schools. I was raised in a non-religious household and XH wasn't really into the church but he insisted that we have a religious wedding ceremony.
Since my divorce I have only dated Indian guys so who knows what my future husband will be.
I am Tamil, H is Canadian/Irish/Dutch. My parents were both born in Sri Lanka, then spent most of their childhood in India. I was born in the UK with my sister and moved to Canada when I was 6 so we are all immigrants. H grew up in a rural part of Ontario with a population of 1000 and no diversity. I grew up in a suburb with a few POC but not many.
It has been an adjustment, H has done his best to embrace my culture (he loves the food, comes to family gatherings etc) but we still have issues with some things. PP's mentioned the just not answering phone calls from my parents, he often gets annoyed when I feel like I MUST answer their call but I just CANNOT. We often see my family and there are constantly one family function/gatherings after the other which he sometimes feels are too much. We see his family 5-6 times a year, we see mine almost every other weekend, sometimes weekly. The family dynamics we grew up with are just so different.
TBH, I kind of feel like I have lost some of my heritage/culture. My parents basically only watched Tamil/Indian movies and television shows growing up, same thing for music. We mostly only ate cultural food. Now, I never watch the movies or listen to the music, we will occasionally go out to eat at an Indian restaurant by ourselves. My dad makes food for us and gives it to us to take home whenever he sees us. I feel like I have become so much more westernized around my H but around my family I am completely different. I love the music and the movies, but I don't watch them anymore. I am embarrassed to speak Tamil because my pronunciation is awful, I can still understand all of it. I definitely want to embrace my culture more and introduce H to more of it as well. I feel like I have done a poor job of that.
H and I went to India and Sri Lanka with my family this summer and it was such an experience for H.
Post by Champagne Supernova on Sept 8, 2016 12:26:34 GMT -5
Another lurker chiming in.
I'm Filipino, born and raised in the Philippines, moved to San Francisco when I was 15. DH is white and born here in Seattle, WA and grew up in a farm. I'm raised Catholic, he's raised as a Christian.
DH has issues with me lending money to family. I get it though because my parents are bad with money but as long as they pay me back, it's all good. He actually likes the weird Filipino foods...I mean, these are the types of food even I myself refuse to eat but he loves them.
When it came to religion, it took awhile for us to get to the same page. I never really cared for organized religion but I still went to check out his church. Then one day, he decided he doesn't care for organized religion so we stopped going. We believe in God and all but we don't believe in having to go to some place of worship.
I still speak Tagalog. I really want to keep that so whenever I'm around my parents, I don't speak English.
pandora89 I'd love to hear more about your trip to India and how your H did with it. I'd love to be able to go there some day in the future with H and BB, but that's definitely years from now. And as awful and Americanized as my accent is, I still speak Gujurati with my parents and find it to be extremely helpful when I shop in the Indian community. I worry that I will pass this accented Gujurati onto BB, but at least she will learn the language and that is what I feel is most important. So long story short, don't be embarrassed!