Well, bless their hearts and ain't that some shit, The Boo Boo Kitty Book Club of Aggressive Microaggressors Coming to a GBCN board near you. Bring your tissues, and a lack of a spine. All those who lack melanin and an original thought are welcome. Come for the "knowledge", hugs, and hair pats. Stay for the shitty over priced baby clothes exchange, with the Uncrustables chaser.
I've finally read through every single post. At first I was at a loss for words. How low can we go? Apparently to depths that I can't comprehend...
This gossip train shit or whatever is the lowest. Any human being with a fucking brain between their white ears would know how WRONG that was. How old are you, TWELVE? Be empathetic. Adjust your lens. Assess your frame of reference. Understand a different perspective. What happened was so thoughtless. BE THOUGHTFUL! CONSIDERATE! AND STOP BEING A FUCKING RACIST!
I am disappointed, ashamed, and frankly, members of what is now a FORMER MMM community deserve a lot better than what's transpired here, not only today, the last week, but WELL before.
Post by Balki.Bartokomous on Sept 9, 2016 0:17:10 GMT -5
I don't know where to begin so I'll just jump in with some random thoughts.
TamiTaylor's methods weren't sitting right with me and while I know a good part of that was my privilege and the fact that I don't typically read her posts, there was something else I couldn't put my finger on. It felt like a lot of forced check-ins by posters saying the same thing just so they could check off a box like yup, I responded, I'm accounted for. Then I read mishy's post yesterday and as soon as I got to "13. The Pentinent." it hit me and sure enough one day later here we are again. We see a lot of "I'm sorry"s on here but honestly, that's not the discussion that needs to happen and this isn't the place for it because GBCN such a closed community. How many of us saying I'm sorry are even having conversations IRL or on FB? That's where the conversations need to take place IMO, not behind the relative safety of this board. It's actually pretty easy to sit here and say that stuff virtually to people here, even though many ARE friends IRL, and it's a whole other ball game when you have to say it to someone's face or put your official name to it and have to think on your feet at the same time.
I also keep wondering if anyone is actually reading the bajillion links to articles that have been posted. I've barely made it through any of them so I pretty much assume, given the speed at which everyone is posting, unless we have a bunch of women here who have no job and nothing else to do and no kids to take care of, that no one is actually taking the time to read them. Which, again, is disappointing because people have kindly taken the time to post them and that means no one is truly listening. It sounds like a bunch of hearing is going on, but no active listening. Which has been our MO for years so I wish I could say I'm surprised but I'm not.
I don't want to apologize and run. I want to do better and not pay empty lip service. I am going to do the Yale course on African American history and experience. If anyone else wants to participate and have a discussion group, please let me know and I will start a once-a-week thread.
I also want to remind people of the organization @kirkette recommended we donate to: www.jklivinfoundation.org
I will make a donation this week.
I know this will sound like I'm doing these things to myself feel better or to try and deflect blame or something. Maybe some of that is even true. But ultimately I want to be a good mom and a good friend, and these are the two first steps I can think to take. I will keep looking for more. When it might benefit other people too, I will post them. Otherwise, I will just do them.
I don't believe you.
What books did you order (from when you said you were going to over a week ago)?
How much are you going to donate?
Why do you need to ask for interest before starting a discussion group?
Why are you just now today deciding to do these wonderful things to fight the good fight?
On Aug 31: I am one of the ones who have been too quiet on these threads, and it makes me complicit, so I am truly sorry. I am ordering the books Kirkette recommended and I will not be silent anymore. pandce.proboards.com/post/12012209/thread
On Sept 4th: Kirkette I am really sorry for everything you have gone through on these boards. I was not a vocal ally at the time, and I deeply regret that. I now realize that by being a mostly silent supporter, I was actually a big part of the problem. I am so glad you have stayed throughout everything, and in the future, I will make sure I am part of the solution.
I know I have a long way to go--I echo @marshmallows that at first I thought TamiTaylor was being over the top by dropping into every thread with her posts. But she stood up for the right things when I have not, so I apologize to her too.
I was out for an early anniversary dinner and just caught up again.
Others have mentioned this, but doing the real work of confronting your own biases is hard and uncomfortable. A local news anchor from my hometown adjacent just posted a great FB post about it. www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dad-confronts-his-own-racial-bias-in-viral-post_us_57c6fdc6e4b078581f107d22 It doesn't feel good, it's embarrassing and it's a tough pill to swallow. But, we (across several boards) have been talking about these issues for months (years?) and the fact that it ain't sinking in speaks volumes.
I'm not trying lecture anyone because God knows I'm not perfect and I'm still working through my own shit, but us white folks have to start thinking about these things and re-evaluating our knee jerk reaction to situations.
I'm not real hopeful that things are going to change here, but I'm awfully embarrassed at the way WOC have been treated.
I was out for an early anniversary dinner and just caught up again.
Others have mentioned this, but doing the real work of confronting your own biases is hard and uncomfortable. A local news anchor from my hometown adjacent just posted a great FB post about it. www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dad-confronts-his-own-racial-bias-in-viral-post_us_57c6fdc6e4b078581f107d22 It doesn't feel good, it's embarrassing and it's a tough pill to swallow. But, we (across several boards) have been talking about these issues for months (years?) and the fact that it ain't sinking in speaks volumes.
I'm not trying lecture anyone because God knows I'm not perfect and I'm still working through my own shit, but us white folks have to start thinking about these things and re-evaluating our knee jerk reaction to situations.
I'm not real hopeful that things are going to change here, but I'm awfully embarrassed at the way WOC have been treated.
I don't mean to distract from the topic at hand, but thank goodness Frank started realizing some of his implicit biases. I used to enjoy his posts, but his recent ones regarding police brutality, BLM, Trump, and Colin Kaepernick have been remarkably tone deaf and full of privilege.
I was out for an early anniversary dinner and just caught up again.
Others have mentioned this, but doing the real work of confronting your own biases is hard and uncomfortable. A local news anchor from my hometown adjacent just posted a great FB post about it. www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/dad-confronts-his-own-racial-bias-in-viral-post_us_57c6fdc6e4b078581f107d22 It doesn't feel good, it's embarrassing and it's a tough pill to swallow. But, we (across several boards) have been talking about these issues for months (years?) and the fact that it ain't sinking in speaks volumes.
I'm not trying lecture anyone because God knows I'm not perfect and I'm still working through my own shit, but us white folks have to start thinking about these things and re-evaluating our knee jerk reaction to situations.
I'm not real hopeful that things are going to change here, but I'm awfully embarrassed at the way WOC have been treated.
I don't mean to distract from the topic at hand, but thank goodness Frank started realizing some of his implicit biases. I used to enjoy his posts, but his recent ones regarding police brutality, BLM, Trump, and Colin Kaepernick have been remarkably tone deaf and full of privilege.
I caught most of those, but somehow missed the one on Trump. I'll have to look back for it. I agree with you otherwise. I think his description of realizing his bias as it was happening and how it turned his stomach was very real. But, as always, don't read the comments. 😕
I mentioned it in another thread, but I feel like this is where Canada's at. Nooo, we can't possibly be racist. Only Americans have a problem with racism, and we're better than the Americans (being "better than the Americans" is very important to Canadians). People will be all "yay multiculturalism! Yay refugees!" and then shit like what happened to Jesse Lipscombe happens (http://edmonton.ctvnews.ca/edmonton-is-better-than-these-fools-video-of-racist-incident-going-viral-1.3054670) or everyone just ignores the missing and murdered indigenous women.
There is absolutely a lot of head in the sand, we are post racial, Canada isn't racist like the U.S. Going on up here. I'm on the west coast from an incredibly white, terrible, racist, classist "city" it's fucking disgusting how inclusive they think they are. Anywhere I go with L just confirms over and over how little growth we have had. And this doesn't even tough choice the racism against Chinese and Japanese people - holy fuck is it bad.
The shit people said when we started dating, my (then) friends were all nodding like yea Gracie's fat, with that big ass - of course she's dating a black man. Or the fucking comments about his cock. shameful people all hoighty toighty on how less racist we are than the U.S. Not so. Not so at all.
the enlighgtend bullshit is too much. As in only dumb conservatives can be racist. Not canadians, liberals, progressives, educated, etc. You people are dumb. It's too early to come up with more. Also, glad names are out so i can begin a list. Next we'll get "but this board is so nice or she'd never send something in the mail because I know her eleventy!!" Mmmhmmmm. Another hint to my white women here ....Stop fucking posting listening and learning. Use your brain and say something dan coherent. Or don't say anything and listen and learn. Also, white saviors....enough already. I think that is why the listen learn bugs because it screams white savior to me now. Overusedand not true since this KEEPS FUCKING HAPPENING.
Post by Wines Not Whines on Sept 9, 2016 5:45:30 GMT -5
I don't even post on this board (and now I'm glad I don't, because yikes), but this was brought to my attention by a post on the H&F board. It's 2016, people. How much more listening and learning do you need to do? Get out of your bubble and open your mind. It's not difficult.
Shit like this is why there are only like 5 major metropolitan areas in the US where I'd be willing to live, because there's a decent amount of diversity. I can't imagine the fuckery I'd have to deal with on a daily basis if I lived in white-bread middle-America. (I am not white, in case that's not clear.) I know I live in my own bubble of people who are at least somewhat diverse and open-minded, and I'm always saddened when I remember there are people (a lot of people) who think like this.
Post by creamsiclechica on Sept 9, 2016 6:01:25 GMT -5
It's fucking obvious that no amount of subtle reminders, blunt warnings, or blatant examples of racism among you are enough for people to actually "learn." You can take the tired apologies, the listen and learn bullshit, and drown them in your pumpkin spice latte with that fucking behavior. There should be so much shame.
You don't need to listen, you need to LOOK and see that this simple ass foolishness is a reflection of society and why racism permeates everything and everywhere, despite your meek and meager protests to the contrary because your gracious black friends linked you an article you read in between holiday skus.
What the actual fuck is wrong with the lot of you? Eagerly begging for links to children's books to make the world a better place, but falling all over your goddamn selves being racist assholes as "enlightened," adults.
Keep handing out those fuck yous. They'll likely be many, many more necessary before the day even ends.
What the actual fuck is wrong with you people? Listening, reading, and fucking learn my ass. I only read the original post cause reading 25 pages is so beyond my abilities right now so if the subject's changed, forgive me.
omfg, I pop in to thank @kirkette for brightening my in-over-my-head busy day, and linger to try and catch up and see this bullshit and realize my life does not need this fucking racist version of high school gossipy backstabbing. What the fuck, people. We're parents to small people. We're raising SMALL people to make this fucking world a BETTER FUCKING PLACE. We're not raising them to become racist backstabbing shits, because YOUR BEHAVIOR and YOUR ATTITUDE and YOUR OVERT and SECRETIVE HABITS will DIRECTLY REFLECT IN THE SMALL HUMAN BEINGS YOU ARE RAISING.
Maybe I'm a cynic, and possible bordering on incoherent since I just got off a red eye flight, but I don't actually believe most people consider making the world a better place an objective of their child rearing. If anything they might want to make the world a better place FOR THEIR OWN CHILD. Which is one of the reasons self segregation of white people--and especially those with the means to make other choices-- (in real life and in virtual communities) probably persists. Because they want to "expose" their kids to diversity as kind of a happy cute thing over there, but not to live in and engage in it deeply because racism causes them to perceive diversity as a threat to their children's safety, well being, opportunities etc.
Oh this is absolutely the case and you can see it in every single school discussion where folks fret about great schools scores.
This is so fucking gross. Who was it LAST WEEK that said this keeps happening time and time again because we don't care to do better? This is the proof right here. And all the apologists for assholery in this post - shit! ITA with @littlemoxie; were beyond fucking fixing.
I don't know most of you but I adore many of the women here who post on CEP. They are probably some of my favorite posters and truly valuable members of this community who bring so much to the table and aren't just basic, interchangeable UMC white ladies like the vast majority that populate GBCN. Y'all should be rolling out the red carpet for these wonderful women, yet you aren't. Why do you suppose that is?
This whole thread on CEP is worth a read, but if any of you really want to reflect and examine yourselves and try to change and do better, I specifically suggest a post of mine on this page about UMC white mothers and why they act the way they do. It's not pretty. It's not something that you will want to see yourself in...but even if you won't admit it out loud or to anyone but yourself, I bet very many of you see truth in it.
I can't even with this place anymore. I've been spending a lot less time here lately just because I kind of feel over it. I'm not in the same mind or place as a lot of the women here. Don't get me wrong there are tons of amazing women that I have learned a lot from, laughed with, have supported me and I'm so thankful for this board but a large majority seem very entitled and focused on very uppity issues that I can't relate to. Catching up on everything that has happened over the past week or so just solidifies my views. I just don't even understand how some women don't even see the privilege they have. Open your flipping eyes. This board is turning into middle school, worse than high school. I've lived through those years once and I don't need to do it again.
@natariru, you are an amazing women, have been a tower of strength and I am sorry that people continue to treat you like shit. You are better then them.
I don't really post that often, but seriously people enough enough enough. I went into the social work field because I care about social justice issues so much and what has been going on on this board and other related boards is VILE.
HELLO other white ladies have you not seen recent news articles where black men are routinely being shot and killed for no reason, have you not seen how there is a presidential candidate spewing hatred and consorting with white nationalists and that a number of people may actually vote for him!!! That's type of issue where people who have any type of soul say "oh not cool", but the issues run MUCH deeper they are ingrained in society. It's called institutionalized racism and it's epitomized by microaggressions, flippant remarks about race (which some of you seem to think are no big deal), and white privilege.
This is seriously enough. Stop spreading hatred. Also another thing that really bothers me is this is a board for parents. Didn't you get the memo: parents are supposed to want better for their children. Children don't want/need parents who sow seeds of hatred. As a parent you are automatically a teacher and a mentor. You need to think about what you are saying and showing to the next generation because right now many of you apparently can't even keep it together on a message board. Step up, acknowledge your privilege, and change your behaviors now.
(I left out an important name redaction, pic back in one min)
(Further redacted Picture is back)
I just wanted to make it clear that while I did disagree a lot with TamiTaylor's methods and I did participate in conversations outside race during this time. I DID stand up for Natariru. I did shut it down when she was removed. Like most posters, who have relationships outside the board we discussed things outside the board, but I did not do so to exclude a person who was my friend.
This is the same point in the conversation Natariru screen shot yesterday, only she cut off my comment that was mere seconds after the initial call out. If you want to see the less redacted names, the first post shows all these comments in a less redacted form.
I know it won't matter to people who have their mind made up about me, but I just didn't think it was fair to show my comment from yesterday (making it seem like I did nothing) and not this one as well.
I have also since apologized to TT for everything as I get that while don't respond to that type of forced engagement, her intentions were right.
(I left out an important name redaction, pic back in one min)
(Further redacted Picture is back)
I just wanted to make it clear that while I did disagree a lot with TamiTaylor's methods and I did participate in conversations outside race during this time. I DID stand up for Natariru. I did shut it down when she was removed. Like most posters, who have relationships outside the board we discussed things outside the board, but I did not do so to exclude a person who was my friend.
This is the same point in the conversation Natariru screen shot yesterday, only she cut off my comment that was mere seconds after the initial call out. If you want to see the less redacted names, the first post shows all these comments in a less redacted form.
I know it won't matter to people who have their mind made up about me, but I just didn't think it was fair to show my comment from yesterday (making it seem like I did nothing) and not this one as well.
I have also since apologized to TT for everything as I get that while don't respond to that type of forced engagement, her intentions were right.
omg fucking stop. Look at why you disagree with her methods. Why. Why the fuck why? White privilege. Ywia
I'm no expert on y'all or MMMoms dynamics but those of you who think your shit was justified or nor racist because you don't like TamiTaylor or her methods or whatever are fooling yourselves. You were focusing on her and her methods because you didn't like the racism on this board being pointed out but are aware enough to know you couldn't say that or call out the WOC for their posts. So you focused on her instead of examining your own racism and role on this board. And maybe that was subconscious. Maybe. But what is going on beneath the surface is what you need to think about.
This isn't rocket science. Quit deflecting onto that and evaluate yourselves. Come on.
(I left out an important name redaction, pic back in one min)
(Further redacted Picture is back)
I just wanted to make it clear that while I did disagree a lot with TamiTaylor 's methods and I did participate in conversations outside race during this time. I DID stand up for Natariru. I did shut it down when she was removed. Like most posters, who have relationships outside the board we discussed things outside the board, but I did not do so to exclude a person who was my friend.
This is the same point in the conversation Natariru screen shot yesterday, only she cut off my comment that was mere seconds after the initial call out. If you want to see the less redacted names, the first post shows all these comments in a less redacted form.
I know it won't matter to people who have their mind made up about me, but I just didn't think it was fair to show my comment from yesterday (making it seem like I did nothing) and not this one as well.
I have also since apologized to TT for everything as I get that while don't respond to that type of forced engagement, her intentions were right.
STFU with this nonsense. You're making yourself look even worse. Stop whining about how you've been unjustly accused. Everyone can see through that pretty damn easily.
jessnpaul instead of apologizing you made excuses. CloudBee was nice enough to point it out to you twice and you still haven't apologized. It doesn't matter when you said that. Own up to what you said, give a real apology, and don't do it again!
justjen good friends call each other out on their BS! Your defense is the epitome of white fragility. Trust that my mom has made it clear that BHBE (like my brother) is preferred and that my olive skin/dark eyes and hair were not. That experience in no way compares to the messages a POC faces. I suggest you watch the video posted not that long ago where children explain which dolls are good and bad.
mishy Bad Feminist and Between the World and Me. I can't give you a book report yet, but should be able to by Monday. I also read three of the articles posted in the thread with a list. I am making my way through all of them.
$25. I know it's not a lot.
Why now? Because it really bothers me that I didn't leave the group when natariru was removed. Even though she was already added back before I saw that she had been removed, I should have told the person who did it that it was unacceptable. And I should have recognized it as racist, and not just gossipy. I clearly have a long way to go.
Also, I posted about the course because otherwise I might be talking to myself.
I'm sorry, I fucked up and I've been an asshole. I want to make this better so that I never cause another person pain again. I have no excuses...,I'm just humbly sorry, I won't ask you to forgive me, all I can promise is that you WILL see that I've changed for the better.