Okay, I want to clarify that my post was really not because of the comment on the dresses or because I felt personally attacked. Some of connie0000's posts have been rubbing me the wrong way and I just chose that post to address it. There are people that have showed up to just hurl personal insults and to relish in the drama, all the while patting themselves on the back and garnering likes for doling out fuck yous and evidence that this person and that person is a racist. If you think it was warranted, then koko.
I sincerely think this thread has veered off into a mob mentality. You don't have to be racist to be a bully and there is a lot of bullying in this thread. Looking up people's post count, bringing up their specific anxieties, issues with their husbands and/or kids, recalling their specific posts about random things is vile, unnecessary, and straight up creepy imo. Isn't that the shit booby did? In that same vein, coming back to diss a photo I shared of myself and my dd was unwarranted and fucked up. People who are liking this shit and cackling behind their screens are no different from the people on the "gossip train". I don't call people out because they are or aren't poc. I call them out because they are being assholes. There is some legit McCarthyism going on here and it is getting ugly. So go ahead and put my name down on your list of racist people and Darth Beckies because I feel this way.
I have played a role over time as a shitty ally on this board. I am often quick to give the benefit of the doubt when conflict arises. That is not okay. I know like many I can be a conflict avoider and a people pleaser. That is cowardly and shitty on my part and I think I excused it as being a "good person" to approach things in such a way. What someone said upthread about striving to be real, not good, really struck me. I'm angry with myself that I have not been the kind of real person and ally that people I've known and considered friends for 10 years deserve. I understand that I do not deserve the benefit of the doubt or to be considered a real friend by those who I have let down and I'm not posting this for that reason. I am not above any of the terrible behavior that has happened around here and I was wrong to think I was or to point fingers at others as the "bad ones." I needed to look in the fucking mirror.
I finally made it to page 35 so I feel like I should say something.
I am saddened that so many WOC experience this board as hostile, racist, and unwelcoming. I am continually surprised that so many white posters are as new to ideas like microaggressions and white fraglity as people claim to be, but I'm also glad that people are being exposed to these ideas if they haven't had reason to be exposed in other areas of life, and I am thankful for the reminder of my own liability for learning and changing. I have thought many many times over the years that I owe a huge thank you (and I'm sure apology too) to my black roommate junior year of college for her unending patience in educating myself and several of our white friends about so many things I see discussed here.
I am as guilty of microaggressions as any other white person. It's something I try to be conscious of and correct but it's something I imagine I will need to be responsible for checking for my entire life.
I understand the motivation for the zero tolerance for microaggressions policy that was promoted after last week's racism conversations, but I also felt like it showed a lack of understanding of the pervasiveness of microaggressions and institutionalized racism in general - the idea that the enlightened white people of the board could and should shun the unenlightened, as if these were truly dichotomous categories.
We need an IP address check on the dumbass dragon. That troll is too bold, so I'm guessing it's a dumb ass regular like, Booby, Lucy Honeychurch , toledo , et al.
The posting styles are too familiar. Although, it's likely not Booby because the troll can actually compose coherent sentences, and isn't recommending the ugliest of hammer pants, paired with shit from Old Navy.
The terribly awkward interior "design" posts were a personal favorite of mine. Bless it. I nicely suggested that she fire whomever she was paying to give her that advice, but perhaps I should have done more...
He. The dragon poster is a he (or at least has said as much in the past).
Post by penguingrrl on Sept 9, 2016 14:34:11 GMT -5
Why is it so hard to not be an asshole? I'm really appalled by jessandpaul diminishing where she knew Natariru grew up with such an immature and inaccurate comment. Confronting your won bias is a difficult and humbling experience, but is also incredibly important if you want to grow as a human.
I don't understand how there are so many people here acting like white privilege is a new thing. It's not. It's been around much longer than I have. If it's new to you, your parents never brought it up with you, you never took a class where it was discussed, or it has never been pointed out to you by a friend, at the very least, make sure that is not the case for your own kids. Start discussing it with them now. Let's raise thoughtful, curious, loving, and, yes, educated little bugs. This is where we have the most control- our own words and actions and how we raise our kids.
How are so many people are new to white privilege, yet so many people also read The Invisible Knapsack, while RAs, in college? What in the world? Did any of the text sink in? Are you applying the lessons learned to you life? Are you still listening, learning, and absorbing? The hell is happening?
I am still here, and still trying to listen and learn. Obviously I still have work to do. I'm not trying to defend myself, just responding since you asked.
Okay, I want to clarify that my post was really not because of the comment on the dresses or because I felt personally attacked. Some of connie0000 's posts have been rubbing me the wrong way and I just chose that post to address it. There are people that have showed up to just hurl personal insults and to relish in the drama, all the while patting themselves on the back and garnering likes for doling out fuck yous and evidence that this person and that person is a racist. If you think it was warranted, then koko.
I sincerely think this thread has veered off into a mob mentality. You don't have to be racist to be a bully and there is a lot of bullying in this thread. Looking up people's post count, bringing up their specific anxieties, issues with their husbands and/or kids, recalling their specific posts about random things is vile, unnecessary, and straight up creepy imo. Isn't that the shit booby did? In that same vein, coming back to diss a photo I shared of myself and my dd was unwarranted and fucked up. People who are liking this shit and cackling behind their screens are no different from the people on the "gossip train". I don't call people out because they are or aren't poc. I call them out because they are being assholes. There is some legit McCarthyism going on here and it is getting ugly. So go ahead and put my name down on your list of racist people and Darth Beckies because I feel this way.
I haven't put my two cents in this as of yet. So many of my fellow WOC have spoken much more eloquently then I can. But it's rich, after years and years of putting up with racist shit you want to call people out for being done. This post is a day old. We can't get a freaking day of venting and letting y'all know just how done we are. Mob mentality? Maybe so, but certainly deservedly so. And this sure is shit is NOTHING like the gossip train. You're being called out straight to your face. You may not like how it's being said, but it needs to be said. I'm just so done with the bullshit.
PLEASE STOP SAYING YOU'RE LISTENING AND LEARNING! You jackasses need to be Reading and Retaining.
Seriously. I posted this quote in the previous thread, but it bears repeating: "I am here to listen to you, and I’m doing that." Who said this? Donald Trump, in his speech to an AA church in Detroit.
If you ever find yourself (and I am including myself in that) saying the same thing as Donald fucking Trump about, well, pretty much anything, it's time to take a step back and reevaluate yourself.
I will freely admit that I am not good with contributing anything of real substance to many of the serious topics on the board (and IRL, if I am being honest with myself). It is something I need to work on. But it is not the job of anyone here to teach me, all while I just sit back and listen. I need to do the hard work myself. I need to change my attitude, my thoughts, my words (or lack thereof).
You all know my black ass doesn't even go here. I'm 100% here for the personal insults. The "mob mentality" is a special bonus. How's it feel on the other side? I must admit, it's pretty cool over here. No wonder you all ride the fuckery train so hard. I wouldn't want to check my privilege either.
I can't keep up. I may never get to the end of this thread but I have read enough to know that there is so much I don't know.
Similar to the Newark posts- I live near enough to Baltimore that I grew up being told not to go to certain areas due to crime, and not to go into the city alone at night, etc. So that was completely normal to me since apparently my bubble is quite thick and large. Thanks to this board I'm learning better.
What I'm reflecting on now is how to take action. Is it enough to just speak up when the comments are made? Probably not, though I'll continue doing it. Driving through the said 'dangerous' areas of the city will not 'prove' anything to anyone. Donating and volunteering my time doesn't seem like enough either. These posts are really making me think lately. But I'm a little scared to ask questions and show my ignorance. I'm mostly reading a lot to work on that ignorance and hope to contribute more over time.
Unfortunately, the world presents us with many opportunities to take action, once you see it as your responsibility.
I will cop to white fragility when I first saw Tami Taylor's posts. I was all, 'I've read Ta-Nahisi Coates; I've volunteered at inner city schools; I'm hosting black friends in my house right now! This call out is not for me!' (Yes, the old 'I have black friends' - it's embarrassing to even type.) And off to the corner I went to sulk.
But I thought about it. What have I actually done lately? Do I really have nothing to learn? It's okay not to not know what to do in every situation, and what I've learned from these threads is that I can do better about admitting that, and I can do better about not just resting on what I think are my bona fides, and actually go back to the drawing board to figure stuff out.
The thread recommending how to talk to your kids about race was an obvious place for me to go. I wanted to get some things out from the library, but they didn't have the books I wanted. So now, I'm going to the main library next week to ask more about what they do have. I will write an email to acquisitions and ask that they stock up.
My daughter attends a program of choice in her public school, and every meeting we bring up how it needs to be more diverse. Instead of just agreeing, man, what a bummer, next meeting I am going to volunteer to do something about making the program more inclusive. I have no idea how that will be accomplished, but that is something I can do.
This same week, I read this article: Portland Must Change How It Teaches Students of Color. I have hated tracking forever, but have never acted. My kid is in this school district; there is no reason I can't advocate with the school board about this.
I know that in this land of LePage, where I live, this is only scratching the surface. Once you start open your eyes to it, the need for action is everywhere. Everyone can start speaking up for fairness at their kids' schools and within their communities. You just have to put it on yourself, because if you don't, who will?
Also, who knew that reading and retaining information that has been typed out for you in black and white was vile, creepy, and unnecessary? Hint of the day: Don't spend your day sharting out the details of your weaknesses and inadequacies, and you won't have to worry about them being brought up again by an angry mob (lol) with basic reading comprehension skills.
I'm finally to the end of the thread. Here's my thing: if your husband repeatedly cheated on you and he kept saying sorry, but then still did it, that sorry wouldn't mean much. I'm guessing that's how the WOC rightly feel.All of the I'm sorry-s in the world don't mean a thing if nothing ever changes. At this rate I really don't think it ever will, and that's beyond sad/sickening. Some people get pissed when others are all "know better, do better" but this is exactly what they mean - either really listen and learn, or stop apologizing if you don't plan on changing a damn thing.
Whoa, that got long, and self-congratulatory; I'll cop to that, too. What I could have said more succinctly is that the need for change is everywhere. Think about something you care about in your community, and it's 100% certain you can help change its institutional biases.
No ma'am you are missing the point of bringing up the fluff posts.
Because it is not just today or last week that we would have discussions about racism and people would veer around them to talk about ignorant shit. I'm not saying that fluff conversations cannot and should not happen. I'm saying that on this board of it wasn't fluff or white feminist shit then it was ignored.
So if you are too simple to get why I brought up permissive diapering and try to reduce it to me taking away from the thread you Madame are missing the fucking point.
I almost forgot! Please don't feel left out! I'm equal opportunity!
FUCK YOU!
I DO get the point of your posts. None of your posts apply to my statement:
But I don't get people coming in here and dissing the board in general for talking clothes/sleep, rolling, diapers, wtv with absolutely no context to the racism issues and/or specific posters.
I don't need context to call a racist a racist outside of one statement or interaction. Shut up and be quiet
I laugh every time someone comes in here and makes it all about why they weren't here already/what they've been doing IRL/self congratulatory pat on the back circle jerk bullshit that no one asked for, BUT FYI THEY'RE TRYING AND ITS SO HARD.
I am confused. Are you trying to target specific people who you think haven't read the threads? Or are you trying to demand a collective silence on all unrelated topics?
I completely understand how the other posts ring hollow right now, but lots of posters have been posting as normally on other boards all week. There is no way to know who is reading, thinking, processing, reaching out privately, examining, etc.
I think silence and taking a break would be good for many/most of us right now, but I don't think this is the best way to accomplish that.
The above is what I posted in your thread. I suppose my "concerns" were simply about your tactics, never your intentions or your heart.
Yes, you were absolutely right.
I am not trying to defend my participation or any of my actions. I do not want to make any excuses or run away.
My, you cleaned up your response on the board here but you certainly said it very differently "behind closed doors" on that GroupChat:
"I guess we all have to take a break since zero discussion is allowed."
"Ironic since she was also the one who was keeping a list and mandated that silence wasn't allowed."
Okay, I want to clarify that my post was really not because of the comment on the dresses or because I felt personally attacked. Some of connie0000's posts have been rubbing me the wrong way and I just chose that post to address it. There are people that have showed up to just hurl personal insults and to relish in the drama, all the while patting themselves on the back and garnering likes for doling out fuck yous and evidence that this person and that person is a racist. If you think it was warranted, then koko.
I sincerely think this thread has veered off into a mob mentality. You don't have to be racist to be a bully and there is a lot of bullying in this thread. Looking up people's post count, bringing up their specific anxieties, issues with their husbands and/or kids, recalling their specific posts about random things is vile, unnecessary, and straight up creepy imo. Isn't that the shit booby did? In that same vein, coming back to diss a photo I shared of myself and my dd was unwarranted and fucked up. People who are liking this shit and cackling behind their screens are no different from the people on the "gossip train". I don't call people out because they are or aren't poc. I call them out because they are being assholes. There is some legit McCarthyism going on here and it is getting ugly. So go ahead and put my name down on your list of racist people and Darth Beckies because I feel this way.
It is your view that shows privilege to be all mob mentality. Let me take you on a history trip of other mob mentality...if you wish. Oherwise, shut up. Shut up
Post by TamiTaylor on Sept 9, 2016 15:32:25 GMT -5
Y'all I'm pissed with the lot of y'all. At least supergreen didn't prance around like she was WOC #1 fan and that she was so liberal and educationally superior only to hide behind OB pages to be racist or avoid the race issues at all. She was/is definitely racist don't get me wrong but at least she wasn't a wolf in sheeps clothing.
It's funny how the extra comment that was clipped out is supposed to be redeeming .... Tami being the "board police" is distasteful because she's a white person too so that makes you uncomfortable because other white people should all be on same level, dark person calling people out is cool they are supposed to be angry and confrontational and "fiesty". White tami calling out is a little ... Uncomfortable though.. Right? But then nat is cool because of course you love her!!!!eleventy! Unlikely they are friends anyway !!!
I still have a shitload to read, but cville and litebright put what I've been try to sort in my brain. What's happened here is appalling. But as a white person, I feel like we need to stop backpatting ourselves when we're not involved in the fuckery. Unless you're TamiTaylor, who we can all learn from. And I don't even know her, but damn. Well done.
I'm showing my privelidge and white guilt by saying the following, but when things feel hopeless, I focus on smaller actions that I can do. I've read the articles posted on how to talk to toddlers about race, and have purchased a few of the books recommended for toddlers. The Amazon boxes are inside my door ready to read this weekend. I don't think I'm going to change the world, but I'm trying to make it better by one person and my child. And I will continue to try, even when I fail.
Also, if every poster here had gone off and made a couple of positive changes after last week, imagine the collective impact of that?! Instead, it was more worth people's time to gossip and insult others. It says a lot about the make up of this community.
I don't like looking in the mirror and thinking about how many fluff posts I've participated in - I'm not cool with myself on this. I have such a strong desire to give my daughter a better life than I had as a child, and in the process I've lost sight of the bigger picture.
No apology here is going to make it better. Only action.