Emergency plans for when you're alone...a WWYD. XP from CEP

[Beeps (WOT?*)]

pandce.proboards.com/thread/553164/ncepr-emergency-plans-when-wwyd

For those of you who don't live near family or friends, wwyd in the future? This is to help me, my daughter, her family and her husband's family make future plans.



My son-in-law is in the military. US Navy attached to an aircraft carrier. They just moved from Japan (where they lived on-base because that's the only option) where they had a very active squadron and base community so it was easy to get to know people, to Virginia a few months ago. They have two kids, ages 10 and 2. They do not live near a/the base, but a ways out. Since they've been there, she spent the last six weeks with me, a week with her in-laws up in DC, etc. The neighbors she knew moved, and she now has new neighbors she has kind of met (she instigated) but both of whom work. The only other stay-at-home she knew just moved. Most of her neighborhood is two-income households. Her closest friend lives at least 45 minutes away. I live across the country, as does her husband's family (WA and CO).



This morning my phone was ringing off the hook. It was her calling. She was having a medical emergency. Because of the above (mostly because of the 2 year old) she didn't know what she should do. Her heart was racing, her blood sugar was high (she is not diabetic but monitors because she was pre-diabetic at pregnancy and I am diabetic), she was dizzy and having trouble breathing, walking, standing. She also suffers from anxiety. She was definitely in a condition that an ambulance should have been called. She wasn't sure about calling one because what if she couldn't take the kids with her to the hospital? (Her son was supposed to be in school but she couldn't get him there; there is no bus option and she wasn't in shape to drive. And the 2 year old is 2.) If she was in Japan this could have been easily remedied because she was an active part of an active community.



Her husband was set to depart for an extended period this morning. After she got off the phone with me, she was able to call him and he was pulled from the plane to go home and take care of things. If he was on the boat or elsewhere, she could have been in a serious situation. If this happens again ("becomes a pattern"), this could put his career in jeopardy as well. When I called back, the paramedics were there (I was on the line to call the police department for a well-check since I wasn't sure how she would take paramedics showing up with no warning; she had hung up on me to call her husband) and her husband was on his way back from the base or airport or wherever to handle things at home.



It was scary as hell. In the event that this happens again, what should they and we do? I'm talking with his mom about setting up some sort of phone tree and emergency plan. What sort of contingencies should we plan for, especially if he's not available to respond?



I'm also XP on military for suggestions.





(ETA: She is now at the ER. A paramedic stayed with the kids until her husband could make it home. Her husband got the kids and is now at the hospital with her. He is a keeper.)





Stan  MixedBerryJam ilovecandy Pom

[MixedBerryJam]

How scary for both of you. You'll get much better advice from others, I'm sure. But as as asthmatic with anxiety and panic attacks (and stress induced asthma LOL), I will empathize with you. A phone tree will be good for a babysitter emergency, but a phone tree is not what you want her to do in a real, medical emergency, esp with her being much of the time alone with a 2yo. She needs to just get comfortable dialing 911. If she thinks it's 911-worthy, it probably is, and they'll come out and assess. That's what they're there for. If this was her first time ever having a medical emergency and having EMSs to her house I can understand her reluctance, and with diabetic symptoms she may have had some confusion too. She will not be the first parent who had an emergency with a kid at home and they know how to deal. I wish her the best, and hope for all your sakes that this was just a random ding in her numbers.

ETA: Also, your post reminded me of how my mom, who wore an "I've fallen and I can't get up" bracelet, used to call me and have me drive over so she wouldn't be alone when she pushed the button. 

Mom<<<-------                                                       The Point------->>>

[JakJak]

First off, I'm so sorry she has to worry about this. This was something I was worried about when I first moved as well. I am in the Hampton Roads area, and there are tons of options for stay at home moms and great communities for military spouses. If he's on a carrier here they all have great FRGs. My suggestion would be to have her go out and meet other parents, I moved from living on base to living far from our base here so it was definitely an adjustment. Since most of the community here is either military or connected to the military in some way everyone is happy to help a military spouse out. I've met some of my closest friends through my husband's boat and through our kids' schools. That way she has a community to fall back on if she needs to call for help again. Another thing I found helpful was teaching my then 2 year old to use my phone. I put emoji next to important numbers (grandma, aunt, friend) that he would recognize so he could do that in case I needed help. Would it make her feel better if you checked in on her daily? Just text her in the morning and before bed. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help! This area can be super intimidating but it can also be an incredible community

[Beeps (WOT?*)]

Sept 26, 2016 11:54:09 GMT -5 JakJak said:

First off, I'm so sorry she has to worry about this. This was something I was worried about when I first moved as well. I am in the Hampton Roads area, and there are tons of options for stay at home moms and great communities for military spouses. If he's on a carrier here they all have great FRGs. My suggestion would be to have her go out and meet other parents, I moved from living on base to living far from our base here so it was definitely an adjustment. Since most of the community here is either military or connected to the military in some way everyone is happy to help a military spouse out. I've met some of my closest friends through my husband's boat and through our kids' schools. That way she has a community to fall back on if she needs to call for help again. Another thing I found helpful was teaching my then 2 year old to use my phone. I put emoji next to important numbers (grandma, aunt, friend) that he would recognize so he could do that in case I needed help. Would it make her feel better if you checked in on her daily? Just text her in the morning and before bed. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help! This area can be super intimidating but it can also be an incredible community

Thanks so much for the information. He's attached to a carrier so I'll have him/her/them look into FRGs. They live in Suffolk so not close to the base in as I understand it. My experience as a military wife was different from hers, but the community *is* a close one and I'm still friends with a couple people from way back in the day during my short stint as a military spouse 30-odd years ago.

I suggested she look into local sites like a community FB group, and meetup is a great suggestion that someone had too. I thought maybe the school would have some suggestions or resources as well as maybe their community HOA, and meeting people out and about in the community (it has pools, a community center, etc.) and at school. Scouts for the boy is also a great idea; I have my granddaughters in Girl Scouts and other events over here and several of my friends with boys are active in Boy Scouts (which seems to be an even tighter community). (That must have been a CEP suggestion. lol.)

Her H was (is it once a pilot always a pilot or is it past tense now that he's not flying?) in his first enlistment. With it being a particular plane, it turns out there's a particular community so a lot of her friends from prior bases at some point somehow end up near her. She's very good at keeping in touch with her friends, past and present, so when her friend from either the first or second location ends up being stationed where she's at now, she's already got a friend. (Actually, I believe that the 45 minute away friend is someone she also knew two enlistments ago and kept in touch with.

One of her neighbors she kind of knows works at the hospital she just happened to be transported to, so that might be someone she wants to get to know better. lol.

Stan - glad you're okay. You're not the first and definitely not the last that have had those moments and those epiphanies. Be careful. We kind of like you around here.
MixedBerryJam - thanks for the laugh. I kind of think that's why she called me. Reinforcements.

[pennylane]

I'm so sorry that happened to her. Have her see if the base has a class called COMPASS- even though she's not new to the military, it should cover what's available locally and give her an opportunity to meet other spouses.

[dcn]

Ugh I'm sorry! I also agree to have her contact the frg, worst case someone could meet her at the hospital and get the kids. Meetup, join a gym/toddler class to meet other moms etc.

It's hard:/

[morecoffeeplease]

Im sorry to hear this happened

I 100% recommend the frg. She should also have an ombudsman. Get the ombudsman information as soon as possible. The ombudsman is the link between spouse and command, especially if they are gone.

I lived away from family while my husband was deployed but I became active in the frg and they became my friend family. I couldn't have done it without them. Not only will she build relationships, she will also people to ask for recommendations for child care and things like that.

Also, I know this is easier said than done but can she look at moving closer to base?

[Beeps (WOT?*)]

Sept 26, 2016 16:32:05 GMT -5 morecoffeeplease said:

Im sorry to hear this happened

I 100% recommend the frg. She should also have an ombudsman. Get the ombudsman information as soon as possible. The ombudsman is the link between spouse and command, especially if they are gone.

I lived away from family while my husband was deployed but I became active in the frg and they became my friend family. I couldn't have done it without them. Not only will she build relationships, she will also people to ask for recommendations for child care and things like that.

Also, I know this is easier said than done but can she look at moving closer to base?

They like where they're at. They're close to a great school and in a nice community with rents at or below BAH. They spent a lot of time finding the place so I think moving is unlikely at this point. I think she just needs a little time to get into the swing of things around there. She was pretty quick into making friends in Japan. She'll do it here. She just didn't have the time yet. Ugh.

Thanks for all the ideas, advice and general morale boost.

[ilovecandy]

She needs to get with the frg. Our frg had an option for people.to help with emergency babysitting.

I would also suggest her finding some babysiters in general. Just in case

I have never lived a good distance from a base so we have always had bade peopl close by. Is there anyone from her h's office that are staying back? If so get their numbers. My h's offices have always been good about helping each other out in emergencies when the soldier is gone. I don't know how much if an option that may be but it is there.

I would suggest for her to get involved in the community. Make friends there. Is there a mops group close by? If she likes working put find a mom workout group like no excuse mom's or the stroller ones.

[creamsiclechica]

A lot of people have already mentioned my suggestions, but I will reiterate getting touch with her FRG. Her leader and pint of contacts should be equipped to assist her, especially in emergencies. We are a different branch, (Army), but for us, there's a center on post called ACS (Army community service) that has a whole hosts of resources, such as counseling, childcare recommendations, hosts play dates, and just lots and lots of information about post wide and off post facilities that can be utilized by the community. There's also MOPS groups, which can lend support to other spouses in crisis. Additonally, it might be worth checking out part time or on call care through a child care provider like care.com. Or, she could find a community wives' page (a lot of bases have them) on Facebook and ask about local meet ups or post for support with the kids. Those can be sketchy sometimes, but they can also be really good for bringing people together when reaching out in person is limited.

I really feel for her. It's very difficult sometimes and very isolating when you relocate. I'm very social, and it still took me about 6-12 months to find a network of reliable people in a new duty station, and were also way too far from family for it to be an option (Hawaii). It was even harder when I lived off post. I had to go through phases that felt like dating chatting up moms at library story time, the park, and hoping for a call/text back. It was exhausting. I hope she can find her niche and a network very soon.

[morecoffeeplease]

Sept 26, 2016 17:06:35 GMT -5 Beeps (WOT?*) said:

Sept 26, 2016 16:32:05 GMT -5 morecoffeeplease said:

Im sorry to hear this happened

I 100% recommend the frg. She should also have an ombudsman. Get the ombudsman information as soon as possible. The ombudsman is the link between spouse and command, especially if they are gone.

I lived away from family while my husband was deployed but I became active in the frg and they became my friend family. I couldn't have done it without them. Not only will she build relationships, she will also people to ask for recommendations for child care and things like that.

Also, I know this is easier said than done but can she look at moving closer to base?

They like where they're at. They're close to a great school and in a nice community with rents at or below BAH. They spent a lot of time finding the place so I think moving is unlikely at this point. I think she just needs a little time to get into the swing of things around there. She was pretty quick into making friends in Japan. She'll do it here. She just didn't have the time yet. Ugh.

Thanks for all the ideas, advice and general morale boost.

I understand.

Is her husband home for a few more days? It might be good to sit down together and write out a general family care plan. Who to call? Who to take the kids. Closest hospital. Etc. That way, if this happens again and she is in a panic, it's all written down. If he isn't home maybe you can talk on the phone with her while the kids are napping and help her.

Another thing she could do to help feel prepared before she knows a ton of people is set up a family emergency binder. We did ours as an frg group but here is a basic example.

www.diypreparedness.net/how-to-make-your-own-family-emergency-binder/


I know this sounds morbid but I had major anxiety about not waking up and my kids being home alone and no one knowing. I decided to text my mom in the morning and at night so she knew all was well. Maybe that will help your daughter feel a bit comfortable in a new place while he is gone.

And I know I said this before but the ombudsman will be the best person to get to know, even more so than the frg. The ombudsman has a ton of resources. I was president of our frg and we had to defer a lot of phone call questions to the ombudsman because of privacy issues.

[Beeps (WOT?*)]

Thank you again, ladies, for all the advice and support. There is a lot here I can give her. I'm sure her mother-in-law (a retired Air Force colonel) can come up with a few suggestions for her as well if you haven't thought of everything and then some. He's still in town for a few days (I don't know how long he'll be staying back) but I'm sure will be heading out. If she needs someone, his mother will be flying out to help. (This is one of those times I wish the grands were either a little older or a little younger so I didn't have to worry about school for them. lol.)

[calmcosmo]

Is he in a squadron? My husband is a carrier based naval aviator so I'm pretty familiar with that life. We've been stationed in Hampton Roads twice and with three squadrons.

Squadrons can sometimes be different in the sense that many don't have FRGs, unfortunately. We are currently in an operational squadron (west coast) and we don't have an FRG. There will be at least one command ombudsman and she would be the person to contact in the event of an emergency. Also, squadrons typically have very active OSCs so if her husband is an officer I'm sure there is a group who can be there for her. My current OSC gets together at least 2-3x per month and we definitely take care of one another when the squadron is gone. That is my village.

Hampton Roads has many different ways to meet other moms. The public libraries are awesome and have free music and play groups for babies and toddlers. Stroller Strides (Fit for Mom) has many active chapters. The YMCA system there is awesome and can be a place to take her two 2 year old and get a breather.

I'm so sorry she is having a hard time. I've never been to Japan, but our friends in Atsugi are extremely bonded. Leaving is a big adjustment. I hope she feels at home and healthy soon.

[Beeps (WOT?*)]

He's based on the carrier so I don't believe he would be squadron based. He is an officer and much of the support network in Misawa was through OSC. I think she just needs time to settle in with this newer group. It sounds like you and she are similarly situated, or at least on the same track (he's O3, carrier based pilot.) They're apparently putting together another outing or event in the next few weeks so people can get to know each other. They went to a baseball game not long ago but got rained out and she had to take the toddler home, so c'est la vie. I believe she mentioned something about the ombudsman when we talked this afternoon but she was still not at her best.

I told her that I was getting a lot of great information and would pull it together for her to review and come up with plans and suggestions.

Thanks again for so much great information.

[calmcosmo]

Sept 28, 2016 23:46:55 GMT -5 Beeps (WOT?*) said:

He's based on the carrier so I don't believe he would be squadron based. He is an officer and much of the support network in Misawa was through OSC. I think she just needs time to settle in with this newer group. It sounds like you and she are similarly situated, or at least on the same track (he's O3, carrier based pilot.) They're apparently putting together another outing or event in the next few weeks so people can get to know each other. They went to a baseball game not long ago but got rained out and she had to take the toddler home, so c'est la vie. I believe she mentioned something about the ombudsman when we talked this afternoon but she was still not at her best.

I told her that I was getting a lot of great information and would pull it together for her to review and come up with plans and suggestions.

Thanks again for so much great information.

If he's a carrier based pilot he is likely in a squadron unless he is doing a disassociated sea tour (shooter, a-nav, CAG staff). My husband did a CAG staff tour and I got involved with the squadron in the air wing for my husband's plane. This was in Hampton Roads.
Does your son in law fly helicopters? I'm not familiar with many carrier based naval aviators in Misawa.

If you want to PM me I'd be willing to help. Naval aviation is a small world and I might be able to hook her up with some resources out there.