No more kids birthday parties

[WOUNDTIGHT]

So I'm having the kid's 3rd birthday party at a sports complex this weekend and our max is 20 kids, which means I couldn't invite everyone in his class (he has "friends" from another school and my new moms group). I invited 8 kids from his class by writing their names on the envelopes and giving them to the teacher to put in the kids' mailboxes.

I had to beg the teachers today to ask for RSVPs since no one responded and the venue needs a headcount. And, we aren't given class lists or contact info so the only means of communication I have is through the kids mailboxes. The teacher said she would write at the the top of the kid's daily sheets a reminder to RSVP to me.

Tonight I got a voicemail RSVPing from a kid that I've never heard of, who I definitely didn't invite. SHIT. How did this get screwed up?!? Now I'm nervous the teacher wrote at the top of ALL the kids sheets and not just the ones that I invited. Gaaahhh!!!! Unfortunately this is not a "the more, the merrier" situation. If people could just have freakin RSVPd none of this would have happened.

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

It will be OK. Not all 20 kids you invited will come.

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Oct 18, 2016 19:20:40 GMT -5 Ohhmm(bligo) said:

It will be OK. Not all 20 kids you invited will come.

I'm at 16 now. If the teachers invited 10 extra kids and 7 of them want to come, I'm so screwed.

[gummybear]

Our school has a strict rule that invites can't come through the classroom unless everyone is invited. I feel bad for you and the teacher!

[Captain Catnip]

Oct 18, 2016 19:26:10 GMT -5 hiddendriveway said:

What? Isn't it a pretty accepted "rule" that you don't send the invites to school if you don't invite the whole class. It's not the teacher's job to track down RSVPs.

No kids, but I know my sister has said that my niece and nephews' school has this rule.

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Oct 18, 2016 19:26:10 GMT -5 hiddendriveway said:

What? Isn't it a pretty accepted "rule" that you don't send the invites to school if you don't invite the whole class. It's not the teacher's job to track down RSVPs.

IDK. The kids are young enough that I don't think kids will feel "excluded." I'm sure there are parties my kid isn't invited to. There's no rule for this at my school as far as I know. If he was turning 5 I think I'd feel differently.

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Oct 18, 2016 19:27:40 GMT -5 gummybear said:

Our school has a strict rule that invites can't come through the classroom unless everyone is invited. I feel bad for you and the teacher!

I understand this rule NOW and it makes perfect sense.

But then, also I'd have to invite 24 kids to his party, without including any outside friends, which also seems crazy. Our school has a "buddy" classroom system where the kids are all commingled and drop off and pick up with the class next door but separated during the day.

I think I'll just pour some wine and hope for the best.

Seriously no more class parties. It's too much!

[eb777888]

That was very nice of the teacher!

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Oct 18, 2016 19:34:51 GMT -5 hiddendriveway said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:30:04 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

IDK. The kids are young enough that I don't think kids will feel "excluded." I'm sure there are parties my kid isn't invited to. There's no rule for this at my school as far as I know. If he was turning 5 I think I'd feel differently.

My kids always had this rule at preschool. If these people didn't get an invitation- they won't know the time,date, place etc. so did the person RSVPing ask for all of that info?

Hey! Even though you clearly think I acted like a jerk here, you've actually been helpful. The dad who left me a VM did know what time the party started.

. . . But I didn't address an invite to his kid!! So how did he get one?

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Oct 18, 2016 19:38:15 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

That was very nice of the teacher!

I really didn't want to ask the teacher for help! I went to the front desk last night at pick up and asked for cell phone or email addresses for the kids I still needed to hear from. They told me to just wrote the names on a post it and give it to the teacher so she could write a little note on the daily sheets. I'm not trying to make anyone's life harder.

[eb777888]

Oct 18, 2016 19:42:21 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:38:15 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

That was very nice of the teacher!

I really didn't want to ask the teacher for help! I went to the front desk last night at pick up and asked for cell phone or email addresses for the kids I still needed to hear from. They told me to just wrote the names on a post it and give it to the teacher so she could write a little note on the daily sheets. I'm not trying to make anyone's life harder.

Well, welcome to the shitstorm that are kids' birthday parties! :-) I do one every year and it truly is a headache. You never know who's coming that RSVP'd and many that DON'T RSVP STILL show. I've had high and low turnouts. You just never know! Shit.Storm. 

[cbwm1]

Oct 18, 2016 19:30:04 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:26:10 GMT -5 hiddendriveway said:

What? Isn't it a pretty accepted "rule" that you don't send the invites to school if you don't invite the whole class. It's not the teacher's job to track down RSVPs.

IDK. The kids are young enough that I don't think kids will feel "excluded." I'm sure there are parties my kid isn't invited to. There's no rule for this at my school as far as I know. If he was turning 5 I think I'd feel differently.

FYI, they're not too young.

And our school district has the same rule that others have mentioned. It's everyone or no one.

We didn't have a "party" this year. We took Will and three of his friends bowling and we had pizza, cupcakes, and turned them loose in the arcade. It was so low key and wonderful.

I refuse to do any more big parties with friends. It's too stressful to track down RSVPs and have anxiety about my kid being the next FB pity party when he's another autistic kid who had a birthday party that no one showed up too. Done with it.

[honeychai]

Dude, you can't just invite some of the kids from class.

Also, did you expect the teacher to remember which students you invited?

ETA- I see you gave a list of name

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Oct 18, 2016 19:52:39 GMT -5 cbwm1 said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:30:04 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

IDK. The kids are young enough that I don't think kids will feel "excluded." I'm sure there are parties my kid isn't invited to. There's no rule for this at my school as far as I know. If he was turning 5 I think I'd feel differently.

FYI, they're not too young.

And our school district has the same rule that others have mentioned. It's everyone or no one.

We didn't have a "party" this year. We took Will and three of his friends bowling and we had pizza, cupcakes, and turned them loose in the arcade. It was so low key and wonderful.

I refuse to do any more big parties with friends. It's too stressful to track down RSVPs and have anxiety about my kid being the next FB pity party when he's another autistic kid who had a birthday party that no one showed up too. Done with it.

Were those 3 kids you invited in his class? Or do you keep it just to friends from outside school? This is where the "all or none" gets sticky! His BFF is in his class and if it's all or none, then his best bud can't come?

I agree, his parties will be small from here on out. Or, at my house where whomever can come whenever.

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Oct 18, 2016 19:55:53 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Dude, you can't just invite some of the kids from class.

Also, did you expect the teacher to remember which students you invited?

Of course not. Per the front desk's instruction, I gave a post it note with the kids names.

I really didn't think the "all or nothing" would apply to a class of mostly 2 year olds. Lesson learned!

[W.T.Faulkner]

Oct 18, 2016 19:38:15 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

That was very nice of the teacher!

Elementary school teachers are a different breed, man. I could not handle this shit, lol. I drink too much as it is. 

[honeychai]

Oct 18, 2016 19:42:21 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:38:15 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

That was very nice of the teacher!

I really didn't want to ask the teacher for help! I went to the front desk last night at pick up and asked for cell phone or email addresses for the kids I still needed to hear from. They told me to just wrote the names on a post it and give it to the teacher so she could write a little note on the daily sheets. I'm not trying to make anyone's life harder.

Just saw this-

So the teacher did have the names of kids you invited.
Still no good.

Invite all or none, or do it outside of school (mail invites)

And most schools won't give out other people's contact info.

[W.T.Faulkner]

Oct 18, 2016 19:57:55 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:55:53 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Dude, you can't just invite some of the kids from class.

Also, did you expect the teacher to remember which students you invited?

Of course not. Per the front desk's instruction, I gave a post it note with the kids names.

I really didn't think the "all or nothing" would apply to a class of mostly 2 year olds. Lesson learned!

I'd then violently murder the person at the font desk, were I the teacher.

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Oct 18, 2016 19:58:12 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:42:21 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

I really didn't want to ask the teacher for help! I went to the front desk last night at pick up and asked for cell phone or email addresses for the kids I still needed to hear from. They told me to just wrote the names on a post it and give it to the teacher so she could write a little note on the daily sheets. I'm not trying to make anyone's life harder.

Just saw this-

So the teacher did have the names of kids you invited.
Still no good.

Invite all or none, or do it outside of school (mail invites)

And most schools won't give out other people's contact info.

Right. So the school (which isn't a school, it's a daycare center) won't give me the addresses. And since my kid can't exactly ask for his friends full names and addresses- what's my recourse? Invite all 24 and leave out his friends from outside of school? Have 2 parties? Tell him that even though Michael is his best friend at school, he can't come to the birthday party because I'd have to invite the other 23 kids?

[mrsjuleshs]

The 2 parties we did outside of just family and friends, I luckily did know the moms so could deliver the invites. After 2nd grade we switched it to fun events. Baseball games, just a few friends for fancy dinner and sleepovers, and then concerts. Now, we have family lunch and for her bday last month over 20 of her closest friends all went to have dinner together at a hibachi place. Some came back here but they ended up going roller skating.

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Oct 18, 2016 20:01:38 GMT -5 mrsjuleshs said:

The 2 parties we did outside of just family and friends, I luckily did know the moms so could deliver the invites. After 2nd grade we switched it to fun events. Baseball games, just a few friends for fancy dinner and sleepovers, and then concerts. Now, we have family lunch and for her bday last month over 20 of her closest friends all went to have dinner together at a hibachi place. Some came back here but they ended up going roller skating.

My kid is always the last to be picked up along with 2-3 other kids whose parents are skidding in at the last minute, so I don't interact with the other parents, really. As I get to know them I'd handle it differently, that's for sure.

[meganew]

Oct 18, 2016 19:55:53 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Dude, you can't just invite some of the kids from class.

Also, did you expect the teacher to remember which students you invited?

ETA- I see you gave a list of name

What? This is crazy. What if there are 20 people in the class? If Ollie comes home talking about how he played with E, T, and A every day, then for his birthday I put invitations in E, T, and A's cubbies. I know there have been parties for other kids that Ollie hasn't been invited to, I just assume he's not as good of friends with those kids.

[honeychai]

Oct 18, 2016 20:00:27 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:58:12 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Just saw this-

So the teacher did have the names of kids you invited.
Still no good.

Invite all or none, or do it outside of school (mail invites)

And most schools won't give out other people's contact info.

Right. So the school (which isn't a school, it's a daycare center) won't give me the addresses. And since my kid can't exactly ask for his friends full names and addresses- what's my recourse? Invite all 24 and leave out his friends from outside of school? Have 2 parties? Tell him that even though Michael is his best friend at school, he can't come to the birthday party because I'd have to invite the other 23 kids?

Different venue?

[gretchenindisguise]

Oct 18, 2016 20:00:27 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:58:12 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Just saw this-

So the teacher did have the names of kids you invited.
Still no good.

Invite all or none, or do it outside of school (mail invites)

And most schools won't give out other people's contact info.

Right. So the school (which isn't a school, it's a daycare center) won't give me the addresses. And since my kid can't exactly ask for his friends full names and addresses- what's my recourse? Invite all 24 and leave out his friends from outside of school? Have 2 parties? Tell him that even though Michael is his best friend at school, he can't come to the birthday party because I'd have to invite the other 23 kids?

Put your phone number in the box of the kids you want to invite. Set up playdate with them. Meet the parents. Invite them to your kids party.

[honeychai]

Oct 18, 2016 20:05:10 GMT -5 meganew said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:55:53 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Dude, you can't just invite some of the kids from class.

Also, did you expect the teacher to remember which students you invited?

ETA- I see you gave a list of name

What? This is crazy. What if there are 20 people in the class? If Ollie comes home talking about how he played with E, T, and A every day, then for his birthday I put invitations in E, T, and A's cubbies. I know there have been parties for other kids that Ollie hasn't been invited to, I just assume he's not as good of friends with those kids.

It's school policy at my district and in most schools that if invites go home via the school the whole class must be invited.

I've had plenty of parties where only certain kids from the class were invited, but I mailed invites.

Maybe, maybe if it's a daycare setting, but for school aged kids, I don't think it's alright to only invite certain kids.

[eb777888]

Oct 18, 2016 19:58:09 GMT -5 W.T.Faulkner said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:38:15 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

That was very nice of the teacher!

Elementary school teachers are a different breed, man. I could not handle this shit, lol. I drink too much as it is. 

At David's current school, we're not even allowed to give invites out at school at all. So I started a class roster of parent email for this reason only, lol! As much as a headache as they are, I love throwing David's parties!!

FYI- I came up with a form for the parents to fill out to allow it! It's all legit!

[meganew]

Oct 18, 2016 20:08:54 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:58:09 GMT -5 W.T.Faulkner said:

Elementary school teachers are a different breed, man. I could not handle this shit, lol. I drink too much as it is. 

At David's current school, we're not even allowed to give invites out at school at all. So I started a class roster of parent email for this reason only, lol! As much as a headache as they are, I love throwing David's parties!!

FYI- I came up with a form for the parents to fill out to allow it! It's all legit!

This just seems like such a crazy hoop to have to jump through! Lol

[karinothing]

Oct 18, 2016 20:00:27 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:58:12 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Just saw this-

So the teacher did have the names of kids you invited.
Still no good.

Invite all or none, or do it outside of school (mail invites)

And most schools won't give out other people's contact info.

Right. So the school (which isn't a school, it's a daycare center) won't give me the addresses. And since my kid can't exactly ask for his friends full names and addresses- what's my recourse? Invite all 24 and leave out his friends from outside of school? Have 2 parties? Tell him that even though Michael is his best friend at school, he can't come to the birthday party because I'd have to invite the other 23 kids?

This is how I ended up with 30 kids for ds1's bday this saturday. At leat they didn't rsvp for siblings like the first 6 rsvps I got did.

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Oct 18, 2016 20:08:06 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Oct 18, 2016 20:05:10 GMT -5 meganew said:

What? This is crazy. What if there are 20 people in the class? If Ollie comes home talking about how he played with E, T, and A every day, then for his birthday I put invitations in E, T, and A's cubbies. I know there have been parties for other kids that Ollie hasn't been invited to, I just assume he's not as good of friends with those kids.

It's school policy at my district and in most schools that if invites go home via the school the whole class must be invited.

I've had plenty of parties where only certain kids from the class were invited, but I mailed invites.

Maybe, maybe if it's a daycare setting, but for school aged kids, I don't think it's alright to only invite certain kids.

He's 2, turning 3. This is a private daycare center (I called it "school" because that's just what we say at home to the kid- "it's a school day" instead of "it's a daycare day".

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Oct 18, 2016 20:05:30 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Oct 18, 2016 20:00:27 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

Right. So the school (which isn't a school, it's a daycare center) won't give me the addresses. And since my kid can't exactly ask for his friends full names and addresses- what's my recourse? Invite all 24 and leave out his friends from outside of school? Have 2 parties? Tell him that even though Michael is his best friend at school, he can't come to the birthday party because I'd have to invite the other 23 kids?

Different venue?

No. I have to find a venue that accommodates 31 (24 kids plus the 7 that we actually see outside of daycare that he knows) kids for his party so I can invite a bunch of 2 year olds that he never even mentions? That's insane.