No more kids birthday parties

[Deleted]

I feel your pain. C's bday is at the end of Aug. I sent invites to the class right at the end of the school year since his class didn't provide a contact list for the summer. 1 regular rsvp, 1 no a day before, and 1 surprise show up. Since this timing will be a regular issue, DH and I decided we are just doing a family cake event, and will do a weekend getaway with C to an amusement park; as he gets older and we know his friends/their parents better can take 1 or 2 good friends with us. Cost will be about the same, no deluge of toys, and far less stress.

[WOUNDTIGHT]

I've had 2 ask of the older siblings can tag along which is kinda rude at a pay-per-kid venue but I'm just so happy they responded that I don't even care!

[hymen]

I think all the invites my kids got at daycare were given to the whole class. I know this is now the rule at my DS's elementary school.

I never send paper invites - just Facebook ones. Last year we invited 4 kids from his class, plus two other friends, via FB. But we still do pretty low key backyard birthday parties with friends and family, and as long as DS1 is happy with that, that's what I plan on sticking with.

[jeaniebueller]

I haven't done a friend birthday for DS yet because I don't have a way of inviting kids since I dont have parents contact info and the class invite rule (which I get!). This stuff is so complicated for younger kids.

[eb777888]

Oct 18, 2016 20:09:47 GMT -5 meganew said:

Oct 18, 2016 20:08:54 GMT -5 eb777888 said:

At David's current school, we're not even allowed to give invites out at school at all. So I started a class roster of parent email for this reason only, lol! As much as a headache as they are, I love throwing David's parties!!

FYI- I came up with a form for the parents to fill out to allow it! It's all legit!

This just seems like such a crazy hoop to have to jump through! Lol

Welp, ALL of the 11 other kids in his class filled out the form so, SUCESS! lol

[speckledfrog]

Oct 18, 2016 20:00:27 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:58:12 GMT -5 honeychai said:

Just saw this-

So the teacher did have the names of kids you invited.
Still no good.

Invite all or none, or do it outside of school (mail invites)

And most schools won't give out other people's contact info.

Right. So the school (which isn't a school, it's a daycare center) won't give me the addresses. And since my kid can't exactly ask for his friends full names and addresses- what's my recourse? Invite all 24 and leave out his friends from outside of school? Have 2 parties? Tell him that even though Michael is his best friend at school, he can't come to the birthday party because I'd have to invite the other 23 kids?

In the future, try writing an email as if to the parents, asking them to respond with their email so you can send out invites and send it to the teacher and see if she will forward it to that group.

I know there are valid reasons for not putting out a directory but it does make things much more of a PITA.   

[gummybear]

We have a "Family Directory" with names, addresses, phone numbers, emails, kids names and homerooms. Of course, you can opt out, but no one does. Sometimes old school is awesome!

[Captain Catnip]

Oct 18, 2016 20:23:17 GMT -5 gummybear said:

We have a "Family Directory" with names, addresses, phone numbers, emails, kids names and homerooms. Of course, you can opt out, but no one does. Sometimes old school is awesome!

I remember when I was a kid my parents had all of the numbers because there was a phone tree in case of emergency, inclement weather, etc. That would be handy in these situations.

[illgetthere]

Oct 18, 2016 19:56:36 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:52:39 GMT -5 cbwm1 said:

FYI, they're not too young.

And our school district has the same rule that others have mentioned. It's everyone or no one.

We didn't have a "party" this year. We took Will and three of his friends bowling and we had pizza, cupcakes, and turned them loose in the arcade. It was so low key and wonderful.

I refuse to do any more big parties with friends. It's too stressful to track down RSVPs and have anxiety about my kid being the next FB pity party when he's another autistic kid who had a birthday party that no one showed up too. Done with it.

Were those 3 kids you invited in his class? Or do you keep it just to friends from outside school? This is where the "all or none" gets sticky! His BFF is in his class and if it's all or none, then his best bud can't come?

I agree, his parties will be small from here on out. Or, at my house where whomever can come whenever.

Does he see his BFF outside of school? Do the inviting then. It's the invitations at school part that is the issue, not who actually comes to the party.

[vamoose]

wait, is the consensus really that you must invite the whole class or none of the class for TWO year olds?? No way! I have never seen that in practice, at all. I agree that you should be sensitive to not excluding only a few. I think inviting less than half the class is a good rule of thumb. But seriously, I never see our three year old kids talk about what they did over the weekend (co-op preschool). I agree that in the future, leaving a note on cubbies with your email is your best bet.

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Oct 18, 2016 20:27:39 GMT -5 illgetthere said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:56:36 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

Were those 3 kids you invited in his class? Or do you keep it just to friends from outside school? This is where the "all or none" gets sticky! His BFF is in his class and if it's all or none, then his best bud can't come?

I agree, his parties will be small from here on out. Or, at my house where whomever can come whenever.

Does he see his BFF outside of school? Do the inviting then. It's the invitations at school part that is the issue, not who actually comes to the party.

He's got 3 BFFs at school that he talks about each day, but we don't get together with the parents on weekends. Mainly because we're always busy.

3 weeks ago we went to a little girl from the buddy class's party and the mom was so nice to me and said, "Susie talks about (DS) all the time! Susie and Mary just love (DS)." Which was all news to me- my kid had never ever mentioned Susie or Mary. So 3 weeks ago I would have just invited the 3 boys he usually talks about but seeing him interact with the other kids at Susie's party, I got to suss out who he is friends with. And of course felt I needed to reciprocate the invitation to Susie's party. And if I'm inviting Susie, I have to invite Mary to complete that trifecta. It's like quicksand. I sunk fast.

(Seriously, upon arrival I had to have my kid point out the birthday girl. I had no idea who she was).

And, 2 of his BFFs from school weren't invited to Susie's party. It didn't occur to me that they should feel slighted? I love it when I don't have to spend half my Saturday at a birthday party.

[bex1973]

This makes me very grateful that my kids class has a private FB group for the class. I can then use that to invite.

[boxertdog]

I can't get past throwing a party for like 20 3 year olds. No. Thanks.

[spitforspat]

Omg you don't have to invite the whole class, you guys. You just can't pass out invitations at school unless you invite everyone.

[konstantine]

So, the other kids are too young to know that they weren't invited, yet you would need to explain why a few of his "friends" can't come unless you hand out invitations to all? That must be one advanced 2 YO. Pretty sure kids at that age have absolutely zero fucks to give about who shows up and who doesn't, as long as they are having fun.

Also, if you're close enough to the other 3 parents to know that the only reason you don't do playdates because you're all too busy, wouldn't you have their contact information to invite them outside of class?

[vanillacourage]

You're asking way too much of the teacher to both hand invites out to kids A, C and C (but not X, Y and Z) and assist you with reminders and RSVP tracking. 

I know it's not a breezy-off, but seriously this stress isn't worth it when kids are pre-school age. Family plus (maybe!) one or two kids you've befriended via separate play date. I realize none of this helps you now.

[isabel]

I'm irritated by this entire thread.

[cbwm1]

Oct 18, 2016 19:56:36 GMT -5 WOUNDTIGHT said:

Oct 18, 2016 19:52:39 GMT -5 cbwm1 said:

FYI, they're not too young.

And our school district has the same rule that others have mentioned. It's everyone or no one.

We didn't have a "party" this year. We took Will and three of his friends bowling and we had pizza, cupcakes, and turned them loose in the arcade. It was so low key and wonderful.

I refuse to do any more big parties with friends. It's too stressful to track down RSVPs and have anxiety about my kid being the next FB pity party when he's another autistic kid who had a birthday party that no one showed up too. Done with it.

Were those 3 kids you invited in his class? Or do you keep it just to friends from outside school? This is where the "all or none" gets sticky! His BFF is in his class and if it's all or none, then his best bud can't come?

I agree, his parties will be small from here on out. Or, at my house where whomever can come whenever.

The three he invited were friends from the daycare he goes to during the summer and school days off.

The key is connecting with parents for play dates prior to birthday stuff happening, keeping their contact info handy and texting them when this stuff comes up.

[cbwm1]

Oct 18, 2016 20:15:30 GMT -5 @historychick79 said:

I feel your pain. C's bday is at the end of Aug. I sent invites to the class right at the end of the school year since his class didn't provide a contact list for the summer. 1 regular rsvp, 1 no a day before, and 1 surprise show up. Since this timing will be a regular issue, DH and I decided we are just doing a family cake event, and will do a weekend getaway with C to an amusement park; as he gets older and we know his friends/their parents better can take 1 or 2 good friends with us. Cost will be about the same, no deluge of toys, and far less stress.

We have this same issue with Will - his birthday is August 19th, which is usually right at the start of the school year.

We do three separate, casual family dinners (one for mine, and DH's parents are divorced so one for each of them), and from now on we're going to do small things with a friend or two. Soooo much better

[chickadee77]

Oct 18, 2016 21:33:25 GMT -5 isabel said:

I'm irritated by this entire thread.

Right?

My kid is also two. She'll party with the bagger at the grocery. Whatever. Bff? Who knows? She knows everyone's names, but one day they're hugging, the next I get an incident report because someone tried to eat her arm, so who the fuck knows.

Cannot relate.

[readyin07]

Oct 18, 2016 21:23:34 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

You're asking way too much of the teacher to both hand invites out to kids A, C and C (but not X, Y and Z) and assist you with reminders and RSVP tracking. 

I know it's not a breezy-off, but seriously this stress isn't worth it when kids are pre-school age. Family plus (maybe!) one or two kids you've befriended via separate play date. I realize none of this helps you now.

Regardless of the whole "is it ok to not invite the entire class" question, I'm kind of here. Ask the teacher to put the envelopes in the box, sure, but then having to write a "reminder note" to RSVP on X, Y and Z's daily sheets seems a bit...much. We just had DS's birthday and literally had no RSVPs from his class besides my 2 friend's kids until the week of. You just have to do your best guess with head counts.

I do think it's weird the kid you didn't invite has RSVP-d. Super weird.

[aliciaflorrick]

I am picturing the teacher copying and handing out invites like they did in Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

[turnipthebeet]

Oct 18, 2016 20:29:47 GMT -5 vamoose said:

wait, is the consensus really that you must invite the whole class or none of the class for TWO year olds?? No way! I have never seen that in practice, at all. I agree that you should be sensitive to not excluding only a few. I think inviting less than half the class is a good rule of thumb. But seriously, I never see our three year old kids talk about what they did over the weekend (co-op preschool). I agree that in the future, leaving a note on cubbies with your email is your best bet.

I know that this has been covered, but the actual consensus is that you can invite whichever few kids you want outside of school channels by making contact with the parents and getting contact info. If you are inviting through school (via notes in cubbies) then it seems to be pretty standard to invite all.

[speckledfrog]

Oct 18, 2016 22:04:53 GMT -5 mofongo said:

Oct 18, 2016 21:49:54 GMT -5 aliciaflorrick said:

I am picturing the teacher copying and handing out invites like they did in Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.

She may have invited the whole daycare.

"Accidentally"
Save

[bronxgirl]

Oct 18, 2016 21:39:41 GMT -5 HRH Queen Dick I said:

That teacher is writing about you on her message board.

I live for the day when worlds collide and one poster vents here about their kid's teacher and in a follow up thread that particular teacher vents about the OP parent.

[kayl84]

Oct 18, 2016 20:27:19 GMT -5 mofongo said:

This is why I just order a cake for daycare the the pugs have their party there. In fact, Penny's was today, I'm waiting for the pictures!

Oooooh is this going to be Penny's Birthday party picture-gate again this year?!? It's like it was just yesterday that it was an 8 pager about a dog's birthday party. :-)

[WOUNDTIGHT]

Once again, I never wanted to involve the teachers. I asked the front desk for the parents' contact info and they very breezily said, just write names on a post it and give it to the teacher.

We get fairly elaborate daily sheets that are written during the kids' two hour nap time. The teach her had to write one sentence across the top of the daily sheet for 6 kids. Its not like I asked her to call 14 parents at home or work until she got answer and give me back a list.

There's no way in the 8 weeks since school started that I was going to foreee that parents would not bother RSVPing to DS' birthday invitation so I should hurry up and have a play date with each kid he wants to invite! That's nuts. My kid has been invited to 2 parties this year thru the cubby at school with no problems because- I RSVP! It's that simple. And I know for a fact that the entire class wasn't invited to either party. That's such a non issue here.

[mel]

Oct 18, 2016 19:20:40 GMT -5 Ohhmm(bligo) said:

It will be OK. Not all 20 kids you invited will come.

Not the point of this post at all, but I had this same idea in mind this year for DS's birthday party. He invited 25 kids to his party. I was OK with this amount on the off chance that all kids did show up, but was really only planning on about 15 kids (his birthday is in early July, so I figured with the holiday and summer vacations, we'd have a lot of kids that couldn't come). 

Well, RSVPs started rolling in and lo and behold, literally all 25 kids were coming to his party. And I actually ended up with some extras because I invited some siblings of the kids that were coming too. It was a blast and DS had SO MUCH fun, but holy shit will I never bank on some kids not coming ever again.

[IrishBelle]

Oct 19, 2016 0:01:04 GMT -5 jenny1980 said:

Okay, a kid party for a three year old is dumb. COME AT ME, PEOPLE! It really is. They barely know WTF is going on and would be happy if their only party guest was a piece of cake. 

We don't do kid parties until 5. 

I look forward to hearing all of your stories of magical three year old birthday parties and how wrong I am. 

So much this.  At 3, do they really care that they didn't get to celebrate with Johnny and Sally?

We did family parties only until they were in school and then friend parties.

[noodleskooze]

I will avoid throwing L a party as long as possible.