It will be OK. Not all 20 kids you invited will come.
Not the point of this post at all, but I had this same idea in mind this year for DS's birthday party. He invited 25 kids to his party. I was OK with this amount on the off chance that all kids did show up, but was really only planning on about 15 kids (his birthday is in early July, so I figured with the holiday and summer vacations, we'd have a lot of kids that couldn't come).
Well, RSVPs started rolling in and lo and behold, literally all 25 kids were coming to his party. And I actually ended up with some extras because I invited some siblings of the kids that were coming too. It was a blast and DS had SO MUCH fun, but holy shit will I never bank on some kids not coming ever again.
100% agree. DSs b-day is Dec. 16th. We sometimes have his party the weekend before, sometimes the weekend after - which is the weekend right before Christmas. We always get all "yes" RSVPs. The one year we got ONE no but then somehow a kid we didn't invite RSVPd yes... Still couldn't figure that one out, but the point is - we still had 20 yeses!!
Last year I tried the only give invites to specific people but DD gave them to her teacher and I got nasty email that I could not do that. It's a rule in public schools you have to invite all the kids in the class. So this year I invited the entire class and only got 4 RSVP's. Two no's the night before and one maybe the day of. It must have been a busy weekend for everyone.
If I make friends with the parents during the party I now ask to be facebook friends or their phone numbers.
It's a pain in the ass that schools don't have like a list where you can contact the families directly. It would be so much easier of there was a directory of some kind.
Last year I tried the only give invites to specific people but DD gave them to her teacher and I got nasty email that I could not do that. It's a rule in public schools you have to invite all the kids in the class. So this year I invited the entire class and only got 4 RSVP's. Two no's the night before and one maybe the day of. It must have been a busy weekend for everyone.
If I make friends with the parents during the party I now ask to be facebook friends or their phone numbers.
It's a pain in the ass that schools don't have like a list where you can contact the families directly. It would be so much easier of there was a directory of some kind.
Our (public) school's PTA puts together a directory each year. They send a letter home asking for your information and your permission to publish your info. You can only provide your phone number, only your address or all of it, or you can opt out of any information being published. It's organized by grade level, then by classroom. They spend a lot of time on it each year and it's marvelous. It's truly a lifesaver.
Last year I tried the only give invites to specific people but DD gave them to her teacher and I got nasty email that I could not do that. It's a rule in public schools you have to invite all the kids in the class. So this year I invited the entire class and only got 4 RSVP's. Two no's the night before and one maybe the day of. It must have been a busy weekend for everyone.
If I make friends with the parents during the party I now ask to be facebook friends or their phone numbers.
It's a pain in the ass that schools don't have like a list where you can contact the families directly. It would be so much easier of there was a directory of some kind.
Our (public) school's PTA puts together a directory each year. They send a letter home asking for your information and your permission to publish your info. You can only provide your phone number, only your address or all of it, or you can opt out of any information being published. It's organized by grade level, then by classroom. They spend a lot of time on it each year and it's marvelous. It's truly a lifesaver.
My dream is to one day have this! We don't still. It's especially frustrating because she has a October birthday. She gets invited to lots of birthdays but not before hers.
Last year I tried the only give invites to specific people but DD gave them to her teacher and I got nasty email that I could not do that. It's a rule in public schools you have to invite all the kids in the class. So this year I invited the entire class and only got 4 RSVP's. Two no's the night before and one maybe the day of. It must have been a busy weekend for everyone.
If I make friends with the parents during the party I now ask to be facebook friends or their phone numbers.
It's a pain in the ass that schools don't have like a list where you can contact the families directly. It would be so much easier of there was a directory of some kind.
At what age do they stop the whole "invite the whole class" situation? Just curious if this is for all public schools or just elementary.
Not sure. But I would imagine once the kid can actually understand the concept of giving their own invite or getting their friends phone number or contact info so we can send directly.
Once again, I never wanted to involve the teachers. I asked the front desk for the parents' contact info and they very breezily said, just write names on a post it and give it to the teacher.
We get fairly elaborate daily sheets that are written during the kids' two hour nap time. The teach her had to write one sentence across the top of the daily sheet for 6 kids. Its not like I asked her to call 14 parents at home or work until she got answer and give me back a list.
There's no way in the 8 weeks since school started that I was going to foreee that parents would not bother RSVPing to DS' birthday invitation so I should hurry up and have a play date with each kid he wants to invite! That's nuts. My kid has been invited to 2 parties this year thru the cubby at school with no problems because- I RSVP! It's that simple. And I know for a fact that the entire class wasn't invited to either party. That's such a non issue here.
But you initially involved her by having her put the invites in the cubbies. It wasn't just the post it note.
wait, is the consensus really that you must invite the whole class or none of the class for TWO year olds?? No way! I have never seen that in practice, at all. I agree that you should be sensitive to not excluding only a few. I think inviting less than half the class is a good rule of thumb. But seriously, I never see our three year old kids talk about what they did over the weekend (co-op preschool). I agree that in the future, leaving a note on cubbies with your email is your best bet.
That's absolutely the case for the 2 year old room and up at our center. Granted it's small classes so DD's entire class accounted for 8 invites.
At what age do they stop the whole "invite the whole class" situation? Just curious if this is for all public schools or just elementary.
Not sure. But I would imagine once the kid can actually understand the concept of giving their own invite or getting their friends phone number or contact info so we can send directly.
Is it "the entire class must be invited to your birthday party" or "you can't hand out invitations on school property, unless you're inviting the entire class"?
My child goes to Catholic school. The school's handbook states that if families are planning a celebration for outside of school, it's requested that invitations be distributed offsite so that no one's feelings are hurt if s/he isn't invited. It also says that invitations can't be distributed on school property & to use the family directory for addresses & phone numbers (I get that not all schools provide family directories).
I like that the school does this in an attempt to prevent hurt feelings re: not getting invited to a party. I like that it also prevents some grade school-aged queen bee from making a show out of handing out invitations to a select few.
My daycare was the same way - invitations could be sent in for handout, but only if the entire room was invited. Because parents can be weird, I think it was more to prevent hurt feelings among the parents rather than 2 & 3 year olds, haha.
Not sure. But I would imagine once the kid can actually understand the concept of giving their own invite or getting their friends phone number or contact info so we can send directly.
Is it "the entire class must be invited to your birthday party" or "you can't hand out invitations on school property, unless you're inviting the entire class"?
My child goes to Catholic school. The school's handbook states that if families are planning a celebration for outside of school, it's requested that invitations be distributed offsite so that no one's feelings are hurt if s/he isn't invited. It also says that invitations can't be distributed on school property & to use the family directory for addresses & phone numbers (I get that not all schools provide family directories).
I like that the school does this in an attempt to prevent hurt feelings re: not getting invited to a party. I like that it also prevents some grade school-aged queen bee from making a show out of handing out invitations to a select few.
My daycare was the same way - invitations could be sent in for handout, but only if the entire room was invited. Because parents can be weird, I think it was more to prevent hurt feelings among the parents rather than 2 & 3 year olds, haha.
I went to look up the rule. I forgot about the boy/girl exception. Like that makes a difference or kids can understand that. But whatever.
PARTIES
Birthday Party invitations may not be given out unless there is one for every child, or all boys or all girls. There are no exceptions!
Post by WOUNDTIGHT on Oct 19, 2016 10:53:10 GMT -5
So the dad who left me a VM last night thought he was RSVPing for his daughter to DS's party, but it was his son who was invited. I saw the mom this morning and she laughed and said her daughter (who is three) has a party the same day as DS', so her H got confused.
I am already dreading my DD's 7th birthday in January. We celebrate with parties every 2yrs and do an experience in between. I pray that she'd prefer an experience again because that was SO FUCKING EASY compared to the drama that she's already starting.
It's only October (we have 3 months!) and I have had two mom friends text me asking when my kids birthday was because apparently my DD is going around talking about her birthday already and inviting random friends. Since they are new mom friends they were worried that an invite got lost which had to be a hard question to ask. We all laughed it off but what other kids are hearing about this and feeling excluded?
After I reprimanded my DD about this whole drama she started, I told her that we'd skip celebrations all together if she couldn't keep her mouth contained.
I feel like you have deliberately complicated this by overdelegating to the school. If you wanted to invite a handful of your son's friends, and didn't have contact info, the remedy was for you or your husband to get to pick up early just one or maybe two days, grab your kid, have him point out his friends, and introduce yourself to the other parents and hand them invitations then. This has the added benefit of allowing you to meet the parents of your child's friends and letting them meet you (which is seemingly a good idea regardless of whether there's a party).
And if for some reason your schedule really, really, really didn't allow for you or your husband to spend one or two days doing that, then you had the option of downsizing the party to parents you already knew, asking Suzy's mom for her invitation list, or inviting everyone and having a pizza party at your house.
The idea that chasing down RSVP's is a task that could be delegated to the daycare provider, and that you would then have the audacity to complain she didn't do it well enough, comes off to me as totally entitled. if the school doesn't want to hand out contact info, then most people understand that means "find the contact info yourself," not "add an extra, unpleasant, task to the daycare lady's list."
But, since it sounds like she DID serve very competently as your unpaid assistant, I think you should get her a bottle of wine (a NICE bottle) and/ or some flowers. Because you took advantage of her, and it doesn't matter if the office assistant invited you to do so.
Oh, and seriously- preschoolers are capable of feeling left out. One of my classmate's moms called my mom for an invitation to my third birthday because her daughter was crying over not being invited. It was not a big deal at all because back in the day we had a cake my mom baked and pin the tail on the donkey in our backyard. But I still remember that being my first lesson in being inclusive, because I got in trouble when I complained about my mom inviting her during that phone call without asking me.
I feel like you have deliberately complicated this by overdelegating to the school. If you wanted to invite a handful of your son's friends, and didn't have contact info, the remedy was for you or your husband to get to pick up early just one or maybe two days, grab your kid, have him point out his friends, and introduce yourself to the other parents and hand them invitations then. This has the added benefit of allowing you to meet the parents of your child's friends and letting them meet you (which is seemingly a good idea regardless of whether there's a party).
And if for some reason your schedule really, really, really didn't allow for you or your husband to spend one or two days doing that, then you had the option of downsizing the party to parents you already knew, asking Suzy's mom for her invitation list, or inviting everyone and having a pizza party at your house.
The idea that chasing down RSVP's is a task that could be delegated to the daycare provider, and that you would then have the audacity to complain she didn't do it well enough, comes off to me as totally entitled. if the school doesn't want to hand out contact info, then most people understand that means "find the contact info yourself," not "add an extra, unpleasant, task to the daycare lady's list."
But, since it sounds like she DID serve very competently as your unpaid assistant, I think you should get her a bottle of wine (a NICE bottle) and/ or some flowers. Because you took advantage of her, and it doesn't matter if the office assistant invited you to do so.
Oh, and seriously- preschoolers are capable of feeling left out. One of my classmate's moms called my mom for an invitation to my third birthday because her daughter was crying over not being invited. It was not a big deal at all because back in the day we had a cake my mom baked and pin the tail on the donkey in our backyard. But I still remember that being my first lesson in being inclusive, because I got in trouble when I complained about my mom inviting her during that phone call without asking me.
You are off your rocker, lady.
1. This is a daycare for 2 and 3 year olds. There are 24 of them. Some attend 5 days a week, some 3, some 2, some 3 days but just morning, some 5 days but just afternoons. Me posting myself at the door of the classroom for an hour or two to try and guess when 8 of them will be picked up or dropped off would be, I promise you, much more intrusive to the teacher than me handing over 8 pre-labeled envelopes to be dropped into the appropriate mail slot. There are no rules about invitations being distributed in my center.
2. The teachers are neither unpaid, nor are they my assistants.
I asked the school how to contact the parents, nicely, and the nicely pointed me to the teachers, who were happy to take the six names I had written on a post it and write one sentence at the top of Johnny's, Jimmy's and Paul's daily sheet, to ask them to RSVP. If the teachers have a problem with that, they tell the front desk if was actually a huge disruption to their day. There are 2 teachers in the class so they each had to write 3 sentences- I'M A MONSTER!, clearly. That you think that task deserves flowers or a bottle of wine shows how out of touch you are with us common folk and how we are compensated for our time.
3. The only reason I didn't stick to the original 3 kids I wanted to invite was because at Suzy's party (a little girl who isn't in my kid's class, who I had never met) her mom went on and on about how Suzy loves my kid and Suzy, DS and another little girl play together all the time. So I invited more kids in order to reciprocate the invite from Suzy so she wouldn't feel left out. I invited all the kids whose moms I spoke with at Suzy's party who mentioned their kid played with mine. To track down parents and then plan 6 play dates in the 3 weeks since that party in order to garner email addresses so I could invite those kids to my kid's party would have been nuts.
LOL forever that you think the teacher/daycare provider would vocally oppose your request if it was inconvenient to them. It's more likely they are just bitching about your behind your back instead.
I started kid parties at 2. Because we don't have very much family, so a family party felt somehow too small & kinda sad. I love the big friend party. I love it. I love the planning and the look on his face. Priceless.
HOWEVER, you really have to invite the whole class or invites happen outside of school. THE SLY way around this is when you see the Mom of the kid you want to invite in the hallway you say " Are you Brayden/Jerrica/Riley's Mom/ Dad/ Nanny?" and when they say yes you slip them an envelope on the DL like it's a motherfucking drug deal complete with a wink and nod.
I feel like you have deliberately complicated this by overdelegating to the school. If you wanted to invite a handful of your son's friends, and didn't have contact info, the remedy was for you or your husband to get to pick up early just one or maybe two days, grab your kid, have him point out his friends, and introduce yourself to the other parents and hand them invitations then. This has the added benefit of allowing you to meet the parents of your child's friends and letting them meet you (which is seemingly a good idea regardless of whether there's a party).
And if for some reason your schedule really, really, really didn't allow for you or your husband to spend one or two days doing that, then you had the option of downsizing the party to parents you already knew, asking Suzy's mom for her invitation list, or inviting everyone and having a pizza party at your house.
The idea that chasing down RSVP's is a task that could be delegated to the daycare provider, and that you would then have the audacity to complain she didn't do it well enough, comes off to me as totally entitled. if the school doesn't want to hand out contact info, then most people understand that means "find the contact info yourself," not "add an extra, unpleasant, task to the daycare lady's list."
But, since it sounds like she DID serve very competently as your unpaid assistant, I think you should get her a bottle of wine (a NICE bottle) and/ or some flowers. Because you took advantage of her, and it doesn't matter if the office assistant invited you to do so.
Oh, and seriously- preschoolers are capable of feeling left out. One of my classmate's moms called my mom for an invitation to my third birthday because her daughter was crying over not being invited. It was not a big deal at all because back in the day we had a cake my mom baked and pin the tail on the donkey in our backyard. But I still remember that being my first lesson in being inclusive, because I got in trouble when I complained about my mom inviting her during that phone call without asking me.
You are off your rocker, lady.
1. This is a daycare for 2 and 3 year olds. There are 24 of them. Some attend 5 days a week, some 3, some 2, some 3 days but just morning, some 5 days but just afternoons. Me posting myself at the door of the classroom for an hour or two to try and guess when 8 of them will be picked up or dropped off would be, I promise you, much more intrusive to the teacher than me handing over 8 pre-labeled envelopes to be dropped into the appropriate mail slot. There are no rules about invitations being distributed in my center.
2. The teachers are neither unpaid, nor are they my assistants.
I asked the school how to contact the parents, nicely, and the nicely pointed me to the teachers, who were happy to take the six names I had written on a post it and write one sentence at the top of Johnny's, Jimmy's and Paul's daily sheet, to ask them to RSVP. If the teachers have a problem with that, they tell the front desk if was actually a huge disruption to their day. There are 2 teachers in the class so they each had to write 3 sentences- I'M A MONSTER!, clearly. That you think that task deserves flowers or a bottle of wine shows how out of touch you are with us common folk and how we are compensated for our time.
3. The only reason I didn't stick to the original 3 kids I wanted to invite was because at Suzy's party (a little girl who isn't in my kid's class, who I had never met) her mom went on and on about how Suzy loves my kid and Suzy, DS and another little girl play together all the time. So I invited more kids in order to reciprocate the invite from Suzy so she wouldn't feel left out. I invited all the kids whose moms I spoke with at Suzy's party who mentioned their kid played with mine. To track down parents and then plan 6 play dates in the 3 weeks since that party in order to garner email addresses so I could invite those kids to my kid's party would have been nuts.
LOLOLOLOL! You just came for elle...... I am dying. Just buy the teacher a gift card for coffee and write a nice Thank You to her and be done with it. Next year employ the " drug dealer" method or invite the whole damn class.
Post by karinothing on Oct 19, 2016 12:58:03 GMT -5
I don't think it is off your rocker to think that kids feel left out at 3. Three was prime "best friend" territory for DS1 and his classmates. Every single day I heard "So and so if my best friend, but so and so said I can't be their best friend and that hurt my feelings" I mean maybe not at just turned 2, but 3 year olds are smart and notice everything.
I feel like you have deliberately complicated this by overdelegating to the school. If you wanted to invite a handful of your son's friends, and didn't have contact info, the remedy was for you or your husband to get to pick up early just one or maybe two days, grab your kid, have him point out his friends, and introduce yourself to the other parents and hand them invitations then. This has the added benefit of allowing you to meet the parents of your child's friends and letting them meet you (which is seemingly a good idea regardless of whether there's a party).
And if for some reason your schedule really, really, really didn't allow for you or your husband to spend one or two days doing that, then you had the option of downsizing the party to parents you already knew, asking Suzy's mom for her invitation list, or inviting everyone and having a pizza party at your house.
The idea that chasing down RSVP's is a task that could be delegated to the daycare provider, and that you would then have the audacity to complain she didn't do it well enough, comes off to me as totally entitled. if the school doesn't want to hand out contact info, then most people understand that means "find the contact info yourself," not "add an extra, unpleasant, task to the daycare lady's list."
But, since it sounds like she DID serve very competently as your unpaid assistant, I think you should get her a bottle of wine (a NICE bottle) and/ or some flowers. Because you took advantage of her, and it doesn't matter if the office assistant invited you to do so.
Oh, and seriously- preschoolers are capable of feeling left out. One of my classmate's moms called my mom for an invitation to my third birthday because her daughter was crying over not being invited. It was not a big deal at all because back in the day we had a cake my mom baked and pin the tail on the donkey in our backyard. But I still remember that being my first lesson in being inclusive, because I got in trouble when I complained about my mom inviting her during that phone call without asking me.
You are off your rocker, lady.
1. This is a daycare for 2 and 3 year olds. There are 24 of them. Some attend 5 days a week, some 3, some 2, some 3 days but just morning, some 5 days but just afternoons. Me posting myself at the door of the classroom for an hour or two to try and guess when 8 of them will be picked up or dropped off would be, I promise you, much more intrusive to the teacher than me handing over 8 pre-labeled envelopes to be dropped into the appropriate mail slot. There are no rules about invitations being distributed in my center.
2. The teachers are neither unpaid, nor are they my assistants.
I asked the school how to contact the parents, nicely, and the nicely pointed me to the teachers, who were happy to take the six names I had written on a post it and write one sentence at the top of Johnny's, Jimmy's and Paul's daily sheet, to ask them to RSVP. If the teachers have a problem with that, they tell the front desk if was actually a huge disruption to their day. There are 2 teachers in the class so they each had to write 3 sentences- I'M A MONSTER!, clearly. That you think that task deserves flowers or a bottle of wine shows how out of touch you are with us common folk and how we are compensated for our time.
3. The only reason I didn't stick to the original 3 kids I wanted to invite was because at Suzy's party (a little girl who isn't in my kid's class, who I had never met) her mom went on and on about how Suzy loves my kid and Suzy, DS and another little girl play together all the time. So I invited more kids in order to reciprocate the invite from Suzy so she wouldn't feel left out. I invited all the kids whose moms I spoke with at Suzy's party who mentioned their kid played with mine. To track down parents and then plan 6 play dates in the 3 weeks since that party in order to garner email addresses so I could invite those kids to my kid's party would have been nuts.
In addition to a HUGE entitlement complex, you also have some serious reading comprehension issues, so now I feel doubly sorry for your kid's teacher since they're probably working twice as hard to overcome the stupid your child faces at home. I didn't suggest the teachers were unpaid, I said that expecting them to chase down your RSVP's- a task for which you did not pay them- is treating them as your unpaid assistant. I also didn't suggest play dates to get email addresses. I *did* suggest you could have collected them from Suzy's mom (or, now that you mention it, the parents themselves at Suzy's party), or invited the whole class, but I understand how that would have been more work for you so it makes sense that both options were off the table.
As for being out of touch with the "common folk," I don't know what sort of folksy, homespun touch you're trying to impart on yourself, but maybe save it for a time when you haven't rented out a special venue to throw a party for your 2 y/old. There's nothing salt of the earth about conscripting your child's teacher as your unpaid party planner. And since you went there, I'll clarify that part of the reason I suggested the flower or (nice) bottle of wine is that at some point in this treasure trove of a post you let it slip that you're always the last parent at pick up, so it's clear that this isn't the first time they've gone above and beyond for you. And spare me the "I always get there before the absolute last second" crap. They're already working harder for your child than they are for the other kids, and in addition to that, you foisted the least pleasant part about throwing a parth on to them without even saying "thank you" or discussing it with them directly. Don't disparage "common folk" by suggesting it's an excuse to be rude.
I am already dreading my DD's 7th birthday in January. We celebrate with parties every 2yrs and do an experience in between. I pray that she'd prefer an experience again because that was SO FUCKING EASY compared to the drama that she's already starting.
It's only October (we have 3 months!) and I have had two mom friends text me asking when my kids birthday was because apparently my DD is going around talking about her birthday already and inviting random friends. Since they are new mom friends they were worried that an invite got lost which had to be a hard question to ask. We all laughed it off but what other kids are hearing about this and feeling excluded?
After I reprimanded my DD about this whole drama she started, I told her that we'd skip celebrations all together if she couldn't keep her mouth contained.
We'll see how that goes......
OMG DS will be 7 in December and is doing the same thing. He told me yesterday someone wanted to come to his birthday party, and I told him we might not even have one here, so maybe no school friends would come. We'll see if that shuts it up for a while. I'm not betting on it.