Help with a death

[bee0325]

Jan 2, 2017 19:06:03 GMT -5 livinitup said:

I am sorry for your loss.

Leaning on loved ones and friends during grief is not being a downer. It's being a human. Your circle of support wants you to be honest with them. Pick a few people that you trust to be vulnerable.

Do you have life insurance? Maybe through his job?

He did have life insurance through his employer.

[stinkyfeet]

I am so very sorry! I'm glad you have family close by to help you with the baby. Take time for yourself to process, grieve, be angry, mourn, whatever it is you need to feel and do. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

[Cricket0619]

I'm so sorry for your loss and everything you are going through.

[mysticmuffin]

I'm so sorry for your loss. That is so much to deal with all at once.

[Deleted]

I am so, so sorry for what you're going through. For your loss, your child's loss and for discovering some horrible things that he apparently was doing. This is not your fault. None of it. You did and are doing all of the right things and it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders despite the traumatic loss and discovery. You're not a downer. Lean on your friends, family and us.

[mskitkat]

I am so very sorry for your loss and all you are having to deal with now. Huge gentle hugs.

[Saint Monica]

Im just so sorry.

[pistolshrimp]

I don't really have any advice, but just wanted to let you know I read this and I'm so, so sorry. I do agree with the others on the STI testing, just for peace of mind. Keep posting, we'll listen.

[styme46]

I have no advice, but I'm sorry for your loss.

[ginger]

I'm so sorry.

[vanillacourage]

I'm so sorry. What a terrible situation. Please let at least a few people in on what's really going on so that you have some true support. 

[MixedBerryJam]

I am so sorry that this terrible decision fell on your shoulders and that your grief is now complicated by his imperfections. If the counselor you're talking to tomorrow doesn't specialize in grief counselling I'm sure they'll have a recommendation for you. And if they DO specialize in grieving situations, I'm sure they'll be of immense assistance. We do have, sadly, a growing widow contingent; I'm coming up on seven years in a few weeks. Your closest friends want to help however they can, and they will be honored if you let them. Huge hugs to you and your beautiful new baby. You both will be in my thoughts tonight.

[sapphireblue]

That is so awful. I am so sorry.

You must be completely overwhelmed with a new baby and such a sudden death. Then to find out this information that makes it all even more complicated!

I am glad you have family around to help with the baby. Again, I am so sorry you are going through this.

[lookforstars]

Oh, I am so, so sorry.

I am a widow. My husband died suddenly a little over 2 years ago, in a car accident. Our kids were 4 years old, and 7 weeks old at the time.

I don't have any experience with the things you have discovered so soon afterwards, and I am so sorry. That must be so hard to deal with on top of the pain you were already experiencing.

Definitely seek grief counseling. It was so helpful for me, especially in those early days.

So many hugs and thoughts.

[Nonny]

I don't have any recommendations, but I'm very sorry for your traumatic loss.

[nachos]

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this - for your loss, and your child's loss.

No one will think you're a downer. Build a support network and seek professional therapy when you can. The year "of firsts" is the hardest.

((hugs))

[ksun]

I'm sorry for your loss and how difficult this all must be.

[spinnaker5]

Youve already received so much great advice in this thread - a small add; don't forget to take care of yourself: try to eat regularly, stay hydrated, relax with a bath or yoga or a walk or whatever makes you feel good, etc. I am so sorry for your loss and the awful news on the heels of it.

[ciescalove]

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through right now.

[PatBenatar]

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find support in the days to come. My SIL became a widow a year and a half ago and she still finds counselling very helpful

[kath16]

I don't know what to say, other than I am so very sorry.

[Eagles]

I'm so sorry for your loss and everything you learned afterwards. Truly. ❤️

[Deleted]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I do not have experience with losing a partner, so take my advice with a grain of salt. I think I would say to try not to dig too far into what happened with those other girls. You are not going to get good answers and you might drive yourself crazy trying. If you have not found evidence that he sent them money, he probably didn't. It's a good idea to check things out, but then try to let it go. You have a lot to deal with right now and even under better circumstances (i.e. a spouse doing something like that and still being here) going too far down that rabbit hole is only going to cause more pain.

I know it's easier said than done. I hope you find a counselor that is helpful and that you do lean on your support system. I am so sorry that this has happened to your family.

[Captain Serious]

I'm so sorry.

[crimson]

I am so sorry for your loss. I am a lurker as well, who has only posted 1-2 times in the last several years. I also recently lost my husband on Thanksgiving. He took his own life at 38 years and left me with young twins, so I wanted to let you know the things I have had to do in the last 5 weeks that may help you. As far as support, I am seeing a therapist and also plan to attend a support group for widows in a few days. His work and my work both offered free EAP(Employee Assistance Program) appointments which I am fully taking advantage of. I am glad you have the support of Friends/Family- talking has helped me a ton.

As far as financial. File for Social Security ASAP, since you have a little one you may qualify for something for yourself or at least your child. They were unable to set me an appointment until February because they are so far behind. Contact his HR. Find out about life insurance, retirement benefits if any, last paycheck, payout of annual leave/sick leave, survivor benefits, etc. If he was a Veteran?, Veteran benefits through the VA, funeral expenses, GI Bill. Private life insurance outside of work? Was he part of a union? My husband was and qualified for a small benefit. My friends also set up a Go.fund.me and a meal train on the meal.train website-organizing meals for the last month (super helpful, otherwise I would have had a ton a food all at once). You will need to gather birth certificates, marriage certificates (for some paperwork I had to have certified copies), previous marriage divorce decree (if any). Order several copies of death certificates (I got 30, you need one for everything! and they are much cheaper up front).  It's a lot to process, but it gave me something to focus on.

I am not in the same situation as you, but I know what its like to look through everything, trying to find answers where there isn't any. Everything has to make sense to me, but I realize if it did this wouldn't be such a shock. Just try to focus on 1 day at a time. I found it also helps to give people an out- let them know there isn't anything to say and I don't know what to say either. You can PM me if you want or have any other questions.          

[jlt19]

I am so very sorry for your loss and the subsequent situation you've found.

I'm sorry crimson as well. I hope you both can find some support here should you need it.

[mrs.jacinthe]

I have no words, except that I'm so sorry. This is a terrible situation and one no one should have to deal with. Much love to you, please take care of yourself and give yourself permission to deal with this in whatever way you feel is necessary. Many hugs and prayers to you.

[kris356]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[nikki25]

My heart breaks for you. I am so sorry, no one should ever have to go that

[winelady]

I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and your baby.