Badly explain your job

[pinotgrig]

This is making me legit LOL today!

www.distractify.com/humor/2017/03/31/1iwlk6/badly-explain-job

[Deleted]

Lol these are great. We need to have a thread like this!!

[themysteriouswife]

I take numbers and report them to officials who will likely fuck then up. This will cause you too lose your mind and fear the world is ending.

I loved this article.

[formerlyak]

I eat lunch and have coffee with people in the hopes that they will be engaged with the institution and give us money.

[calamity]

I assign people who are smarter than me tasks, and tell our boss if they aren't doing them on time.

[agnes]

I read a lot of words and make sure stuff matches so I can put a lot of numbers and letters in the computer. I also answer a lot of questions.

[picaflora]

I tell people who count things that they counted wrong, and to try again.

[litebright]

I sift through a lot of BS, decide what BS is less BS than the rest, type that BS into my computer and add it to the rest of the BS on the Internet.

ETA: Oh, and it's all very esoteric/technical/industry-specific BS. 

ETA2: Also, sometimes if I'm lucky, people share my BS on Twitter or LinkedIn. 

[TR]

I give people puzzles to solve and then tell them what to do with the rest of their lives.

[AutumnRose25]

I convince people to give me their money so that I can give it to other people.

[wambam]

I make black glue and sell it for $75 per pound.

[cuddlyevil]

I answer questions from people who already have the answers, they just don't want to read.

[knx9211]

I get paid in 6 minute increments to come up with arguments to make people believe me and give my clients money.

[Deleted]

Apr 3, 2017 15:13:39 GMT -5 TR said:

I give people puzzles to solve and then tell them what to do with the rest of their lives.

I have no idea what you do, but I like this one!

[jellymankelly]

I pay electric bills for dead people who can't even appreciate the fact that they have electricity. I regularly have to explain to call center employees that "deceased" means that they CAN'T actually speak to Mr. So-and-so on the phone.

[TR]

Apr 3, 2017 15:20:43 GMT -5 @bellakitty said:

Apr 3, 2017 15:13:39 GMT -5 TR said:

I give people puzzles to solve and then tell them what to do with the rest of their lives.

I have no idea what you do, but I like this one!

Aptitude testing and college/career counseling

[game blouses]

I read what other people write and use different words to describe what they just said.

[megstoo]

I convince someone to take a job and then promptly fire them if they screw up.

[Deleted]

I create reports to tell people what the status is on something and then tell them again when they ask because they did not read my report.

[snorky]

I put numbers into boxes and watch them turn into bigger and bigger numbers.

[circa1978]

I stalk people around the around the internet to remind them that they once expressed interest in our product.

[W.T.Faulkner]

I try desperately to keep 200 kids' shit together so that Whitney will not have sung in vain about the future. I do this largely to support the drinking problem that I have developed due to prolonged exposure to said children.

[Ohhmm(bligo)]

I nag adolescents until they have a meltdown, then tell them to smell the flowers and blow out the candles. Sometimes I get punched in the tit.

[BaliHai]

I review information for errors and, depending on outcome, make payments or take payments.

[clseale]

I manipulate people's cravings, then I convince them I know how to satisfy them.

[chimera]

I electrocute proteins, while babysitting adults to make sure they haven't been hurt/killed today and they have all of their paperwork in order.

[jewel]

When I first started at my job (about 10 years ago), I asked a coworker how he typically spends his day and he said:

I type a few shit and run around town.

[silva]

I make content pretty and remind people everyday how underappreciated their work is through social media while trying to motivate them to fight.

[Alex]

People send things to the government that I assign to my team and then make sure they take action on the things.

[noodleskooze]

I get to spend millions of dollars of other people's money.