I keep thinking about this OP. I have so many kids who've come from neglected homes or who have experienced some other form of trauma at an early age. Many of them act like this kid, and have been labeled "brats" and worse--based on the assumption that the kids were 100% choosing to act the way they were.
I'm not saying it's the OP's responsibility to tolerate or fix negative behaviors, but ksun, maybe a little compassion will enable you to figure out a better solution?
For real. I'm just imagining this kid strolling down the street and everyone vanishing like cockroaches. The kid is probably acting out because everyone treats him like an outcast.
ETA: I also don't think sending a poorly behaved kid home who you don't want playing with your child is being an asshole.
I feel like you can send his ass home without dragging his whole family, though! Lol
you could. I couldn't.
It's funny how everyone assumed this possibly poor, definitely bad kid was non-white though. I didn't assume that at all, even with the OP's judgmental details. You all are a mess.
Post by newnamesameperson on May 17, 2017 21:18:46 GMT -5
Can you post signs up in their yard telling them to leave town?
I think it's really odd for all the kids to go into hiding. I'd also pass on you and your "actively parenting" cronies to all show up at the family's house. You have the time to FB stalk the mom, so why don't you try instead to talk directly to her. In your suburbia, I'm guessing she'll pour her heart out and everything will change....
Or you could tell the kid that behavior will not be tolerated and to fix it or go home.
You come across as having a very ugly heart. I hope that's not true.
I'm overweight and not attractive, but to judge my heart based on one thread where it's impossible to convey every detail really isn't fair. I'm far from perfect but I do care.
You come across as having a very ugly heart. I hope that's not true.
I'm overweight and not attractive, but to judge my heart based on one thread where it's impossible to convey every detail really isn't fair. I'm far from perfect but I do care.
Wait, what?! Why would you respond like this?
Are you in the south? Because I swear people around me have so much to say about their heart...bless your heart etc.
I feel like you can send his ass home without dragging his whole family, though! Lol
you could. I couldn't.
It's funny how everyone assumed this possibly poor, definitely bad kid was non-white though. I didn't assume that at all, even with the OP's judgmental details. You all are a mess.
Right?! LOL because white kids could NEVER be BAD A-HOLES... I think history has already said something on this topic though. Save
I feel like you can send his ass home without dragging his whole family, though! Lol
you could. I couldn't.
It's funny how everyone assumed this possibly poor, definitely bad kid was non-white though. I didn't assume that at all, even with the OP's judgmental details. You all are a mess.
Ppl were picking up on the "multi-generational" comment, being more common in non-white families, as OP judging based on an "outsider" culture. It was a comment on OP's statements, not the kid's behavior/situation.
ETA: I guess I should say *I* and not "ppl," since I should know better than to assume to know what other ppl are thinking, lol.
you would really send a child away because of the parents' political affiliation?
Hell yup. Racist parents? Sorry kid. Better luck next time.
One of my friends and I keep joking that if/when our kids bring someone home in the future the first thing we will ask is "who did your parents vote for in 2016?"
But seriously, kid sounds annoying. Send him home. Call CPS if you think he's being neglected. (I'm cold hearted and I hate other people's kids)
Post by nicechicken on May 17, 2017 22:41:43 GMT -5
There is a kid like that in our neighborhood. I posted a horrific story about it the other day. DS is not allowed to play with him at all. The kid knows that if DS is there, he cannot be, and vice versa. I give no fucks. His parents know as well.
I think right now I'm at a heightened state of trying to help people. I just finished a training class to advocate for children. It's heartbreaking, some of the things parents do to their children. So, with my heart currently bleeding even more than usual, I would probably try to get the kid to sit on the porch with my kids and eat a snack. Maybe ask how school is going or what is his favorite dinner or whatever to try to draw out what kind of home situation he has. One thing I've learned (at least theoretically, not in practice yet) is that the removal of children is really a last resort. CPS will do everything they can to keep children with their parents. If the behavior was the only issue, I think I'd be more likely to just send him home. But the no shoes thing in winter really would have me concerned.
On the internet I am always very sympathetic to kids who are acting out. Irl I just want them away from my effing house.
Very true! In this instance I think sure, "Somebody" should help this child. If it were me though I suppose I'd just remove him and bring him home. Then if it keeps happening either all the parents have to accept it or each time somebody has to remove him and bring him home. It doesn't sound like a situation where the parents will be learning any lessons and getting a team together to march as one strong child-saving unit probably won't help the situation
There really is so little hope for the children of trump supporters to turn out to be good people and that's sad, but is it worth our energy? I believe it may be worth somebody else's energy but probably not mine to be honest. I'm busy dammit!
this could be turned into a beautiful made for TV movie though. "ugly hearted" forum-poster suddenly begins to care deeply for neighborhood bad-kid. A wonderful friendship forms between them. The child is saved from despair and loneliness, the next 12-15 years of his parents constant Trump-supporting views being forced upon him almost every waking moment is washed away by the brief talks he has with this wonderful neighbor lady every week or so.
Post by ThirdandLong on May 18, 2017 9:16:36 GMT -5
My own backyard should be a safe place for my kids to play in peace. A place where they can get away from the bullying and the little friend-spats that they do experience at school. I know from talking with my kids that these negative social situations at school do bother them, do make them feel sad and anxious. Since I care for their mental health, I want home to be a place where they feel safe, loved, and accepted.
If I had witnessed a neighborhood kid coming into my yard and hitting my kids with branches, calling them names, and using bad language, I would tell my kids that they needed to come inside when he was around, as you have done with your daughter. I guess I just don't feel like it's my job or place to raise other people's kids, to reform other people's kid's behavior and language. Nor do I feel that my kids should have to subject themselves to torment and ridicule in their own yard. My first responsibility is to my own kids.
I don't feel it's appropriate for you to make assumptions about his home, and if you aren't wanting to have conversations with the adults in his life, then you should just keep to yourself and remove your kids from the situation.
Our block has a good group of kids age 6-8 that play outside together all the time. There are 4 boys and 2 girls. One boy is on the spectrum and has impaired social skills, but none so severe that he can't be unsupervised and the other kids don't mind or notice.
A block over, there's a multi-generational family that has 2 boys. The youngest is 5 (maybe 6 - in half day kindergarten). During the winter I would see the boy out barefoot on his bike roaming the neighborhood. He would also stand at the traffic circle a block from us and throw rocks at people and cars. A few months ago, he started coming over to our block to play with the boy on the spectrum, and then tried to play with the other 2 boys and 2 girls. He name calls, bullies, has broken toys, and doesn't listen to parents. He is on our block all hours of all days. It's bad enough that my neighbor with the 2 boys has to sit outside when he is around because he has broken several of their toys, and several times has grabbed huge branches and swung them at the kids. There is NO parental supervision.
About a month ago, the dad came looking for him. The one and only time any of us parents have seen him. My neighbor pretty much laid into him about the boy's behavior and he shrugged it off. Dad hasn't been seen again. I've only seen the mom on FB and her pictures don't make her look like a mom-of-the-year candidate, but not as much as her inactions as a parent, I guess.
I've finally told DD (8) that when he shows up, she comes in. She is really good about it because she doesn't like him. He has called her names and thrown things at her. The parents of the other girl (6) are pretty much on board with that rule as well. My neighbor with 2 boys will only let them play with him if she is outside, and they are 7 & 8 and she doesn't really feel like sitting outside all day supervising when she really shouldn't have to at this age. He does play pretty frequently with the boy on the spectrum, but his parents don't seem to mind (then again, they also don't make him wear a bike helmet, so I don't agree with all their parenting choices).
The 3 of us who are actively parenting and watching our kids are kind of at our wits end. The dad has been spoken to and doesn't seem to care. The kid is disruptive and fairly violent. We shouldn't have to parent someone's kid whose parents obviously don't care much (I mean, this kid is 5 and EVERYWHERE in our neighborhood - it's suburbia, but it's still noplace for a 5 year old to be running free). Do we gang up on the parents and have a come to Jesus talk, I don't know? What would you do?
Our block has a good group of kids age 6-8 that play outside together all the time. There are 4 boys and 2 girls. One boy is on the spectrum and has impaired social skills, but none so severe that he can't be unsupervised and the other kids don't mind or notice.
A block over, there's a multi-generational family that has 2 boys. The youngest is 5 (maybe 6 - in half day kindergarten). During the winter I would see the boy out barefoot on his bike roaming the neighborhood. He would also stand at the traffic circle a block from us and throw rocks at people and cars. A few months ago, he started coming over to our block to play with the boy on the spectrum, and then tried to play with the other 2 boys and 2 girls. He name calls, bullies, has broken toys, and doesn't listen to parents. He is on our block all hours of all days. It's bad enough that my neighbor with the 2 boys has to sit outside when he is around because he has broken several of their toys, and several times has grabbed huge branches and swung them at the kids. There is NO parental supervision.
About a month ago, the dad came looking for him. The one and only time any of us parents have seen him. My neighbor pretty much laid into him about the boy's behavior and he shrugged it off. Dad hasn't been seen again. I've only seen the mom on FB and her pictures don't make her look like a mom-of-the-year candidate, but not as much as her inactions as a parent, I guess.
I've finally told DD (8) that when he shows up, she comes in. She is really good about it because she doesn't like him. He has called her names and thrown things at her. The parents of the other girl (6) are pretty much on board with that rule as well. My neighbor with 2 boys will only let them play with him if she is outside, and they are 7 & 8 and she doesn't really feel like sitting outside all day supervising when she really shouldn't have to at this age. He does play pretty frequently with the boy on the spectrum, but his parents don't seem to mind (then again, they also don't make him wear a bike helmet, so I don't agree with all their parenting choices).
The 3 of us who are actively parenting and watching our kids are kind of at our wits end. The dad has been spoken to and doesn't seem to care. The kid is disruptive and fairly violent. We shouldn't have to parent someone's kid whose parents obviously don't care much (I mean, this kid is 5 and EVERYWHERE in our neighborhood - it's suburbia, but it's still noplace for a 5 year old to be running free). Do we gang up on the parents and have a come to Jesus talk, I don't know? What would you do?
This is relevant how? Fuck you.
She explained how she thought it was relevant. Whether or not you agree is a fine subject for debate.
When I read it, as someone whose little brother is on the spectrum, I thought it was pertinent information. I was extremely protective of him in social situations, especially with bad ass kids who took advantage of him. I'm pretty sure I beat every kid's ass in my neighborhood before the age of 8. Then they all outgrew me, so I had to switch tactics to verbal and psychological warfare. Lol. Blah, blah, blah anecdote, but there you go.
Her original post says nothing about anyone being protective of the kid.
I didn't convey it well enough in the first post and I apologize for that, however because of this we do feel more protective of him. He has a hard time sticking up for himself or removing himself from poor interactions.
Her original post says nothing about anyone being protective of the kid.
I didn't convey it well enough in the first post and I apologize for that, however because of this we do feel more protective of him. He has a hard time sticking up for himself or removing himself from poor interactions.
I live in a multi-generational household so I get that you would think someone would be supervising the kid when adults out number children.
I don't allow the little boy next door in my house without parents because he runs in my bedroom, jumps on my bed and one time he and DS took turns peeing in the toilet and then SPLASHING IN THEIR PEE. The Mom next door and I said right then that they need more supervision when together than just one of us can provide.
HOWEVER- You are judging the shit out of the whole family. Which is fine. People judge, but I don't think I could see a 5 year old in the winter wandering without shoes and then call him a brat later. Like unless he hit my dog with his power wheels or something. Don't let your kids play with him, but maybe don't judge the kid so harshly. IDK??
It's funny how everyone assumed this possibly poor, definitely bad kid was non-white though. I didn't assume that at all, even with the OP's judgmental details. You all are a mess.
Ppl were picking up on the "multi-generational" comment, being more common in non-white families, as OP judging based on an "outsider" culture. It was a comment on OP's statements, not the kid's behavior/situation.
ETA: I guess I should say *I* and not "ppl," since I should know better than to assume to know what other ppl are thinking, lol.
Ehhh... instead of defending it, maybe this is a chance to reflect on unconscious bias and why that was the assumption.
People judge, but I don't think I could see a 5 year old in the winter wandering without shoes and then call him a brat later.
But this isn't what she's doing. The story of being out without shoes is to show that the parenting of this child is suspect. Should people be concerned for the child and his safety? Yes. Should CPS be involved? Perhaps.
But she's not calling the kid a brat because he doesnt have shoes on. She listed a number of other reasons why she doesn't want this kid to come around her kids.
I feel for the child. Is there more she and the neighbors could do? Possibly. But that doesn't mean she has to sit idley by and watch this child be mean to her children.
Why are people reacting so strongly to the word brat? Serious question. You'd think she'd called him a no good son of a bitch. I can think of about 10 billion worse things to call a child.
This thread is annoying me way more than it should.