Neighborhood brat - WWYD?

[ksun]

Our block has a good group of kids age 6-8 that play outside together all the time. There are 4 boys and 2 girls. One boy is on the spectrum and has impaired social skills, but none so severe that he can't be unsupervised and the other kids don't mind or notice. 

A block over, there's a multi-generational family that has 2 boys. The youngest is 5 (maybe 6 - in half day kindergarten). During the winter I would see the boy out barefoot on his bike roaming the neighborhood. He would also stand at the traffic circle a block from us and throw rocks at people and cars. A few months ago, he started coming over to our block to play with the boy on the spectrum, and then tried to play with the other 2 boys and 2 girls. He name calls, bullies, has broken toys, and doesn't listen to parents. He is on our block all hours of all days. It's bad enough that my neighbor with the 2 boys has to sit outside when he is around because he has broken several of their toys, and several times has grabbed huge branches and swung them at the kids. There is NO parental supervision. 

About a month ago, the dad came looking for him. The one and only time any of us parents have seen him. My neighbor pretty much laid into him about the boy's behavior and he shrugged it off. Dad hasn't been seen again. I've only seen the mom on FB and her pictures don't make her look like a mom-of-the-year candidate, but not as much as her inactions as a parent, I guess. 

I've finally told DD (8) that when he shows up, she comes in. She is really good about it because she doesn't like him. He has called her names and thrown things at her. The parents of the other girl (6) are pretty much on board with that rule as well. My neighbor with 2 boys will only let them play with him if she is outside, and they are 7 & 8 and she doesn't really feel like sitting outside all day supervising when she really shouldn't have to at this age. He does play pretty frequently with the boy on the spectrum, but his parents don't seem to mind (then again, they also don't make him wear a bike helmet, so I don't agree with all their parenting choices). 

The 3 of us who are actively parenting and watching our kids are kind of at our wits end. The dad has been spoken to and doesn't seem to care. The kid is disruptive and fairly violent. We shouldn't have to parent someone's kid whose parents obviously don't care much (I mean, this kid is 5 and EVERYWHERE in our neighborhood - it's suburbia, but it's still noplace for a 5 year old to be running free). Do we gang up on the parents and have a come to Jesus talk, I don't know? What would you do?

[ECB]

When this kid does something mean, has anyone ever just said. "It's time for you to go home"? Or even after a period time say "playtime is over, time to go".

I don't hesitate to say this to kids in our neighborhood when it really is time for dinner, or what not. I wouldn't hesitate to say it when a kid is just out and out mean. Not yelling or admonishing, just a simple statement of "it's time to go".

[picksthemusic]

If this child is 5 and out roaming the neighborhood without supervision, that is bordering on neglect.

Since you have seen several incidents, you have cause to call CPS.

ETA: I want to make it clear that I don't take calling CPS lightly. I have a 5 yo DD and am all for 'free range' and letting her explore without supervision. Sometimes. But she's 5 and doesn't have great judgment. From what you say, this child is not being parented much at all, and they sound like they need assistance.

[hisno1girl]

As soon as he showed up, I'd March him right back to his home and tell his mother/father that he isn't slows to come over because of X, Y, and Z. Rinse and repeat.

Obviously, I wouldn't say this in front of the kid, but sometimes you have to do shit like that to make people get the point.

My mother did that to a girl who was a bully in our neighborhood and it pissed of the girl's mother something awful, but we weren't afraid to play outside anymore after that.

[ksun]

May 17, 2017 17:29:20 GMT -5 ECB said:

When this kid does something mean, has anyone ever just said. "It's time for you to go home"? Or even after a period time say "playtime is over, time to go".

I don't hesitate to say this to kids in our neighborhood when it really is time for dinner, or what not. I wouldn't hesitate to say it when a kid is just out and out mean. Not yelling or admonishing, just a simple statement of "it's time to go".

It's been said by the mom of the boys - and of course he lingers, so then she has to bring her boys in and it's more of a punishment for her/them than him. 

[ECB]

May 17, 2017 17:32:27 GMT -5 ksun said:

May 17, 2017 17:29:20 GMT -5 ECB said:

When this kid does something mean, has anyone ever just said. "It's time for you to go home"? Or even after a period time say "playtime is over, time to go".

I don't hesitate to say this to kids in our neighborhood when it really is time for dinner, or what not. I wouldn't hesitate to say it when a kid is just out and out mean. Not yelling or admonishing, just a simple statement of "it's time to go".

It's been said by the mom of the boys - and of course he lingers, so then she has to bring her boys in and it's more of a punishment for her/them than him. 

i think everyone needs to help out with this and I would physically go to the boy and say "come on, let's go" and actually start to walk toward his house. It may not work or it might, after a few times, get this kid to realize certain behaviors simply won't be tolerated. You all going inside isn't doing it (nor would I want to do that). This kid being directed to go home might make an impact.

[katfco]

The boy is 5 and was out barefoot in the winter? Has anyone tried going to his house and talking to the parents? It seems you have some connection to her on facebook.

Based on your description, it sounds like this boy needs some significant intervention in his life.

[picksthemusic]

May 17, 2017 17:39:05 GMT -5 katfco said:

The boy is 5 and was out barefoot in the winter? Has anyone tried going to his house and talking to the parents? It seems you have some connection to her on facebook.

Based on your description, it sounds like this boy needs some significant intervention in his life.

I agree. I'm quite concerned for someone so young to be left alone for so long without proper supervision.

Maybe it's my UMC white-ladyness talking, but I'm afraid for this child. It also sounds like his parents are hoping the other neighborhood parents will do their job.

[ksun]

There are parents and grandparents living in the house. I only have seen her FB profile (she's a trump supporter!) where she goes by a fake name and mainly has partying type pics up. One neighbor has talked to the father.

I'm currently texting with my neighbor (mom of 2 boys) - I think that we along with the 3rd parent (girl) need to just go have a come to Jesus. I'm a free range parent as long as I know where my daughter will be, and she would never/has never left the block with out asking me.

[jigsy]

Not a parent, but I kind of feel bad for the kid. He is 5 and clearly doesn't have a great support system at home if he is wandering shoeless around the neighborhood. He acts out because he probably doesn't know better.

I'd try approaching the family, but if that doesn't yield results, I don't think a call to CPS or some other service would be out of the question.

[imojoebunny]

I doubt anything will come from a conversation with the parents, at least that has been my experience. If I am watching a child, they need to play by my rules, or I send them home. There is no lingering. The child does not have a parent there, so the village is perfectly within its rights to enforce the rules.

Honestly, I would be a bit concerned about a free ranging kindergartner, in general.

We had some neighbors who moved in when I was a kid who did similar things and were always wandering about. They had 5 kids from 5-13, with 3 being under 7. Turned out the parents had pawned/sold everything they owned, including the refrigerator, and the kids were all sleeping on one mattress, not enrolled in school, ect. I don't think you have enough yet, but, based on what you have said, I would try to find out more from the kid.

[ksun]

My neighbor just told me that a few weeks ago the boy told her boys that his mom died, and her boys felt so awful.

A few days later, my neighbor asked the boy how his mom was and he said "she's good, she's going to buy me a fidget spinner"

[berbles]

May 17, 2017 18:56:08 GMT -5 ksun said:

My neighbor just told me that a few weeks ago the boy told her boys that his mom died, and her boys felt so awful.

A few days later, my neighbor asked the boy how his mom was and he said "she's good, she's going to buy me a fidget spinner"

  He really sounds desperate for attention.

[vamoose]

Are the kids all playing out in the street and on the sidewalk? I don't think you can reasonably send a kid home from outside. It is perfectly reasonable to not let him in your houses and garages and yards. If he comes in anyway, then I would walk him home and nicely introduce yourself and tell his parents that he is welcome with supervision but he is still learning to treat your toys well and play nicely so he can't be in your yard or whatever without a parent.

[FastHands]

There are a lot of things going on in this post, one of which is your repeated holyshit judgement of everyone around you. You may want to dial that shit back.

As for this kid, if you truly are concerned for his safety, then call cps.

[TR]

May 17, 2017 19:30:07 GMT -5 FastHands said:

There are a lot of things going on in this post, one of which is your repeated holyshit judgement of everyone around you. You may want to dial that shit back.

As for this kid, if you truly are concerned for his safety, then call cps.

Starting with "multi-generational" family. WTF does that have anything to do with any of this?

[kayl84]

You've mentioned TWICE or maybe even 3 times that you are judging the mother simply based off her Facebook photos that she is a horrible parent?

I'm so glad I'm not judged by my Snapchats or anything from random people. I mean can you sound any more judgemental and holier than thou?

[AutumnRose25]

May 17, 2017 19:33:42 GMT -5 TR said:

May 17, 2017 19:30:07 GMT -5 FastHands said:

There are a lot of things going on in this post, one of which is your repeated holyshit judgement of everyone around you. You may want to dial that shit back.

As for this kid, if you truly are concerned for his safety, then call cps.

Starting with "multi-generational" family. WTF does that have anything to do with any of this?

Or the Mom's political leanings.

[ElizabethBennet]

I'm bothered that you labeled the kid a brat, he's 5.

[kayl84]

May 17, 2017 19:37:38 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

May 17, 2017 19:33:42 GMT -5 TR said:

Starting with "multi-generational" family. WTF does that have anything to do with any of this?

Or the Mom's political leanings.

You know when Autumn and I agree that you are the asshole, it must be true.

He's 5, Jesus. You don't want your kids associated with him? The. You keep them inside and punish yourselves& your kids.

[Deleted]

May 17, 2017 17:18:55 GMT -5 ksun said:

Our block has a good group of kids age 6-8 that play outside together all the time. There are 4 boys and 2 girls. One boy is on the spectrum and has impaired social skills, but none so severe that he can't be unsupervised and the other kids don't mind or notice. 

A block over, there's a multi-generational family that has 2 boys. The youngest is 5 (maybe 6 - in half day kindergarten). During the winter I would see the boy out barefoot on his bike roaming the neighborhood. He would also stand at the traffic circle a block from us and throw rocks at people and cars. A few months ago, he started coming over to our block to play with the boy on the spectrum, and then tried to play with the other 2 boys and 2 girls. He name calls, bullies, has broken toys, and doesn't listen to parents. He is on our block all hours of all days. It's bad enough that my neighbor with the 2 boys has to sit outside when he is around because he has broken several of their toys, and several times has grabbed huge branches and swung them at the kids. There is NO parental supervision. 

About a month ago, the dad came looking for him. The one and only time any of us parents have seen him. My neighbor pretty much laid into him about the boy's behavior and he shrugged it off. Dad hasn't been seen again. I've only seen the mom on FB and her pictures don't make her look like a mom-of-the-year candidate, but not as much as her inactions as a parent, I guess. 

I've finally told DD (8) that when he shows up, she comes in. She is really good about it because she doesn't like him. He has called her names and thrown things at her. The parents of the other girl (6) are pretty much on board with that rule as well. My neighbor with 2 boys will only let them play with him if she is outside, and they are 7 & 8 and she doesn't really feel like sitting outside all day supervising when she really shouldn't have to at this age. He does play pretty frequently with the boy on the spectrum, but his parents don't seem to mind (then again, they also don't make him wear a bike helmet, so I don't agree with all their parenting choices). 

The 3 of us who are actively parenting and watching our kids are kind of at our wits end. The dad has been spoken to and doesn't seem to care. The kid is disruptive and fairly violent. We shouldn't have to parent someone's kid whose parents obviously don't care much (I mean, this kid is 5 and EVERYWHERE in our neighborhood - it's suburbia, but it's still noplace for a 5 year old to be running free). Do we gang up on the parents and have a come to Jesus talk, I don't know? What would you do?

[AutumnRose25]

And the MUTLIPLE mentions if "they boy on the spectrum"?

Why single him out based on that if it isn't affecting his interaction with the other kids?

You can just include him in the group of kids without continuing to point it out.

You are pretty gross.

[FastHands]

May 17, 2017 19:40:36 GMT -5 @stilljustash said:

May 17, 2017 19:30:07 GMT -5 FastHands said:

There are a lot of things going on in this post, one of which is your repeated holyshit judgement of everyone around you. You may want to dial that shit back.

As for this kid, if you truly are concerned for his safety, then call cps.

right?

you sound like a judgmental piece of shit, honestly. the kid is 5. FIVE.

how about having a little bit of empathy for the poor boy for two seconds? "brat"? you suck.

it's unsurprising that the parents of a child who has most likely been subject to plenty of judgmental pieces of shit like the rest of your neighbors are the ones who have little problem with the 5yr old playing with their kid. FANCY THAT.

"at our wits end"!? fucking lol. 

i'm so angry with this whole thread.

I do get that it can be frustrating when a poorly behaved kid crashes your smooth-running neighborhood play routines, but damn!

[FastHands]

May 17, 2017 19:44:56 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

And the MUTLIPLE mentions if "they boy on the spectrum"?

Why single him out based on that if it isn't affecting his interaction with the other kids?

You can just include him in the group of kids without continuing to point it out.

You are pretty gross.

But hey. His parents suck too!

[kayl84]

May 17, 2017 19:46:19 GMT -5 FastHands said:

May 17, 2017 19:44:56 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

And the MUTLIPLE mentions if "they boy on the spectrum"?

Why single him out based on that if it isn't affecting his interaction with the other kids?

You can just include him in the group of kids without continuing to point it out.

You are pretty gross.

But hey. His parents suck too!

I bet that mom even DRINKS. I mean I'm simply basing it on some random FB photos and her "political affiliation". How dare she?

[ggirl]

So a kid is running around barefoot, at all hours according to your post, and no one has thought hmmm maybe this kiddo needs help and called CPS? Instead it's judgment and calling him a brat?

[meganew]

May 17, 2017 19:37:38 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

May 17, 2017 19:33:42 GMT -5 TR said:

Starting with "multi-generational" family. WTF does that have anything to do with any of this?

Or the Mom's political leanings.

Tbf, I judge the shit out of Trump voters. The multi-generational family thing, the facebook photos- those are all weird things to judge, and not necessary for the story.

I feel bad for this kid, but it's tough knowing that when your kid goes out to play there's a very real likelihood they're going to get hurt. There has to be a middle ground- talk to the parents (like they're people, not a CTJ since you haven't actually tried to engage them before), if it seems like he's being neglected then call CPS, give your kids some strategies for dealing with a kid with behavior problems, and if it doesn't stop ask him to go home and go inside until he does. I really don't know how else to deal with it.

We had a family who, while very nice, were super shitty at disciplining their kids and the one son hurt kids on the regular. We eventually moved, for a variety of reasons obviously, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that was one.

[AutumnRose25]

May 17, 2017 19:50:30 GMT -5 meganew said:

May 17, 2017 19:37:38 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

Or the Mom's political leanings.

Tbf, I judge the shit out of Trump voters. The multi-generational family thing, the facebook photos- those are all weird things to judge, and not necessary for the story.

I feel bad for this kid, but it's tough knowing that when your kid goes out to play there's a very real likelihood they're going to get hurt. There has to be a middle ground- talk to the parents (like they're people, not a CTJ since you haven't actually tried to engage them before), if it seems like he's being neglected then call CPS, give your kids some strategies for dealing with a kid with behavior problems, and if it doesn't stop ask him to go home and go inside until he does. I really don't know how else to deal with it.

We had a family who, while very nice, were super shitty at disciplining their kids and the one son hurt kids on the regular. We eventually moved, for a variety of reasons obviously, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that was one.

Her political choice is irrelevant to the issue at hand with the kid though.

Or are we now judging kids based on their parents voting record?

[meganew]

May 17, 2017 19:53:44 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

May 17, 2017 19:50:30 GMT -5 meganew said:

Tbf, I judge the shit out of Trump voters. The multi-generational family thing, the facebook photos- those are all weird things to judge, and not necessary for the story.

I feel bad for this kid, but it's tough knowing that when your kid goes out to play there's a very real likelihood they're going to get hurt. There has to be a middle ground- talk to the parents (like they're people, not a CTJ since you haven't actually tried to engage them before), if it seems like he's being neglected then call CPS, give your kids some strategies for dealing with a kid with behavior problems, and if it doesn't stop ask him to go home and go inside until he does. I really don't know how else to deal with it.

We had a family who, while very nice, were super shitty at disciplining their kids and the one son hurt kids on the regular. We eventually moved, for a variety of reasons obviously, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that was one.

Her political choice is irrelevant to the issue at hand with the kid though.

Or are we now judging kids based on their parents voting record?

I was being TIC

[05heel]

Meh. I'd send his bad ass home every time. What I wouldn't do is poll a group of randos on whether I should do so. That's the real issue, which proves to me that you're an idiot.

What the hell else are you supposed to do with him? And don't even give me that Sue Sue, give them ice cream and warm hugs BS.