Monday vents and celebrations

[vasc]

Jun 26, 2017 7:27:55 GMT -5 HeartofCheese said:

supertrooper1 , same exact issue (kind of) that I had for our last anniversary. MH's mom was coming to babysit at 3 so we could go to dinner. He leaves for gym at 2:59. Then he tells me afterwards that she has to leave by 7:30. Wtf. I don't blame you one bit for being pissed.

Also an SOS here: We leave for my parents' tomorrow for 2 weeks. This weekend was supposed to be all about the tons of laundry I have downstairs, packing, and cleaning. Unfortunately, I couldn't get a project done that I've been working on for 3 weeks, so I had to find time to do that, too. MH's weekend went as follows:

Friday - dinner out
Saturday - horsetrack with friend, home for 20 minutes, housewarming party at another friends
Sunday - nap (seriously. he took a nap right after waking up), playing the guitar, gym, mowing, sitting on the couch, going to niece's bday party, sitting on couch, putting kids down while I work

All I got done this weekend was: solo parenting, dealing with roofers, working on project, and laundry. When I ask him this morning to do the dishes, he refuses saying that they're mine and I should do them. I still have a list of 15 things to do and he can't do ONE thing after being gone all weekend having fun. I was so pissed off that I told him if he didn't do the dishes, he can't come on our trip. Still feeling pretty serious about that actually...

I would dare my husband to say something like that to me.  Dare.

[vasc]

Also, hi all. I made it over here.

Still on maternity leave/summer vacay here, so not much of an update. DD goes to daycare for two more weeks. H, baby and I have been hanging out at home when she's gone. Family time on weekends when she's home.

Baby DS (2 mos) is starting to do that thing where he only sleeps for 45-minute spurts during the day.

[callmekd]

celebration - I have an avatar!

[akafred]

Jun 26, 2017 12:09:05 GMT -5 callmekd said:

celebration - I have an avatar!

Me too. But it'S about a 4 year old picture lol

[rere]

Jun 26, 2017 11:47:36 GMT -5 vasc said:

Jun 26, 2017 7:27:55 GMT -5 HeartofCheese said:

supertrooper1 , same exact issue (kind of) that I had for our last anniversary. MH's mom was coming to babysit at 3 so we could go to dinner. He leaves for gym at 2:59. Then he tells me afterwards that she has to leave by 7:30. Wtf. I don't blame you one bit for being pissed.

Also an SOS here: We leave for my parents' tomorrow for 2 weeks. This weekend was supposed to be all about the tons of laundry I have downstairs, packing, and cleaning. Unfortunately, I couldn't get a project done that I've been working on for 3 weeks, so I had to find time to do that, too. MH's weekend went as follows:

Friday - dinner out
Saturday - horsetrack with friend, home for 20 minutes, housewarming party at another friends
Sunday - nap (seriously. he took a nap right after waking up), playing the guitar, gym, mowing, sitting on the couch, going to niece's bday party, sitting on couch, putting kids down while I work

All I got done this weekend was: solo parenting, dealing with roofers, working on project, and laundry. When I ask him this morning to do the dishes, he refuses saying that they're mine and I should do them. I still have a list of 15 things to do and he can't do ONE thing after being gone all weekend having fun. I was so pissed off that I told him if he didn't do the dishes, he can't come on our trip. Still feeling pretty serious about that actually...

I would dare my husband to say something like that to me.  Dare.

I'm actually annoying enough to get all of his laundry out of the hampers for him to do and declare I will only be cooking enough and buying food for myself and the small humans I have to feed by law.

[polecat8]

Celebration - the swing set is built! And the kids love it! DD was so excited that she invited her friend and his sister to come play on it as soon as it was done.

Celebration - I mowed the lawn while DH finished up the swing set. I never realized how big our yard is. It took me an hour and I was exhausted! But my Fit Bit told me I burned almost 700 calories doing it!

Now I am going to ask for a raise at my part time university teaching gig...wish me luck!

[186momx]

Hi
I found everyone this morning. What I get for taking a 4 day vacation away from technology. I changed my tag from tas1883 to give me more privacy as it now doesn't match my email.

I'm really enjoying being back at work after a long 4 days at home. Thursday I hosted an all day play date for 3 of DD's friends since school got out last week but no camps started until today. I was exhausted by the end of the day. Friday was my normal errands plus a swim lesson. DD actually doggy paddled swam about 3 feet and this was her 3rd lesson. Hoping she gets more comfortable putting her face in over the summer and the the swim part of camps aren't as stressful now that she knows the big pool isn't scary. Got a ton accomplished this weekend but over did it and my back is killing me.

Happy Monday

[mustardseed2007]

polecat8 good luck!!

[greenmonkey1]

DH and I decided for me to become a SAHM after my maternity leave expires (three weeks). So this week I have to give my 2-weeks notice and I am nervous. It is going to be such a change, but we are ready to give it a try. My office is going to be super surprised and with some recent staffing changes they have made, will be short staffed. I feel bad they will be short staffed because I like my coworkers, but we've been disproportionately staffed as long as I have been in my current position. It is likely they will replace my position, but doubtful they will look at the division of duties and make adjustments. Whoever is hired into my seat will deal with the same issues that contributed to me deciding to leave.

I will likely still post on Working Parents as long as you'll have me.

[freezorburn]

Jun 26, 2017 11:10:54 GMT -5 beachbum2 said:

supertrooper1 , That is definitely a tough position for all of you to be in. March is still relatively recent so I could see her having the level of issues that she has. Still, your H should be considering the whole picture, including you and the kids, and avoiding becoming her main support system. I wouldn't hesitate to point out the red flags in the situation (but I also am the type of person who gets pissed at DH for cheating on me in my dreams...so I would say I have some insecurities).

ETA: fixed tag.

This x1000. supertrooper1, it sounds like YH is a nice guy and is trying to be supportive but this is bordering on inappropriate. Especially if it is impacting your family. There are ways to help that maintain appropriate boundaries.

I'm going to be a bit more specific: If he is doing yard work for her, then I hope other people are, too -- perhaps on some rotated schedule. The yard work equivalent of a meal train. I would hope there are other friends, colleagues, and acquaintances who would offer help if they only knew what her needs are and when/where help is needed.

Is money an issue for her? Could be, if the couple did not have a life insurance policy on the deceased. And especially if friends and family are geographically spread out, it might be easier to give money than to give time. We lost a friend a little over a year ago, and while I'm not privy to the financial details, I know that there was a pretty successful fundraising campaign set up for the family. They used www.youcaring.com/fundraisers/memorials-funerals which doesn't take a cut of the donations. This is one of those times in life when money really can help. She could use the money to pay for yard work. Or cover living expenses, if she is still struggling in the fall and is not ready to go back to work. Whatever she needs.

There are support groups for widows and widowers. Everyone I know who has been through this kind of loss, has told me how invaluable it was for them to connect with others who also lost a spouse. If she hasn't already gotten in touch with one, I would think it's appropriate to help her do a bit of research. But then she would need to be responsible for getting herself there. If she is so debilitated that she can't drive, or needs childcare in order to attend meetings, again I would recommend broadcasting those needs to a larger pool of support and see if people are able to fill in those needs. The main thing is that it's not healthy for anyone if she is mainly drawing off of the time and energy of one family (we don't know this is the case, but it sounds like it might be).

I hope you and YH can come to some consensus about this.SaveSave

[freezorburn]

Jun 26, 2017 13:28:42 GMT -5 greenmonkey1 said:

DH and I decided for me to become a SAHM after my maternity leave expires (three weeks). So this week I have to give my 2-weeks notice and I am nervous. It is going to be such a change, but we are ready to give it a try. My office is going to be super surprised and with some recent staffing changes they have made, will be short staffed. I feel bad they will be short staffed because I like my coworkers, but we've been disproportionately staffed as long as I have been in my current position. It is likely they will replace my position, but doubtful they will look at the division of duties and make adjustments. Whoever is hired into my seat will deal with the same issues that contributed to me deciding to leave.

I will likely still post on Working Parents as long as you'll have me.

In my book, SAHM still qualifies as Working. I hope you stick around!SaveSave

[supertrooper1]

freezorburn, Thank you.
There have been other people doing yard work for her, but not on a schedule. Some people came over and pulled weeds this spring and another group brought a tractor and did some other work. She has 5 acres. We do too, but much of what we have is in trees and doesn't have to be maintained. I feel the same about her place. Much of it doesn't have to be maintained. DH is there right now keeping up what one of the other work groups did.
I don't think money is an issue for her. He left a sizeable life insurance policy and people have donated a lot of money, gift cards, meals and free services for her. Her dad is also quite wealthy and has helped her out a bunch. But she is frugal, so she doesn't want to hire people.
I know she is seeing a counselor, not sure about support groups. I guess I shouldn't judge where she should be in her grieving. But I've lost people close to me (although not a spouse) and have learned to function.
Yes, we will have to have a talk if this continues to interfere with our family.

[mommyatty]

supertrooper1, bless your heart. You are being incredibly understanding and gracious about this. More than I could be in the same situation. I hope you get your dinner and it's very nice.

[callmekd]

greenmonkey1 you better not leave us!

[shakinros]

Screw everyone who cannot turn their shit in on time. I spent the whole day, nose to the grindstone on a project that I am no closer to finishing thanks to my last minute coworkers.

[billie]

I finished the application I asked you guys for tips on. Please keep your fingers crossed for me!! I need a better job stat

[mae0111]

greenmonkey1, we are kindred spirits. This is my last week at my company of over 16 years, and I'm transitioning to becoming a SAHM. It's going to be a big change, and I'm hoping I can stick around here too.

Good luck giving your notice. It was hard for me for all the reasons you listed, but it felt so, so amazing afterwards.

[msn06]

Work has been insane this month and I'm very hopeful we shall slow down a bit.

[akafred]

In today's episode of "my house buyers are completely unreasonable", I submit to you asking at 8pm on Monday night if they can bring a contractor at 3pm the next afternoon.

No.

[callmekd]

mae0111 you are not allowed to leave us either

[greenmonkey1]

akafred The buyer of my parents' house asked to bring his future MIL to see the house on a holiday (Easter?). I thought my parents were way too nice to agree. Good luck with your buyers, they sound like a challenge.

[akafred]

Jun 27, 2017 5:42:02 GMT -5 greenmonkey1 said:

akafred The buyer o.f my parents' house asked to bring his future MIL to see the house on a holiday (Easter?). I thought my parents were way too nice to agree. Good luck with your buyers, they sound like a challenge.

We said next week would be better as we will be 95% moved by then (the movers come Saturday). They accepted it.

I am so sweating this appraisal. Do not want to have to do more negotiations with them.

Also, if they are going to renovate the kitchen before they move in, why did we have to glue down the counter top and secure the faucet which was slightly wobbly? Grrrr

[twinmomma]

akafred, Can you not just knock off a little bit and say "It's as is, deal with it." That's what my parents ended up doing when their sellers found all kinds of little nit picky things. They just wanted to be done with it, so they shaved off a small amount and the buyer felt like they "won."

[shakinros]

New vent: the internal transfer my H thought he could secure pretty easily cannot happen because that dept is now having a hiring freeze. He is extremely surprised and disheartened by this. I get the disappointment. I can't believe he is surprised. It's like he learned nothing from his last job hunt, which was less than a year ago.

[akafred]

Jun 27, 2017 6:51:49 GMT -5 twinmomma said:

akafred, Can you not just knock off a little bit and say "It's as is, deal with it." That's what my parents ended up doing when their sellers found all kinds of little nit picky things. They just wanted to be done with it, so they shaved off a small amount and the buyer felt like they "won."

Probably, but I don't think that is common here. At any rate we are done with the repair negotiations. I just worry about the appraisal.

[erinshelley21]

This is a very petty vent that doesn't really matter but I'm irritated and need to get it out. I use the same 2 bottles (my Yeti and one that I fill up and take to work to refill the Yeti) all week and wash them on the weekends. I drink A LOT of water because it helps me feel good and because of breastfeeding. DH has a medical condition that makes him thirsty all of the time. Instead of getting his own water bottles to use (which he has 4), he is just constantly drinking out of mine. When we are out running errands, he will just drink out of mine and its gone before we are even on our way home. He woke up sick this morning and asked me as I gathered my things if I washed the bottle I put my extra water in since he drank out of it last night. Why would I just randomly wash a bottle that I don't ever wash during the week? Also, why would I know that he drank out of a bottle that I've been using for months instead of using one of the 15 cups in the cabinet or the one by the fridge that he's been drinking out of the whole day?

Normally not a big deal, but I'm feeling pissy this morning apparently and really annoyed.

[saraml13]

Jun 27, 2017 8:03:59 GMT -5 erinshelley21 said:

This is a very petty vent that doesn't really matter but I'm irritated and need to get it out. I use the same 2 bottles (my Yeti and one that I fill up and take to work to refill the Yeti) all week and wash them on the weekends. I drink A LOT of water because it helps me feel good and because of breastfeeding. DH has a medical condition that makes him thirsty all of the time. Instead of getting his own water bottles to use (which he has 4), he is just constantly drinking out of mine. When we are out running errands, he will just drink out of mine and its gone before we are even on our way home. He woke up sick this morning and asked me as I gathered my things if I washed the bottle I put my extra water in since he drank out of it last night. Why would I just randomly wash a bottle that I don't ever wash during the week? Also, why would I know that he drank out of a bottle that I've been using for months instead of using one of the 15 cups in the cabinet or the one by the fridge that he's been drinking out of the whole day?

Normally not a big deal, but I'm feeling pissy this morning apparently and really annoyed.

DH does stuff like this and it drives me nuts as well!  


I plan ahead for things like water; he does not.  When we're going on a road trip, I'll fill up a water bottle to bring in the car, but also make sure I take a big drink of water before we leave.  DH's signature move is to wait until we're a block away from home, then chug half of the water bottle.  Same thing if I bring a water bottle on a (short) hike.  We'll get to the trail and he'll suddenly be dying of thirst and drink most of the water that I intended to be shared between us and DS1.

[erinshelley21]

saraml13, Glad I'm not alone. DH knows he is going to be thirsty. He literally takes a pill every night that decreases his thirst and having to pee so he can sleep. Why can't he just fill up his own damn water bottle?! I know he does it at work because that's where HIS Yeti is!

[mae0111]

erinshelley21, I have a water bottle that I do. Not. Share. I mean, I'd let the kids drink out of it, but DH and DD1 keep trying to take it for the day to work/school, and I protect it like it's made of diamonds. DD has lost more bottles than I can count, and DH just collects them in his office. So, nope. That one is mine. And I'm pretty sure it makes me a little crazy in their eyes, but I do not care. Mine.

If we're out and about, and no one prepared/didn't want to carry their own water, I've found putting lemon in my water will keep everyone away from it.

[xctsclrx]

erinshelley21, I bought everyone their own water bottle and mine is off limits. I got so mad at SS1 one time, because I let him borrow it for a track meet and he took it back to his mom's house and it took 2 months to get it back. Now, everyone has their own and SS1 has an extra to pack in his track bag so it doesn't matter if it is at our house or mom's house.