week of Oct 2

[mpc]

 Hi ladies. Welcome to October.

We moved DD from the rock n play to her crib last night and instead of waking up once she woke up FIVE times. I am SO TIRED. 

DD is almost 6 months old and I'm starting to feel overwhelmed again with this question of to TTC again or not. If we do have another, I want them to be close in age, because I need to move past this stage of life. But "close in age" seems impossible with TTTC. Also, I don't think I'm ready. And do I want more? More and more I can think of good things about sticking with my two, but maybe that's the sleep deprivation talking (see my paragraph above  ). But on the other hand I can't seem to let go of this idea of having another kid so what does that mean. I am really conflicted. TTC DD was an absolute no brainer. There was never any doubt in my mind and that carried me through all those miscarriages. I don't know that I could do that again... 

[thoseareradishes]

Hugs mpc.

Today is our 1 year transfer anniversary! I should have a 3 month old but instead I have a 7 month old, it's crazy. She's doing so well for being so early; I'm so happy with her progress and how much a fun girl she is becoming.

[lo]

mpc I'm having similar thoughts. I feel really annoyed with myself... like, your real baby is 4 months old so chill the F out and stop thinking about another potential baby! But it's hard not to think about all the logistics and crap that will have to happen. I only had 1 loss between kids but yeah, thinking about going through that heartbreak again, ugh.

[cactuscookie]

Ugh, mpc, that sounds like a brutal night.

I've been struggling with the question of whether to try for another pretty much since Hazel was born. Well, for the first few months, the answer was OH HELL NO, but I mean, since she stopped screaming constantly. And I know it's a question that a lot of people struggle with, but the infertility angle makes it so much more complicated. The question isn't just: do I want another child; the question is: how far am I willing to go for another child?

[starryfish]

Hugs mpc. We want another one but we gave ourselves a deadline bc I can't keep "trying" for years. It's too hard emotionally.

We are going to go back to the RE in a few months and potentially start treatment again in the start of 2018.

DD is crawling like crazy and starting clapping her hands the other day! She's so cute!

[Chrysanthemum]

The topic of trying for another is on my mind lately, too. We are really lucky to have some frozen embies (since we did 3 retrievals back to back for banking). But the thought and cost of another FET ($10,000+) stresses me out. And we really need to buy a house before we do that. And my H is already in his mid 40s. Sigh. On a positive side, I've been ready for more babies pretty much from the moment C was born!

I love that your little girl is clapping starryfish!

Transferversary date is such a sentimental milestone@thoseareradishes, especially for your little preemie miracle!  Congratulations!

C is 9 months old and I cannot believe how BIG he is!  He eats like a man, wrestles with his daddy, and is an angel.  

[loira]

Totally with all of you. It's such a hard decision to make. Two acquaintances from my mum's group are on their 2nd (one just had hers, the other is pregnant). I am 98% OAD (or am I technically 2 and through?). I expected my feelings to change as A got older and easier, but so far they haven't. For us it's partially a financial/stability thing. Our decision might change if we win the lottery. But for me, it's also that I don't want to go through another pregnancy again. Ever. My grief powered me through to having A, because I had all this love to give and nowhere for it to go. And while A doesn't make it entirely better, she makes all the good times worth it, and we're incredibly lucky to have her.

Oh, and I finally found a daycare for her! Thank goodness! We're doing a verrrrry gradual transition this week and next. Hopefully it all works out.

[cherryvalance]

I'm struggling with the thought of another, since I'll be 35 next month. Should we just do another retrieval to bank some? But I know I'll struggle with keeping them on ice indefinitely and we definitely do not want more than two kids, so it's hard to go that route and know we might end up with more than we'd use. At the same time, if we're going to do this, better to retrieve now than in a couple of years.

IF sucks.

On a happy note, I'm bringing DS to see the RE this week . (the office allows kids) It's a month until our transferversary, so it will be crazy to be back there with a live baby.

[dellabear]

Glad you found care loira!

Hugs to all that are struggling with thoughts of another. I am feeling 100% done lately, although I still feel pangs of sadness that soon the baby stage will be all over for us... but I know in my heart that two is the right number for us. It did take quite some time to get here though.

We have been struggling with sick kids for a week now. DS was sick and barfy then gave it to DD who seemed to recover quickly but then kept barfing randomly all weekend and now tonight DS has such a bad cough that he was coughing til he puked. UGH I am so over this.

[King26]

Life has been rough. J has taken to screaming and crying in the pm and the doctor said maybe a late onset of colic. It's been really trying the last 5 days and DH is not handling the uncontrollable crying well at all.

I hate the crying but he lasts 5 minutes then hands him over. How will he watch him everyday from 7- 4 when I work?

Also decided to stop breastfeeding because of this and my breasts are killing me. They are really painful and I wasn't even feeding him much.

[King26]

Hugs to allnof you struggling with thought of trying for another . We still have 1 embryo frozen but it's not great quality. DH has always been one and done though and after all the screaming and crying with J he told me he wants me to get rid of it because he isn't doing this again.
Realistically we are both old and I knew he only wanted 1 but I just paid another year storage fee because i dont know what to do with the embryo. We worked too hard to get it. I donr realy want anither either but i font want to let it go yet eother.

[loira]

Oct 2, 2017 22:04:22 GMT -5 King26 said:

Life has been rough. J has taken to screaming and crying in the pm and the doctor said maybe a late onset of colic. It's been really trying the last 5 days and DH is not handling the uncontrollable crying well at all.

I hate the crying but he lasts 5 minutes then hands him over. How will he watch him everyday from 7- 4 when I work?

Also decided to stop breastfeeding because of this and my breasts are killing me. They are really painful and I wasn't even feeding him much.

I'm sorry. That sounds really rough. This may be a futile suggestion because of cost (I would not have been able to afford it at the time A was an infant either) but could you hire a father's helper for some of the days your H is home with J? cactuscookie will have better suggestions, I'm sure. Huge hugs to you.

[cactuscookie]

Oct 2, 2017 22:04:22 GMT -5 King26 said:

Life has been rough. J has taken to screaming and crying in the pm and the doctor said maybe a late onset of colic. It's been really trying the last 5 days and DH is not handling the uncontrollable crying well at all.

I hate the crying but he lasts 5 minutes then hands him over. How will he watch him everyday from 7- 4 when I work?

Also decided to stop breastfeeding because of this and my breasts are killing me. They are really painful and I wasn't even feeding him much.

Oh no. I'm so very, very sorry. A colicky baby was one of the hardest things I've ever dealt with; infertility still wins because it lasted so much longer, but for intense shittiness in the moment, colic was the worst.

As far as specific things that helped calm H down - the biggest was to swaddle her and bounce on a yoga ball while holding her. We literally spent hours a day doing this. When we were both home, we would set a timer and take 15-minute shifts. We had a whole set up so we could read our kindles while bouncing.

Also, white noise was key. We still use this for H when she sleeps (although these days that's mostly to block the noise that we make while she's sleeping, because our house is small).

Have you read Happiest Baby on the Block? I can't remember if it was helpful or common sense anymore, but I remember reading it in the middle of the night.

I kept a journal. I don't know if that helped me deal with things or not, but I'm glad I did. Oh, one thing I just found on a quick scan of it. The vacuum cleaner. If she wouldn't stop crying even during bouncing, I'd get out the vacuum cleaner and turn it on right next to us. I also tried to be really, really careful about overstimulation, although I don't know if that ever made a difference.

One thing that was maybe different about H is that after the first couple weeks of screaming, the stressful thing wasn't so much that she screamed a lot. I mean, if she started to scream, you bounced her and she almost always stopped, so at least you didn't usually have to listen to it. But often, she wouldn't fall asleep. You could bounce and bounce and bounce, and she'd just stare at you. If you gave up and put her in the RNP, then she'd cry. But sometimes when this got bad, where she'd go almost all day without sleeping, we'd just hold her, without bouncing, and let her scream it all out, and it hurt my heart to just let her cry, but it seemed to help her get calm eventually.

As far as for your husband dealing with it all day after you go back to
work, let's cross our fingers that the baby is mostly over it by then. I
went back to work at about three months, and I remember that the last
couple of weeks at home with H were remarkably easier.

Ugh, I don't know if I have more practical tips, but I can offer lots and lots of commiseration if you want. And, if it's any consolation, H turned into a really happy, easy baby once she got past the colic phase.

I'm glad you made a decision about breastfeeding - one less thing to worry about!Save

[King26]

Thanks cactuscookie I knew H was colicky and you had a rough few months. Thankfully it only seems to affect j in the late afternoon and evening. I'm not sure we could do all dsy. The first time it happened it went all night long then much of the day and we almost lost our minds. It hasn't been like that since thankfully. Just a few hours which is more than enough. Thank you for the suggestions

[oneslybookworm]

King26, oh man, huge hugs. G was colicky and is finally starting to outgrow it, but it's hell on earth. He also did the "scream for hours on end" EVERY evening, and it is very intense and emotionally unsettling. I wish I could give you advice on what works, but honestly we never really found that "one thing" that worked. We used Bose noise cancelling headphones and listened to podcasts while holding him, but in the end if he was going to scream, he was going to scream, and nothing we did was going to change it. They do outgrow it, thankfully, and it seems like our height of hell really peaked around 10 weeks. It smoothed out after that, and now (at 13 weeks, approx) he screams around 3 nights a week, instead of the usual 7. It does get better, but it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're in the midst of it.

[scm1011]

Hugs to everyone struggling with whether or not to go for another. We know we want a 2nd, and fortunately have 4 frozen embryos, but at 36 and 42 we really should pull the trigger soon. I'm just not feeling ready yet.

DS is 10.5 months now and has become a total stage 5 clinger. I can't be within his sight without him FREAKING OUT and needing me to hold him. Its exhausting. He will happily sit and play while DH lounges on the couch or sits at the kitchen table with him, but if he sees me its game over.

[oneslybookworm]

As for the question of whether we want another...oh lordy, who knows. I mean, do I think we'll ADOPT another? Likely no. Going through IF, then all the money spent on treatments that (quite literally) garnered us absolutely NOTHING, then the cost of adoption...it's financially (and emotionally) draining and not something I think we'd sign up for again.

That said, we're not using protection of any sort, and while we never got pregnant before, there's medically nothing wrong with us, so I guess it COULD happen. If we did get pregnant without intervention, we'd deal with it and be happy (after the shock wore off), but the next day DH would be getting the snip.

[janegold]

King26, I think paying for another year of storage was the right move. In the midst of the throes of colic is not a good time to make any permanent decisions regarding future children.

I have a group of 9 mom friends; we all had our first babies somewhere in the range of Nov. 16 - January 17. Two of them announced they are pregnant last week, and I know at least another 2 of them are trying. It's weird...I'm not ready for another one, I'm very happy with just B, and we're not even sure if or when we want more than one. But I still feel kind of emotional about hearing others' pregnancy news. I think a lot of it is leftover from the pain of IF.

[thoseareradishes]

King26, have you ever read about PURPLE crying? The hospital I delivered at was big on this - made us watch a video about it and there were posters in the halls about it. Basically, some kids just cry a lot, for no apparent reason. E had a witching hour in the evenings, and I really think she was mostly screaming out all the stimulation she was exposed to all day (I think sometimes too she was hungry, but she was a crappy cue-er so it took us a while to figure that out). Nothing really calmed her except sometimes going outside, and giving her more food.

[shoeless]

The constant thinking about #2 is what's driving us to transfer now. Ideally I'd like a little more space between the kids for cost reasons but I am exhausted from constantly thinking about the next step, which started when K was 6 months old. We only have one embryo left and we won't do another donor egg cycle. We just finished the priming cycle and transfer day is set for 23 October. Big thanks to @daylily for the Crinone!!

[oneslybookworm]

King26, agree with @daylily. We switched to Gentlease (Enfamil) and I still add Mylicon drops to EVERY bottle. They do seem to help (though there's no scientific proof it does anything).

[kristind3]

Sorry you're going through such a hard time King26.

Hugs to everyone struggling to make a decision whether to try for another.

DH and FIL got our crib and dresser/changing table put together yesterday. Makes things a little more real to finally have furniture in there.

[loira]

Oct 3, 2017 8:01:19 GMT -5 thoseareradishes said:

King26 , have you ever read about PURPLE crying? The hospital I delivered at was big on this - made us watch a video about it and there were posters in the halls about it. Basically, some kids just cry a lot, for no apparent reason. E had a witching hour in the evenings, and I really think she was mostly screaming out all the stimulation she was exposed to all day (I think sometimes too she was hungry, but she was a crappy cue-er so it took us a while to figure that out). Nothing really calmed her except sometimes going outside, and giving her more food.

Our health authority was big on this, too. It's a huge campaign here to reduce shaken baby syndrome. The babies go home from the hospital with purple hats and everything.

[mpc]

I turn 36 this weekend. I laugh because my original plan, before I knew better, was to have 4 kids at age 30, 32, 34, 36. LOFL. I still love the idea of a big family, but it feels unattainable now.

There's so much that would be easier with just 2... we could get back to real traveling sooner, we could afford more, I wouldn't have to worry about having more breaks in my career. But DD has reminded me how much I love babies and she makes me want to have more. I don't know.

Of course there's the TTTC mess too, and that nearly broke me before. I feel so incredibly grateful to have the family I have now. It almost feels like trying for more would like saying what I have isn't good enough and that thought makes me sad too. Which I know is ridiculous because H used to say similar to me while we were TTC and I would tell him up and down that wanting another child didn't mean I didn't appreciate the one I had.

[starryfish]

Oct 3, 2017 7:44:24 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

Hugs to everyone struggling with whether or not to go for another. We know we want a 2nd, and fortunately have 4 frozen embryos, but at 36 and 42 we really should pull the trigger soon. I'm just not feeling ready yet.

DS is 10.5 months now and has become a total stage 5 clinger. I can't be within his sight without him FREAKING OUT and needing me to hold him. Its exhausting. He will happily sit and play while DH lounges on the couch or sits at the kitchen table with him, but if he sees me its game over.

I am right there with you. And in the evenings, once it hits about 6/630, I HAVE to sit with her on the floor in order for her to play with her toys. If I try to sit on the couch TWO FEET away, she will just crawl to me and make my hold her and then struggle to get out of my lap, rinse and repeat. It is exhausting. I just want to sit and relax lol. I didn't think I would have to play and entertain my 9mo lol. 

[scm1011]

Oct 3, 2017 10:54:22 GMT -5 starryfish said:

Oct 3, 2017 7:44:24 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

Hugs to everyone struggling with whether or not to go for another. We know we want a 2nd, and fortunately have 4 frozen embryos, but at 36 and 42 we really should pull the trigger soon. I'm just not feeling ready yet.

DS is 10.5 months now and has become a total stage 5 clinger. I can't be within his sight without him FREAKING OUT and needing me to hold him. Its exhausting. He will happily sit and play while DH lounges on the couch or sits at the kitchen table with him, but if he sees me its game over.

I am right there with you. And in the evenings, once it hits about 6/630, I HAVE to sit with her on the floor in order for her to play with her toys. If I try to sit on the couch TWO FEET away, she will just crawl to me and make my hold her and then struggle to get out of my lap, rinse and repeat. It is exhausting. I just want to sit and relax lol. I didn't think I would have to play and entertain my 9mo lol. 

SAME!

If it wasn't so exhausting it'd be funny, because the theatrics are so over the top (hands in the air, head thrown back all "WHY GOD WHY?!" as tears stream down his face). Its like dude, I'm right here. Two feet away. I haven't abandoned you in the woods.

[starryfish]

Oct 3, 2017 11:04:01 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

Oct 3, 2017 10:54:22 GMT -5 starryfish said:

I am right there with you. And in the evenings, once it hits about 6/630, I HAVE to sit with her on the floor in order for her to play with her toys. If I try to sit on the couch TWO FEET away, she will just crawl to me and make my hold her and then struggle to get out of my lap, rinse and repeat. It is exhausting. I just want to sit and relax lol. I didn't think I would have to play and entertain my 9mo lol. 

SAME!

If it wasn't so exhausting it'd be funny, because the theatrics are so over the top (hands in the air, head thrown back all "WHY GOD WHY?!" as tears stream down his face). Its like dude, I'm right here. Two feet away. I haven't abandoned you in the woods.

YESSSSSS........and she NEVER crawls to DH who is just 3 feet away. She actually did for the first time yesterday bc I was in the shower and she was NOT happy about it lol. 

[King26]

When do babies start playing? When should I give j toys? I have a rattle and the kick n play piano we use now.

Also when should he hold his head up at tummy time? When should he sit up? How do you know they are ready to sit up? Do you prop them up?

[cactuscookie]

Oct 3, 2017 9:28:45 GMT -5 loira said:

Oct 3, 2017 8:01:19 GMT -5 thoseareradishes said:

King26 , have you ever read about PURPLE crying? The hospital I delivered at was big on this - made us watch a video about it and there were posters in the halls about it. Basically, some kids just cry a lot, for no apparent reason. E had a witching hour in the evenings, and I really think she was mostly screaming out all the stimulation she was exposed to all day (I think sometimes too she was hungry, but she was a crappy cue-er so it took us a while to figure that out). Nothing really calmed her except sometimes going outside, and giving her more food.

Our health authority was big on this, too. It's a huge campaign here to reduce shaken baby syndrome. The babies go home from the hospital with purple hats and everything.

I love this. I wish I was familiar with it last year.

Here's a C&P from my journal when H was a few weeks old: "Your number one job is to keep her safe and healthy. Your second most important job is to make her feel secure and loved. Your priority does not need to be to make her stop crying asap."

So, I mean, I guess I knew...but I would have helped to have it drilled into my head by other people.
Save

[cactuscookie]

Oct 3, 2017 13:12:01 GMT -5 King26 said:

When do babies start playing? When should I give j toys? I have a rattle and the kick n play piano we use now.

Also when should he hold his head up at tummy time? When should he sit up? How do you know they are ready to sit up? Do you prop them up?

I have an app called Baby Major Steps that I think is helpful for these types of questions. It just gives a general idea of what milestones to start looking for at certain ages. Does he have any interest in the rattle? The first toy H had any interest in was a stuffed toy with a handle. I think the second was a big soft plush block. Maybe it was around a month? I remember it was during a visit to the doctor's office.Save