Randoms/TWERKs/FWPs

[HeartofCheese]

I found myself talking to my daughter last night before bed about how people think boys are better than girls and that some will try to convince us we're only valuable if we're pretty. I also tried to teach her that when someone says she's pretty or cute, she should say, "Thank you. I'm [smart, kind, funny, etc.], too." But she mostly talked through that. She's 3. Too soon?

FWP: I haven't been getting a lot of time to PandCE lately (this is the FWP part), so I haven't been on much and have no idea what's going on with all of you. I sincerely hope you are all doing extremely well. 

ETA: for grammar. Terrible, terrible grammar.

[xctsclrx]

I am back from my trip! It was so much fun and interesting. 9 states crossed off my list, and I know I hate driving in New Jersey. It was fun but exhausting. I drove 14 hours home on Tuesday and yesterday could barely keep my eyes open. Little man slept from 630pm to 700am. I had to wake him up this morning. I think I am going to to start going on weekend trips once a year to a new state.

[supertrooper1]

Fake doctor's note coworker finally has a report date at her new location, October 29th. So that means she'll leave on the 20th! 8 days.

[rere]

I tried a coffee substitute, but I don't think it is going to work. Oh well, back to Diet Mt Dew in the morning, super healthy I know.

Off to the kids pick of the trampoline park today. Hopefully a great family day with all of us off work and school and a nice dinner out tonight.

Still waiting anxiously for a bunch of people I don't particularly trust to decide the fate of my retirement. It would supremely suck to have to change course and make up funds at this point.

[mellym]

I went to the girl scouts meeting last night and it was nice in the sense that I got to meet a few of DD1s new friends. She was so cute yelling "Hi friends name" whenever a new girl walked in. She is definitely doing just fine socially. Kind of a bust because the lady was from another GS troop trying to get a K troop started in each of our schools this year and no one has stepped up to be leader yet. More of a guilt talk to get a parent to volunteer. After that we raced off to gymnastics and I met a new Mom and had a good conversation but this introvert was exhausted.

I'm about 37 weeks and baby is really low in my pelvis already so it's been a very uncomfortable week. Hoping I don't have much longer to go because I never felt this bad with my other two. DH has really been stepping up with the housework and doing a lot of the heavy lifting for the kids.

[justcheckingin73]

rere, I’ll sit next to you with my Diet Dr. Pepper That’s usually for lunch after the 2 cups of coffee I have in the morning.

HeartofCheese, I think it’s an important conversation to have, and maybe I’m in the wrong here, but I think it can go overboard too. Unfortunately, you can’t tell how smart, kind or funny someone is by looking at them so if the first thing they say is you’re pretty, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. I also think we need to teach our kids to look past that in other people (I’m not saying you don’t do that - just in general) and hopefully we start to focus on looks a little bit less as a society.

Random - I was rather amazed at how early some of you get up in the GTKY post. I WFH 6-3 and set my alarm for 5:00. I rarely get up at 5. It’s usually more like 5:30 and I end up sitting down shortly after 6. And usually I’m in bed by 9:30. I don’t know how you sustain that routine every day. I will stop complaining about my schedule because seeing that made me feel like a huge complainer 😞. 

[HeartofCheese]

justcheckingin73 , I totally get it. I'm coming at it from DD's perspective right now. She's told a million times a day how cute she is and she laps up the attention. I'm trying to get her thinking about her other qualities, so it's not the "end all, be all" when someone tells her she's pretty. It will come off as precocious to others (are boys ever precocious when they say good things about themselves), but I'm okay with that - partly everything you teach your kids is a process and partly because she's going to be dealing with people who will balk at good self-esteem her whole life. Idk exactly what the next step will be b/c Idk how she'll react, but I'm guessing it will be somewhere along the lines of, "Is what you said true? Then you have nothing to worry about." and "'Thank you' is your promise to be good to that person b/c s/he was kind to you. If someone is offended when you say you are pretty and [kind, smart, etc.], it's okay to say 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you.'"

And I'm hoping it will just follow that if she is not invested in being beautiful, she won't be looking to surround herself with only beautiful-looking people.

ETA: And she's 3 so...we'll probably end up talking about unicorns and her love of farting.

[k3am]

HeartofCheese, I had a colleague's client tell me about his daughter and how he "didn't allow" people to call her pretty. To the point that he didn't let his mother see his daughter because of it. All I could think about was that in avoiding giving her one complex, he was giving her another one. (I mean, this was one of the least offensive things he said. The man is divorced, shocker. I was more amazed anyone had even wanted to marry him.)

[phdmomma]

I'm super tired.....this sinus infection is kicking my butt. And I have a ton of stuff that needs to get done by Friday. But I could totally just fall asleep on my desk right now. Also DD (2) is on a sleep strike....10pm is not a reasonable time for her to finally fall asleep when she has been in bed since 7:30pm. These are totally FWP though.

[erinshelley21]

rere, there are days that I hear angels sing with I take a drink of Diet Mountain Dew. So good! I've heard good reviews about Spark from Advocare. A lot of people have replaced their coffee habit with it and it comes in a ton of flavors. I've never tried it but have thought about it.

[k3am]

It's smoky here. It actually smells smokier in my building than it does outside. I have committee at 10 and then may go WFH to avoid it.

[erinshelley21]

I am back at work after our awesome vacation. It was still great despite there being a hurricane right in the middle of it.
My hand/elbow still hurt from a month ago, so I'm going to be scheduling the PT that I was prescribed at my appointment and just make time for it.

Now that we are back from vacation, my brother and I need to figure out when we are talking to the Asshole. I'm dreading it but ready to get it over with. We will probably do it next week since my brother got back late last night and won't be in today and I don't want to do that on a Friday.

[akafred]

Last full day of our Girl's Trip (DD, MIL, and me). We went to Myrtle Beach. I am really trying to take care of everyone. We leave tomorrow to go back to Knoxville where MIL lives. My nephew has a wedding Sat nightin the Knoxville area. Would I be the worst aunt ever if I skipped it and went home Saturday? I am just feeling like I need DH to take care of me a little bit before I go back to work Monday. Also, nephew is having it in a church with reception in the basement and they are serving pulled pork BBQ. DD and I don't eat meat. It isn't about me and I know that but I am just not feeling it.

[sandandsea]

Another girl in ds's K class is in love with DS. Her mom asked what that means and she said "mom! You know!!!!". After asking why she replied "because he's nice" which melted my heart. The first week of school another girl told her sister she was going to marry ds. It's so cute and innocent and nice in K. I wonder when that will change.

Also I'm glad ds is nice.

[greenmonkey1]

HeartofCheese I have all boys and find myself initiating the same conversation except about being strong/fast. Honestly, he is not going to have much in the strong or fast categories if he takes after DH and I physically. I don't want him thinking the stereotypical masculine characteristics are his only defining qualities.

Also, has anyone noticed the Disney Junior channel has a strong focus on girls right now? Perhaps my perspective is just skewed because I have all boys, but I see most of the motivational videos that run between cartoons are for girls/about girls.

[sudokufan]

Sounds like I may be losing my office at work. It's a shared office, and I actually have a cube in a different part of the floor that I spend more time in, so it makes sense to consolidate my stuff into one. I actually prefer the cube, but that's such a UO around here that I fully plan on using the switch as some leverage to improve my cube :-D I want a wrap around desk, more storage, half wall and a KVM switch for 2 of my 3 pcs.

What else would you ask for?

[supertrooper1]

akafred, I was training in Georgia and my niece's wedding was in Washington State. My family expected me to hop on a plane and fly home for the weekend for the wedding. I still get crap for it 12 years later because I didn't fly home. The marriage only lasted 2 years so I really don't feel bad. So it depends on your family whether or not you could skip the wedding. I wouldn't want to deal with a guilt trip.

[akafred]

I'm thinking if I send $200 for a wedding present I should be able to buy my way out of attending

[HeartofCheese]

sudokufan, a private vending machine that fit under my desk. Not kidding.

[traveltheworld]

HeartofCheese, I debate when to have that conversation with DD too. She is 2.5 and is incredibly cute, if I say so myself. So she gets told where ever she goes that she is cute and gets greeted with a lot of "awww"s. I feel the problem is exacerbated by the fact that DS (5) gets told by almost everyone how smart he is. He is extremely verbal and likes to chat up people at the grocery stores etc., so people usually end up complimenting him about how smart he is. He said to me the other day: "so DD is cute and I'm smart. It's great!" I don't want either of them to have those as their defining characteristics. DH and I try to avoid using those words and we reinforce that those are characteristics which you have no control over, so that's not something we focus on. But rather, we tell them they should focus on being nice and kind, because that IS something they can control.

k3am, I feel like DH can cross the line too. He has told the grandparents not to compliment DS for being smart or DD for being cute. Luckily, they agree with our philosophies so they don't do it. What I have a bigger problem with is that in an effort to mitigate any "girliness" he sees in DD, DH won't buy her any dolls or pretty things; and she, by nature, loves those. I finally convinced him that being a true feminist and supporting our children means allowing her to express all parts of herself, so he agreed that for this Christmas, she can get a doll.

My FWP - my 6 month probation is coming up at the end of the month. I've been stressed about it. No one has talked to me about this, and I'm traveling with the business team overseas for a big project at the end of the month; so logically, if they were not going to keep me on, you'd think they'd drop a hint by now??? I've never been through probation so I don't know how it works. And I feel too insecure to ask either my GC or the HR lady, lest I seem too secure. Irony.

[xctsclrx]

traveltheworld , in my experience they tell long before your time is up if they don't like you. The fact they have said nothing means you are probably good to go.

erinshelley21 , I can not wait for that update. Can you do it before Thursday next week so we can read about it? Sorry I know it is stressful for you, but I am invested in this now.


HeartofCheese, My mom always approached me after the compliment away from people. I am tall. I have always been tall and even my teachers would tell me I should be a model. I was also at the top of my class in grades, but everyone always focused on my looks. She got mad at one of my teachers once, because she would not let it go. 

Most of the time it was, just tell the person thank you and then to me alone it was: you can be a model if you want, but they have a very stressful hard life and if the looks fade  you don't have a career to fall back on. She stressed the importance of not putting my eggs in one basket. That way she wasn't calling me ugly or tell me that I couldn't do something, but also encouraging hard work, being nice and truthful. These conversations started so young I don't remember the first one. 

[katrine05]

DD gets told all the time that she's cute and it's started bothering her. She is tiny (31 lbs, 39 or so inches at almost 5) and probably the youngest in her school. The first few weeks of school she'd come home mad that some of the older boys and girls said she was "so cute". We try and emphasize that she is smart, nice, and kind, she should listen well, and be friends with everyone.

I got DD to fall asleep much earlier yesterday, so this morning was great. On the way to school she says to me "mom, am I not cranky this morning?" Nope you are great, since you got more sleep! Downside to that is I was laying down with her, so I fell asleep as well (at 8 or so). Woke up at 930. Got changed and back to sleep in my own bed (before DS woke up at 1115). My kids need to figure out their sleep. One wont go to sleep, the other wont stay asleep. Zzzzzzz.

[erinshelley21]

xctsclrx, We need to do it before then for sanity purposes lol. I'm ready to get it over with.

[justcheckingin73]

HeartofCheese, it’s so hard to know the balance. I also know I’m very guilty of it myself because I’m such a visual person and I see a cute kid and I gush over them (I try not to comment anymore because I never know if someone will be offended). As I was typing my response I was also brought back to a memory when a friend of mine was talking to someone else and they commented on how cute/beautiful/whatever my friend’s DD was. Her response was, she’s smart too! I just thought it sounded so out of place and was eye roll worthy. I don’t think most people intend to mean that someone is only one thing but from the child’s perspective, I can understand how hearing the same thing over and over, whether good or bad can lead to thinking about yourself in only one way. Parenting = hard.

I’d also like to add a FWP which is not really a FWP but more of a vent with my name. I have a name that is usually spelled with a “y” but my Mom decided that it would be cool/different to spell it with an “i”. Aside from the fact that I could never find anything with my name on it as a kid, my coworkers still spell my name with a “y”. Some of these people I’ve known for 10 years! It is a minor annoyance - so many worse things could happen but still - pay attention coworker!

[katrine05]

justcheckingin73 I have the same problem. Name is Katrine. So many emails I get are addressed to Katrina. You just had to type my email address with my name in it! Pay attention. And the Hurricane Katrina jokes I get... years later (just got one last week when I had to call a client in Houston).

[justcheckingin73]

Oct 12, 2017 10:58:06 GMT -5 katrine05 said:

justcheckingin73 I have the same problem. Name is Katrine. So many emails I get are addressed to Katrina. You just had to type my email address with my name in it! Pay attention. And the Hurricane Katrina jokes I get... years later (just got one last week when I had to call a client in Houston).

It definitely makes me aware of how people spell their names and I make sure that I look at how they sign/spell their name before I respond. 

[sudokufan]

justcheckingin73, katrine05, I have the same problem with my name. There are 2 legit spellings of my name with the same number of letters AND my name is in my email address and signature, and yet annoying car finance manger guy keeps misspelling my name in EVERY.DAMN.EMAIL. I'm taking it as a symptom of his lack of attention to detail, since we're 2 months out from "buying" the car and still don't have financing done...

[k3am]

Oct 12, 2017 11:53:27 GMT -5 sudokufan said:

justcheckingin73 , katrine05 , I have the same problem with my name. There are 2 legit spellings of my name with the same number of letters AND my name is in my email address and signature, and yet annoying car finance manger guy keeps misspelling my name in EVERY.DAMN.EMAIL. I'm taking it as a symptom of his lack of attention to detail, since we're 2 months out from "buying" the car and still don't have financing done...

Ditto. I have a name that can be spelled with a C or a K, and people are constantly spelling me with a C. 

Neither of my kids will ever find their name preprinted on anything. I'm 100% cool with that. DD will spend her life correcting people on spelling/pronunciation of her name. It builds character. At least we didn't name DS Sue, right?

[supertrooper1]

When DH and I were trying to name DS, one of my criteria was that it would be a common spelling and something that he could find on a keychain or a license plate.

[xctsclrx]

my office mate is leaving work 3 hours early today because she was surprised by AF and doesn't have the stuff for it. We have a Walmart and two gas stations, and at least one drug store less than five minutes away. Not in any pain or anything. she also told our boss why she is leaving. I don't think she gets it. She has been working here since the first week of August and I am not sure she has worked a full week once. I am probably being super judgey, but her husband works weekends. I can't figure out why she has to be gone all the time.