Week of Oct 16

[cactuscookie]

King26, this is...probably not that helpful, ha. But we get these sent home from daycare, and I have used them sometimes with H when she seems bored of everything else.

www.paplv.org/forparents/Documents/Parent%20Workshop%20Handouts%20and%20Presentations/Developing%20Early%20Learners/Activities%20for%20Children%20from%201%20month%20to%2066%20months%20old.pdf

[cherryvalance]

loira, I'm sorry it's rough. I don't blame you at all for not wanting to come here. I'd move to Canada if they'd have me. Lots of hugs.

[cherryvalance]

Oh! I have a sleep/eating question. DS had been progressing from eating every 3 hours to about every 4, with one night wake up (so one stretch of 5-6 hours of sleep).

A few times, he's gone 7-8 hours sleeping, which means he hasn't eaten in about 10 hours or so. Is this okay? I know in the hospital I was told to never let him go more than 5 hours without eating, but he's 11 weeks now.

For reference, he will not dream feed--it always wakes him up. So it's either let him sleep or wake him to eat. He IS hungry when I wake him. He's still eating between 4-5 ounces each time. I worry about his weight because while his length, weight and head are all proportional and gaining, he's only in the 30% percentile and had lost a bunch when we brought him home. His weight and feeding is a huge anxiety of mine.

[pooh8402]

Oct 20, 2017 2:18:47 GMT -5 cherryvalance said:

Oh! I have a sleep/eating question. DS had been progressing from eating every 3 hours to about every 4, with one night wake up (so one stretch of 5-6 hours of sleep).

A few times, he's gone 7-8 hours sleeping, which means he hasn't eaten in about 10 hours or so. Is this okay? I know in the hospital I was told to never let him go more than 5 hours without eating, but he's 11 weeks now.

For reference, he will not dream feed--it always wakes him up. So it's either let him sleep or wake him to eat. He IS hungry when I wake him. He's still eating between 4-5 ounces each time. I worry about his weight because while his length, weight and head are all proportional and gaining, he's only in the 30% percentile and had lost a bunch when we brought him home. His weight and feeding is a huge anxiety of mine.

Once he gets back to birth weight, and is still gaining, it's okay to just let him sleep.

30th %tile is great!

[shauni27]

Oct 20, 2017 6:38:21 GMT -5 pooh8402 said:

Oct 20, 2017 2:18:47 GMT -5 cherryvalance said:

Oh! I have a sleep/eating question. DS had been progressing from eating every 3 hours to about every 4, with one night wake up (so one stretch of 5-6 hours of sleep).

A few times, he's gone 7-8 hours sleeping, which means he hasn't eaten in about 10 hours or so. Is this okay? I know in the hospital I was told to never let him go more than 5 hours without eating, but he's 11 weeks now.

For reference, he will not dream feed--it always wakes him up. So it's either let him sleep or wake him to eat. He IS hungry when I wake him. He's still eating between 4-5 ounces each time. I worry about his weight because while his length, weight and head are all proportional and gaining, he's only in the 30% percentile and had lost a bunch when we brought him home. His weight and feeding is a huge anxiety of mine.

Once he gets back to birth weight, and is still gaining, it's okay to just let him sleep.

30th %tile is great!

yup! Once they gain back their birth weight and if he is still gaining regularly, then you can let him sleep and allow him to wake you when he is hungry. If his pedi is concerned about his weight (which sounds totally fine to me!) then they might suggest waking for feedings, but if not, let him sleep right through.

S would never go 10 hours without eating--the few times he has slept 7 hours it is because he falls asleep immediately after a bottle.

[shauni27]

cactuscookie, thanks for linking that! I love handy guides such as that one.

[cherryvalance]

Okay, great, thanks, guys! I was hoping this would be a new trend, but then I started second guessing whether it was okay.

[shauni27]

cactuscookie, at 11 weeks she was sleeping 10 hours at night?!? I HATE YOU!

King26, really, one of the toughest parts of that first month for me was that my husband was not acting like the father I wanted him to be. It killed me, it killed my relationship for a bit, it caused TONS of stress and anxiety. But truly, he will adjust and get used to it. It just might take him a bit of time. And like Cactus said, try to step out of the way and let the two of them figure it out together. It might take a few tries, but critiquing our partners or thinking we have any say in how our partners parent is just not helpful and in fact can be damaging. (easier said than done. Sometimes I still look at H holding the baby and I am like "pay attention to him rather than just play your video game!" lol)

[cactuscookie]

Oct 20, 2017 9:03:10 GMT -5 spearmintleaf said:

King26 , I know you worry about your H and your son. I really encourage you to step out of their way and let them figure it out. Your DS can advocate for himself (lol). Your DH may talk a big game about not entertaining him but when it comes down to it, he will do what he needs to do. Babies just don't give you much choice. He will rise to the task!

I was thinking the same thing. DH and I were super worried about H in daycare, and the director kept trying to reassure us that they'd figure out their own system. And they did - they didn't bounce her on a yoga ball like we did at home, but they rocked and patted her until she fell asleep. King26, even if he doesn't do things quite how you would or how you'd prefer, I can't imagine that your husband is going to be neglectful of J at all.
Save

[cactuscookie]

Oct 20, 2017 10:13:45 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

cactuscookie , at 11 weeks she was sleeping 10 hours at night?!? I HATE YOU!

King26 , really, one of the toughest parts of that first month for me was that my husband was not acting like the father I wanted him to be. It killed me, it killed my relationship for a bit, it caused TONS of stress and anxiety. But truly, he will adjust and get used to it. It just might take him a bit of time. And like Cactus said, try to step out of the way and let the two of them figure it out together. It might take a few tries, but critiquing our partners or thinking we have any say in how our partners parent is just not helpful and in fact can be damaging. (easier said than done. Sometimes I still look at H holding the baby and I am like "pay attention to him rather than just play your video game!" lol)

Ha, that's spearmintleaf, not me. H didn't sleep through the night until she was 9 months old.

One of DH and my most common fights when H was a newborn was that he kept saying that I always insisted on things being my way and didn't take his advice on what to do with H. Every time, I was flabbergasted - like, what in the world is giving you the impression that I know WTF I'm doing here?
Save

[cherryvalance]

I can totally echo shauni27 if that helps, King26. I saw myself playing with DS, singing to him, reading to him, etc, and sometimes H would just be sitting there, on his phone or something, with DS on the playmat. It would infuriate me.

But the same way I needed some time to adjust to enjoying my time with DS, so did H. You know your H loves J and he will find special things to do with J on his own.

Also, we had the same experience that cactuscookie described. I get frustrated that H asks what he should do (like, wtf, I'm not the default parent here and DS is literally the first baby I've spent any time with), but he feels like I expect him to do things the exact way I would. And, to be fair, he might be right in that I spend so much time with DS that I have a better idea of what works and try to guide him, but he needs to figure it out on his own.

[shauni27]

Oct 20, 2017 13:26:14 GMT -5 spearmintleaf said:

Oct 20, 2017 10:13:45 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

cactuscookie , at 11 weeks she was sleeping 10 hours at night?!? I HATE YOU!

King26 , really, one of the toughest parts of that first month for me was that my husband was not acting like the father I wanted him to be. It killed me, it killed my relationship for a bit, it caused TONS of stress and anxiety. But truly, he will adjust and get used to it. It just might take him a bit of time. And like Cactus said, try to step out of the way and let the two of them figure it out together. It might take a few tries, but critiquing our partners or thinking we have any say in how our partners parent is just not helpful and in fact can be damaging. (easier said than done. Sometimes I still look at H holding the baby and I am like "pay attention to him rather than just play your video game!" lol)

It's worse than that. She started STTN at 8 weeks, about 12 hours. We did a dream feed around 9:30 and she slept until about 7. She still does a solid 7-7. I honestly can't really talk about it IRL because other parents get angry, lol.

BUT! I worked at a pediatric sleep clinic so I had an advantage. I was incredibly rigorous with her sleep and I got made fun of a lot by the grandmothers but IDGAF because she's a dream sleeper.

2 things:

1) can you share any tips that you learned from your experience at the pediatric sleep clinic? When you say you were rigorous with her sleep, what do you mean?

2) is a dream feed when the baby doesn't really wake up, you just pick them up while sleeping and shove a boob in their mouth?

[oneslybookworm]

G sleeps about 9-10 hours a night, so going 11-12 without food, and he's fine. He's been doing that for 2-3 weeks now.

Honestly, I was a lot like some of your husbands. DH was the dream parent, seemed to always know what he was doing and could handle anything, and I felt like I was fumbling in the dark. Thankfully, he never criticized, never tried to tell me how to do something, and just let me figure it out for myself. If he had tried to do anything else, I probably would have shut down and it really would have damaged our relationship...A LOT. Unless they're harming the baby, just let them figure it out and do it their way.

[konapoppy]

Our pedi let us go to one 4 hour stretch between MOTN feedings yesterday and I feel like a whole new person today!

Re: husband conversation. One of the things I tell people about our surprise twins is that it has taken away my perfectionism (I knew this before they arrived). I can’t be critical of how H does things because I have my own crying kid to deal with. Once the girls finally arrived and H wasn’t feeling good about his swaddling skills, we walked through the process slowly when no one was crying and I encouraged him when the swaddle looked great. Literally by 4 days PP he was a much better swaddled than me!

Bottom line: maybe a trick to letting go is pretending you have another baby that needs your attention lol.