Stolen from MMM - Do you have your shit together?

[waverly]

Oct 30, 2017 16:31:26 GMT -5 phdmomma said:

186momx , I vote that he needs a new therapist. How did he pick this one?

Yup she is clueless for one thing and harmful in other ways.  She needs to be fired. 

[mae0111]

When I first saw this question I was like "Nooooooooo". But, like others, there are certain areas that are ok. Our finances are very organized. We have no debt other than our mortgage and DH's truck lease. We have a solid stock portfolio, and are way ahead on our retirement savings.

Buuuut... our well-laid plans for me to quit my job backfired when DH's work kind of blew up. I'm now a SAHM with 15 hours per week free. My house is still a wreck, and I still feel like I'm always running late. I did join a gym, so I've definitely been working out more with me new me time. I'm better about keeping sports stuff organized, but DD1 is like a hurricane mixed with a tornado, so I have to constantly reorganize her and try to keep her on task. I do cook more now. My kids still won't eat most of it, but I enjoy cooking, so I don't really care.

I keep trying to do house projects that have piled up over the past 4.5 years, but I can only seem to get about 1/2 way through each one before afternoon pick up and the activity/homework/dinner/bedtime rush starts. With DH's new company, he's not able to pitch in as much as he had, so I'm still trying to find my rhythm.

I have hope that someday I will be organized in more than 50% of my life.

[msn06]

Preface: I just recently got out of mandatory overtime. So I had a solid 5 weeks of feeling like I was drowning and a horrible mother. Last week was the first week I only worked 40 hours in 10 weeks. Last week made me realize how much we had together.

Shit that's together: bills are paid on time and in full, money goes to savings each month, we eat at home 85-90% of the time with home cooked meals, host a Sunday supper each week for DHs family (this means the house gets cleaned respectably each week). I craft during my lunch hour 3-4 days a week. I have at minimum 1 get together each month with my friends who started out as just a casual Bookclub and morphed into my best friends. My ILs have a weekly dinner date with DD in which they pick her up from daycare and go to dinner and/or do an activity, this allows for DH and I to have a date night.

Shit that's not together: laundry (thanks to this thread I just folded a basket of laundry that was washed and dried 2-3 weeks ago). We often are digging through baskets of clean clothes and I'm so far behind on ironing I'm living in leggings and tunics at work. Deep cleaning doesn't happen. Today I got to work and realized my wallet was where ever DD put it when she was playing with it, I remembered at 10 PM I had to go searching for it.

So over all I'm at comfortable place where I feel my shit is more together then not. However I have some holes that I'm not sure my shit will never be fully together. I know often times I don't feel my shit is together is because I grew up in a house with a mother who worked 50 hours a week commuted 1.5 hours each Way, had a spotless house (she still vacuums and sweeps under her fridge each week), & put a home cooked from scratch meal on the table 6 nights a week. I have to remind myself often that my mothers hobby is cleaning and she's not as social as I am so she doesn't need the friend time that I do.

[mommyatty]

No. My house is a freaking pit and my H can’t clean to save his life. He can clean specific messes. Like doing the dishes. But kid mess? Nope. He literally pushes everything to the edges of the room and vacuums the middle of the floor.

We aren’t close to where we should be in terms of retirement. I can’t take a lower paying job even though I’m miserable a lot of the time. I have no clue where my money goes.

We are good parents. So there is that. And we are healthy. Our kids are awesome. I recently spent time with some of DD’s classmates, and now I know I have an awesomely behaved kid. Like my 3 year old knows not to pull shit her classmates were pulling in a restaurant. (Standing in the booth, yelling, refusing to eat anything except dessert, yelling the food was yucky, not saying thank you to the wait staff.)

[polecat8]

Oct 30, 2017 15:24:43 GMT -5 waverly said:

polecat8 , doesn't everyone lose their shit occasionally? I mean if someone tells me they never lose their shit, I would assume they are lying or super suppressed passive aggressive. Sorry to anyone who just never gets angry or always releases it in super healthy ways. I am sure that person exists and is about .01% of the population.

The losing of the shit happens here, but usually it's only one of us losing it and the other person is able to take over for a bit so we can recover.  With DH laid up over the weekend, I lost my shit and had no way to regroup.  It made for a rough evening.  I was never so happy to put the kids in bed and call it a day.

[meagain]

I most certainly do not.

I work 2 jobs so at least 4 days a week I work from 12-13 hours.  I very rarely have the opportunity to fix an actual dinner and when I do most of my family won't eat it anyway.  I am always behind on laundry and live out of baskets or the dryer.  I am tired all the time.  I really want to get back to exercising but have no idea when I would fit that in.  Not to mention tired.  I have a several home projects started and half done.  Finances are a mess.  

I feel like at this age I should have it all together.  Not so much.

[waverly]

Yes the unwritten rule is to take turns losing your shit but sometimes it happens that H is traveling and then I lose it probably because he was traveling.

[olenka]

Haha compared to a lot of you guys, my SO and I do not have our shit together at all. But I feel like we do all right. I don't really meal plan...but somehow a meal always comes together or we get takeout.

The one area I feel like I am falling short is keeping up a social life. I get out with a friend maybe every other week. I wish it was more. And setting up playdates for my child..ugh. I finally got a little more proactive about that recently, but overcoming social anxiety constantly is hard.

[HeartofCheese]

Nope. Took a personal day yesterday because there was just so much shit. Life was hard before adding a divorce to it, but now it's worse. But then I got more work at work which is necessary for my promotion (which is necessary for me to keep my house post-divorce). Then I discovered that STBXH has started dating. While still in the house. While still trying to get with me and schmooze me. And he's lying so, so, so, so much. So I focus on my kids. They make me happy. And I'm putting on makeup and doing my hair now, because pretty makes me happy, too.

[mommyatty]

HeartofCheese, you are a freaking rock. Hugs. And high fives. You are amazing.

[erinshelley21]

He's such a dick HeartofCheese. Some men just suck.

[erinshelley21]

In today's journey of trying to have my shit together...
I had just enough liquid aminos for our crock pot dinner that I threw together at lunch.
On my way out the door I saw a hand me down winter coat that's still in great condition that we got from DH's coworker for DS. Really wish I had seen this BEFORE we bought him a new $50 coat last weekend.

[xctsclrx]

HeartofCheese, What a jerk face. Good for you though. Focus on the kids and yourself and ignore him

[sweetptater]

Oct 31, 2017 13:15:37 GMT -5 erinshelley21 said:

In today's journey of trying to have my shit together...
I had just enough liquid aminos for our crock pot dinner that I threw together at lunch.
On my way out the door I saw a hand me down winter coat that's still in great condition that we got from DH's coworker for DS. Really wish I had seen this BEFORE we bought him a new $50 coat last weekend.

This makes me laugh. I have two coats for DS. They are the same brand, size, everything, just different colors. Because I forgot we already had a hand-me-down one (in perfect condition) when I bought him a new one. 

[erinshelley21]

Oct 31, 2017 14:26:32 GMT -5 sweetptater said:

Oct 31, 2017 13:15:37 GMT -5 erinshelley21 said:

In today's journey of trying to have my shit together...
I had just enough liquid aminos for our crock pot dinner that I threw together at lunch.
On my way out the door I saw a hand me down winter coat that's still in great condition that we got from DH's coworker for DS. Really wish I had seen this BEFORE we bought him a new $50 coat last weekend.

This makes me laugh. I have two coats for DS. They are the same brand, size, everything, just different colors. Because I forgot we already had a hand-me-down one (in perfect condition) when I bought him a new one. 

I also did something similar with DD. I kept DS's fleece jacket from when he was 12 months for DD since it was pretty gender neutral. Totally forgot and bought her her own fleece earlier this month. I've spent $60 on outerwear that we don't even need!

[mustardseed2007]

Oct 31, 2017 14:32:59 GMT -5 erinshelley21 said:

Oct 31, 2017 14:26:32 GMT -5 sweetptater said:

This makes me laugh. I have two coats for DS. They are the same brand, size, everything, just different colors. Because I forgot we already had a hand-me-down one (in perfect condition) when I bought him a new one. 

I also did something similar with DD. I kept DS's fleece jacket from when he was 12 months for DD since it was pretty gender neutral. Totally forgot and bought her her own fleece earlier this month. I've spent $60 on outerwear that we don't even need!

yes! I thought we were winning b/c I hadn't purchased a new coat for DS this year, we are still able to use last year's, but then we left one jacket at school and DH pulls out THE EXACT SAME JACKET and says "here, just use this one". Like...I don't even KNOW where that other one came from. And yes, his other, duplicate jacket was at school, because I checked. 

[greenmonkey1]

Oct 31, 2017 13:15:37 GMT -5 erinshelley21 said:

In today's journey of trying to have my shit together...
I had just enough liquid aminos for our crock pot dinner that I threw together at lunch.
On my way out the door I saw a hand me down winter coat that's still in great condition that we got from DH's coworker for DS. Really wish I had seen this BEFORE we bought him a new $50 coat last weekend.

I have two 18-month coats because I misplaced one in the middle of winter.  Tore the house apart looking for it before I bought a new one.  Turns out the original fell behind the coach.  Shows how organized/decluttered my house is on a general basis.

[msn06]

Ladies since winter coats can't be worn in the car seat for safety reasons I just keep one at daycare and one at home. We have a fleece for the car and a blanket. So all those duplicate coats can stay at school. 😄. That's at least my excuse for it. I also won't have to worry about coat, gloves, or hat not being at daycare for the rest of the cold weather season. Once snow hits I always buy a used set of snow pants for daycare.

[freezorburn]

DS's winter coat went missing for a full 2 weeks in October .... By day 10 I had given up and we ordered a new one, next size up. And then comes the 2 week mark and the old coat shows up in the lost and found (which we had checked daily). And then he leaves it behind, again, twice. Luckily it keeps turning back up. He has been wearing the liner the last few days and today it goes missing again. Probably left it at school. This is maddening.

[mustardseed2007]

HeartofCheese, what a total ass.

[sweetptater]

So the more I'm reading these, the more I'm realizing that I do actually have some stuff together. Our finances are good, I'm on top of our laundry, the kids are happy/healthy, we manage to eat dinner at home at least 5/7 nights, we see friends or family every weekend, I get a daily workout in (either CF at 5 AM or running on my lunch break). I think my overwhelm comes from just being so busy. Mornings are a rush to get up and out the door for work/school, evenings are a rush to get home do homework, eat, bathe, get to bed. Every. Single. Day. I feel like I'm on autopilot most days, which means I can't keep track of the little things (see winter coats above) because I'm focused on getting the big things done. Maybe I need to get more organized?

[186momx]

DD keeps leaving/loosing her coat at school. In music or PE! I got pissed last night because her favorite jacket is missing from last week and can't be found from the music room even though we have gone back each day before the office staff leaves to hunt up her coat on the day she left it. I got pissed last night as it was her new nice coat and said if she couldn't find it she would not get to ToT and would be forced to sit and watch everyone go but not participate and she would loose a few other privileges. She found it in the gym. To find out they go out to recess then straight to special so music or PE and both rooms are super hot so off come the coats and neither of those teacher can say 3 little words "grab your coats" before class is over so yesterday there were a dozen coats in the gym on the floor all from her class. Why can't they add 3 minutes for the kids to take coats back to class before specials or just have the teachers help remind 1st graders? I don't want to tell DD not to wear her coat as it has been in the 40s/50s....ideas?

[supertrooper1]

I'm sorry HeartofCheese. He has no class.

[waverly]

Nov 1, 2017 10:53:32 GMT -5 186momx said:

DD keeps leaving/loosing her coat at school. In music or PE! I got pissed last night because her favorite jacket is missing from last week and can't be found from the music room even though we have gone back each day before the office staff leaves to hunt up her coat on the day she left it. I got pissed last night as it was her new nice coat and said if she couldn't find it she would not get to ToT and would be forced to sit and watch everyone go but not participate and she would loose a few other privileges. She found it in the gym. To find out they go out to recess then straight to special so music or PE and both rooms are super hot so off come the coats and neither of those teacher can say 3 little words "grab your coats" before class is over so yesterday there were a dozen coats in the gym on the floor all from her class. Why can't they add 3 minutes for the kids to take coats back to class before specials or just have the teachers help remind 1st graders? I don't want to tell DD not to wear her coat as it has been in the 40s/50s....ideas?

I would e-mail or talk to the teacher and say, could you please remind the kids to grab their coat from gym class or music class.  We have had to hunt for the coat every day last week.  

[sweetptater]

Nov 1, 2017 11:15:22 GMT -5 waverly said:

Nov 1, 2017 10:53:32 GMT -5 186momx said:

DD keeps leaving/loosing her coat at school. In music or PE! I got pissed last night because her favorite jacket is missing from last week and can't be found from the music room even though we have gone back each day before the office staff leaves to hunt up her coat on the day she left it. I got pissed last night as it was her new nice coat and said if she couldn't find it she would not get to ToT and would be forced to sit and watch everyone go but not participate and she would loose a few other privileges. She found it in the gym. To find out they go out to recess then straight to special so music or PE and both rooms are super hot so off come the coats and neither of those teacher can say 3 little words "grab your coats" before class is over so yesterday there were a dozen coats in the gym on the floor all from her class. Why can't they add 3 minutes for the kids to take coats back to class before specials or just have the teachers help remind 1st graders? I don't want to tell DD not to wear her coat as it has been in the 40s/50s....ideas?

I would e-mail or talk to the teacher and say, could you please remind the kids to grab their coat from gym class or music class.  We have had to hunt for the coat every day last week.  

I agree with emailing the teacher. It seems like it would save them a lot of headache too!

[itsme]

Not at all. Self-care is about the only place I have it together and that was tweaked with my kindergartner homework and new sleep schedule. Everything else is a mess except my marriage. That seems good. Life is a bit overwhelming right now but I am trying to make the best of it and keep afloat.

[186momx]

waverly, sweetptater, Her teacher was still at school and I mention something as we walked right by the class. I think I need to talk directly to the PE and music teachers as she it doesn't sound like she walk the kids to and from those classes. I'm also the only parent upset that their kid keeps loosing their coat so looks like I'm "that mom"

[waverly]

186momx, you aren't that mom. I think most of us would be upset especially if that means our kid is coming home in the cold. I am not sure who does the walking in our school, but DS manages to get to gym daily, recess, and all his specials throughout the week and his coat is always back in his locker for him to wear home.

So if his school can figure it out, so can your school. I don't see how it is that mom to want your kid to have a coat? Send them to me, and I'll set them straight.

[katrine05]

186momx How are the teachers ok with the kids leaving for the day without coats? A few weeks ago DD was fighting me on wearing her coat so I sent her with a long sleeve shirt and a fleece sweater since it wasn't that cold. Her teacher came out at the end of the day to talk to DH and said her attire wasn't appropriate and she needed a better coat. DH was so embarrassed and DD upset that her teacher was "mad" at us. At least no more fighting about what I tell her to wear in the morning.

[186momx]

I would say 75% of her class doesn't wear a coat. It was 29 yesterday morning and almost 60 by the end of the day so yeah no coat maybe when they then leave but they need it in the morning especially as they have to stand outside in the cold for the doors to open to class. Then the school wonders why they can't meet their attendance goals.

Pumpkin patch trip: it was pouring rain and had been all week, one of the girls in my group had on holey leggings, tennis shoes, and a long sleeve T. I asked about a coat/boots and she said she didn't need one. I was so happy it stopped raining as I would have probably given her my jacket so she wouldn't have to spend the rest of the day in wet clothes.