Post by sweetptater on Oct 30, 2017 9:04:57 GMT -5
Me - Definitely not. I feel like I'm barely hanging on by a thread 90% of the time. DH travels every week and is gone 2-3 nights on average. On Mondays and Wednesdays we don't even get home until after 7 due to after school activities. By the time we do dinner, baths, and homework it's way past their bedtime. If I don't meal plan I'm screwed, yet meal planning is my nemesis. So I mostly end up screwed. I have a bi-weekly housekeeper that's my only saving grace, even though I get so stressed just getting ready for her to come. I'm working on decluttering and minimizing, but that's still a huge work in progress. The paper clutter from the 98 worksheets and notes that come home daily from school is slowing killing me. I'm so tired all the time because I feel like I can't catch up. Instead of looking forward to fun things like taking the kids trick-or-treating tomorrow, I spend my time trying to figure out how to manage it just to get through it. I fantasize about being a SAHM so that I actually would have time to get things done while the kids are in school. It doesn't help that this time of year is so freaking busy with holidays and birthdays.
I do for the things that are easily measurable - the kids are on time to all commitments with the right gear. Homework and reading happens. But you should see my closet. There are two baskets of clothes I have tried on or worn and not rehung. Hangers everywhere. The kitchen cabinets need to be cleaned out. The drawers in the bar are chaos. I can totally find everything but I can’t say to a friend “grab the measuring cup from that cabinet” because ... avalanche.
I also am always running through a list of twelve in my head. There’s always something I haven’t done or needed to do. Right now it’s ordering ribbons for Reflections...and some other stuff. Like repairing the leather damage the dry cleaner did to my winter coat. Death by a million details.
For the most part. Our finances are in order, we both have good jobs, the kids are in daycare/preschool, and DD does ballet. We're where we need to be when we need to be. We outsource a lot. Our cleaners come once a week, and they'll do extra stuff around the house for us for the right price. Because we're rarely home, the house stays pretty clean during the week.
I do not have my shit together when it comes to feeding my family. I know it doesn't rest 100% with me, but DH doesn't take the initiative either. I have two picky eaters. I have a husband who doesn't like vegetables (he'll eat them, he won't say he doesn't like them unless asked, but it's clear he doesn't enjoy it) and who is questionable if he'll even be there at dinner time. So dinner on a "good" night is something from a bag or pasta for DD and I and a piece of bread for DS. Other nights, it's nuggets and fries for DD and me, and fries and bread for DS.
In the event I cook a real meal, DD will put one minuscule bite of each thing in her mouth and go to bed without eating. DS will refuse any of it and end up with.. a slice of bread. So yeah, I'm the woman who feeds her child... bread.
Some days I walk out of the house, it is clean, I have supper in the crockpot, I have on a great outfit, good hair day, put together a great program at work, and think, I've got this shit together.
Some days, I forget to put laundry in the dryer overnight, will hopefully go through a drive thru on the way to some sports, will wonder why there is a sticky spot on the floor, forget my lunch, wonder if this job is all I'll ever be doing, and think WTH is wrong with my life.
Some days I'm the windshield, some days I'm the bug.
Post by covergirl82 on Oct 30, 2017 10:18:49 GMT -5
I would say most of the time, I don't feel like I have it together. Something falls off the tray so everything else balances. I am awful at meal planning, but thankfully my kids are content with easy meals that I can throw together in a half hour. (So that means we eat boxed mac & cheese and I boil frozen veggies at least once a week.) I kind of celebrated when the volunteer list for Halloween party donations filled up (for both kids' classes) before I could get to them, because that meant two less things I have to remember. And a lot of times I feel like we pass up on doing fun things as a family on weekends because there are chores and errands that must get done, while fun things are usually optional.
I am with sweetptater, some days I dream of being a SAHM and having 6 hours a day 5 days a week to clean, organize, run errands, prepare dinner, and actually have time to exercise.
I'm with rere . It's day by day dependent. On paper, mostly ish. Two good jobs, nice house, family, friends, kids activities, nice schools. Everyone is fed and clothed, whether the clothes are clean is another issue and the food is not fancy.
My rumba makes sure my floors aren't a complete disaster. We meal plan and do grocery delivery and laundry on the weekends.
But H does travel through the week, so things tend to trend downwards as the week goes on. Sometimes the bedrooms and upstairs bathroom are a complete disaster.
Since having kids, I have forgotten my wallet, pumping parts, forgot to put on make-up, had no food in the house and had to run out just to have something, had no clean clothes and had to start laundry. The list goes on.
Some days I walk out of the house, it is clean, I have supper in the crockpot, I have on a great outfit, good hair day, put together a great program at work, and think, I've got this shit together.
Some days, I forget to put laundry in the dryer overnight, will hopefully go through a drive thru on the way to some sports, will wonder why there is a sticky spot on the floor, forget my lunch, wonder if this job is all I'll ever be doing, and think WTH is wrong with my life.
Some days I'm the windshield, some days I'm the bug.
This is me. I feel like in general, we'll be doing ok. Then we have a crazy week, everything goes to shit, and I have no time to get us back on track so that ends up actually being like 2 or 3 weeks of shit show.
Plus, financially, we're teetering on the edge right now. So in that sense, we're no where near having our shit together.
Post by freezorburn on Oct 30, 2017 10:56:55 GMT -5
Doing better than I was a year ago, but still have a ways to go.
The big thing is that DS is much more "with the program" than he was a year ago. Behavioral therapy and other supports are in place, and he seems very engaged in his kindergarten and after-school program. Which is a massive relief, because if he were to reject either of these (he seems to either love something or absolutely hate it), it would be much more difficult for me to conceive of ramping up to a full-time work schedule over the next year.
Meal planning is pretty key. If we don't do it, the evening routine is a disaster.
This week I'm very behind with folding laundry, mostly because I'm still sleeping a lot post-pneumonia. The LR and kitchen table are disaster areas and I have no excuses for that.
Financially I've been working on my long-term picture post-divorce. It's been a while, but I need to take a look and see if my actual spending is close to what I budgeted for a year ago. I think once I have a handle on that, I can do some other short-term planning ... figure out what my timeframe is for getting back to full-time work (probably another 1-2 years, if my spending is on track), whether there is any training or refresher courses I can afford, both from time and budget perspectives, that would help my job search.
I think we're doing pretty decent. Financially we are in a good spot, especially considering I just came off 11 months of mat leave, and our rental being vacant for 3 months. We save lots for retirement and the kids education. So 2 good jobs, just bought our dream home, kids in school and a daycare we love, activities etc.
Day to day is pretty good, could always be better, but with a 4.5 yr old and 1 year old it's hard to be consistent. We always make it everywhere on time, kids are in clean clothes, and lunches packed every day.
I've been horrible at meal planning and dinner consists of very simple, easy meals. DD and DH are the pickiest eaters so I really cater to them.
I need to start making myself a priority, eating better and working out. I've gained 6-7 lbs since I came back to work because I sit on my butt all day and snack because I'm bored.
Hanging by a thread everyday. Financially we are doing fine, the kids are in school and DS is finally out of daycare. Time wise, we both work a ton and that impacts our ability to do other things. Like on Friday the school district and DD's daycare were closed. So DH was working at home with the kids. He was supposed to have the day off, but last minute stuff came up. I had meetings that I had to be at in person, so I was at the office.
Meal planning is critical, and I try to do it. However, as DH and DS are super picky about different things, its a challenge. And the fact that I don't always get time to go grocery shopping on the weekend compounds that, along with the grocery delivery service around here being crap. At least half the time they forget some part of my order, and I have to get them to come back and bring it.
Most days though I feel like it is death by a thousand paper cuts, with remembering everything the kids need, also need for school, and other family crap that falls onto me. Some days I make it, others I don't. I just try to get the most important stuff and the stuff that is super important for the kids done.
Post by traveltheworld on Oct 30, 2017 11:35:15 GMT -5
I was feeling like we are pretty on top of things until I realized that DS actually has homework from kindergarten (has had them for the past 7 weeks) and we have done zero of them! I'm not used to this formal schooling thing.
We have things together financially and our home is more or less organized, so overall I think we are doing pretty good.
Not at all! The house looks like a hurricane hit and I try to clean/pick up and it just gets messy 20 seconds later. I actually just gave up this weekend and let everything be a mess because I felt like crap and just wanted to wallow.
I'm also starting to flip out about tax season and working my 7 days a week and being gone 12+ hours a day. If I'm overwhelmed now when I get home at 4 what am I going to feel when I get home at 7 each night?
Meal planning helps and I crock pot on gymnastic nights so that helps a ton. DD isn't picky but prefers leftovers to reheat for lunch so that adds to the meal planning.
My biggest problem is MH! If I'm not home and tell him exactly to the T what I want him to do he won't do anything. Examples: DD and I rushing off to something or other and I say can you deal with dishwasher and he will unload but leave a full sink full of dishes and just have an empty dishwasher plus he puts all the clean containers on the counter with the dirty so when I get back I have no idea what is what and end up putting everything back in the dishwasher. He vacuums the entire house in 5 minutes and it should take 30+ so he really just ran the vacuum around and didn't really vacuum. I swear he does this just to show "he can't do it right" so I shouldn't ask him and just do it myself. He has a major problem of saying "I can't do anything right" and going off in a giant pout. If he would just step up and help out I think I could feel a little more less crazed but his therapist has basically told him he needs 1-2 hours of "me time" each night when he gets home which leaves me doing it all.
Post by justcheckingin73 on Oct 30, 2017 12:26:49 GMT -5
I mostly feel like I have things together - not that I’m not stressed but I’ve let a lot of things go over the years in terms of food and daily schedules. I’m lucky because I WFH so I can do errands, chores and other things during breaks or lunches during the day. Plus I work 6-3ish so I have time to relax or get ahead of the game before dinner and activities. I think this helps me in ways I don’t even realize.
I’m so jealous of everyone who said they have their shit together financially. We make good money but we have a lot of CC debt and I don’t do a good job of managing my money. I’ve tried looking into programs but sometimes I rebel against people “telling me what to do” even if I seek it out. This is a place where I absolutely do not have it all together even though I pay all of my bills on time and have great credit. I just struggle with what to do with the money that is leftover.
I feel like I have my shit together, but barely. Job, finance, and childcare arrangements are in good shape. We are generally on time to things and our house isn’t a complete disaster (thanks to bi-weekly housecleaner). We generally eat healthy-ish meals and have plenty of clean clothes.
Areas where I/we are not as together: Personal care and relationships - I am bad about keeping in touch with people, making social plans, and doing anything beyond the lowest maintenance makeup/grooming/dressing. Meal planning/shopping (DH’s responsibility) often trails off by the end of the week. We usually have plenty in the freezer to throw a meal together, but it’s not uncommon to run out of milk or fresh fruit.
Not at all! The house looks like a hurricane hit and I try to clean/pick up and it just gets messy 20 seconds later. I actually just gave up this weekend and let everything be a mess because I felt like crap and just wanted to wallow.
I'm also starting to flip out about tax season and working my 7 days a week and being gone 12+ hours a day. If I'm overwhelmed now when I get home at 4 what am I going to feel when I get home at 7 each night?
Meal planning helps and I crock pot on gymnastic nights so that helps a ton. DD isn't picky but prefers leftovers to reheat for lunch so that adds to the meal planning.
My biggest problem is MH! If I'm not home and tell him exactly to the T what I want him to do he won't do anything. Examples: DD and I rushing off to something or other and I say can you deal with dishwasher and he will unload but leave a full sink full of dishes and just have an empty dishwasher plus he puts all the clean containers on the counter with the dirty so when I get back I have no idea what is what and end up putting everything back in the dishwasher. He vacuums the entire house in 5 minutes and it should take 30+ so he really just ran the vacuum around and didn't really vacuum. I swear he does this just to show "he can't do it right" so I shouldn't ask him and just do it myself. He has a major problem of saying "I can't do anything right" and going off in a giant pout. If he would just step up and help out I think I could feel a little more less crazed but his therapist has basically told him he needs 1-2 hours of "me time" each night when he gets home which leaves me doing it all.
Ok, I feel worse now that I wrote this all out.
I don't like his therapist. What kind of world is he/she living in anyway?
Not at all! The house looks like a hurricane hit and I try to clean/pick up and it just gets messy 20 seconds later. I actually just gave up this weekend and let everything be a mess because I felt like crap and just wanted to wallow.
I'm also starting to flip out about tax season and working my 7 days a week and being gone 12+ hours a day. If I'm overwhelmed now when I get home at 4 what am I going to feel when I get home at 7 each night?
Meal planning helps and I crock pot on gymnastic nights so that helps a ton. DD isn't picky but prefers leftovers to reheat for lunch so that adds to the meal planning.
My biggest problem is MH! If I'm not home and tell him exactly to the T what I want him to do he won't do anything. Examples: DD and I rushing off to something or other and I say can you deal with dishwasher and he will unload but leave a full sink full of dishes and just have an empty dishwasher plus he puts all the clean containers on the counter with the dirty so when I get back I have no idea what is what and end up putting everything back in the dishwasher. He vacuums the entire house in 5 minutes and it should take 30+ so he really just ran the vacuum around and didn't really vacuum. I swear he does this just to show "he can't do it right" so I shouldn't ask him and just do it myself. He has a major problem of saying "I can't do anything right" and going off in a giant pout. If he would just step up and help out I think I could feel a little more less crazed but his therapist has basically told him he needs 1-2 hours of "me time" each night when he gets home which leaves me doing it all.
Ok, I feel worse now that I wrote this all out.
I don't like his therapist. What kind of world is he/she living in anyway?
My thought as well. When do you get your 1-2 hours a day?
I mostly feel like I have things together - not that I’m not stressed but I’ve let a lot of things go over the years in terms of food and daily schedules. I’m lucky because I WFH so I can do errands, chores and other things during breaks or lunches during the day. Plus I work 6-3ish so I have time to relax or get ahead of the game before dinner and activities. I think this helps me in ways I don’t even realize.
I’m so jealous of everyone who said they have their shit together financially. We make good money but we have a lot of CC debt and I don’t do a good job of managing my money. I’ve tried looking into programs but sometimes I rebel against people “telling me what to do” even if I seek it out. This is a place where I absolutely do not have it all together even though I pay all of my bills on time and have great credit. I just struggle with what to do with the money that is leftover.
Our credit card debt is more than I would like- actually I prefer 0. I am fine with a plan, but H is rebelling against even the simplest plan. I've given him 3 now 4 options. Let's see if he picks option 4 which really isn't an option anymore than just the way it was supposed to be all along....
Post by sandandsea on Oct 30, 2017 13:15:28 GMT -5
Mostly yes. Financially, spiritually, in our marriage/family, etc we are in a good place. I’m also at a great place in my career. Dh’s pretty miserable at work right now and is burnt out but the money is good. He just works way too much. They need three of him to do what he’s doing and they can’t find qualified people. He’s amazing at his job, which is a very profitable curse.
But I am organized and capable and handle things at home. I pick up the kids, do activities, feed them, do homework, and read to them and get them to bed decently every night. I don’t mind being busy and doing a lot but I do wish we all had more of dhs time and attention.
I am failing miserably at self care. I’m heavier than I’ve ever been, need to get back to the endocrinologist for my thyroid disease, and need some time/motivation/energy for myself to workout. I hate my appearance now but don’t have the energy to do anything about it. I’m also pretty sure I have celiacs because of my other autoimmune disease/dna markers/ I can check every symptom but don’t want to go g free as it seems utterly impossible to me. I know this is a problem but have so little motivation/energy /time to address it. So that’s my huge elephant in the room failure.
186momx - DH does the same thing with the dishwasher. Makes me insane!!!!! He also puts the lids on the water bottles as tight as he can - so they are damp and gross inside AND I struggle to open them to use them. Of course this results in my being called high maintenance and being told to do it myself.
My DH’s doctor suggested he reduce stress and seek out down time, blah blah blah “at his age”. My actual response was “eff that, you have a five year old so shave ten years off your mental age and learn to keep up. You get down time on air planes at least twice a week.”
waverly, katrine05, I don't like her either. I finally stop and take a breath once DD goes to bed between 7-7:30. I try to get to bed by 9 as I'm exhausted by then so my 90 minutes if filled with me showering, packing lunches, kitchen clean up, and maybe some TV. DH goes to bed way later than me and I feel like this is his "me time" but he doesn't agree and neither does the therapist. She also is promoting him starting his own woodworking business so he can use his hobby of intarsia as a business so I can't get mad that he is hiding out in the garage for hours each night playing with wood. I'm not supporting this at all and told him it was a hobby not a business because a $40-60 piece that takes you 10+ hours to do isn't making money and a business goal is to make $$$. This is what he likes to do intarsia.com/
sandandsea, I literally just got diagnosed with a bunch of autoimmune/thyroid/celiac crap this afternoon. So we could commiserate together, if you do go that route.
Post by erinshelley21 on Oct 30, 2017 13:53:58 GMT -5
Um, I feel like I have my shit together about every other Monday when the cleaning lady comes and then by the next Thursday everything is practically in shambles.
I feel like I've been flying by the seat of my pants for about a year and a half since that's when I stopped taking my ADD meds to try and get pregnant. Add in pregnancy, having a baby, and adjusting to 2 kids I'm surprised I know what day of the week it is sometimes. I do not have my shit together as much as I'd like, so in this season of life I'm just trying to give myself a pass and only beat myself up when I really F up, which is mostly when it costs us money. Like when I forget DS's ENTIRE bag of clothes for a 3 day camping trip. Financially, things could always be better on that front. It's always tight, we don't save for the kids' college like I would like to, and we are a little too free with our spending. There is a light at the end of this tunnel though since I'll be getting a new job next year and experiencing a little windfall when we sell the office and I start getting my payout from selling the business.
Basically, I'm white knuckling it through life until I'm back on medication and have a different job. Until then, I'm just going to be thankful I have royally screwed something up yet. I'll probably cry when I open the bottle of adderall.
Hmm Sometimes I feel like I am killing it and everything is going great, and then two weeks later I feel like I am drowning. DH switched up our routine recently and it has really thrown me. Hoping to get back into a rhythm soon. The guard likes to throw curve balls as well.
186momx, Is his therapist single without any kids? That is the only type of person who would give that advice right? "Don't be a partner to my wife and make everything about me" ugh
I like to think that I have my crap together. The kids are fed, clean, and healthy. But I will preface this with there was a time that we were hanging on by a thread. DH worked 3rd shift and it made life miserable sometimes. He was always sleep deprived, which made him moody. Now DH is a SAHD, which is great...if he stays on task. He tends to have some big ideas and gets sidetracked easily. Unless I give him a due date, things don't get done. We have also found that putting things on our shared Google calendar really helps. Without it, we would be lost. Career-wise, I think I am in the right spot. I'm in a senior engineer position, which works well for me. I get to be self-directed, but I don't have to manage anyone. I'm a team of one, which can be stressful sometimes, but my company is good about getting me the resources I need to be successful. Our finances are slowly coming together. Our credit card debt is minimal. Student loans and car loans are slowly shrinking. I think we have a plan to knock them out and to watch our needless spending, especially since we are down to one income. Sometimes, I and/or DH will lose our shit. Usually, it's not at the same time. I was losing it this past weekend when DH was recovering from his vasectomy and DS1 was being a handful and I was PMS-ing. We re-group and try to move on.
Post by supertrooper1 on Oct 30, 2017 14:46:19 GMT -5
DH and I have good jobs, a nice house and DS is a great kid. We don't have debt, although we should have more in savings than we do. Neither of us have much of a life outside of work and DS isn't involved in activities yet, so we don't have anything to schedule or fit in between our work schedules.
But that is also a negative. Neither of us have friends, either couple friends or solo friends that we can hang out with. We're both depressed and he also deals with anxiety, which creates a lot of problems in our marriage. I think he is happy in the marriage for the most part, but I'm not and I'm lonely. Our house is very cluttered. We have two rooms upstairs that we don't use much so they've become dumping grounds for everything. The kitchen and living room need a major decluttering and DS has too many toys and books cluttering his room. Our new cleaning person is coming tomorrow, so I'm hoping that will work out and be one less thing I stress about. I've been in counseling for a couple of months now and so far nothing has changed.
polecat8, doesn't everyone lose their shit occasionally? I mean if someone tells me they never lose their shit, I would assume they are lying or super suppressed passive aggressive. Sorry to anyone who just never gets angry or always releases it in super healthy ways. I am sure that person exists and is about .01% of the population.
Post by mustardseed2007 on Oct 30, 2017 15:40:16 GMT -5
I do not.
Financially we pay all our bills and have some savings, but not nearly enough. I have a very good job and DH has a good job and still I am struggling to save as I would like for taxes at the end of the year. Don't get me wrong, they will get paid, but I wish I had the amount in the account now along with 3-6 months of expenses. But we don't.
Also, my house is a cluttered mess. It's not dirty b/c we have a house keeper, but drawers, flat surfaces, closets, all look like a disaster area.
xctsclrx, I've meet with his therapist once where I got thrown under the bus. She is single and in her 60s. Self-employed so she schedules when she wants/needs to and has 2 kids who don't live locally who are in their 30s. She told me she has 3 or 4 hobbies that she devotes at least a few hours a week to on top of reading daily. I think she lives in a world that revolves around her and of course if you are by yourself you have tons of time for hobbies.
Last time DH and I discussed if his therapist was helping him his auto answer was yes. I brought up the 3 big reasons on why I think that answer is no and he said they hadn't gotten to working on that because she is trying to get him to be happy with himself. DH said he was going to therapy to help him by diagnosing his learning disorder, be a better dad/husband, and improve his communication skills this was over 2 years ago. She isn't even helping him deal with his parents divorce as he still gets upset when they call or send stuff in the mail and his communication skills have gotten worse. DD says its because he got all talked out at R's office so he can't talk to us.