I would rather my son gets scared shitless by the cops coming to our house because he was foolish enough to not only take a weapon to school, but to then threaten a friend with it, then blow it off and make excuses and then have him do physical harm to someone down the line.
OP, I think you are handling things well. I think lay on heavy restrictions. no play time with friends, over nights, etc and maybe get him to do some volunteer work for a couple of months somewhere, like community service. also, I think talking to a therapist or the school counselor is a great step to try and understand why he did this.
So I handle these types of cases frequently once they get to court. In our county, there's an interagency policy that weapons on school grounds is a zero tolerance offense, meaning that the school calls police, police issue a citation for a court date and submits charges, and the DA's office then files the appropriate charges. After the initial court appearance, it may be handled more informally, but a weapon at school = court. Period.
OP, you seem to be really proactive and on top of this with regard to both giving your son immediate consequences and trying to get to the root of the issue. While I do see this type of charge often, it's unusual for a 9yo to do so, especially with the added component of the threat to the other student. I think counseling would be very useful not only for him, but also to show the school and the court that you're taking this matter seriously.
Someone mentioned hiring an attorney before your court date ... juveniles are presumed to be indigent and are appointed public defenders at their first appearance. I'd try out the public defender first before dropping any $$$ on a private attorney because 1) they usually have an established relationship and rapport with the DA and judge that is usually beneficial to resolving things amicably, and 2) juvenile delinquency is a specialized area of criminal law and most private attorneys just don't engage in it often enough to be well versed with all the options.
Hang in there. Your son seems to be gaining insight into how harmful his stings were, so hopefully this was an isolated incident. Good luck.
I can't even address some of the other posters outraged that this is a criminal offense because OMGWTF. š±
I am sorry you are dealing with this. How awful for you.
I am generally always the first to suggest a psychologist, and I'm sure it wouldn't hurt here, but it might be an over-reaction to pretty typical and age appropriate bad decision making. IME, and I have spent hundreds of hours with hundreds of boys in scouting over the years, this is pretty typical tween braggadocio.
I know a lot of kids who were really into knives at that age. Collected them, brought them along to forbidden places much as some kids shoplift as sport. They tended to be really nice kids- really bright, too- but were often smaller than their peers or less physically mature. To a man, they all grew up to be decent and responsible human beings.
I wasn't there, but it feels like he didn't lunge at the rule-boy with the knife, he just had a cocky comeback. Unfortunately schools and police take a zero tolerance approach to a 2" pocket knife a mom would leave out where a kid could find it as they would a KA-BAR. So, I expect you'll go through the motions with the courts which will be quite the teaching moment. I wouldn't punish further, but we would be discussing.
I would absolutely not turn to the school psychologist for a number of reasons. For one thing, most are not trained as clinical psychologists- they are often Master's level individuals who are in place because of IDEA's special education mandates- they're in schools to evaluate for educational need and oversee IEPs. Plus, if there is some sort of mental health issue with your son that led to this behavior (and I would bet there isn't), you might not want to be sharing that with the school district. Your pediatrician can refer you to a clinic or private practice.
Good luck.
So trust her the boy scout aficionado but screw the lowly master's level school psychologist because they aren't experienced. LOL
It scares the crap out of me that people would be selfish enough to hide serious mental health issues with schools. Safety is #1 priority. School counselors and psychologists are trained to work with kids in a school setting. If I don't know what is going on with a kid and how they are being treated outside of school it is extremely hard for me to support them inside of school in the most professional way.
Signed, a lowly school counselor with "only" a masters degreeĀ
So, while I was getting my masters in early education, one of my professors was a psychologist and head of some private school. I donāt remember the context of the discussion, but his preschool aged daughter (maybe 4?) said āIāll kill youā to him or her little brother, I canāt remember. He then proceeded to tell her that if she said that as an adult, she would go to jail and put her in jail for the remainder of the day. āJailā was her bedroom, but she did not leave the room, ate her meals alone in her room, played alone and aside from making sure she was alive, he ignored her. That really stuck with me and I had some similar conversations with students and their parents. As a parent now, of course I would be sad for my kid, but Iād rather be sad at the hard ass lesson theyāre learning than sad that they did something worse one day. A child is a THINKING HUMAN who is perfectly capable of handling consequence. The coddling of kids is SO DETRIMENTAL to kids. I personally think some cases can be walking the line of abuse. How can you except to have a healthy, whole adult if they never receive a consequence for their actions- large or small.
Anyway, my kid would hate his life for a good year and probably more since the earning back trust process would be brutally slow.
Sorry OP, youāre handling it well and your kid will learn.
I keep walking into this thread, shaking my head, and walking right back out again. Add me to the mean mom list who thinks some of you are fucking insane.
OP, you're handling this well. I hope it is an isolated incident.
I am sorry you are dealing with this. How awful for you.
I am generally always the first to suggest a psychologist, and I'm sure it wouldn't hurt here, but it might be an over-reaction to pretty typical and age appropriate bad decision making. IME, and I have spent hundreds of hours with hundreds of boys in scouting over the years, this is pretty typical tween braggadocio.
I know a lot of kids who were really into knives at that age. Collected them, brought them along to forbidden places much as some kids shoplift as sport. They tended to be really nice kids- really bright, too- but were often smaller than their peers or less physically mature. To a man, they all grew up to be decent and responsible human beings.
I wasn't there, but it feels like he didn't lunge at the rule-boy with the knife, he just had a cocky comeback. Unfortunately schools and police take a zero tolerance approach to a 2" pocket knife a mom would leave out where a kid could find it as they would a KA-BAR. So, I expect you'll go through the motions with the courts which will be quite the teaching moment. I wouldn't punish further, but we would be discussing.
I would absolutely not turn to the school psychologist for a number of reasons. For one thing, most are not trained as clinical psychologists- they are often Master's level individuals who are in place because of IDEA's special education mandates- they're in schools to evaluate for educational need and oversee IEPs. Plus, if there is some sort of mental health issue with your son that led to this behavior (and I would bet there isn't), you might not want to be sharing that with the school district. Your pediatrician can refer you to a clinic or private practice.
Good luck.
So trust her the boy scout aficionado but screw the lowly master's level school psychologist because they aren't experienced. LOL
It scares the crap out of me that people would be selfish enough to hide serious mental health issues with schools. Safety is #1 priority. School counselors and psychologists are trained to work with kids in a school setting. If I don't know what is going on with a kid and how they are being treated outside of school it is extremely hard for me to support them inside of school in the most professional way.
Signed, a lowly school counselor with "only" a masters degree
Yes!! I'm so glad someone else noticed the ignorant BS about school psychologists. Auntie always talks like she's an expert, yet half the time has no idea what she's talking about.
So trust her the boy scout aficionado but screw the lowly master's level school psychologist because they aren't experienced. LOL
It scares the crap out of me that people would be selfish enough to hide serious mental health issues with schools. Safety is #1 priority. School counselors and psychologists are trained to work with kids in a school setting. If I don't know what is going on with a kid and how they are being treated outside of school it is extremely hard for me to support them inside of school in the most professional way.
Signed, a lowly school counselor with "only" a masters degreeĀ
Yes!!Ā I'm so glad someone else noticed the ignorant BS about school psychologists. Auntie always talks like she's an expert, yet half the time has no idea what she's talking about.
Auntie and Captain Serious chastised me for saying Iād like my hypothetical children to take honors and AP classes. How daaaaaare a childless think like that.
Yes!! I'm so glad someone else noticed the ignorant BS about school psychologists. Auntie always talks like she's an expert, yet half the time has no idea what she's talking about.
Auntie and Captain Serious chastised me for saying Iād like my hypothetical children to take honors and AP classes. How daaaaaare a childless think like that.
Auntie and Captain Serious chastised me for saying Iād like my hypothetical children to take honors and AP classes. How daaaaaare a childless think like that.
what the hell? What was their issue?
The main argument was what if the child is special needs and canāt do advanced classes like that? And then it went into how childless people donāt think about things like that and how ignorant we are.
I need more "mean mommies" to come read this. Where is @natariru?
Girl, you know I donāt fuck with white mommy bullshit anymore. This whole thread is filled with WTF.
I canāt even say what I would do bc I know my brown son would have been expelled instead of getting a slap on the wrist suspension.
I can say that I would be raising all types of hell if my child had been the one threatened. I would press every single charge I could.
My son is of mixed race, me white and his dad black, and I know he has gotten into trouble at school for the same things other white students have not.
Honestly the schools have to take it seriously bc parents such as you donāt. You make excuses and wave it off. Heās 9, heās a boy, he doesnāt listen to me either.
My kidās got their nerf guns thrown away bc they wouldnāt stop aiming it at me/people. They donāt listen, there is a price to pay. Sometimes itās a hefty price tag
Bending yourself into a pretzel to normalize this behavior does nobody any favors and only harms your own kid.
Rules are rules and they should apply to everyone. Teaching them that their decisions arenāt their fault is insanity to me.
Iām dying at the thought that my kid would still have a nerf gun if he kept shooting it at me AFTER I told him to stop. I would load the nerf gun and shoot every last nerf in the fucking trash can.
The disrespect. I canāt even imagine.
Oh shut the fuck up. You should be able to āimagineā the disrespect with the mommy shaming bullshit youāre bringing right here. My kids are respectful, they donāt threaten people with weapons, and Iām not bending over backwards to justify a knife wielding child making throat cutting motions and threatening to kill people. Ffs. If that was the post my response wouldnāt have been so fly-by on my way to lunch.
Iām dying at the thought that my kid would still have a nerf gun if he kept shooting it at me AFTER I told him to stop. I would load the nerf gun and shoot every last nerf in the fucking trash can.
The disrespect. I canāt even imagine.
Oh shut the fuck up. You should be able to āimagineā the disrespect with the mommy shaming bullshit youāre bringing right here. My kids are respectful, they donāt threaten people with weapons, and Iām not bending over backwards to justify a knife wielding child making throat cutting motions and threatening to kill people. Ffs. If that was the post my response wouldnāt have been so fly-by on my way to lunch.
What the actual hell is wrong with you? You are going in twenty different directions in the post AND you just tone checked a POC
Iām dying at the thought that my kid would still have a nerf gun if he kept shooting it at me AFTER I told him to stop. I would load the nerf gun and shoot every last nerf in the fucking trash can.
The disrespect. I canāt even imagine.
Oh shut the fuck up. You should be able to āimagineā the disrespect with the mommy shaming bullshit youāre bringing right here. My kids are respectful, they donāt threaten people with weapons, and Iām not bending over backwards to justify a knife wielding child making throat cutting motions and threatening to kill people. Ffs. If that was the post my response wouldnāt have been so fly-by on my way to lunch.
Nobody was even talking to you in that post. Have a seat.
Oh shut the fuck up. You should be able to āimagineā the disrespect with the mommy shaming bullshit youāre bringing right here. My kids are respectful, they donāt threaten people with weapons, and Iām not bending over backwards to justify a knife wielding child making throat cutting motions and threatening to kill people. Ffs. If that was the post my response wouldnāt have been so fly-by on my way to lunch.
Nobody was even talking to you in that post.Ā Have a seat.Ā
Well I made the nerf gun comment so yes, they were. Sit the fuck next to me.
Is there a way I can move this thread to MMM? Isnāt this the type of bullshit they fight about over there?
Now all they talk about is daycare issues and what stroller to buy. If it gets to that point here, Iām going to have to find some other corner of the internet so I can keep avoiding human contact.
Take me with you bc Iām too socially awkward to talk to people in real life.
I need ham like water Like breath, like rain I need ham like mercy From Heaven's gate Sometimes ham salad or casserole or ham thatās free range, all natural I need ham
Is there a way I can move this thread to MMM? Isnāt this the type of bullshit they fight about over there?
Now all they talk about is daycare issues and what stroller to buy. If it gets to that point here, Iām going to have to find some other corner of the internet so I can keep avoiding human contact.
well then it sounds like they could use the jolt of conversation!
1) They arenāt locking baby boy up a la Scared Straight-a little police intervention will do good to impress the seriousness of a weapon
2) what if a kid grabbed it from him and hurt himself or another kid?
3) My daughterās MLP toys are on top of the fridge, looking down mocking her- she kept fussing with her sister over them. They gonna be watching her for a good week.
Semi-related question. Is everyone really done with MMM? Is it still racist over there?
Oh yeah. Last time I was over there someone couldn't figure out what device to put their kid in next. I still don't understand why white woman don't put the kid in a crib from the get go. Instead it's 20 fucking steps and "slowly transitioning" from parents bed to bassinet, to rock n play to pack n play and then crib. And another 100 steps from crib into kids own room.
Semi-related question. Is everyone really done with MMM? Is it still racist over there?
Oh yeah. Last time I was over there someone couldn't figure out what device to put their kid in next. I still don't understand why white woman don't put the kid in a crib from the get go. Instead it's 20 fucking steps and "slowly transitioning" from parents bed to bassinet, to rock n play to pack n play and then crib. And another 100 steps from crib into kids own room.
And a post for each transitioning step.
I'm white. As soon as mine stopped needing to eat 2+ times per night THEY WERE IN THEIR OWN DAMN BEDS. That's why we bought 'em, they're gonna use 'em. ETA - but I get your point
And I @barefootbarista , I'm so glad I'm not the only one who puts toys up to mock my children when they can't figure out how to behave. The small child was frustrated with the kindle so she stomped on it (not broken thankfully). It's been a week and it's still up there. I'm not sure when she's getting kindle privileges back.
Exactly. It's not that difficult. I get its a pain with all the feedings. Even then, get up, get bany, feed, go back to sleep. The kid is safe in their crib. At what point are SOME of those moms doing what is easiest for themselves? Of course some have medical issues, I'm talking about the women that just make it a million times harder the it needs to be. Put the baby in the crib!!
Without privileged women overthinking everything, MM (and maybe the entire GBCN) would cease to exist.
Iām a middle school principal. I didnāt get to read all the comments but want to add my own. It sounds like youāre handling this appropriately. Iām surprised and dismayed that they reported this to the police. Iāve confiscated several knives throughout the years. A pocket knife does warrant a short suspension but if is under 4ā it does not need to be reported to the police. This is why our schools are contributing to the prison pipeline. It really disgusts me.
Iām a middle school principal. I didnāt get to read all the comments but want to add my own. It sounds like youāre handling this appropriately. Iām surprised and dismayed that they reported this to the police. Iāve confiscated several knives throughout the years. A pocket knife does warrant a short suspension but if is under 4ā it does not need to be reported to the police. This is why our schools are contributing to the prison pipeline. It really disgusts me.
Read, please. He wasn't just showing the knife to his friends. He said: "WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? I HAVE A KNIFE."
And, as @natariru said, this is not what the school-to-prison pipeline is. This is a kid who needs to see that actions have consequences.
Do you run a school in PA? Let me know so I can never work there. Given the responses in this thread I'm now never leaving the city, though. Holy shit. There are few things more pernicious than the way many white men are being raised.