week of 1/22

[scm1011]

Thinking of you today, Mushe!

[shauni27]

good luck today konapoppy and Mushe! I will be thinking of you both.

I almost forgot S was 6 months tomorrow. Crazy how fast it goes! I love being his mama every minute of the day.

But...G and I are just not good. We hardly talk unless we fight. He is never home because of his crazy work schedule and when he is, he will spend some time with S and have fun, but then just wants to go back to watching tv. He has no desire to be involved. When I ask him to do something (feed S, read to him, bathe him, etc) he does it and sometimes he looks like he is having fun and other times he looks so inconvenienced because he has to get up from vegging on the couch. It breaks my heart and makes me resent him. We talked about it a bit last night and he said I am micromanaging the way he parents, he of course is in love with S but things it is boring to be with a baby all day because of how repetitive it is. I explained it IS boring, hello, it is like groundhog day, but it is also so rewarding if you put in some effort. And yes, I am micromanaging a bit because from my viewpoint it seems like G just wants to watch tv with S and not do anything else. So I micromanage so our baby has something actually going on. We both cried and agreed that if things didn't get better by the time the ski season is over (G's schedule will be normal then) then we need couple's therapy. But man, it is so hard. I just feel nothing but resentment for him right now, and it kills me.

[pandora89]

Good luck Mushe and konapoppy - thinking of you!

((shauni27)) I am so sorry you and H are struggling. My H works crazy hours over the summer (similar to your H, 7 days a week, is gone from 7am-8pm most days). It is HARD and we argue so much because by the time he gets home from work he wants to just relax and veg. I know this struggle will only get worse once we have a baby. H wont be doing the same work this summer so I am hoping that helps alleviates a lot of our issues and the same happens for you and your H too when snowboarding season is over.

[konapoppy]

Hugs shauni27. I have had several DTMFA moments. H also has a hard time knowing what to do with the girls. This first year is tough.

One thing we have tried is a morning huddle - what do we need to get done today, what are the girls liking etc. it has worked. I fee less resentful and he feels more empowered. Sharing in case it helps you.

[scm1011]

(((((shauni27 )))))

I imagine G's crazy work schedule is compacting an already difficult adjustment period. DH is MUCH more engaged with C now that he is a little older. He gets on the floor with him and plays, or lets DS crawl all over him which they both find hysterical, or "chats" with him, while before he would stick him in a containment device and play on his phone. I think its good you guys hashed it out a bit. I bet some of it will resolve naturally as S gets older and G's schedule loosens up, but couples counseling is never a bad idea. DH and I have benefitted greatly from it at different points in our marriage. Big hugs, friend. Hang in there.

[shauni27]

Thanks all, it is really helpful to know that many of you have been there. konapoppy, I love that idea, it just wont work right now since G is gone before S and I get up in the morning. But maybe we implement that after the season is over.

[thoseareradishes]

(((shauni27 )))

[oneslybookworm]

huge hugs shauni27!! I'm sorry you guys are going through a rough patch.


We're back on the sick train. Honestly, this poor boy has been sick almost constantly since October...thanks daycare. I know he'll have a rocking immune system come time for school, but it's so hard to see him feel poorly all the time. At least the flu is over and done with, now we're just in "massive cold with cough" zone. Ugh...spring (even better, summer) needs to get here, STAT.

Otherwise, things are really good! We started PT for G last week, and the therapist was really impressed with how well he's doing (even prior to therapy). She's like, "he is such a chill baby!", which was nice to hear, because he really is pretty calm and happy, 99% of the time (such a change from the first few months). She doesn't anticipate therapy lasting longer than 2 months, she just wants to work on him rolling both ways (he can roll front to back and back to front, but he only rolls towards one side), and sitting up more independently (he does sit unassisted, but only for short amounts of time). Not too much to work on, but hopefully this will really help! It's so hard to take into account his adjusted age because all the other babies born around his time are doing so much more, but in reality, they're nearly 2 months older. I try not to fret about it, but it's hard. He's not even 6 months yet (adjusted), and most of the babies in my group are around 8 months, so obviously they're doing more. Just have to stick it out and celebrate the little victories!

We leave in a few weeks for finalization...2 weeks from today the adoption will be finalized and we'll be done!! I'm so excited and ready for this part to be over!! Then, I'm counting down the days until Puerto Rico! We're going for our 10 year anniversary and I am BEYOND excited!

[shauni27]

oneslybookworm, interested to see what they tell you to do for PT exercises. G is starting to sit up for longer periods of time but I worry that it is not enough. His 6 month appointment is in a few days so I will ask then. Also, PR will be so fun! 10 years, wow! Will baby G go with you? Are you staying in San Juan? We used to have a house in a little town on the west coast of PR.

[oneslybookworm]

shauni27, I'll pass along the exercises! His first real appointment is tomorrow, so we'll see how it goes.

G will DEFINITELY be going with us to PR. There's no way DH would leave him for a week (I wouldn't either), and he's so excited to take G to the ocean. He's starting an "Aqua Tots" class with G prior to the trip and it's all DH can talk about, he's so excited. It's really cute to watch them interact and hear DH talk about G.

We are staying in San Juan. Around half the island is still without power, so we were somewhat limited in options. We also wanted to stay in a place that had babysitters/nursery available in case we wanted a dinner alone or something.

[scm1011]

oneslybookworm , did your pedi recommend PT? I'm kind of surprised because 6 months still seems young! My DS couldn't sit up reliably unassisted until he was 10 months, and my pedi was unconcerned. He began sitting, crawling, and cruising all within the same week. I wouldn't stress it!

ETA: he rolled really late too, maybe 9 months? He starting walking at 13 months, so he caught up. I think he was just lazy in the beginning

[oneslybookworm]

Jan 24, 2018 13:24:14 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

oneslybookworm , did your pedi recommend PT? I'm kind of surprised because 6 months still seems young! My DS couldn't sit up reliably unassisted until he was 10 months, and my pedi was unconcerned. He began sitting, crawling, and cruising all within the same week. I wouldn't stress it!

ETA: he rolled really late too, maybe 9 months? He starting walking at 13 months, so he caught up. I think he was just lazy in the beginning

Not for the sitting up, no.  The pedi recommended PT because he had torticollis, which was causing some other delays in his fine motor skills.  However, the torticollis has gotten much better and while that will still be a focus for him, she's also going to work on other things as well (like sitting unassisted).  That wasn't what the referral was for, though.

[scm1011]

Jan 24, 2018 13:45:49 GMT -5 oneslybookworm said:

Jan 24, 2018 13:24:14 GMT -5 scm1011 said:

oneslybookworm , did your pedi recommend PT? I'm kind of surprised because 6 months still seems young! My DS couldn't sit up reliably unassisted until he was 10 months, and my pedi was unconcerned. He began sitting, crawling, and cruising all within the same week. I wouldn't stress it!

ETA: he rolled really late too, maybe 9 months? He starting walking at 13 months, so he caught up. I think he was just lazy in the beginning

Not for the sitting up, no.  The pedi recommended PT because he had torticollis, which was causing some other delays in his fine motor skills.  However, the torticollis has gotten much better and while that will still be a focus for him, she's also going to work on other things as well (like sitting unassisted).  That wasn't what the referral was for, though.

Oh, gotcha! Cal had torticollis too! We brought him to an infant chiropractor (so similar exercises I imagine) because it was making nursing difficult.

[King26]

oneslybookworm I'm so excited you will finalize in 2 weeks!
shauni27 I had a hard time with DH and j at first too because our parenting styles are very different. Howevwr, in our situation I went back to work a month ago and it has been the best thing ever. Dh has gotten so good with J and is so comfortable with him now. Now that he has him all day they walk the mall, do errands, play, etc . Sometimes I think just leaving him alone with J has been great for their bond and all 3 of us are better for it. I hope you and your h can figure things out.

[oneslybookworm]

WOOHOO!! We just set up a swim lesson for G for Saturday! I'm strangely excited for this!

[thoseareradishes]

oneslybookworm, I think of E in terms of her adjusted age and it seems weird to me that she will be 1 in March, because I think of her as a 7 month old. She is finally sitting unassisted - she was much too busy crawling to be bothered to sit! I bet G will be sitting in no time, PT is awesome.

[oneslybookworm]

Jan 24, 2018 20:13:34 GMT -5 thoseareradishes said:

oneslybookworm , I think of E in terms of her adjusted age and it seems weird to me that she will be 1 in March, because I think of her as a 7 month old. She is finally sitting unassisted - she was much too busy crawling to be bothered to sit! I bet G will be sitting in no time, PT is awesome.

I hope!  It's hard for me to think of G in his adjusted age, but I try!  All the other babies his "age" are doing all sorts of stuff that he just isn't doing yet.  It's so hard to not compare him to others and feel like he's behind...but I try to remember that he's a preemie, he was early, and he'll get there when he gets there.  

[konapoppy]

Mushe I hope you got good news!

I survived today with no tears and only one coworker calling maternity leave a vacation.

[Mushe]

Yay, konapoppy! I’m glad the day went well. Lol forever on maternity leave, with twins no less, being a vacation.

[Mushe]

My ultrasound today went well! I continue to be shocked. My new OB did a great job last week at keeping me so relaxed that I didn’t pay attention to the exact measurement, which apparently was a week off my LMP, but I do think I ovulated pretty late. Today’s u/s showed a week’s growth, and there’s still a HB. My Ute was super tilted, and it took a while to locate the stinker, so I got nervous.

Anyway, I’ll keep going back weekly. Measuring 7w today, so this will be the longest pregnancy in history.

[dellabear]

Mushe, yay!

shauni27, hugs. It's a difficult adjustment to your relationship when you add in a baby.

I'm feeling tired and restless these days. I feel like I just get up and get ready and deal with the kids and go to work and come home and cook and clean and deal with the kids until bedtime and then wait until bedtime so I can go to sleep and do it all over again tomorrow. Part of the problem is that work has been slow and I'm bored. Another part is that I need a vacation, I'm so sick of winter. Hmph.

But, I have Friday off and a bunch of fun stuff planned with DD so that will hopefully help pull me out of the doldrums. I also have asked for new responsibilities at work and got some (no additional compensation comes with it but it will give me something new to learn and add to my CV anyway) and am waiting on a bonus which will pay for a vacay so basically my mantra is 'hang in there' at the moment.

[scm1011]

Yay Mushe!! I kept checking back here yesterday hoping to read good news. That's wonderful your OB is giving you weekly check-ins. I hope they continue to go well, friend!

[shauni27]

Mushe, I cannot love this enough.

[pandora89]

Mushe - so happy for you!

konapoppy - glad the first day back went well

I am on day 5 of an awful cold and with no end in sight. I feel like absolute garbage and with each passing day a new symptom pops up. I now also have an awful cough and have begun to lose my voice. Argh.

[oneslybookworm]

Yay Mushe!!! So happy to see this update!

[knx9211]

HOLY SHIT Mushe, I missed the announcement!! I have goosebumps, this is so exciting! Congrats!!! <3 <3

[knx9211]

shauni27 - We've been struggling, too. I've always done 95% of the stuff around the house. But now I don't do it as cheerfully. I get frustrated with J SO EASILY because he just doesn't get anything done. He's not helpful at all. It feels like he's ignoring me and discounting my need for help. P has always been an easy baby and an amazing sleeper, but it doesn't mean that being ON every waking second isn't exhausting all on its own. It's nice to have help or at least feel appreciated, and that's not there. I snap at him a lot. Everyone says this happens in the first year, and I hope things get better over the summer when P approaches his birthday. You're not alone, and this sucks.

[knx9211]

Oh also P is (kind of) mobile!! He army crawls. It's pretty cute even those he's super inefficient. He doesn't do it all that much, only for stuff he REALLY wants which is usually just the remote.

[shauni27]

knx9211, I liked your post for solidarity, not because I like that you are dealing with the same shit. It suuuucks.

And also, OMG P is so advanced. I always compare S to him and am like, listen buddy, you better start crawling soon--P is already doing it and he is just 5 weeks old than you!

[knx9211]

Jan 25, 2018 14:16:45 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

knx9211 , I liked your post for solidarity, not because I like that you are dealing with the same shit. It suuuucks.

And also, OMG P is so advanced. I always compare S to him and am like, listen buddy, you better start crawling soon--P is already doing it and he is just 5 weeks old than you!

HA please look at the video on my Insta. It is not really crawling as much as kind of kicking and stretching out as long as he can. And he JUST started doing it.

Funny enough, there is a guy at my office whose son was born the day before P. He's been crawling (hands and knees crawling. Not just army crawl or pulling himself along) since the day he turned 6 months old.  Last time I saw the guy, he showed me a video of the kid pulling himself to standing and standing unassisted. That was nearly a month ago. I refuse to compare P to him because that kid is OUT OF CONTROL.

The thing that makes me laugh is that he told me when they were first born, he would look at my photos and videos online and be concerned that HIS kid was behind because P could hold his head so well. Kids are weird, man.