I'm playing hooky this weekend. Saturday the college gymnastic meet is at noon so we have to leave by 10ish so skipping work all together. After the meet we are going to the next town over to my brother's house to celebrate my b-day and have an early dinner. Sunday is my birthday and the only thing planned is for DD to have a riding lesson. I also need to meal prep for the week, laundry, clean house, get my free Dutch Bros drink and maybe take myself out to dinner. Monday we closed the office but are working in peace hopefully. Dad told me to take the day totally off but I'm feeling really stressed out with all the stuff on hold and no money coming in that I may just go in anyways but get off earlier and spend some time with DD. I already paid aftercare for the no school day.
I also need to have a talk with DH this weekend about him picking DD up. He is super stressed and keeps saying how busy he is and there is no time and he is making himself sick. DD is cranky because she isn't getting play time after daddy picks her up because he can't figure stuff out and makes her read too hard of books for too long. I also found out this morning from DD that daddy is giving her miniscule portions for dinner and won't let her have more which is why she wants me to feed her again when I get home. I talked with the lady that took her home last year from her old daycare and she said she could pick DD up from aftercare if I needed her to. Do I let DH keep failing and in turn cause DD and me more stress or do I just give him an out. The only difference is that DD will be eating close to 7 instead of 6 and having to fit homework, shower, dinner, into 30-40 minutes every night instead of twice a week.
Tomorrow I'm taking a photography workshop to learn how to use a fancy DSLR camera that I got months ago and haven't had time to figure out. I'm super excited!
Sunday we're going to see SIL in a play and celebrating her birthday. It could go either way - good or annoying.
DH and I have Monday off but the kids have school, so we're getting our taxes done and going out to lunch or something.
186momx, I would make your DH be a grown up and figure it out. He is fully capable of being a parent. Don't give him an out. Who bails you out when you're tired and busy? Does he line up magic childcare to help you? I'm guessing no...
186momx - along the lines of twinmomma - one time DH was mad about entertaining the kids while I was going to be away. He petulantly told me they could watch their iPads all weekend. He refused to budge and demanded that I make plans. So I did. I put their favorite games on the dining table and wrote a list (in crayon on the back of an envelope). And I took the iPads with me.
Post by covergirl82 on Feb 16, 2018 15:09:13 GMT -5
We took DS to the doctor this morning for a fever (since Tuesday evening) and wet cough. He has bronchitis. So that has changed our weekend plans a bit. No basketball game for him tomorrow.
Tonight DH and I are taking DD to Disney on Ice for a special outing. We try and take each kid out just the three of us once a year.
Tomorrow we are doing family pictures around lunch time, then DH is going to take DS to see a movie later in the afternoon.
Sunday is church and then I'm meeting a friend for coffee in the afternoon.
No 3-day weekend for me or DH. The kids are going to in-home DCP's house on Monday.
Soccer starts again tomorrow so good bye relaxing Saturday mornings. Double date to a wine bar Saturday night. Sunday nothing except the kids are hosting friends for a sleepover. Monday nothing planned.
I’m excited about free time to get some things done and do some fun things.
186momx I agree with the others that your husband needs to figure it out. When I went back to work in September DH had to take over double pick up duty and is home from 3-6 with the kids until I get home. Took a while for him to get into his own groove with them, he wasn't happy about losing out on all his downtime after work. He was not used to entertaining them for that long. A lot of tv was watched for a few months. Now he uses that time to run errands, do some chores and actually play with the kids.
My brother is coming to visit for the weekend with his new girlfriend. I need to rush home to do some cleaning and make the guest bed. DH has physio tonight. Might head into the city with him and pick up a few groceries. Tomorrow we're going out for brunch with my family (we usually just have everyone over but my mom is eating crackers for DH these days and he's annoyed that they always expect us to host and cook etc., so he wants to go out) DD has gymnastics, then dinner at my girlfriends. Sunday no plans yet. Monday is a holiday here (Family Day) so we're all off. Might go skating, the local rink is having a free event.
Post by justcheckingin73 on Feb 16, 2018 15:51:41 GMT -5
Happy early Birthday 186momx! I agree your DH needs to step up and figure things out. What is keeping him busy? Is he picking her up and then working at home? Can you suggest appropriate books and length of reading time and then have him stick to that? I don’t think getting some help is a bad thing if he’s really overwhelmed. Can you do it 2 days a week to see if that relieves his stress a little?
DS has a basketball game tomorrow and then we have nothing planned except maybe church. Sunday is a run for me and then grocery shopping. Monday the kids and I have off, DH has to work. It’s supposed to rain so we’ll either stay inside or maybe go walk around the mall which we haven’t done in a long time.
I'm working all weekend. But I'm going to work on living my life and plan on taking DS bowling one of the days after work. Normally, we would just sit at home and do nothing because DH is always "too tired". I have a doctor's appointment today after work to talk about depression and a dentist appointment on Monday that I'm dreading.
186momx, I would say let your DH fail, but if I remember correctly he is on the spectrum somewhat? I might be mis-remembering big time. I might give him detailed instructions on what and how to do things. I would not find someone else to pick her up, but I MIGHT let him figure that part out himself. Something like- "if you are too busy to pick up your kid make other arrangements that don't concern me." Depends on how "busy" he really is. If he just wants his alone time oh well.
I am getting a a crib this weekend and doing a kid clothes swap! yay. more things off my to do list. We are also cleaning out DS's closet. We were supposed to do that last weekend but A: tired after cleaning our closet and laundry room and B; we ran out of space in our trash can. . .
There are 7 kids in my house. Two of them are mine. DH’s flight was delayed so I am dealing with the circus with a dead laptop battery so I cannot leave my office (where I am plugged in).
Bring on the wine, hello weekend.
DH has to pick up the wine is the problem with this theory....
Post by erinshelley21 on Feb 16, 2018 16:49:40 GMT -5
Getting ready to leave work. I've been sitting here waiting on a client to call like he said he would. I gave him until almost 4:30 then I called him. He didn't answer. So maddening.
DH leaves early tomorrow for an entire week at the national fire academy. I keep imagining him at a place like Quantico since he keeps using words like campus and dorm.
The kids and I will go have lunch with my mom and shopping for a baby shower gift for one of my brother's BFF's. Shower on Sunday.
Unless of course this sore throat and congestion I have knocks me on my ass, which given this flu season, is a very real possibility.
I have a four-day weekend, kind of. This morning we had both kids’ parent teacher conferences. They went well. We love their teachers. DS needs to work on following multi step directions and not getting so distracted from routine, but they said his actions are totally age-appropriate so we aren’t too concerned. DD is setting the world on fire. Each kid met with the reading specialist to get a baseline of where they are as they prepare for 1st grade. They evaluate in Feb and then in May to see how quickly they are progressing. DD is the most advanced reader in her class, even though she’s almost the youngest.
This afternoon I took DS to get a haircut. He was a turd, but he let her cut his hair and use clippers, so he earned a trip to the toy store. He picked out more Imaginext toys. He loves them. I’ve spent the past half hour listening to him play with them. He has a great imagination.
Tomorrow we are taking the kids to see Peter Rabbit and to the book store. Sunday we have a party for a 4 yo. Monday we have no plans yet. Yay!
186momx, what does he say when you bring up these issues? I wouldn’t bail him out by hiring someone, but I would probably leave a fun activity for her to do, or put out the books I want her to read, or make dinner in advance and put her portion on her plate in the fridge. And then hope that me providing those examples helps him figure out what he needs to be doing so he can soon do it on his own.
My DH is great at the parts of our routine that he’s used to, but whenever he takes over something new or has the kids at a time that I normally handle everything, I try to lay things out for him/make him a list until he gets used to it.
We have a four day weekend. Kindergarten, and preschool, and the baby’s daycare are all closed today and Monday. I’m not sure why today is a holiday in SoCal but not most other places. I had our babysitter take my older kids to legoland while I worked from home with the baby, and I actually got a lot done. He’s at a good age to just sort of crawl around and explore as long as the area is baby proofed. Pretty typical weekend otherwise, plus a Sunday afternoon/evening date to get massages and go out to dinner - I’m excited for that.
When I say anything I'm just yelling at him or he is busy. He installs and fixes garage doors so no he can't work at home. I really think he just wants all his "me time" back. He has never figured out child care and the reason he hasn't dealt with DD during tax season for the last few years is because he just couldn't handle it. I thought with her being 6 and basically self sufficient now it would be easy. I think I will talk with DD tonight on the way to open gym and tell her she needs to fix her own plate (I already have everything cooked via crock pot or leftovers on the 3 nights he picks up) and that she needs to be demanding when she is still hungry. I love the idea of picking out books ahead of time and setting a time limit on how long reading needs to go on, DD loves using the timer. The other night he forced her to read or listen to him read for 75 minutes. DD reads out loud better than DH does and that was the night she had the meltdown over not getting to play. xctsclrx, you are remembering correctly. DH would be on spectrum if he would get tested. New things are a huge stressor for him. I actually told him he doesn't have to pick her up as soon as he gets off work so he could have 20-30 minutes of alone time before picking her up from aftercare if that would help. Aftercare closed at 6. He gets off between 4-5. I get home about 6:30. He has texted me before 4 each day this week saying he was done, but DD said he didn't get her until 5 and I feel like me wanting them to eat dinner, read, and DD shower before I get home should be easy even with an after 5 pick up. His time management skills are none existent. Maybe I should take back the reading part to make things easier?
Post by erinshelley21 on Feb 16, 2018 19:26:25 GMT -5
186momx can you walk him through what the evening could look like? Read for this amount of time, eat at this time, play for this long. If he is overwhelmed by new things then he may need a starting point. DH doesn't do well with me telling him how to do sometbing with the kids, but when I explain how I do it I seem to get a better reaction. I definitely wouldn't give him an out though. He can do this.
erinshelley21, he grew up in a family that you only got one plate and that was all you could have and it usually only had 1 item on it. Think chicken breast or a steak with no sides is dinner, drives both me and my SIL crazy. DH's mom is always dieting and installed the same "I can't get fat" into DH's head. He is very paranoid about DD getting fat and hates when I let her have cookies, cake, ice cream. DD is almost 4ft tall and 44lbs. She can still wear 24 month shorts so we don't need to worry about calorie intake at all plus she has DH's super high metabolism. She is super active and actually eats more than I do most days. Teachers/daycare staff can't believe how much food she can eat.
He doesn't like list, doesn't like me telling him what he should do or what I would do, but then is so overwhelmed he doesn't know where to start. I just called to ask about scheduling DD a lesson on Sunday and to ask that she be ready to go to open gym when I get home. It was 4:30 and he started freaking out that they won't have enough time to get dinner done and her homework. I told him to chill he had 2 hours which was more than enough time to make chicken nuggets and uncle bens minute rice and for her to get into her leotard. Homework will take DD maybe 5 minutes.
3 day weekend here...but daycare is open and my toddler can go.
Grocery shopped tonight
Saturday: Gym, fencing and errands and maybe skiing Sunday: Babysitter, 5K and crab soup with husband after the race. Very excited about that! Monday: Not sure yet!
Technically a three day weekend but in reality, I will go to work on Sunday. Have an ongoing experiment and have writing to do too. But I will be home with the kids on Monday.
DS has two friends coming over this morning so I have to get up and sort of clean. Then the weather forecast says five inches of snow tonight before it is the high 70’s on Tuesday. Crazy.
Y’all. I slept almost 8 whole hours IN A ROW last night. I’ve been a raging insomniac lately, so that is amazing. Then I woke up and did meditation.
DH has a coaching clinic for tee ball this morning. Then we are going to see Peter Rabbit this afternoon at the Studio Movie Grill. It should be really fun.
186momx Sorry that your DH can’t just fall into the Dad role for a few hours of the week. The biggest issue I would have with his behavior is the meal quality and messaging behind it. Does your DD get a snack at aftercare? Why can’t she wait until you get home for dinner? If you are already cooking it in advance, it might actually be nice if the three of you can all eat together. And why does she need to be showered before 6:30? Maybe I am misreading things. It does seem like a lot to have dinner, homework and a shower between 5 and 6:30. Doable but maybe not necessary?
I think I would still have him pick her up but change the things they do at night. I think I would have them wait until you are there at 6:30 to eat so you can control that toxic messaging he is sending to her.
As for reading can you just ask that it only be 10 minutes or she listens to an audiobook in the car or she reads on her own. I think I would take him out of the equation as in he doesn't have to read aloud to her or vice versa.
Showering seems to going ok so keep that during his time.
If changing up the schedule doesn't work than go with the babysitter.
I volunteered for our lent fish fry at the school last night. The kids love that because they get to hang out with their friends. Then got together with some friends for a girls night.
Apparently, Dh spent his time last night bleaching a pair of jeans for our 80s Dance tonight. That's pretty proactive of him. I thought he would just put on the AC/DC shirt I ordered and be on his way.
Dh and DS are at a hunting conference about 2 hours away today. Dd and I are going to lunch and look for Easter Outfits. Then church.
I then need to get home and crimp and curl my hair. I should just bust up in church like that, it would be easier. We have a preparty before the dance with apps and any last minute hair fixes.
Hopefully a relaxed day tomorrow. Run, house cleaning and some homemade pizza.
Post by librarychica on Feb 17, 2018 13:44:18 GMT -5
Last night’s Chinese dinner party went great. I made sesame chicken, short ribs, steamed brown rice and vegetable fried white rice. My best friend brought steamed buns, another friend brought beer, my brother brought coke and an inexplicable desire to play with all the kids. Food was good, kids behaved and I didn’t wake up hungover. Unfortunately my coworker is sick so jellyfish goes untasted.
Today we had no plans but H woke up with the desire to do something. So he took the kids to the city gardens and science museum. I went to the gym and do yard work and am now lounging post-shower thinking about what to defrost for dinner.
Tomorrow we will work on the rental houses while my parents watch the kids .
Post by librarychica on Feb 17, 2018 13:49:14 GMT -5
186momx, normally I would say let him figure out how to cope but your daughter is 7ish, right? If he hasn’t figured it out then he isn’t going to. I would get the former daycare provider to pick her up. I also hesitate to say this since I don’t know you IRL, but I would looking for a good divorce attorney. He is no partner and I have a hard line at pushing food issues on children.