End of February thread

[oneslybookworm]

@daylily, not word vomit at all!! This was one of the reasons why I never even PLANNED to BF, even if we had managed to get pregnant. There were other reasons as well, namely I didn't want to BF, but equitable distribution of labor was a big part of it. I do think this is one of the reasons why J is such an involved parent, because from the get-go he was fully involved. It's just translated on to now, and it's not a change for him, it's just normal. It's like we both went through the hell of the newborn stage together, instead of one party doing the vast majority of the work, so when things eased up, it just made sense to keep continuing spliting things with G.

[oneslybookworm]

PS - Seriously, it's MARCH?!?!?!?! HOLY CRAP GUYS!

[scm1011]

Mar 1, 2018 16:30:12 GMT -5 cactuscookie said:

Mar 1, 2018 15:55:40 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

We EBF for a grand total of 3 weeks and it was so miserable and was without a doubt the longest three weeks of my life. In part because S was starving and unable to get a good latch. Once we did combo feeding I was in heaven--the closeness of BF plus the ease of having bottles and help from G. Alas, S only continued to BF until week 6 and then decided the bottle was easier for him so he just gave up. While it was a LOT more freeing, I am still sad that I didn't BF longer only because I relished the sweet cuddly time and it was something only we could do, it was just between us and it felt so special.

This is why I'm still breastfeeding a 2-year-old, which I never expected to do.

I miss that bond. C weaned a month ago today and I was not ready. It still makes me really sad sometimes.

[loira]

2 years on and I still have so many feelings about breastfeeding. I wish it had worked out for us, but at the same time I wish I had known about combo feeding earlier. Then I wouldn't have given a crap about FF in the hospital, instead of being a nervous wreck and waiting for the nurses to tell me what to do, and watching my baby lose weight, and turning into an even more anxious mum. I might have been able to save our BFing relationship. But I totally agree that EBF essentially places the burden on women, and is only barely sustainable even with a solid year of maternity leave and government funded lactation consultants. I am constantly in awe of how many people on these boards accomplish it, given the terrible mat leave in the US. But at the same time, I wish the system in Canada were set up with better support for FF. In my mum's group, I was the only one who FF, and even though none of the other mums judged me (openly) for it, I felt isolated x2 (first as a loss mum, then as someone who couldn't BF).

If you want to enjoy a good rage, read Lactivism by Courtney Jung, who makes many of the points you guys do. She also points out that a lot of the studies being published in the US focus on the benefits of breast milk instead of breastfeeding, and the system is set up to enable pumping so nobody has to give parents proper leave.

[oneslybookworm]

loira, I agree...mothers need better leave and support, for whatever they choose to do. I can't even imagine wanting to EBF, but knowing that I have to go back to work after 12 weeks (if you're lucky to get 12 weeks), and having that choice taken away...so sad! I just wish women had the opportunity to make whatever choice they felt comfortable with, and were supported for it (through maternal leave, society support, etc)...whether it be FF, EBF, or combo feeding.

No matter how it went down, all the mommas on here are amazing.

[thoseareradishes]

I ended up going to urgent care this morning because of tightness in my chest. I was 99.9% sure it was anxiety, but due to a family history of heart issues I wanted to be sure. EKG was fine, so the doctor said it was likely anxiety but I should probably get a stress test to rule out heart issues completely. I assume the anxiety is flaring up because E's birthday is Sunday, and all the shit that went down with her birth is lurking around in the back of my head. My H tries to tell me that we have a beautiful little girl and her birth doesn't matter now, but I guess it does matter. Also, my cousin is pregnant (after IVF and multiple transfers, so I'm extra happy for her), but she is due in June and I'm assuming there will be a shower for her and it will be around the time I should have had a shower, and that's going to give me the feels. Which again, is probably stupid of me but I'm sad I didn't get to celebrate my pregnancy with my friends and family.

[Mushe]

(((thoseareradishes))), I’m so sorry you’re struggling right now. Hugs and good thoughts for you. Have you considered talking to a counselor? There’s such a process of grieving not having the chance to have a normal, easy relationship to your fertility and family planning.

[mpc]

aw thoseareradishes, I'm sorry you're going through all these tough reminders right now. Everything you went through wasn't just nothing and it makes sense that you'd still have times of feeling down about it. Are you doing a 1st birthday party? Maybe that could be a fun thing to focus on since you didn't get your shower. Not exactly the same, I know. I'm so happy for you that your DD is turning 1 and doing so well! She's been through a heck of a lot too.

[mpc]

We're having my son's 5th birthday party tomorrow. First time doing it at a party place and he is so excited. Yesterday we decided to get a babysitter and leave DD at home so we could totally focus on DS. I wish people could be better about RSVPing. I am just going on the assumption that if I haven't heard from them they are not coming. Too bad, the kids are going to have so much fun.

[mpc]

I'm also starting to plan DD's first birthday for next month. That'll be at home and mostly be about inviting our friends since babies don't really care, lol. I'm thinking of doing an "oh the places she'll go" kind of theme.  What do you think, pretty pink and gold, or a more true Seuss look? (both from etsy)

[pandora89]

mpc - I love the first one!
((thoseareradishes)) I am so sorry

[loira]

thoseareradishes, those are not stupid feelings at all. Did they ever give you any counseling after E's birth? What you experienced was definitely trauma. You have done such an amazing job of making sure she's healthy and thriving - but now that she's approaching a year and her needs aren't as immediate or urgent, maybe your brain is giving that energy over to the trauma and that's where your anxiety starts ramping up? I am absolutely not a mental health professional, so take with a grain of salt, but something similar happened with me about 8 months after losing V. When I took my sabbatical, and my life wasn't taken over by grieving and working 10 hour days, all of a sudden I started having massive anxiety.

My best friend also had her first son prematurely (though not micro-preemie) and she still cries when she talks about it. He's 7. So I totally agree with mpc that what you went through wasn't nothing, and despite your H's sweet attempts to focus on the good, having E now doesn't negate your experience then.

[thoseareradishes]

mpc, we are having a little party for her on Sunday with my parents and sisters. I went with just a simple pink and gold flowery theme. I made a happy birthday banner and printed out her monthly pictures, and got gold plates and Easter plates and napkins (heh, they are so flowery and pretty). So I like the pink invite you picked out!

Mushe, loira, I haven't had any therapy since her birth. It just all happened so quickly and suddenly my pregnancy was over and we had a critically ill baby that I had to pump around the clock for, I didn't really have time to think about it all. But yeah, now that she's so much better and it's her birthday, I feel like it's all back again. I know there is a ppd group at the hospital, maybe I'll look into that.

[kellikans]

((thoseareradishes))
I like the first one, mpc!

So my c-section is scheduled for 3/16. Barring any issues with my NSTs and BPPs, we're going to have a baby in 2 weeks. And I'm terrified because there's a small chance I have acretta, and they might have to take my uterus out.

And at my NST today his heartbeat was doing weird things, almost like an arrhythmia. So my anxiety is ramping up that something's going to go wrong. She made an appointment for me for tomorrow in L&D for another NST to follow up so I don't have to wait until Tuesday. This has seriously been stressful from start to finish. I can't wait until he's here and I don't have to worry anymore about my crappy placenta taking care of him.

[lo]

Mar 2, 2018 16:35:28 GMT -5 kellikans said:

((thoseareradishes))
I like the first one, mpc!

So my c-section is scheduled for 3/16. Barring any issues with my NSTs and BPPs, we're going to have a baby in 2 weeks. And I'm terrified because there's a small chance I have acretta, and they might have to take my uterus out.

And at my NST today his heartbeat was doing weird things, almost like an arrhythmia. So my anxiety is ramping up that something's going to go wrong. She made an appointment for me for tomorrow in L&D for another NST to follow up so I don't have to wait until Tuesday. This has seriously been stressful from start to finish. I can't wait until he's here and I don't have to worry anymore about my crappy placenta taking care of him.

My baby developed an irregular heart beat in the last weeks of my pregnancy and then for a day or so after she was born. Actually I think it was only the day she was born, and it had totally resolved by he next day. I can’t remember the medical explanation, but the heart works a bit differently in utero, so minor issues often resolve after birth.

I’m sorry you have to worry about possible accretta. Hugs.

[thoseareradishes]

((kellikans)). I hope the next two weeks fly by for you and you have your little guy safe and sound in your arms soon.

[Mushe]

kellikans, what a stressful time this is for you! I’m so sorry that after so much hard work to get pregnant, that you’ve faced these concerns. I’m thinking of you and your sweet baby boy, hoping for a safe and uneventful last few weeks and delivery.

[starryfish]

mpc, i like the first one!

[shauni27]

thoseareradishes, totally understandable to be feeling these things. You had a really traumatic experience and are kind of being forced to face it now when in the moment itself you didn't actually have time, you know? Huge hugs to you. I hope you are able to find a way to deal with it and find some peace.

kellikans, I am so excited that you are meeting this little guy in 2 weeks! But man, what a stressful time. I am so sorry. I am glad you are able to have another NST tomorrow. Keep us posted and know we are all thinking of you.