I'm guessing these are the moms who call college professors when their kids screw up?
I had to re-read your story a few times to make certain we were discussing 3 year olds. As in kids who can't remember what they maybe ate for breakfast.
I’m on team no big deal. Ds2 was moved into a different 2yo room than his buddies at daycare recently and I’m not worrying about it. He has made other buddies and is doing fine.
WOUNDTIGHT do I recall correctly that we go to the same daycare?? I don’t envy the director’s job today!!
Yes I believe we do! J has a lot of work on her hands tonight I'm sure. The other 2 parents of our 3 mustakeers have asked for them to be put back together. I am not going to push it but in all honesty i was thinking of pulling him out and putting him somewhere more near us in the south side of town, that costs 20% less than our center. The rates have gone bonkers, I'll be paying more per week there for pre-k than I was paying for infant care at his first center when we lived in Quincy.
The rate hike ended up amounting to a few more dollars a week for us, I think it was a 4% increase. Was it different for other areas of the school? We may apply for DF for pre-k and move her there if she gets a spot. So we have to figure out the half day thing and summer camp a year earlier, I think it would be ok. Elm will be her elementary school for K anyway (just found that out, all this time thought it was Fisher)
They're 3! I'd bet money they hardly notice their "friends" aren't there. And I put friends in quotes not because they aren't friends, but again....they're 3!
I want to preface this by saying that we did not say a single word about it, but DS1 had a *really* hard time when he moved to the next classroom and his best friend was too young to move too. He honestly didn't really fully integrate into the classroom until his friend moved up and I'm 90% sure the school moved him early so that DS1 would feel more comfortable. He wasn't quite 3 at the time.
All that to say, I guess if one of these kids is like that, I can *kind of* see being upset. But, like others said, this is the time to model behavior about it being ok to express emotions and how you handle those. It's crazy to talk to the director about this.
Thanks for the perspective. I'm sorry he had a hard time. I guess I was basing all that off of my newly-3 DD, who doesn't have a friend of that level yet.
I want to preface this by saying that we did not say a single word about it, but DS1 had a *really* hard time when he moved to the next classroom and his best friend was too young to move too. He honestly didn't really fully integrate into the classroom until his friend moved up and I'm 90% sure the school moved him early so that DS1 would feel more comfortable. He wasn't quite 3 at the time.
All that to say, I guess if one of these kids is like that, I can *kind of* see being upset. But, like others said, this is the time to model behavior about it being ok to express emotions and how you handle those. It's crazy to talk to the director about this.
Thanks for the perspective. I'm sorry he had a hard time. I guess I was basing all that off of my newly-3 DD, who doesn't have a friend of that level yet.
I definitely think my kid is more sensitive about that kind of thing than most. 😊
This is insane and I'd be inclined to let the director know that you are not part of the drama and she can place your kid as she sees fit. These moms seem terrible.
Okay so my first response is to say that these parents are crazy and your kid will be fine and keep the placement where they are.
Second response though is that something similar happened when DS moved up (for PreK) - he was separated from all his friends (some he had been with for 4 years by that point) and didn't really know any of the kids in the new classroom - apparently that was because a lot of parents requested transfers into the other classroom bc they liked the lead teacher better (so not as crazy as "the kids have to be together" but still a little extreme.) I ended up really liking his teachers and there was enough overlap between the classes that it was fine, but I do know that it bummed out DS a bit seeing his BFFs all hanging out together. H kept saying that we should have pushed for him to be transferred but I'm glad we didn't (mainly bc the assistant teacher in the other room was not good, LOL.) I also didn't realize at the time that the reason his buddies were in the other room was bc the parents had requested it.
so for preschool and even preK I obviously didn't care that much, but part of me did kind of wish I had pushed for DS to be with his friends (he made new friends, but it wasn't the same as that cute bond he had with the other kids.) It wasn't the end of the world though and then DS left and went to K and will never see those kids again, soooo.....kind of a moot issue overall, lol.
So basically I think you will be fine and your child will adjust and be happy, but I do get the desire to want the friends together. I just wouldn't push for it lol. I figured there would be enough battles in the coming years and I wasn't wasting my energy on preK placement.
They're 3! I'd bet money they hardly notice their "friends" aren't there. And I put friends in quotes not because they aren't friends, but again....they're 3!
I want to preface this by saying that we did not say a single word about it, but DS1 had a *really* hard time when he moved to the next classroom and his best friend was too young to move too. He honestly didn't really fully integrate into the classroom until his friend moved up and I'm 90% sure the school moved him early so that DS1 would feel more comfortable. He wasn't quite 3 at the time.
All that to say, I guess if one of these kids is like that, I can *kind of* see being upset. But, like others said, this is the time to model behavior about it being ok to express emotions and how you handle those. It's crazy to talk to the director about this.
asking to keep TWO kids together is one thing. Expecting EIGHT kids to be kept together is an entirely different animal. What you describe happened with your child, i can fully get on board with wanting his friend with him.
I want to preface this by saying that we did not say a single word about it, but DS1 had a *really* hard time when he moved to the next classroom and his best friend was too young to move too. He honestly didn't really fully integrate into the classroom until his friend moved up and I'm 90% sure the school moved him early so that DS1 would feel more comfortable. He wasn't quite 3 at the time.
All that to say, I guess if one of these kids is like that, I can *kind of* see being upset. But, like others said, this is the time to model behavior about it being ok to express emotions and how you handle those. It's crazy to talk to the director about this.
asking to keep TWO kids together is one thing. Expecting EIGHT kids to be kept together is an entirely different animal. What you describe happened with your child, i can fully get on board with wanting his friend with him.
The main difference is that we knew his friend would be with him eventually. There’s only one class per age group (very small center). DS1 is about 5 months older than his friend. We didn’t say anything because it wouldn’t have been fair to his friend (who wasn’t ready to move yet) or DS1 (who was developmentally ready) and we knew his friend would be there soon enough (they moved him after two months).
In any case, I more posted to make a point that 3 year olds absolutely can be aware of situations like this. I think most handle it just fine and that parents should help address the emotions with their kids, but I can see being upset if your kid is like mine.
Yes I believe we do! J has a lot of work on her hands tonight I'm sure. The other 2 parents of our 3 mustakeers have asked for them to be put back together. I am not going to push it but in all honesty i was thinking of pulling him out and putting him somewhere more near us in the south side of town, that costs 20% less than our center. The rates have gone bonkers, I'll be paying more per week there for pre-k than I was paying for infant care at his first center when we lived in Quincy.
The rate hike ended up amounting to a few more dollars a week for us, I think it was a 4% increase. Was it different for other areas of the school? We may apply for DF for pre-k and move her there if she gets a spot. So we have to figure out the half day thing and summer camp a year earlier, I think it would be ok. Elm will be her elementary school for K anyway (just found that out, all this time thought it was Fisher)
Oh, we'll be at Elm too! I think my issue is that each year we've been expecting a price break as he's moved up from infant to toddler to pre school, the tuition hikes each year have basically wiped out any savings. I think when he was an infant we were paying $395 a week and somehow 3.5 years later we will be paying $385 a week for pre-K. Other than Kindercare and Bright Horizons this is the most expensive center in the area. I should have moved him 2 years ago but he loves his BFFs so much that I didn't want to. At 4.5, he is absolutely going to have a rough transition being separated from them.
Oh man... they are crazy and I feel bad for the future educators that will have to deal with them. Plus, daycare is all about the numbers. Teacher to kid ratio matters, they are not doing this to stick it to them, there is a science behind it.
Okay so my first response is to say that these parents are crazy and your kid will be fine and keep the placement where they are.
Second response though is that something similar happened when DS moved up (for PreK) - he was separated from all his friends (some he had been with for 4 years by that point) and didn't really know any of the kids in the new classroom - apparently that was because a lot of parents requested transfers into the other classroom bc they liked the lead teacher better (so not as crazy as "the kids have to be together" but still a little extreme.) I ended up really liking his teachers and there was enough overlap between the classes that it was fine, but I do know that it bummed out DS a bit seeing his BFFs all hanging out together. H kept saying that we should have pushed for him to be transferred but I'm glad we didn't (mainly bc the assistant teacher in the other room was not good, LOL.) I also didn't realize at the time that the reason his buddies were in the other room was bc the parents had requested it.
so for preschool and even preK I obviously didn't care that much, but part of me did kind of wish I had pushed for DS to be with his friends (he made new friends, but it wasn't the same as that cute bond he had with the other kids.) It wasn't the end of the world though and then DS left and went to K and will never see those kids again, soooo.....kind of a moot issue overall, lol.
So basically I think you will be fine and your child will adjust and be happy, but I do get the desire to want the friends together. I just wouldn't push for it lol. I figured there would be enough battles in the coming years and I wasn't wasting my energy on preK placement.
So this is the thing that keeps eating at me this morning. It looks like out of the 12 kids that started in her classroom last fall, 11 of them will be going to a different room or rooms (if P's mom gets her way), and my 1 kid will be on her own. Add in that she's had the same 2 teachers two years in a row, so new room, new teachers, new friends. For her, this will basically be like starting at a new school. Obviously we have to cross that bridge in a couple of years but not right now. She's been in full time day care with some of these kids since 4 months of age, she's a smart 3 year old and will absolutely be aware, and DOES have attachments to her friends. Not even just the "Crazy 8", there are 4 others who she won't be with, plus the 8 slightly younger ones they immersed into her room over the summer who she has also befriended. The more I think about it, the more pissed I am becoming. She has long been the easygoing "swing" kid at daycare, that they will move to another classroom for a day if numbers are off because she's so "adaptable" and teachers enjoy having her, as I've been told. We are the parents who never complain or make any noise and now it feels like my kid is the one who has to make the most changes. I would have been fine if I knew she had P there. I don't know where to go with this now - we are going on vacation tomorrow for a week, and when we return there's only one week before they transition to the new rooms. I may sit back and wait to see if they move P to the other room, and if they do I want to know more about who she is moving up with. Will she at least be with some friends from her current buddy room? Will her current classmates be in her new buddy room?
Pragmatically, I am of the opinion that expanding social horizons is good for kids, and that my kid WILL be ok. But the mom in me is thinking of my cute little baby girl sadly watching her friends go down the hall to the playground all together while she's learning how to form all new friendships and trust in her new teachers. (Heavy dose of PMS likely influencing this today also)
Wait, her entire class is going to a different room and she is the only one going to her room from her current class? or are there are other students that she is with now and will be with when she moves up?
If its the former I would prob ask about her moving with the other kids. That kind of seems bananas to me to not mix up the classes AT ALL.
Wait, her entire class is going to a different room and she is the only one going to her room from her current class? or are there are other students that she is with now and will be with when she moves up?
If its the former I would prob ask about her moving with the other kids. That kind of seems bananas to me to not mix up the classes AT ALL.
Right? The director told P's mom yesterday that they made the decision by age. Out of the 12 original kids, P and L are the oldest and they ended up in one room presumably with some older preschoolers. We know at least 6 other kids from that room landed together in another room. The others are unknown but because they are younger I assume they are NOT in the room that P and L are assigned to. I'm not certain how many preschool classrooms they have altogether.
Post by starburst604 on Aug 10, 2018 9:41:42 GMT -5
And another thing, P's mom told me last night that she approached the director back in June about this, asking if P could stay with a good amount of his current friends because he has difficulty with transitions and she was concerned about the teacher change. She said she would do what she could. So the director had to KNOW this wouldn't go over well with her. We are both surprised they placed P and L together, because as recently as the spring they were a "problem" together - fighting and arguing like siblings and the teachers were often separating them from one another.
I want to preface this by saying that we did not say a single word about it, but DS1 had a *really* hard time when he moved to the next classroom and his best friend was too young to move too. He honestly didn't really fully integrate into the classroom until his friend moved up and I'm 90% sure the school moved him early so that DS1 would feel more comfortable. He wasn't quite 3 at the time.
All that to say, I guess if one of these kids is like that, I can *kind of* see being upset. But, like others said, this is the time to model behavior about it being ok to express emotions and how you handle those. It's crazy to talk to the director about this.
asking to keep TWO kids together is one thing. Expecting EIGHT kids to be kept together is an entirely different animal. What you describe happened with your child, i can fully get on board with wanting his friend with him.
This.
I do the schedule and class lists and advisories for the middle school. My rule is that I make sure every kid has at least one friend in each of their classes. Beyond that, I pay more attention to balancing the demographics of the classes (gender, race, new kids, etc.) and making sure that I have separated kids who historically have struggled to be in the same classes (either because they don't get along well or because they are so friendly that they can't stop talking...middle school....). I have never once had a parent request that I put 8 kids together, and I would say no.
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
Post by vanillacourage on Aug 10, 2018 11:46:21 GMT -5
I think the other moms are ridiculous but I would probably push back on the director to keep at least a couple kids together with your DD in the new class. If it doesn’t work out then try to think of it as her moving up to the next class - everyone would be brand-new in that case too. What an annoying situation!
Haha! If these moms are so up in arms about preschool class placement just wait until elementary school! Our school has 4/5 classes per grade, so the drama that goes around about class placement is epic.
Post by expectantsteelerfan on Aug 10, 2018 13:00:57 GMT -5
Yeah no. I did request dd be put with one other kid in preschool because his mom is my bff and we had already worked out to split up the drop offs/pick ups. I feel like making a request for 1 kid is sane, more than that is getting into crazy.
Also, dd had been with the same small group of girls at dance for the 3 and 4 year old class. When the 5 year old class schedules were announced, all the other girls were going to be in one class. The other class worked better for my schedule, but I went with the class all her friends would be in (mostly because the moms and I like to chat during class). I honestly regretted it any time I had to rearrange our schedule to make that class work. That same group is all doing one class again for this year, and that class just did not work at all for our schedule (is over at 8:30 PM and dd is usually in bed at 7), so we are going with the other class this year. DD is fine with it.
One of the things I tried to remind myself of when my kids were in daycare is that I was paying for group care, not individual care. And that meant that not every decision was 100% in the best interest of MY child, because they had many other children to consider. If you generally think that her placement is in her best interest and it just sucks that her friends aren’t there, let it be. It sounds like you’re a little on the fence about that, so you might just let it play out and see how it goes.
starburst604, ok, well that’s a little different that they kept the entire class together except for your DD! I’d be pissed about that too, that’s not fair to L. Ideally they would keep at least a few together. Given that detail, I’d probably say something if they do move P. L should have at least one classmate with her and I’d be sad for her in target case too. Sorry they are doing this to you!
starburst604, ok, well that’s a little different that they kept the entire class together except for your DD! I’d be pissed about that too, that’s not fair to L. Ideally they would keep at least a few together. Given that detail, I’d probably say something if they do move P. L should have at least one classmate with her and I’d be sad for her in target case too. Sorry they are doing this to you!
Agreed. I decided I will wait and see what happens with P. I talked to L’s current teacher today and she mentioned a couple of kids from the buddy room that she knew would be in her new class, so at least some familiar faces. She also thinks they will be buddy rooms and therefore still play together outside and whatnot. So I guess we’ll see.
Could another way of looking at it be that she and P are the only ones ready to move up? They may not have considered friendships much, if at all, if developmentally they are on different levels. Keeping her with her current friends may mean that she won’t be as challenged.
At this age, a lot of these things depend on how parents frame things with their kids. You can be anxious, but if you frame it as, “You GET to go to a new room and make new friends,” it’ll go better than if you say, “You HAVE to move to a different room. Your friends will be together in another room, but it’s OK because you’ll make new friends.”
A new teacher and new classmates is not like a new school. She’s in a familiar building, a familiar playground, familiar director and support staff, and she will still see her friends. If you’re in a big public school, consider it practice. My son usually has 2-3 kids in his class from the previous year, and obviously a new teacher. It’s MUCHdifferent than moving him to a completely different school. We have to have confidence in our children. Let them know that we believe that they can handle anything that is thrown their way...and we’re here to help them figure out how to do that IF they need it.
Personally, these are not mom-friends that I’d like to be that exclusive with. This level of drama already at 3 does not bode well for the future.
Post by redpenmama on Aug 10, 2018 22:52:12 GMT -5
Our preschool allows you to register for a specific class, and students are placed in order of application. My son's class this year filled up in 9 minutes, so several other kids were bumped into another class. He got into the class we registered for and is with friends from last year, but if he wasn't, I would just roll with it and see it as an opportunity to make new friends.
In your case, I would do exactly as you're doing -- nothing. This is preschool, and your kid will adapt by the end of the first week, if not the first day. I would totally side eye your friend who is asking to be placed in another class with your clique. Perhaps the director broke the clique up so as not to have just a few other kids in there with a bunch of BFFs. Or maybe it was happenstance. Either way, it is what it is. They're not going to have their say in elementary, anyway, so get used to it.
Could another way of looking at it be that she and P are the only ones ready to move up? They may not have considered friendships much, if at all, if developmentally they are on different levels. Keeping her with her current friends may mean that she won’t be as challenged.
At this age, a lot of these things depend on how parents frame things with their kids. You can be anxious, but if you frame it as, “You GET to go to a new room and make new friends,” it’ll go better than if you say, “You HAVE to move to a different room. Your friends will be together in another room, but it’s OK because you’ll make new friends.”
A new teacher and new classmates is not like a new school. She’s in a familiar building, a familiar playground, familiar director and support staff, and she will still see her friends. If you’re in a big public school, consider it practice. My son usually has 2-3 kids in his class from the previous year, and obviously a new teacher. It’s MUCHdifferent than moving him to a completely different school. We have to have confidence in our children. Let them know that we believe that they can handle anything that is thrown their way...and we’re here to help them figure out how to do that IF they need it.
Personally, these are not mom-friends that I’d like to be that exclusive with. This level of drama already at 3 does not bode well for the future.
We’ve been talking up the classroom change to her with a lot of excitement for a few weeks, and will continue to no matter who she is going to land with. Me and H agree that if she’s been placed with the slightly older kids, then that is what her current teachers probably thought she would benefit most from and we trust their judgement. I’ve also gotten great feedback about the 2 teachers in her new room. I’m feeling better about the whole thing today after talking it all out here and with my H. We will let it be and go into the new year with a positive outlook and confidence in our DD.
First, these moms need to remember that the kids are 3. If they are freaking out this much over 3s class placement, they’ve got a long road ahead because elementary schools don’t care if you are placed with friends or when your birthday is or whatever. Second, sometimes they are placed in different classes because they are friends and the teacher thinks they will learn better if separated.
My older DS is 12 and there were many years in elementary school when he was the one placed in a different room than the rest of his group of friends. It turned out to be really good for him.
I wouldn’t say anything. And I’d encourage the other moms to relax.
I would mainly be annoyed at P's mom. I would have asked to be moved if all seven were in one room and only one was left out, but as long as there is at least one friend, I wouldn't mind and certainly wouldn't ask to be moved. But P's mom is now making it so your daughter won't have any of the friend group, which is annoying.
I do think it is crazy to expect all eight kids to be kept together.
Post by countthestars on Aug 22, 2018 8:36:00 GMT -5
I'm so annoyed at P's mom, but I am proud of you and agree with and support your decision 100%. I hope L's transition is smooth - we're going through similar right now (DS was the only one of his friends that moved up a class) and it's going ok!
P's mom really isn't doing her kids any favors. I'm glad you decided to leave L in her current class. I think she'll do great and it's awesome that you've already heard great things about the teacher. You're setting a really good example for your kid by keeping her where she was placed.