I am just catching up on this saga (was on vacation when you originally posted). M just moved up from his 3s class to pre-K. I am a little sad because I really liked the parents in his 3s class, and he was starting to form friendships with the kids, but as some of them moved to public pre-K they have all dispersed to different schools. (Georgia doesn't have universal pre-K so we had to stay at his daycare when he didn't get a spot at his public school.) So I can see where the disappointment comes from, but...life goes on. MY GOD, PEOPLE!!
I will say it again that P's mom (and the others) need to get a grip. I am sure your DD will do well - she sounds like BB who loves to be around older kids and thrives on it. Best of luck to her and to you as she transitions.
I deleted because I misread the first time. Your child will do wonderfully. Preschool is exactly the time when kids should be branching out and making new friends. My DS knew exactly 0 kids in either of his preschools and last year and it worked out fine.
Agree on the branching out. I filled my sister in on this last week and she was laughing about it - my nephew is 10 and went to FT daycare/preschool. She was like trust me, by the time she's 10 she probably won't remember most of the names of these "friends" she once had unless they end up in public school with her. We're going to apply to the public pre-k for next fall and if that works out she'll be with all new kids anyway, so this will be good practice in learning to adjust.
Post by cherryvalance on Aug 22, 2018 9:07:26 GMT -5
This is one of the most hysterical things I've read on here.
I especially love the, "They are ridiculous to expect 8 kids to be kept together!" but also, "If Dd is the only one, they should move her back" comments.
As a teacher, I knew this shit started young, but not this young. Every time I think I'm the most uptight mom, I will think of this.
Wow, I'm annoyed the school caved and moved P. Those moms are nuts, and honestly, I think you are better off. DD is the same age and she *LOVES* being with older kids. I hope the transition goes smoothly. I'm proud of you for taking this in stride and not trying to move her with the other kids. They really are so young, she will make new friends quickly and honestly, it will all get shaken up when they go to elementary school anyway. I'm personally trying to foster friendships with the kids I know will be at the same elementary school with DD as I figure those will last, plus they live close to us so it seems more worth it for the long term.
Wow, I'm annoyed the school caved and moved P. Those moms are nuts, and honestly, I think you are better off. DD is the same age and she *LOVES* being with older kids. I hope the transition goes smoothly. I'm proud of you for taking this in stride and not trying to move her with the other kids. They really are so young, she will make new friends quickly and honestly, it will all get shaken up when they go to elementary school anyway. I'm personally trying to foster friendships with the kids I know will be at the same elementary school with DD as I figure those will last, plus they live close to us so it seems more worth it for the long term.
I am so annoyed that they gave in too!! She has a younger child there also, so it's going to be a long road for the director with this family! There is only one kid in her current class of 12 that would be in her elementary school and fortunately his mom is my running buddy and good friend, and yes they live nearby. I never expected that me and all these other moms would be BFFs for life or anything, but I'll be happy if a long term friend or two comes out of it.
Post by sapphireblue on Aug 22, 2018 10:16:19 GMT -5
That's great that her teacher is a coveted one and I am sure she will be fine, better than fine!
I'm curious--has P's mom said anything to you? It's crappy of her to not even acknowledge that what she has done by lobbying to get P moved has left your daughter "alone". I'm sure she will be fine, but in P's mother's mind this is a huge deal, right? She would be super upset if you had done this, leaving P alone in the new class.
I missed your OP, but wanted to chime in. I had a similar experience last year when my daughter was almost 4 and attending town summer camp for the first time. I also had a 2.5 month old son, so instead of arriving at the "meet your counselor" social the day before camp starts right on time (even though they give you an hour range to say hello to the counselor and eat your cookie), I arrived about 15 minutes after it started. My daughter got her paper saying what group she was in, and we were talking to some of her friends from preschool/town, and I started noticing that all of the other kids' papers were a different color than DD's. So I asked one of the moms, J, if all of the other kids were in a different group from DD. She said, "Oh, yes, you need to go talk to the director. They split the kids up, so we had them moved." I was taken aback, and thinking, "1. I do not want to talk to the director. And 2. My husband (an elementary school admin) is going to kill me if I complain to this camp director and have DD's group changed". At the same time, though, my DD was (is) one of the shyer kids, and I was already worried about dropping her off at a new place, only to find out that I couldn't even reassure about who she would know in her group because now she wouldn't know anyone.
So, against my better judgement, I approached the director. I told her that my daughter was in the green group but that I noticed that all of the other kids from her preschool were in the blue group (they do allow you to specify up to 3 "friends" on the form to try to group kids that know each other together). I said it was ok, but that I was a little bit confused. She seemed a little frazzled and said, "I don't know what's happening, everybody wants to get into the blue group. I've already moved a bunch of kids and I can't move anymore." I said, "It's ok, I totally understand that you have ratios, etc... that you have to meet. I hated to even bring it up, but it's just that my daughter is very timid and I was surprised to find that she didn't know anyone." She said, "Why don't you ask one of the other moms to move their child back into green?" I said, "I can't ask someone to do that, though I appreciate the offer." We agreed to have DD try the green group, and that if she was struggling, we would reevaluate.
So then I went back over to the group of parents/kids. J approached me and asked if I'd moved DD. I said that I hadn't, and that the blue group was too full. I said that the director had asked me to ask one of the moms who had moved their kid to move back, but that I wouldn't ask any of them to do that. And she just looked at me.
Long story (not so) short, DD spent the summer in the green group, and she did just fine. We talked about how her other friends were in the other group, but that she'd make new friends. So she did, and all was well. The thing that really burned me up was J's reaction, though. She knew my kid from preschool, she knew she was shy/nervous to go. She could have put her kid back into DD's group. But she didn't. We were not great friends, but we were friendly, and I truly would have moved DD back if the situation were reversed. I wouldn't have left a not even 4 year old alone in their group, even though it's not the end of the world and she would have been fine. It definitely gave me some clarity on J and the group of parents as a whole (though the other parents I knew by more than passing acquaintance hadn't actually moved their kids, they were just in the blue group all along).
A year later, I know them all a little bit better, and the situation is clearer. I know J better, I like her more, but I also feel sorry for her. She NEEDS to fit in, and she NEEDS for her daughter to fit in. She does every activity, has every new toy, etc... And it's still never enough. There's a group of "cool moms" and she's just on the fringe and it drives her crazy.
Anyway, super long, I know, but I just wanted to say that I think you did the right thing for both yourself and your daughter.
That's great that her teacher is a coveted one and I am sure she will be fine, better than fine!
I'm curious--has P's mom said anything to you? It's crappy of her to not even acknowledge that what she has done by lobbying to get P moved has left your daughter "alone". I'm sure she will be fine, but in P's mother's mind this is a huge deal, right? She would be super upset if you had done this, leaving P alone in the new class.
It seems like P's mom (all of the moms?) is the type to justify this as, "she's protecting her kid" and "If you cared enough, you'd do the same."
I mean, there's no rationality with crazy people, right?
That's great that her teacher is a coveted one and I am sure she will be fine, better than fine!
I'm curious--has P's mom said anything to you? It's crappy of her to not even acknowledge that what she has done by lobbying to get P moved has left your daughter "alone". I'm sure she will be fine, but in P's mother's mind this is a huge deal, right? She would be super upset if you had done this, leaving P alone in the new class.
Oh yes, the day that the assignments came out we actually went to a football game that night with another classroom mom and we chatted about it. She had already made the call to the director that afternoon and had indicated to her that "she would be hearing from another parent" (me, lol). She had assumed I was going to ask for L to be switched even though I really didn't participate in the flurry of texts that day other than to say which room she was in. I let her know I wasn't going to ask to make any changes and she did ask if I was ok with her asking P to be moved. What could I really say even though I would have liked for L to have at least one good friend there? She texted me again the next morning to ask again and I was like KOKO. I kind of hoped they would say no to her, but didn't feel it was my place to ask her not to. Now of course I'm being super mature and passive aggressively ignoring her.
That's great that her teacher is a coveted one and I am sure she will be fine, better than fine!
I'm curious--has P's mom said anything to you? It's crappy of her to not even acknowledge that what she has done by lobbying to get P moved has left your daughter "alone". I'm sure she will be fine, but in P's mother's mind this is a huge deal, right? She would be super upset if you had done this, leaving P alone in the new class.
It seems like P's mom (all of the moms?) is the type to justify this as, "she's protecting her kid" and "If you cared enough, you'd do the same."
I mean, there's no rationality with crazy people, right?
She's definitely justifying it that way. She told me P "has trouble with transitions". I mean, what 3 yr old transitions seamlessly? I know P pretty well and I've never seen anything other than typical toddler behavior from him. I didn't try to talk her out of her position and I kept my explanation basic - that I think L will benefit from broadening her horizons a bit and meeting more kids outside her comfort zone, and she likes being around slightly older kids. I honestly give zero fucks what she or any other parent thinks about it. I've talked separately with 2 of the moms I am closest with and they both think she's seriously overreacting. She also told me that she wants to ask about being able to bring in special food for her younger child just based on her own feeding preferences for her. Daycare provides food and has a no outside food policy other than for the infant room. I was like uhhhh, as an allergy parent I appreciate that policy, maybe you should look into daycares where you bring your own food instead.
Post by starburst604 on Aug 22, 2018 11:27:52 GMT -5
ktw your situation sounds very similar, and I'm glad it worked out well for your DD! I do think the mom is projecting some of her own stuff onto the situation, and I know from past experience that we have different parenting approaches. I often feel like the relaxed weirdo in that group - this isn't the first time that something has come up where some of them are freaking out and I'm like ehhhhh.
It seems like P's mom (all of the moms?) is the type to justify this as, "she's protecting her kid" and "If you cared enough, you'd do the same."
I mean, there's no rationality with crazy people, right?
She's definitely justifying it that way. She told me P "has trouble with transitions". I mean, what 3 yr old transitions seamlessly? I know P pretty well and I've never seen anything other than typical toddler behavior from him. I didn't try to talk her out of her position and I kept my explanation basic - that I think L will benefit from broadening her horizons a bit and meeting more kids outside her comfort zone, and she likes being around slightly older kids. I honestly give zero fucks what she or any other parent thinks about it. I've talked separately with 2 of the moms I am closest with and they both think she's seriously overreacting. She also told me that she wants to ask about being able to bring in special food for her younger child just based on her own feeding preferences for her. Daycare provides food and has a no outside food policy other than for the infant room. I was like uhhhh, as an allergy parent I appreciate that policy, maybe you should look into daycares where you bring your own food instead.
I assume she has good qualities because she sounds exhausting.
Sadly, unless she gets a strong administrator, nothing will really change when she hits the school district. She's doing a disservice to her kids, though.
She's definitely justifying it that way. She told me P "has trouble with transitions". I mean, what 3 yr old transitions seamlessly? I know P pretty well and I've never seen anything other than typical toddler behavior from him. I didn't try to talk her out of her position and I kept my explanation basic - that I think L will benefit from broadening her horizons a bit and meeting more kids outside her comfort zone, and she likes being around slightly older kids. I honestly give zero fucks what she or any other parent thinks about it. I've talked separately with 2 of the moms I am closest with and they both think she's seriously overreacting. She also told me that she wants to ask about being able to bring in special food for her younger child just based on her own feeding preferences for her. Daycare provides food and has a no outside food policy other than for the infant room. I was like uhhhh, as an allergy parent I appreciate that policy, maybe you should look into daycares where you bring your own food instead.
I assume she has good qualities because she sounds exhausting.
Sadly, unless she gets a strong administrator, nothing will really change when she hits the school district. She's doing a disservice to her kids, though.
Glad your DD seems excited, though!
I was just talking about this with one of the other 2 moms - she is actually a really funny and generous person, and a lot of fun when we go out. It's such a contrast to how she parents!
"Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies-"God damn it, you've got to be kind.”
ktw your situation sounds very similar, and I'm glad it worked out well for your DD! I do think the mom is projecting some of her own stuff onto the situation, and I know from past experience that we have different parenting approaches. I often feel like the relaxed weirdo in that group - this isn't the first time that something has come up where some of them are freaking out and I'm like ehhhhh.
Yes! It will serve your daughter well that you don't try to "fix" every situation for her. It still makes me angry that P's mom has no issue making things "worse" for your daughter by leaving her alone in the class, when she and P could have had each other to hang out with.
ktw your situation sounds very similar, and I'm glad it worked out well for your DD! I do think the mom is projecting some of her own stuff onto the situation, and I know from past experience that we have different parenting approaches. I often feel like the relaxed weirdo in that group - this isn't the first time that something has come up where some of them are freaking out and I'm like ehhhhh.
Yes! It will serve your daughter well that you don't try to "fix" every situation for her. It still makes me angry that P's mom has no issue making things "worse" for your daughter by leaving her alone in the class, when she and P could have had each other to hang out with.
I’ve felt anger bubbling up from time to time today about this. Like, him having L as a friend there wasn’t enough for her, she had to have him with alllllll the friends, and fuck L.
It seems like P's mom (all of the moms?) is the type to justify this as, "she's protecting her kid" and "If you cared enough, you'd do the same."
I mean, there's no rationality with crazy people, right?
She's definitely justifying it that way. She told me P "has trouble with transitions". I mean, what 3 yr old transitions seamlessly? I know P pretty well and I've never seen anything other than typical toddler behavior from him. I didn't try to talk her out of her position and I kept my explanation basic - that I think L will benefit from broadening her horizons a bit and meeting more kids outside her comfort zone, and she likes being around slightly older kids. I honestly give zero fucks what she or any other parent thinks about it. I've talked separately with 2 of the moms I am closest with and they both think she's seriously overreacting. She also told me that she wants to ask about being able to bring in special food for her younger child just based on her own feeding preferences for her. Daycare provides food and has a no outside food policy other than for the infant room. I was like uhhhh, as an allergy parent I appreciate that policy, maybe you should look into daycares where you bring your own food instead.
haha! In all likelihood they think she's overreacting because they got to keep their kids all together. If one of them had gotten stuck in the "other" class they'd be all about how their children have a hard time with transition and insisting that they be moved.
She's definitely justifying it that way. She told me P "has trouble with transitions". I mean, what 3 yr old transitions seamlessly? I know P pretty well and I've never seen anything other than typical toddler behavior from him. I didn't try to talk her out of her position and I kept my explanation basic - that I think L will benefit from broadening her horizons a bit and meeting more kids outside her comfort zone, and she likes being around slightly older kids. I honestly give zero fucks what she or any other parent thinks about it. I've talked separately with 2 of the moms I am closest with and they both think she's seriously overreacting. She also told me that she wants to ask about being able to bring in special food for her younger child just based on her own feeding preferences for her. Daycare provides food and has a no outside food policy other than for the infant room. I was like uhhhh, as an allergy parent I appreciate that policy, maybe you should look into daycares where you bring your own food instead.
haha! In all likelihood they think she's overreacting because they got to keep their kids all together. If one of them had gotten stuck in the "other" class they'd be all about how their children have a hard time with transition and insisting that they be moved.
Agreed on this for some of the moms. These particular 2 women, one I’ve been close with for a while before we met the others. I know she didn’t want her DS totally separated because he has visible special needs. I do give her concerns weight. The other mom is a lot like me and we had discussed this months ago when P’s Mom was first lobbying for them all to move together. She has an older kid who has been down this road and she felt like I did, that it isn’t what they’re going to experience in school going forward and she wouldn’t interfere with her DS placement.
God, I had no idea how bad the “snowflake” thing really is and that it starts this early!! I’m 42 and was solidly raised in the 80’s and I can’t deal lol!
DD loves the friends she has, but has always blossomed MORE when she is put in a situation with new and often older kids. I honestly believe if you're with the same people from beginning to end it can grow stagnant. So good for you for keeping her where she is!
Yes! It will serve your daughter well that you don't try to "fix" every situation for her. It still makes me angry that P's mom has no issue making things "worse" for your daughter by leaving her alone in the class, when she and P could have had each other to hang out with.
I’ve felt anger bubbling up from time to time today about this. Like, him having L as a friend there wasn’t enough for her, she had to have him with alllllll the friends, and fuck L.
Yes, I still feel the same when I think about my situation. I'm not going to move heaven and earth to make life easier for my child, because that's not going to serve her in the long run. However, you doing so for your child at the expense of mine is still going to piss me off!
God, I had no idea how bad the “snowflake” thing really is and that it starts this early!! I’m 42 and was solidly raised in the 80’s and I can’t deal lol!
Right there with you. It's really ... something. LOL
Post by somersault72 on Aug 23, 2018 8:23:44 GMT -5
I have a 5th grader and would think this shit is ridiculous, but 3 year olds?? My head would explode. L will be great, and you're a great mom for not feeding into this bullshit.
Post by starburst604 on Aug 28, 2018 9:50:48 GMT -5
UPDATE #2/FINAL UPDATE: Yesterday was the first day in the new classrooms. P's mom texted me after school "P is really upset that he isn't in L's class anymore. I can't get it right."
Post by countthestars on Aug 28, 2018 9:55:27 GMT -5
This lady, man! Well, maybe next time she'll trust that the teacher and school know what placement is best for her kid since they spend a large chunk of the day with him.