Week of 10/29

[icedcoffee]

POOF!

[icedcoffee]

POOF!

[pinkpeony08]

icedcoffee ugh. Commiseration with my in laws. They always add time because “it was cheaper to stay until Tuesday, etc”. I’m ok with it If it’s like $100 cheaper, but ask don’t assume. But usually it’s like $20 cheaper. They want to keep the kids home from daycare, which we get annoyed with doing a ton bc the kids are overtired and exhausted and hard to get back in the routine. They drove me crazy after my second was born- not helping pick up, “watching the baby” who was asleep while I cooked at set the table 10 days post partum. Ugh. I hope they can leave as scheduled! Mine have gotten a little better with my sister in law having a baby, and they are fly across the country to see her for a week every 6-8 weeks! Takes some of the pressure off of us.

I go back to the ob tomorrow for follow up. I should be 8w 6d tomorrow. Anxious about the us as we approach the time frame of our prior losses (11w, 15w, 12w).

[icedcoffee]

pinkpeony08, I'm hoping my sister will get pregnant soon and some of the pressure will be off of us. She lives 20 minutes from me. I know the truth is they will still stay with us even when they visit her because we have more space and my sisters place is less comfortable to them (no TV).

Ugh--When DS was born I was ready to smack my dad. I made a comment that I was going upstairs to lay down and take a percocet. "What does she need a percocet for?" I JUST HAD MY STOMACH SLICED OPEN. RAWR!

Like I said....I can only play nice with guests for like 48 hours. LOL

I hope you have a perfect u/s tomorrow!

[oneslybookworm]

icedcoffee, you are a very good person. I'd say "no, that won't work, here's a hotel." But, I'm also not close with my mother, and she actually would never travel to come visit us or G, so I don't really have to worry about it. Do you not want them there for the eval?

[icedcoffee]

oneslybookworm, Correct. I don't even want them to know he's getting evaluated let alone be there for it. I just want privacy in regards to all of it.

If I told them to get a hotel I think they would disown me. LOL

[woowoo]

pinkpeony08, I hear you. I totally hear you. My in-laws booked a trip over New Years last year. We had invited them for the weekend (so we didn't have to feel guilty about not heading there for Christmas) and they booked a trip for EIGHT DAYS. Their reasoning? The weekend trip was going to cost them $120 more per plane ticket then booking the longer trip. My husband had a melt down and told him we'd pay the difference next time - that cost less money than the amount of PTO time he had to take to entertain them. Just tell them you love having them visit but need them to head home Sunday. God speed to you, I know how hard that is.

I had a TOTAL MELTDOWN on Saturday morning because I was 7w6d which is when we lost our last baby and my husband of course had no clue. I also lost it because had called my potential new OB on Friday and feel like I'm already just a number. I feel so lost as to how to make a decision of what hospital to give birth at, which Dr. to choose, which testing to agree to, what advice to follow and not follow and I'm just so frustrated with all of it already.

I feel like we just blindly followed what our RE told us to do, and while it got us a positive result, it is all so much more stressful because we only ended up with one good embryo - and it's kind of our last shot. Now that I pregnant, I still don't feel empowered. I don't know how to make these decisions, and I REALLY don't want to just blindly follow the recommendations of any more Dr.s when I now understand (some of it from this board) that these recommendations are not entirely based on FACT or updated peer review studies. Much of it is just......what they always have recommended.

So here is my final question. How are you or how did you make all these decisions? What prenatal testing....what hospital to give birth at....etc.? How do we sort through what is updated, current, science-based advice vs. just the general recommendation of Dr.'s in the U.S.?

[oneslybookworm]

Oct 29, 2018 9:48:53 GMT -5 icedcoffee said:

oneslybookworm , Correct. I don't even want them to know he's getting evaluated let alone be there for it. I just want privacy in regards to all of it.

If I told them to get a hotel I think they would disown me. LOL

Yeah, my mom already did that when I converted to Catholicism, so I'm safe!!

[Mushe]

Ugh, icedcoffee, I’m sorry! I don’t have an answer, but we struggle with the same things. I’m ~1 hour from my parents, but my sister is ~3, and what you’re describing is exactly what they did/do with her. She started refusing to make plans too far in advance, like your example about January. That strategy sometimes solved the problem, because they’d find something else to do. 😆

[thoseareradishes]

Ugh, just hugs icedcoffee. I hope you can figure something out. Fake a stomach virus Sunday morning so they go home?

woowoo, I called my gynecologist (she didn't deliver babies) and asked for a recommendation for an ob. I made sure they delivered at the hospital I wanted (the new fancy one). Honestly, I just trusted what they told me, I figured they were the experts. Having been through what I have now, I would recommend choosing a hospital with the highest level NICU available. Thank goodness my hospital had a NICU that could handle a 24 weeker.

[pinkpeony08]

woowoo - I would ask around to people you trust for recommendations or ask your re for a good ob. Nicu was important to meet, though I didn’t end up needing it. I work at a hospital, so it was a default with insurance that I would deliver here.

I hoped to use a midwife with my first, but I had a lung issue when I was 6 weeks pregnant with her and the midwife was scared off. She recommended my current ob, who is amazing. He’s incredibly kind and supportive, knows all the data and will discuss with us. He defers to my body, my decision, but helps me be sure my decisions are well informed. Never makes me feel rushed.

You can also change doctors if the first isn’t a good fit. It can be hard to find the right person.

[scm1011]

Ugh, I'm sorry icedcoffee. I also have a 48 hour guest limit and I'd be seething. Sounds like my ILs, but I've trained DH well at this point (happy wife, happy life! lol). They get a 2 night maximum at our house (they live 3.5 hours away). When they try to push the limits DH just repeats "sorry, that doesn't work for us" and refuses to give details. I"m sure they know its my doing, but IDGAF. Get a hotel or go home. I may feel differently if they didn't spend 12 hours a day on my couch yelling at cable news and playing on their phone/ignoring DS.

[scm1011]

Oct 29, 2018 12:42:48 GMT -5 pinkpeony08 said:

You can also change doctors if the first isn’t a good fit. It can be hard to find the right person.

This! I didn't get a great vibe from my first OB, so I switched to another within the same practice (after crowd sourcing recs from a local moms group). 

[kellikans]

Hugs icedcoffee. I can understand needing your privacy. My parents live on the east coast and will come visit for weeks at a time. I don't really mind for the first few weeks (I only get to see them twice a year), but after that I just want my house and normal routine back, especially since we have a 2 bedroom/1 bath and they stay in the baby's room. They'll be here the week before Thanksgiving all the way through Christmas. My DH is pretty unhappy about it.

woowoo, I love my regular gyn/ob, so I just continued with her once I got pregnant. She knew about our infertility history, and even did 2 of our iui's, and was with me through my miscarriage since my RE was out of town when I had my d&c done. She took wonderful care of us, and was sure to monitor me closely once I became high risk. The hospital I delivered at is the only one she goes to, and has a good reputation for maternity care. Their NICU is staffed with neonatologists from the children's hospital I work at, so if he had to be transferred to a higher level of care, he would've gone there.

If you're not feeling your current doctor, ask around for recommendations. That's how I found mine.

[kellikans]

Good luck at your appointment tomorrow, pinkpeony08.

[icedcoffee]

Thank you all for validating my feelings. Haha. I feel bad because my mom is a really great grandparent and just wants to spend time with DS, but what she doesn't realize is that if they stopped turning every trip into a 5 night trip maybe we'd invite them down more often. I really can't stand coming home from work to a house full of people and I also HATE when I'm getting ready for work and there's someone talking to me as I pack my lunch. Life would be better if they limited trips to 2 nights.

Also--I just found out I don't actually have veteran's day off. Which doesn't change anything other than me needing to take a couple hours off that morning, but I'm sad. LOL

[icedcoffee]

OMG kellikans. I would lose my mind if they came for weeks at a time. I really like my quiet time.

[cactuscookie]

icedcoffee, my MIL is staying with us right now, and she is amazing - she's like a third parent as far as how helpful she is with H, she does all the dishes, she even folded a load of (kitchen-related) laundry. And yet...my routine! My precious routine! And having to be polite all the time. And verifying that she has the food options she wants/needs. Even easy houseguests are hard in some ways.

woowoo, I haven't had many options for clinics due to my insurance. For my first pregnancy, we lived in a small town and there was really only one OB clinic in town. I had appointments with all three doctors there before I found one I was somewhat happy with. This time, I knew I wanted to work with a midwife and it was a struggle to find one that my insurance covered, so once I did, I stuck with it. I really like the clinic I go to for regular appointments, but I have to admit that I know very little about the hospital I'll be delivering at.

As far as what testing to do...well, one step at a time. If you find a doctor you like, hopefully he/she can help you make those decisions. What testing you decide to do will depend on your age, your fertility history, your and your husband's family's health histories, etc.

[King26]

Wow all of you that have family stay over make me.feel bad. My family all lives 2.5 hours away and everyone makes day trips. I say trip up there they say trip down here. On occasion l spend the night at my brothers.

As for finding an ob and hospital....I liked my ob/gyn fine in my town but hate our hospital. So I ended up going to a hospital an hour away which was near my re. I asked my nurse there for a rec and she gave me a few names. I actually went with a midwife and had a great experience.

[pinkpeony08]

Thanks for all the good wishes. My us went well- measuring on time with good heart rate. We go back in two weeks. I’m both relieved this was ok and nervous bc we are just entering the phase when I previously had the losses. Thankfully my ob is very understanding. He’s checking my tsh and leaving the rest of the labs for now.

I also am holding off on the lovenox for now. Just progesterone and baby aspirin. Although I worry I may regret this choice, I also am hesitant to do both lovenox and baby aspirin. Any thoughts???

[oneslybookworm]

icedcoffee, I feel like you are speaking my mind, girl. I'm a 24 hour limit kind of person (at least with family). Friends can stay a little longer, but a week is about max I can handle with friends. Hang in there!!!

[knx9211]

I chose to go to MFM because I had a prior loss. They told me they understood why I was there but I didn’t necessarily need to be... but was welcome to stay because I would be their easiest case. Joke was on them. I had GD AND severe pre-e.

I don’t blindly follow I don’t think, but tend to defer to experts because I have no idea what I’m talking about. So I’m no help.

[shauni27]

Did everyone survive halloween? Not only did I have S, but my bff went into labor Tuesday and so I had her 3 year old as well. It was a lot more work because it was his first year trick or treating (we would have skipped it entirely with S since he is only 1) and I am so exhausted taking after 2 kiddos instead of just S. It really cements the fact that we are OAD whenever we have a sleepover with another little kid, lol. Though it was nice that they entertained each other while I was cooking, etc.

[woowoo]

Nov 1, 2018 9:29:10 GMT -5 shauni27 said:

Did everyone survive halloween? Not only did I have S, but my bff went into labor Tuesday and so I had her 3 year old as well. It was a lot more work because it was his first year trick or treating (we would have skipped it entirely with S since he is only 1) and I am so exhausted taking after 2 kiddos instead of just S. It really cements the fact that we are OAD whenever we have a sleepover with another little kid, lol. Though it was nice that they entertained each other while I was cooking, etc.

Halloween is always so hard for me due to years of infertility.  Honestly, I was just sad last night.  I'm definitely very hopeful this pregnancy is it and I'll have a an adorbs 4 month old to dress in some stupid costume next year, but this year (like last year) I was so sad. 

[shauni27]

woowoo, those are all very valid feelings. I completely understand.

[scm1011]

We had a super fun Halloween. I can't believe how into it Cal was. We did trick or treating at my office last week and when I picked him up from daycare I said "do you want to be Elmo again and then get more treats?" and he lost his shiz he was so happy: "elmo then treats! elmo then treats!". We went to about 15 houses and he had a blast. I'm worried he's going to think this is something we do on the reg now, lol.

I just had my background phone call with my OB's office for #2 and it was annoying. For the first few minutes the nurse kept insisting in a patronizing way that my due date was 6/21. Um no, its 6/2. Trust me. And she was all "no dear, I have the calculation right here". I finally had to be all "if you don't believe me, please call upstairs to the fertility clinic and they'll explain. by your calculations I would have gotten a positive pregnancy test when I was 0 weeks, 3 days pregnant". She finally got it "right" (she put me down for 6/3, which is still off a day, but whatever). The whole thing just left a sour taste in my mouth. And I have to wait until 11/27 for my NT scan and genetic testing. I really wanted to do Christmas cards announcing the pregnancy and sex but I'm not sure we'll have results back in time. Ugh. #FWP

[scm1011]

((woowoo))

[Mushe]

scm1011, I’m so glad C had a great time! That’s adorable. Sorry about your annoying OB office.

Hugs, woowoo. Going through infertility and loss definitely leaves scars.

[Mushe]

We had kind of a rough Halloween. I can’t decide if this is just 6 (almost 7), or if DS needs some kind of interventions. He keeps waking up earlier and earlier, and yesterday was 6:30; his school doesn’t start until 9:10. They rushed from school to my office, because we invited families for the first time this year to view our team Halloween efforts, and then rushed home for dinner. Then MH got him all riled up by not reading the GD directions in putting on the inflatable dinosaur costume, and clearly hurt DS. Ugh. So, by the time we were ready to go ToT, he was grumpy, and wouldn’t even take a picture with our au pair. I know she’s sad, because she wanted to have a close relationship with the kids, and he treats her like a sister, doing things like tattling on her. Basically, he treats her like he would a parent, in that ‘I’m comfortable enough to be a jerk’ way.

[icedcoffee]

Halloween was great! It took a few houses, but DS got into it and is a pro now. I'd say we went to about 15-20 houses! scm1011, I'm also worried the next time we go for a walk he's going to want to ring door bells. LOL It's weird because I've lived in my neighborhood for almost 5 years, but I was so happy with my neighbors last night. Everyone was so friendly. One guy gave us wine. And now I know we are FOR SURE not the only ones who give out full size bars. Haha

On Sunday we went to a neighborhood Halloween party and there was a kid dressed up like Elmo and DS kept following her around saying "Elmo! Elmo!" LOL. Poor kid. I definitely chose the wrong Halloween costume.

woowoo, I totally get it. I'm excited for you to dress your kid up next year though!