Early Open Letters

[mommyatty]

Dear Body:

Holy cow! You’ve lost 7 lbs in 10 days of eating well and doing a little exercise? Wow! You don’t want to be fat either!

Please, please keep it up and don’t just be period bloat. I feel like I look a little better. That has to mean something, right?

Still Chunky But Optimistic

Dear Hubs:

Thank you for being on board with my healthy eating. But seriously, any day there’s baseball does NOT mean we need to eat fast food. We can still eat after practice, especially since it ends at 5:30. You’ll be home by 6:15 if you don’t let the kids play on the playground after practice.

Wife Who Wants to Be Thin By Vacation in June

[waverly]

Dear DH- You are interviewing for a job all the way across the country, with a wife who is not sure if she wants to move. And yet you have thought nothing about what happens if they give you the job and match your negotiated salary. What then? You are stressing me out, so then I started stressing you out by telling you that you need to think beyond the negotiation. I think he just wants to see if he can get it and can get the salary, but doesn't know what to do if they say yes. Since I am pretty sure the universe will say yes just to mess with me, then you need to come up with a plan besides spending all our money on a second residence and flying back and forth.

Dear work- you are also stressing me out like only making it in minute increments. I still can't tell WP why yet. Please send me non stress vibes and prayers.


Also, I have back to back basketball and girl scouts tonight. Passing out snack, sending DD in for a poster presentation and remembering to pick up the neighbors daughter. Please don't let me forget to pick a child up tonight or forget snacks or forget the poster... And figure out how to eat dinner in there somehow.

[2chatter]

waverly - that was us this time last year! We were not moving but DH was like “I can get an apartment and fly home on weekends, it would still be more money”. Just no. Clearly that didn’t happen. He got the offer over dinner, said it didn’t work for his family and they offered it to his former professional nemesis, who also wasn’t local to the job and who is commuting to his family. Crazy. That guy has a DV background so that’s probably good for his wife and family though, I keep thinking.

Dear Pharmacy Benefits,
Eff you. I am sick of having to buy 90 day supplies of drugs we are trying. If I buy 90 days they will take DD off this med at her follow up in four weeks. Know how I know that? I have 14 unopened pill bottles on my vanity. WTF do you not understand!!? This is an expensive racket. Also, you fail to deliver them. We can’t not have meds because your system sucks.

Angry consumer

[k3am]

Dear weather,

Please be nice on Thursday and Sunday. We don't want to spend 8+ hours in snow traffic.

And if you can slow down on the rain locally for the next couple weeks, it would really be nice if the lawn could dry out before DD's at home birthday party.

Signed,
I'll love you forever.

[rere]

Dear neighbor,

You suck. Yes your dumbass dog woke me up again. Either take care of it or I will. Since the animal is not on a leash, you are breaking the law.

Signed, no I don't want to meet your new wife because you are insane and she must be to marry you.

Dear school,

So you call me in the middle of a training that I provided on JUUL, to tell me you need training on Juul. I INVITED YOU TO THIS TRAINING.

Signed, why dont you listen the first time.

Dear heart,

Quit flip flopping. I'm pretty sure it is stress and hormones.

Signed hypochondriac.

[covergirl82]

Dear school district,

If it's a little icy in the morning tomorrow, let's do a 2-hour delay, and not a whole day off. I really do not want the kids to be going to school for even to school until almost the 4th of July. And let's start looking into "technology days" where kids can work on assignments on their school laptops at home on bad weather days. (Maybe work they can download at school the day before, given that we usually have a fairly good idea of when weather will result in school being cancelled the next day, and then you can't use the excuse that not everyone has internet at home.) It's an easy solution to not having to make up a ton of days due to bad weather. Mmmmmkay, thanks.

Signed, Parent

[twinmomma]

Dear colleagues,
The two weeks prior to my gigantic work trip are NOT the time to ask for new projects. I really don't know how to explain this to all of you in any other way. Can we just pretend I don't exist for the next two weeks? Because odds are, I will not be devoting time to your random requests. Asking over and over and re-forwarding your original requests will not change my answer. I only have so many hours in a day and I am a single mom when I go home, so no, I will not be working crazy hours at night to do this stuff. None of it is time sensitive!
Signed,
Tempted to just ignore you all

Dear finance,
I know budgets are real. But my attendees increased by 13% year over year. I'm going to have to pay for them somehow... I can only trim other expenses so much!
Signed,
Stressed about the bottom line

[waverly]

2chatter, was he resentful of passing on the offer? That is my fear that DH would be resentful.

But if I move, I would probably be resentful because it's a lot to sell our house that we love, and school that we love and miss out on our friend group that took so long to establish, and not to mention my job with a pension. And jobs in my profession are rare- don't even get me started on that.

[mommyatty]

waverly- Then he’s negotiating the wrong amount. He needs to be asking for his salary, your salary, and your benefits including pension. Otherwise, it won’t work.

DH at one point decided he wanted to go to law school. He’s started 3 other grad programs and didn’t finish a single one. He sucks at standardized tests, like the LSAT. The LSAT is probably the single most important part of your law school application. So he could get into one law school, a private one no one has ever heard of in Michigan. My job was in Texas. I told him absolutely not, not under any circumstances. I wasn’t paying and taking out loans for him to go to another state and do a program for 2 years only to leave before finishing. Yes, he was sad. And he got over it. As will your H. It’s what adults have to do.

[2chatter]

waverly - I think part of DH wishes he was unfettered and could just take an international job. But ... those aren’t the life choices he has made.
He knows that.
So while I think he was on some level bummed, and while I think he hates industry and opposed to consulting, I don’t think he’s resentful as much as resigned. And not in a sad way - just in a realistic get things done way.

[waverly]

mommyatty , yes he is only negotiating for his salary. I told him he needed to ask for 300K, which I know they won't do that, but that is what I would feel comfortable with considering I no longer have a salary and selling a house and buying a new one. I don't want re-location because that tends to be low and only 1 year.


OK- I'm going to go with he should refuse it and suck it up. I just see the pitfalls of either road, and feel like he is tra la la in the daisies. Like how fun I will interview way over here- yay!

ETA- also it looks like housing is about 100K higher over there.  

[traveltheworld]

waverly, I agree with mommyatty - if a move is involved, he needs to negotiate his salary + your salary. When I moved jobs 2 years ago, I made sure that my new salary was equal to my old salary + DH's salary, because there was no guarantee that DH would find a job quickly or easily. Luckily, he did. But still, that should be the base line if you are talking about re-locating for a job.

[sdlaura]

waverly , out of curiosity, what area is the new job in?

I've told my DH that if we were ever to seriously contemplate moving for a job for him, he would be going on his own first for a year to make sure he loved the job. I'm not uprooting my job, 3 kids and a dog to have him change his mind about it. Luckily he's too lazy to seriously job-hunt.

[waverly]

sdlaura, Portland. I originally told him a year, but I don't really see how we can maintain 2 houses and flying back and forth for a year. It's not the absence because he travels for work now it is the stress/ uncertainty and cost.

[sdlaura]

Feb 19, 2019 15:57:11 GMT -5 waverly said:

sdlaura , Portland. I originally told him a year, but I don't really see how we can maintain 2 houses and flying back and forth for a year. It's not the absence because he travels for work now it is the stress/ uncertainty and cost.

Got it.  My firm opened an office in Portland about 5 years ago and my best friend moved her family there to head it.  She's from Oregon originally and wanted to go back, but it is way more expensive and crowded than she expected.  

A friend/former co-worker of mine here in San Diego took a job in New York about a year ago.  He's on the road a ton, too, anyway.  He ended up renting a studio in New York and I guess it's going ok so far except that toll from jet lag and everything.  I don't think they ever plan to move there full-time.  Do you think he'd be able to work something out where he only needed to be in the office in Portland on a limited basis?

[186momx]

Dear DD
I had a lot of fun over the last 3 days too. You were so quiet and helpful Saturday at work. Sunday you were again helpful and Monday you let me sleep until 9am! But you need to go back to school today. I'm glad you feel like you would learn more coming to work with me than at school but you still need to go to school.
I'm also sorry your tooth is popping through and it is causing your entire face to be swollen and your sinuses to drain. Maybe it will pop through today.
Hugs Momma who will see you at 6:30 tonight.


waverly, I'm with you and not wanting to move. If he can get salary of his plus a raise plus cover your entire salary so you can SAH then cool. Otherwise no thanks

Dear PTO
If I'm the only parent to show again tonight can we make it quick and just agree to everyone wanting money so we can all go home. I'm swamped and can't organize or be in charge of any fundraisers or activities so don't even ask.
Lonely working PTO parent

[186momx]

waverly, you don't want to live in Portland. You complain about the snow and cold now but can you handle 8-9 months of rain and gray. We do tons of stuff outside in the 40s and rain because we are used to it and it is our way of life. Plus housing in a good school district is $$$$$. My SIL just moved less than 2 miles to get in a better school district and bought an 800K house that has no yard, you can reach out the window and almost touch the house next to them and they are already talking about needing to upgrade XYZ. BIL has an hour+ commute to go less than 10 miles. I don't mind taking a day trip to Portland but I don't want to live there. Plus we are being taxed out of the ying-yang! High property tax, 9% income tax, special city taxes, transit taxes, they are talking toll roads and a couple more taxes to come into affect for 2020 if legislature has its way.

[rere]

In relation to the Portland topic. It sounds like I could not live there either. We are having a very wet and gray period of weather and it is driving me bats. I need the sun in my life, however, it is in hibernation. If we get a good 60 degree day, it has been accompanied by rain.

[2chatter]

Dear Pain Management Doctor,

Your contention that DD HAS to get out more - and not doing so ensures she won’t feel better because she’s able to focus on her pain - has me thinking. The school district prohibits her from being out in the community. I think I’ll try a couple weekly excursions and have friends over a couple times a week. Starting with a movie this week. If the target is to go back to school after spring break we have to test her ability to be functional. Right?

Asking forgiveness, not permission doesn’t come naturally to me

[librarychica]

Feb 19, 2019 15:02:17 GMT -5 2chatter said:

waverly - I think part of DH wishes he was unfettered and could just take an international job. But ... those aren’t the life choices he has made.
He knows that.
So while I think he was on some level bummed, and while I think he hates industry and opposed to consulting, I don’t think he’s resentful as much as resigned. And not in a sad way - just in a realistic get things done way.

I too wish that I could take an international job and go jetting around the country being awesome, but not the life decisions I made and so I’m on the management track and not the analyst track.

Dear WM,

I’m going back to work full time. I feel like half the time I’ve been part time I have ended up working FT anyhow, so I think I’m okay with this. The bonus, raise and promised promotion they’re waving in front of me isn’t hurting. I did hold out until the end of August so dD2 will have started 4K.

Sincerely,
Hold me and maybe send Mary Poppins my way

Dear manager,

Pleas don’t retire too fast. I know that’s my only path to promotion but I loooove youuuu.

Sincerely,
Too much, too fast

[sunbutter]

Dear Thin Mints,

I hate you.

Signed,
Ate a box by myself in less than 24 hours.

[waverly]

Feb 19, 2019 19:51:44 GMT -5 sunbutter said:

Dear Thin Mints,

I hate you.

Signed,
Ate a box by myself in less than 24 hours.

I’ve pretty much existed on Girl Scout cookies the last 2 weeks. It’s the only thing that makes February bearable.

[k3am]

Dear theifs,

Thanks for skimming our credit card data and duplicating our cards. I'm not sure how I missed the fact that you racked up ~$600 worth of gas purchases in 10 days, but I'm glad Discover thought a $1.00 gas charge was unusual enough to ask me about it last night.

Signed,
Glad I'm not liable.

Dear Discover,

I'm glad you alerted me and walked me through the last two days transactions. I'm annoyed that my access to my statement and transactions are cut off. Using mint, I was able to identify another ~$500 worth of transactions in addition to what we blocked last night, but seeing my actual statement would be a lot easier.

Signed,
Annoyed you're not giving me to tools to identify transactions that I shouldn't be liable for.

[covergirl82]

k3am, that is strange you can't access your statements. Seems like kind of an important thing to be able to do after your account is compromised. I've never had a Discover card, but with my Citi card, I can go to each transaction, even after my number has been compromised and shut down, and identify/report if the transaction is suspicious.

[k3am]

covergirl82, they also told me I should be able to access the online portal on the phone and via email. When I called to find out why, they weren't sure, but said it's probably related. I'm trying to be patient because really, if they're identified today or a week from now, I'm not liable for the charges, so in the grand scheme of things, it's not a huge deal.

[covergirl82]

k3am, glad everything will get worked out. It is frustrating when your cc # is stolen. But, I agree, not a huge deal in the end when you won't be held liable for the charges. This type of situation is why I NEVER use a debit card. My coworker had her debit card # stolen last year, and she was really stressed out because they stole over $1,000 from her checking account, and it was more work to get it back than if it had been just credit card charges. I think it took the bank close to a week to put funds back into her account.

[k3am]

The whole credit card issues are so very, very annoying. I don't know why the US is stuck on the idea of chip+signature for verification.. Europe's moved to chip+pin, and I think it could cut down on SO MUCH FRAUD.

My wallet was stolen a few years ago, and within 45 minutes, they spent a couple thousand dollars. If we had a chip+pin system, those cards would have been useless pieces of plastic.

[mommyatty]

Dear fellow in house attorney:

You don’t get to sit out of all the work over the weekend, including multiple hair on fire texts between 4 and 5 am three days in a row and then bitch that you feel like you don’t have all the available information. We are dealing with an emergency situation. Either get on the team fully, or sit your ass down and STFU.

This is why people hate lawyers.

Fellow Lawyer Who Generally Hates Other Lawyers

Dear Outside Counsel:

Bringing to my attention a new rule that we commented on three months ago in the pre-publication period and asking if we need help with writing comments was just... weird. No. I don’t need your help. Look at the comment docket before asking such a weird question.

And no I won’t recommend you to an industry association to write an amicus brief. For one thing, again if you looked at the docket, you would see the association already wrote one. Step up your game, dude.

In-house Counsel You Shoukd Have Hired Last Year Who Would Know This Stuff

[waverly]

Dear DH- I am dealing with craziness at work and 20 degree temps with snow and freezing rain, while you are riding rides at Universal in 80 temps. I officially hate you! And you went to HP world without me, and you aren’t even a fan. You didn’t even read the books!

He is in Orlando for work.

[186momx]

Dear waverly, DH. I hate you too. You better be planning a trip to take your wife and kids soon!

Dear DH
I'm really tired and swamped at work. Can't I ask you to do something and not have to hold your hand.
Me who didn't realize boiling water was rocket science today. I just want water boiling when we get home so I can make noodles to go with our stew and speed up getting dinner on the table. Ha
Hangry me who skipped dinner last night