I'm out

[rbp]

I really thought I was in the clear at 11+3, but I started bleeding today, and my OB got me in right away. There was no heartbeat. The fetus was measuring appropriately, so my OB thought that it had just happened. I am having a D&C in the hospital tomorrow morning.

In other news, if any of you have tips on telling a 5yo that they are not having a baby brother/sister, please share. I am regretting the breeziness with which I shared the news with most of the world after hearing the heartbeat at my 8w appointment. 

ETA: I don't think I'm processing this news. I just feel numb and confused but not really sad. I feel bad because my husband is upset, and I'm just....stonehearted? Please someone tell me I'm not defective. 

[elleblue]

I'm so incredibly sorry rbp. So many internet hugs to you.

[humpforfree]

I’m so sorry... thinking of you..

[biogirl21]

I’m so sorry. You are absolutely not defective. It might just take a little longer to process. It doesn’t make you cold hearted to feel any way. Thinking of you and your family.

[aprilsails]

Oh rbp you are not defective. A miscarriage is a lot to process and it is still so fresh. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I wish you and your family peace. I’m sorry you have to tell everyone. That is rough. I hope you get support from family and friends.

[stellelinds25]

You are certainly not defective. Your brain is likely still processing and trying to cope. I’m so sorry, sending you and your family love and hugs.

[farfalla2011]

I'm so sorry! Sending you lots of hugs. And numb is perfectly normal unfortunately. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. Losses are never easy to walk through.

[chocolatelove]

I’m so sorry. Big hugs❤️

[killercupcake]

I’m so sorry.

[psychmom]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Good luck in the hospital tomorrow. I hope the procedure is quick and they keep you comfortable.

[achi]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

[G22]

I'm so sorry

[sloan]

I’m so very sorry for your loss.

You are NOT defective. At all. You and your H are just processing differently, in your own way, at your own pace. Grief doesn’t always feel like you expect it to- please don’t punish yourself for that.

[pickel]

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.

I had a loss at 11W5D a couple of years ago and I was all business getting through the bleeding, the ultrasound with no heartbeat and D&C but then had considerable grief beginning a couple of days later and cried constantly for a good 3-4 weeks. You are probably in shock, the grief will come eventually (unfortunately).

I am so sorry you are going through this. It is so unfair.

[robinsbff]

oh no, i'm so sorry. you are not defective, it's big news to process and everyone handles it differently. give yourself time and grace.

[urbancowgirl]

Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry about your loss. I’ll be thinking of you.

[Monica Geller]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

[konapoppy]

I am so sorry for your loss. It is totally normal to feel however you feel. ❤️

[chocolatepie]

I'm so sorry.

[jorja]

I am so sorry.

[doglove]

I’m so sorry rbp. Sending big hugs.

[hamster]

I'm so sorry. Wishing you best of luck tomorrow.

You're feelings are perfectly normal. I don't think I ever felt sadness in the typical sense with either of my losses.

[Poppy]

I'm sorry. Give yourself some grace. The emotions can be complex and unexpected.

[knx9211]

I am so incredibly sorry.

[MrsDarcy]

I’m so so sorry. Shock and numbness is perfectly normal. Big hugs for your coming days.

[shjordon]

I’m so sorry.

[dock]

I’m so sorry. I also had unexpected and varying emotions with my loss. Whatever you’re feeling is ok.

[dreamcrisp1]

I am so sorry.

[catbear]

I am so sorry

[Susie]

oh rbp, I'm so sorry for your loss. I agree you're probably just in shock, you aren't a robot or stone hearted or anything. I tend to respond the same way in grief, like just checking off the to do list, and I'll feel the feels later. There's no right or wrong way to process and feel grief. I hope your D&C goes as smoothly and with as little trauma to add to your grief as possible.

I have no tips for your 5 yo, my oldest is 3 and it's a different level of understanding. With my 3 yo, we've talked about death (my mom, our family dog) but haven't talked about pregnancy loss. She's really blunt about it, which you may need to be prepared for at 5 as well. The bluntness can be painful for me to hear, she sure doesn't sugar coat anything. Big hugs as you navigate it.